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Quotes / Paper-Thin Disguise

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You mean to tell me Turbo Man is really my gigantic dad who speaks in an absurd Austrian accent?

"Ninjas descended from the sky to offer him a job during his breakfast, and this was Fred's response, in its entirety: 'ME, A NINJA? OKAY.' Which brings me to my next two points. First, "ME, A NINJA? OKAY," is my new philosophy on life. And second, Fred is way, way too stupid for Barney to be doing this for fun. There is no sport in tricking a person this gullible. In one commercial, Barney simply puts on a Run–D.M.C. hat and barges into Fred's home, rapping. Barney has the same face, voice, and a-line dress of Fred's friend of many years and the man's first question is still, 'WHO ARE YOU!?'"

"I feel like the gang were over-thinking the problem of portraying Screech as a believable alien. Just look at him. Plus, this is a world where putting on a pair of sunglasses will cause your closest friends to have no idea who you are."
Stuart Millard on "Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind", So Excited, So Scared

"Does the Master only dress up in these outrageous disguises so he can see the look on the Doctor’s face when he transforms? Has he spent entire years/decades/centuries in ridiculous guises waiting for his nemesis to show up (I guess so if you count his stint as a scarecrow in The Mark of the Rani)? A more post-modern show would have run with the running gag of the Doctor trying to pull the mask off every fake looking villain thinking it was his arch enemy."

"Oh, that’s rubbish. His mask looks exactly like him, so why even bother? I bet he isn’t called the Master because he’s a master of disguise, that’s for sure."
Sue on the Doctor Who episode "The Claws of Axos", Adventures with the Wife in Space

Chris: Lex Luthor — in the grand tradition of Gus Gorman — dresses up like a general and this is apparently enough to get the world’s most wanted criminal onto the site of a “nucular” missile launch.
David: I wonder if this is how General Zod got the job. I mean, it’s worked twice on Earth now.
Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Superman IV: The Quest for Peace

''"The Whos do look strange, there's no denying this. But a paper-faced Jedi sneaks into the mix?


Skinner: Which one of you wrote this?
Fake Mulder: I did, sir.
Skinner: You spelled Federal Bureau of Investigation wrong.
Fake Mulder: It was a typo.
Skinner: Twice.
The X-Files, "Small Potatoes"

"The goofy teeth seem familiar, but the tiara has me baffled!"
Doctor Bender, The Fairly OddParents!.

"…such wanton deviousness had been unseen since the days of Dread Emperor Traitorous, who famously passed for his own Chancellor through cunning use of a wig and a pair of cantaloupes…”
Extract from “The Most Illustrious Histories of the Inimitable Dread Empire of Praes”, volume IV, A Practical Guide To Evil

"My name is Beast Babe." (giggles)
Beast Boy, Teen Titans Go!

Doofenshmirtz: A banjo-playing platypus?
(Perry dons his hat)
Doofenshmirtz: PERRY the banjo-playing platypus?!

Mr. Furious: That's because Lance Hunt is Captain Amazing.
Blue Raja: Oh here we go...
Shoveler: Oh, don't start that again! Lance Hunt wears glasses. Captain Amazing doesn't wear glasses.
Mr. Furious: He takes them off when he transforms.
Shoveler: That doesn't make any sense. He wouldn't be able to see!

"Wait, we were supposed to think you were a boy?"
Coran reacting to Pidge's Gender Reveal, Voltron: Legendary Defender

Banjo: I'm Banjo the Stony. Can I come in and play?
Officer Unogopaz: Hmm... I don't know. That backpack looks kinda familiar...
Kazooie: Are you saying we're a bear and a bird in an elaborate disguise, trying to cheat our way in?
Officer Unogopaz: Yep, it's pretty obvious.

"You wear a disguise
to look like human guise guys
but you're not a man
You're a Chicken, Boo"

(After having fallen for one of the Beagle Boys disguised as a woman)
"Great Flaming Catfish Whiskers! The Beagle Boys! The moustache shoulda tipped me off! I need to get out more!"
Scrooge McDuck, Master of the Mississippi

Darkwing: Hold the phone. You're not Megavolt; you're Tuskerninni, in a really bad Megavolt disguise.
Tuskerninni: I am not Tuskerninni, and this is an excellent disguise!
Darkwing Duck, "Adopt-a-Con"

"Aw, gee! These disguises don't fool nobody!"

(Steve appears, wearing a Shy Guy mask.)
Steve: Hi guys! Can I join you guys? Huh? Huh?
Shy Guy: Hmmm... you look about right. What's your name?
Steve: Steve... Oh no, I mean Shy Guy!
Shy Guy: Well then... welcome, brother!
Bowser's Kingdom episode 2

My God! You mean the blonde woman with the German accent is actually the blonde woman with the German accent?

"Villains always fall for cheesy disguises."
Bugs Bunny (briefly poorly disguised as Taz), explaining to Buster and Babs a few basic facts about being a cartoon character, Tiny Toon Adventures

(Antimony approaches door, wearing a headband with attached antennae.)
Antimony: Hello. I would like to enter, please.
Doorbot: Robots onl... what's that on your head?
Antimony: These are my antennas, because I am clearly a robot.
Doorbot: Oh! Well... it's true that some robots have antennas... hmm...
Antimony: Also, robots never lie.
Doorbot: Hey, you're right! Come on in, friends!

The three escapees continued making progress, slowed only a few times when they were spotted by ninjas, all of whom held brief discussions of questionable logical validity before agreeing that the three couldn't possibly be who they very obviously were.

"There, you see? Count Olaf has one eyebrow. Coach Gengis has a turban. They look nothing alike."
Vice Principal Nero, The Austere Academy

Bart: There's something different about you.
Homer's German Doppelganger: I am a new tie vearink.
Bart: Oh yeah.

Luna: "I thought you were just playing along! How could you be fooled by a pair of glasses!?"

Zacharie (wearing a crude cat mask): "Good day, dear reckless accomplice! I've somewhat changed, anatomically speaking...But you have obviously recognized me at first glance! I'm your friend, the Judge!"
Batter: "Zacharie?"
Zacharie: "...So my disguise is no match for your keen and unforgiving eyesight..."

Derby Announcer: (Referring to Ben) "That mysterious-looking hooded figure wouldn't tell us his real name. He prefers to be known as 'The Unknown Avenger,' and that's just fine with us, isn't it folks?"
Ripburger: "Oh, now I'm just embarrassed for them. Who do they think they're fooling with those ludicrous disguises?"
Derby Announcer: (Referring to Maureen Corley) "And next to him is another newcomer. Please give a big Smash-A-Torium salute to the Princess of Pileup, Doreen Schmorley!"

Joseph: Damn, you Germans are good, you saw right through my trap!
German Soldier 1: Dumbass! Of course anyone can see right through that creepy getup! You're making me sick!
German Soldier 2: They don't make broads THAT tall or wide!

Polnareff: Speaking of, today you've been acting... a bit unusual.
(Polnareff has a look of suspicion on his face. Jotaro!Oingo is now worried.)
Jotaro!Oingo: Shoot! I knew it! I've made them suspicious!
Iggy: I'm a dog, so I know... You... are not Jotaro.
Jotaro!Oingo: Wha wha wha wha Whaaaaat I'mjustalittletiredisall. I'm Jotaro! Watch! Look at how Jotaro I am. Hello, it's me, Jotaro Kujo.
Polnareff: Hmm... Tough call, let's consult Judge Grandpa!
Joseph: Yeah, I guess that's Jotaro.
Polnareff: Okay.

Cielo: Okay, dis seriously won't work.
Gale: Why is that?
Cielo: Obviously! Sera ain't dis tall, her hair is way different, and her arms ain't dat thick—
Sera!Argilla: (smacking him upside the head) Well, excuse me.

Chef's Dad: Then one time, I believe it was July...
Chef's Mom: August.
Chef's Dad: August. There's a knock on the door. I open it, and there's this cute little Girl Scout.
Chef's Mom: Ah, she was so adorable with the little pigtails and all.
Chef's Dad: And she said to me, "How would you like to buy some cookies?" And I said, "Well, what kind do you have?". She had thin mints, graham crunchy things...
Chef's Mom: Raisin oatmeal.
Chef's Dad: Raisin oatmeal. And I said, "We'll take a graham crunch. How much will that be?" And she looks at me and she says, "I- I need about tree fiddy."
Chef's Mom: Tree fiddy.
Chef's Dad: Well, it was about that time that I noticed this "Girl Scout" was about eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the Pedadoic era.
Chef's Mom: The Loch Ness Monster.
Chef's Dad: I said, "Dammit, monster! Get off my lawn! I ain't givin' you no tree fiddy!" He said, "How about just two fiddy?" I said, "Oh, now it's only two fiddy! What, is there a sale on Loch Ness Munchies or somethin'?!"
Chef's Mom: Lord, he was angry.
Chef's Dad: Damn right I was angry!
Chef's Mom: Not you, the monster. He was about to kick your ass.
Chef's Dad: Ah, shut your mouth, woman!

Scott: Guys, it's not a good idea to out in the open like this.
Hank: Relax. No-one's gonna recognize us.
Scott: What, because of hats and sunglasses? It's not a disguise, Hank; we look like ourselves in a baseball game.

A long pause. "What on earth makes you think that?"
"You aren't even disguising your voice. And you're still wearing your crown under your hood."
"He pulled his hood down tighter, and his voice suddenly dropped an octave. "I am a mysterious stranger. That's all you need to know."
"Oh, come on. You buggered it up and you know it. Man up and move on."

Lancer: Oh, I'm not Lancer! I'm just a sweet little boy!
Ralsei: Why does a sweet little boy have a mustache.
Lancer: As a disguise.

Princess Diamond: The agency did a really great job. You look just like me. No one will ever know.
Possessed Molly: Yeah, well, maybe you should get your prescription checked.


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