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Quotes / Overly Long Gag

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GLaDOS: Well! This is the part where he kills us!
Wheatley: Hello! This is the part where I kill you!
Chapter 9: "The Part Where He Kills You"
Soundtrack piece The Part Where He Kills You plays.
Achievement Unlocked: The Part Where He Kills You.
Achievement description: This is that part!

Perry White: Oh, I suppose you expect me to pry into your life to try and find out what's bothering you and then relate it to some obscure event in the life of Elvis Presley. Well I—I'm just not gonna do that.
Lois Lane: Why not?
Perry: Well, for one thing, any connection I made would probably be vague and not particularly useful. And for another, if I did that, it would seem like I cared more about telling my story than helping you with your problem.
Lois & Clark, "The Foundling"

Ellis: My buddy Keith went camping out on top a building once. He was shooting crows but the police were too busy tear gassing him to ask what he was doing up there. He screamed for an entire year every time he opened his eyes. Oh man... at first it was funny... then it got sad... but then it got funny again.

"If only they understood that when a running joke runs long enough, it becomes funny again."

"'Ooh, this routine's gone on a bit long. I expect he'll stop doing it and talk about something else.' No, I won't do that."
Stewart Lee's Carpet Remnants Tour

Have you ever tried the experiment of saying some plain word,
such as "dog," thirty times? By the thirtieth time it has
become a word like "snark" or "pobble." It does not become tame,
it becomes wild, by repetition. In the end a dog walks about
as startling and undecipherable as Leviathan or Croquemitaine.
It may be that this explains the repetitions in Nature, it may be
for this reason that there are so many million leaves and pebbles.
Perhaps they are not repeated so that they may grow familiar.
Perhaps they are repeated only in the hope that they may at last
grow unfamiliar. Perhaps a man is not startled at the first cat he sees,
but jumps into the air with surprise at the seventy-ninth cat.
—G. K. Chesteron, Alarms and Discursions

"Another secret [to being funny] is taking something funny and stretching it for way too long. Like: you make a joke, right? Then you just keep on going with it. The joke was probably funny about a minute ago, but you just keep going! You go on for so long that it goes all the way around the spectrum of comedy, until it is funny again!"

"Damn it, this scene is taking freaking forever."
Guy In Green Chair, The Demented Cartoon Movie, after the fifth take of a sequence ends in disaster. The final take is number ten.

"It's just like [the humor of] South Park, people said that it's like—so long where it's like—it's funny, and then it's not funny, and then it's funny again."
This Podcast with the creators of The Most Popular Girls in School and Dr. Havoc's Diary, at the 44:00-44:40 mark

"You gotta believe me, Mandy! The clowns are nothing but ultimate evil! They wanna be the dominant species on the planet, and they'll destroy us all to make it happen! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! I'll take the chicken. DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL!"

"That there's a real popular song. Who want's to hear of it fifty times more?"
Homsar, Strong Bad Email: For Kids. The only song plays about 4 more times before Strong Bad cuts off the video.

King of Swamp Castle: Guards! Make sure the prince doesn't leave this room, until I come and get him.
Guard: Not to leave the room, even if you come and get him.
King: No no, until I come and get him.
Guard: Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.
King: No no, you stay in the room, and make sure he doesn't leave.
Guard: And you come and get him?
King: Right.
Guard: We don't need to do anything apart from just stop him entering the room.
King: No no, leaving the room.
Guard: Leaving the room. Yes.
King: Alright?
Guard: Right- Oh if if uh, if if ehhh, if if we...
King: Now look, it's quite simple. You just stay here... and make sure he doesn't leave. Alright?
Guard: Oh, I remember! Uh, can he leave the room with us?
King: No no, no no, you just keep him in here... and make sure-
Guard: Oh yes, we'll keep him in here obviously, but if he had to leave, and we were with him-
King: No no, just keep him in here-!
Guard: Until you or anyone else-
King: No, not anyone else! Just me-
Guard: Just you...
King: Get back.
Guard: Get back.
King: Right?
Guard: Right. We'll stay here until you get back.
King: ... and make sure he doesn't leave.
Guard: What?
King: Make sure he doesn't leave!
Guard: The prince?
King: Yes, make sure he doesn't leave!
Guard: Oh, yes of course! I thought you meant him. [pointing to the other guard] You know it seemed a bit daft to guard him when he's a guard.
King: Is that clear?
Guard: Oh quite clear, no problem.
King: Right. [begins to leave, the guards follow him] Where are you going?
Guard We're coming with you.
King: No no, I want you to stay here and make sure he doesn't leave!
Guard: Oh, I see, right! [resume positions]

"Please... please! We can't take any more schtick!"
Lois, Family Guy, "The Fat Guy Strangler"

"If I'm gonna play some sports games, I gotta start with the Atari 2600. Yeah, this is when sports games were fucking sports games! Look at these titles! Baseball, Basketball, Football! Not this Madden shit, just plain-ass, normal, everyday, no question about it, no "NFL", no year, not named after a player, not named after a coach, not named after the referee's pet goldfish, no quarterback, dimeback, Nickelback, simple ordinary un-embellished unmistakable crystal-clear as frank as Frankenstein AS BLUNT AS AN ATOM BOMB, ONE COMPOUND WORD, IT'S MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN SONS-OF-BITCHIN' FUCK FUCK FUCKING FOOTBALL!...and it's one of the worst games I've ever played in my life.
The Angry Video Game Nerd, "Atari Sports"

Today you meet your DOOM. But don't worry. I'll make this quick. (Proceeds to keep growing and growing until he is bigger than the galaxy)

Humphrey Lyttelton: Oh, hang on, I've goofed! It says on my thing here "you all keep going until it stops being funny". [Massive audience laughter] We could all be back home in bed by now!

Troy: Yeah, it's pretty cool being friends with the biggest guy on campus. [To his pet monkey] Isn't that right, Annie's Boobs?
Annie: Please rename that thing! And this time not with a contest on Twitter.
Troy: Can we make this quick? I have to go feed a banana to Annie's Boobs.
[Later still]
Troy: He released Annie's Boobs! Annie's Boobs could be anywhere! Annie's Boobs could be on the side of the road
Shirley: [Fed up] We get it! The monkey's name is "Annie's Boobs".
Community, "Contemporary American Poultry"

My friend, you have met a terrible, terrible demise. But you know, I don't feel too bad about it. After all, if it weren't from me, it would have just been from someone else, ya know? I guess what I'm trying to say, life goes on. Well, for everyone else, life goes on, not for you. You're dead. That's neither here nor there. That reminds me of one summer day in the park. I was having a delightful picnic with my good friend, Orville. And I said to him, I said: "Orville, I have a story." And he said to me: "What's the significance of the story?" I said to him: "Orville, not every story has to have significance, ya know? Sometimes, uh, sometimes a story is just a story. You try to read into every little thing and find meaning in everything anyone says, you'll yourself crazy, I had a friend do it once, wasn't pretty, we talked about it for years. And not only that, you'll likely end up believin' something you shouldn't believe, thinkin' something you shouldn't think, o-or assuming something you shouldn't assume, ya know? Sometimes I said a story is just a story, so just be quiet for one second of your life and eat your sandwich, okay?" Of course, it was only then I realized I made sandwiches and... poor Orville was having such difficulty eating it! Elephants have those clumsy hands, ya know? Actually, I suppose that's the problem. They don't have hands at all, do they? They're... They're all feet. I couldn't imagine someone asking me to eat a sandwich with my feet. Now, if I recall correctly, there was a bakery nearby, I said to him: "Orville, let me go get ya some rye bread." Now, I'm not sure elephants enjoy rye bread, but, I assure you that Orville does. Now this was on a Tuesday, which was good because rye bread was always fresh on Tuesday. They made sourdough on Monday, and threw it out Wednesday. Or rather they...sold it at a discount for people who wanting to feed the ducks and then...probably at the end of the day they threw it all out. I don't recall. I do remember a man who would bring his son to the bakery every Wednesday, and go feed the ducks. He would buy all of the sourdough bread, of course, you know, you're not supposed to feed the ducks sourdough bread at all. It swells up in their stomach and they all die, at least that's what I've heard. Ya know, I never saw any ducks die myself, but I did notice a substantial decrease in duck population over the course of a few years. I just never thought to stop the man and tell him he was killin' the ducks by feeding them sourdough bread. And if you want my opinion on the matter, and I told Orville this as well, if you wanna feed ducks or birds of any kind for that matter, especially buy seed. I mean, when you think about it, breads of any sort don't occur in nature. They don't grow on trees or spring up from the bushes! I don't think birds know what to do with bread. What was I saying? Oh, oh, yes, yes. So I bought Orville some rye bread. What a fine day it was.
One of the several things Mr. Hippo can say when he kills you, Ultimate Custom Night


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