GM: No, you guys have been great for my improvisation. I've learnt not to plan ahead more than ten minutes.
Player: (Out of Character) Champion of Light, huh? So that explains all the stupid stuff going on lately. I ask the Prophetess where my Signet is to be found....
GM: (as Prophetess) Ritualist Timon, your Signet may be found in the ruins of the Tower of Theurgy, guarded by wards only your hand may breach.
Player: (in character) Tower of Theurgy, huh? I pull out my map and a compass. I draw a 10-mile radius circle on the map, centered on the Tower of Theurgy.
GM: (looking confused) Okay....
Player: I then ritually Geas myself to never set foot within the area represented on the map, lest I instantly die.
Player: (addressing the Prophetess) Looks like the war has been called off...
GM: (sobs quietly)
"Aragorn:" Yeah, let's speed this up. (decapitates the MoS)
DM: What? You attack him? During parlay? What is wrong with you guys? This is the third time you've killed someone during negotiations!
"Legolas:" And yet they keep falling for it! It's hilarious.
DM: You're supposed to be a king! Can't you at least pretend to be one for a few seconds?
"Aragorn:" If I hadn't shot him Legolas would have.
"Legolas:" He's right, too. I was just about to announce my attack.
"Aragorn:" What's the big deal? So he's dead.
DM: I have like, four pages of dialog written for him.
"Aragorn:" Oh now I'm really glad I killed him.
Seb: We can't do it! It's too hard!
(Beat before the four players start laughing)
Bob: (still laughing) He thinks we can do it in four hours! You know what that means, we won't leave until 5 am.
Seb: I'll go make some coffee.
Real DM: Please, just cross the river. You've all tried to seduce the catfish and it didn't work. I'm begging you.
Lord Commander: That's an option?
Magnus: Yes. Run away! Go back West! And I'll set you up with a brand new adventure. A fair one, in the Moot! It'll be fun! You'll have a clean slate! You won't be killed by the guards, you won't be eaten by an ogre, and most importantly, you can finally experience a story! With themes and characters! You'll be making a brand new mythos in a way. You will be the centerpiece of a story! Weavers of a tapestry of dreams and jubilation! Just run away, take father's pseudo-corpse with you, and GO BACK!
Whammudes: NO! You are dishonorable, Magnus! I will not run to this land of empty promises like a coward! This may be a tram ride into hell, but it was forged of our own decisions. We made this adventure our own, through the pitfalls, and the mistakes, and the critical failures, and the destruction of my fabulous knightly bottom! But it is ours! And the fact that it's ours, the fact that we have made this... That makes it worth fighting for! I will stay to SPITE you, AND YOUR RAILROADING WAYS!
Grand Provost Marshall: Yeah...
Master of the Administratum: YEAH!
Rogal Dorn: Yes.
Grand Provost Marshall: Fuck you, Magno, you ruined my clown-goblin illegality law!
The God-Emperor of Mankind: New game goal: Spite Magnus.
Magnus: Okay, FINE! If you want to fucking DIE, then you shall fucking DIE!
Applejack: Twilight, did you derail the campaign again somehow?
Twilight: What are you talking about? I'm not even in the same ROOM!