Quotes / Non-Indicative Name

Anime and Manga

"That's not a kick!"

— Anyone hit by Mystletainn Kick, Is This A Zombie?

"I was just thinkin'. About goldfish. Even though they are called 'goldfish' they aren't gold-colored, are they? They are red, right? The 'blue light' on traffic lights too, aren't they green? Things like that make me sick..."

— Yuno, Hidamari Sketch

Films - Animation

"Pigs 48 cents. Pets 44. WHAT!? Guinea Pigs ain't pigs, they're pets! And I'm paying 44!"

— McMorehouse, Pigs Is Pigs (1954)

"Who are these…hip-hoppers? And why are they called 4*Town if there are five of them?"

— Ming Lee, Turning Red

Films - Live Action

"If this is the Happiness Hotel, I'd hate to see what the sad one looks like."

— Fozzie Bear, The Great Muppet Caper

Pintel: Those aren't Pieces of Eight. They're just Pieces of Junk.
Gibbs: Aye. The original plan was to use nine Pieces of Eight to bind Calypso. But when the First Court met, the Brethren were, to a one, skint broke.
Pintel: So change the name.
Gibbs: What, to "Nine Pieces of Whatever We Happened To Have In Our Pockets At The Time?" Oh yes, that sounds very piratey.

— Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

"Hey, why you call me 'guinea pig', anyway? I'm not Italian and I'm not pork!"

— Rodney the Guinea Pig, Dr. Dolittle

Casey Brackett: Why do you call it the Predator?
Traeger: It's a nickname. You know, the data suggests that it tracks its prey, exploits weakness. Seems to… well, enjoy it. Like a game.
Casey Brackett: That's not a predator, that's a sports hunter.
Traeger: Sorry?
Casey Brackett: A predator kills its prey to survive. I mean, what you're describing is more like a bass fisherman.
Traeger: Well, we took a vote. Predator's cooler, right? [the lab team agrees] Fuck yeah.

— The Predator

Literature

Whatever happened to the Lone in Lone Swordsman? This is unacceptable. Do you see Black prancing about in white robes? It’s called a Name, not a Suggestion.

— Catherine Foundling upon finding out that the Lone Swordsman has a party of heroes, A Practical Guide to Evil

Skulduggery: The five people glaring at the necromancers call themselves "The Four Elementals."[...]
Valkyrie: The Four Elementals?
Skulduggery: Yes.
Valkyrie: But there are five of them.
Skulduggery: I know.

— Skulduggery Pleasant

"The reason it's called Grape Nuts is that it contains dextrose, which is also sometimes called grape sugar, and also because Grape Nuts is catchier, in terms of marketing, than A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel, which is what it tastes like."

— Dave Barry, Tips for Writer's

Live-Action TV

"If there really is an interior designer named Gay Butler, somewhere there must be a gay butler named 'Interior Designer'."

— Bill Maher, Real Time with Bill Maher

"The French Foreign Legion was neither French, Foreign, nor a Legion. Discuss."

— Linda Richards (Mike Myers), Saturday Night Live

Doug: Hey Klaus, why is it that Hamburg and Frankfurt have nothing to do with hamburgers or hot dogs?
Janitor, a.k.a. "Klaus": Vhy iz your Lake Titicaca not filled viz boobs und poop?

— Scrubs

"This is called Ninety Mile Beach because it's exactly fifty five miles long. I don't understand it either."

— Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear (UK)

Veronica Mars: Easygoing Veronica Mars, that's what they call me.
Keith Mars: You know how fat men are sometimes called "Tiny"?

— Veronica Mars

Bunk: You know those little corner joints in the ghetto that sell subs, fried chicken, lake trout?
McNulty: Lake trout...
Bunk: Like egg creams in New York.
McNulty: No eggs, no cream.
Bunk: Exactly—no lake, no trout.

— The Wire

Courtney: (looking at a picture of the Seven Soldiers of Victory): There were eight of you, Pat.
Pat: Yeah, we always argued about the name.

— Stargirl (2020)

Todd: What's going on?
Dirk: The Rowdy Three!
Todd: There are four of them.
Dirk: I'm wildly aware!

— Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

Music

"I'm not black like Barry White, but I'm white like Frank Black is."

— Bloodhound Gang, "Fire Water Burn"

The coconut nut is a giant nut,
If you eat too much, you'll get very fat.
Now, the coconut nut is a big, big nut
But this delicious nut is not a nut!

— Smokey Mountain, Da Coconut Nut

Video Games

"We've degenerated into a department that destroys and manipulates information as ordered, yet somehow we're still called the "Information Team.""

— Yesod, Lobotomy Corporation

"THE WIND FISH IN NAME ONLY, FOR IT IS NEITHER."

— Owl statue, The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (It's a winged whale.)

Yan: Here we are... Blind Man's Volcano! Named five hundred years ago by the famed Blind Seer, Hexus!
Beat
Delphi: ...But there is no volcano.
Yan: Well, what did you expect? The poor man was blind.

— Giants: Citizen Kabuto

"This rare fish is named after the dark waters it prefers to lay its eggs in. Black Water Dragons are actually albino. They are prized by our great Governors for its part in extracting useful information from terrorists."

— King Min's Kyrat, Far Cry 4

"I dunno. It's like everyone just decides what it means and passes their judgement and expects me to behave in a certain way. I mean, first of all, it's my name, like my actual, this-is-what-my-birth-certificate-says NAME. It doesn't reflect me as a person. And hey, words can mean more than one thing, you know? Just because the first thing YOU think of is some happy-go-lucky sap doesn't mean..."

— Mr. Upbeat, Rhythm Heaven Fever

Ax Battler: I am Ax Battler.
Amy Rose: Ax Battler? But you have a sword.

— Sega Heroes

Johnny Cage: How is Shao Kahn not a Shokan?!

Shao Kahn: It's irrelevant, imbecile.

Johnny Cage: Dude, I lose sleep over shit like this!

— Mortal Kombat 11

Ah, thank you. And welcome to the Scorching Sandpaper Desert, where it's always scorching hot!...Except right now, I guess. C'mon, desert! Scorch! You're making me look bad!

—Red Toad, Paper Mario: The Origami King

"Deadpool"? I’m not dead, and I don’t have a pool!

—Deadpool, LEGO Marvel Super Heroes

Yuna: That was the Jecht Shot, wasn't it?

Tidus: How do you know that?

Yuna: Sir Jecht showed it to me when I was a child. He called it the "Sublimely Magnificent Jecht Shot Mark III."

Tidus: Stupid name, huh? You know what? There is no Mark I or Mark II, you know? My old man said the name Mark III was just something to hook the crowd. He said they'd come back every night expecting to see Mark I and Mark II. And, they really did come back. I used to get... so mad.

—Final Fantasy X

Web Animation

Chill Touch. It sounds like a touch spell that does cold damage, and I like to think that the first time a character with Chill Touch uses it, thinking that it'll be a sub-zero PUNCH! and instead, it creates a scary-ass skeletal hand that tries to strangle a motherfucker up to 120 feet away [...] If it hits, the hand grabs the target creature in question, and does not cold damage, but necrotic damage! Surprise again!

— Animated Spellbook

Wiz: This man would emerge as the feared bounty hunter, Sol Badguy.
Boomstick: So he's clearly the bad guy.
Wiz: Actually, he's the main character of the story.
Boomstick: [blubbering] But then why would the—!? [Wiz continues]

— DEATH BATTLE!

Webcomics

"You call it a goblin punch. Even though it was very clearly a kick. And there isn't a goblin in within a thousand mile radius."

— Thief, 8-Bit Theater

Ennesby: From the Fleetmind, there is a single ship, the Plaited Daisies.
Tagon: Oh, there's a nice peaceful name... I assume it's one of Petey's Devastator-class warships?
Ennesby: Actually, he's dubbed this class Extortionators.

— Schlock Mercenary

Web Original

There is no prophecy mentioned at any point in this book.

— Cinnamon Bunzuh!, on Animorphs Book #34: The Prophecy

Web Video

"Alright... So South City is to the north, North City is to the west, and East City is... also to the north. (Beat) Where the f**k am I!?"

— Imperfect Cell, Dragon Ball Z Abridged

Rin: You don't get the point of Murder-Death-Kill, Kirei!
Kirei: And you need to stop calling it that.
Rin: Well let's break this down. "Holy Grail War"... "Holy" doesn't work because the artifact is natively magic in origin. "Holy Grail" is BS. And you know it's BS.
Kirei: It is BS.
Rin: And "war" isn't true because it's seven people and their afterlife tag-a-long.
Kirei: The definition of war is loose, Rin. It could mean "to represent the conflict between representatives of various cultures acting as surrogates for their nations."
Rin: Could, sure... but it doesn't. The point is, I'll start calling it "Holy Grail War" when the name isn't just a cool stand-in!

— Fate/stay night [Unlimited Blade Works] Abridged

"Seeing as the game is called "Five Nights at Freddy's", you have to do this a total of seven times."

— Thafnine, "How Five Nights at Freddy's Changed Horror"

Top Man. I'll give you a guess about what he does. Did you guess "explore other planets"? Because yeah, that's what he was designed for. Why the fuck is he a top?!

— Brian David Gilbert, Unraveled, "Ranking all 200+ Mega Man robots.

Western Animation

"Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...."
That's what they say, but it just isn't true.
Roses are red, and apples are too,
But violets are violet. Violets aren't blue.
An orange is orange, but Greenland's not green
And a pinky's not pink. So what does it mean?
To call something blue when it's not, we defile it.
But ah, what the heck: it's hard to rhyme "violet."

— Dot Warner, Animaniacs

Superintendent Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
Principal Skinner: Oh ho ho ho no! Patented Skinner Burgers! Old family recipe.
Chalmers: For "steamed hams"?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: Yes, and you call them "steamed hams" despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

— The Simpsons, "22 Short Films About Springfield"

"Man, that is flagrant false advertising."

— Otto, The Simpsons, "A Milhouse Divided" right after walking out of "Stoner's Pot Palace"

Eggman: The road ends here, old friend. Prepare to be destroyed by Burnbot! [cue robot with pincher claws]
Sonic: So, what, is he gonna burn me with flamethrowers or something?
Eggman: F-Flamethrowers? Well, no—
Sonic: Oh, uh, acid? Incendiary grenades!
Eggman: What? NO! Claws! His claws! Very painful claws! [robot pinches claws together]
Sonic: Well, then, you shoulda called him 'Clawbot' or 'The Lacerator' or 'Pinchitron 9000'! But 'Burnbot'? I mean, that's just false advertising!
Eggman: I name the robots, Sonic! Burnbot, ATTACK!!

—- Sonic Boom, "The Sidekick"

Real Life

Football is certainly a misnomer, for the game is played not with the feet but with the hands, and the ball is not a ball but an egg. I propose that the game be played with the feet and with a ball, or else that it be called "hand-egg".

— Anonymous letter to the editor of the New York Times, Nov. 7, 1909

"[The Anarchist Cookbook was] not composed or released by anarchists, not derived from anarchist practice, not intended to promote freedom and autonomy or challenge repressive power – and was barely a cookbook, as most of the recipes in it are notoriously unreliable."

— CrimethInc.

"The Lord Privy Seal is neither a lord, a privy nor a seal."

— Edward Heath (attributed)

"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?"

— George Carlin

"Every single word in this title is a lie. There are no teenagers, no mutants, no ninjas, and no turtles."

— Hardcore Gaming 101, on a (long since removed) bootleg iPhone app bearing the title of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

"A walleye is a freshwater perch so named because its eyes resemble a wall, provided that wall is covered with detailed pictures of fish eyes. Otherwise there is no resemblance at all and the name simply confuses and annoys."

— Mike Nelson, Mike Nelson's Mind Over Matters

"This agglomeration which was called and which still calls itself the Holy Roman Empire was neither Holy, nor Roman, nor an Empire."

— Voltaire

"The course is called Animation Arts. I don’t think it’s too far-fetched to assume that this course would then be about the art of animating; I was wrong. The professor spent most of our time talking about modelling and it wasn’t until the last four weeks that he even mentioned animation. Did he even know what course he was supposed to be teaching?"

— Colin Sanders, on what prompted him to create Colin's Bear Animation, Waxy interview

ADHD is the most poorly-named affliction ever. like hi do you have a profound physical inability to accomplish your goals specifically because they're your goals and also the thought of your friends not liking you makes you want to die? you may have Trouble Sitting Still Disorder

—Ada Powers on Twitter

---