"Good luck! You'll need it!
"This is wussy compared to older games."
for lulling me into great side-scrollers that are nearly impossible to beat!"
"When games were new, they wanted a lot from you. Daunting you, taunting you, resetting and delaying you. Players played stoically. Now everyone's turned off by that. They want to burn through it quickly; a quick fix for the fickle, some tricks for the clicks of the feckless. But that's not you, you're an acrobat. You could swallow a baseball bat."
He used to be a weakling, but countless trials over the years have toughened him up. Snake:
And by trials, you mean "Game Overs"? Otacon:
Yeah, you should know all about that.
"With a limitless stock of bullets in the compartments of these weapons, our firepower is unparalleled in coverage and destructive strength! These munitions have beaten back the repeated attacks of lone wolf pilots and our achievements have earned us a top position within our industry."
—Dr. Ingram K. Daugh
, DoDonPachi Maximum
, basically saying "We at CAVE
have produced many balls-hard Bullet Hell
games and we're proud of it."
"Oh ho ho, I hope you don't think one measly death gets you out of your contract! We're only getting started..."
Darkest Dungeon is about making the most of a bad situation. Quests will fail or must be abandoned. Heroes will die. And when they die, they stay dead. Progress autosaves constantly, so actions are permanent.
The game expects a lot out of you. How far will you push your adventurers? How much are you willing to risk in your quest to restore the Hamlet? What will you sacrifice to save the life of your favorite hero?
OH, YOU THINK THAT'S
HARD? I'M JUST THE TUTORIAL
LEVEL! THERE'S THE NEXT LEVEL OVER THERE! Army of Buff Ninjas:
What's up? Arin:
OH GOD, HELP ME! Ninja:
GOD CAN'T HELP YOU NOW!!
"See, the thing you gotta realize about games in the NES days was that lastability was even then
a big issue. Games were anywhere from 30-60 bucks, and that's shit's steep!
You couldn't pay for this with your fuckin' lunch money. The NES cartridge didn't have a lot of space, so developers had to mind their limits, but also try to make a game that lasted a long time so gamers got their fortune's worth. The easy out at the time was making a game that was frustratingly hard. Most of the time it was in cheap ways.
"It's like I finally collapsed into my tent after a long day of successful artic expedition, whereupon one of the huskies trotted over and pissed on my head. And this was only on Normal
difficulty! Talk about a 'skill ceiling'; this is the Sistine fucking Chapel!"
If there's one thing [the indie gaming sector] quite likes above all else it's retro gaming, and high difficulty is associated with retro because of the arcade era, when gaming was less "art" than "rigged carny game with no prizes".
: I'm a decent gamer, why is this not easy? (You're just a loser and you suck verily
Can't beat a game from back when you were three) Pat
: Is there no easy mode or a secret code? (Bad gamer, no, you'll get no cheating code) Pat:
Eat a toad! (Lame gamer, there is no easy mode) Both
: What a load! (Bad gamer, there is no easy mode) Brent
: Easy mode? (There's no secret code) Pat
: Secret code? (Never, ever, ever) Both
: What's the coooooooode? (No! No easy mode or codes) Brent
: (as Mario
) Oh, mamma mia, mamma mia (Ask your momma for a code) Pat
will you ever make it easy for meeeeeeee?
"This shit is so HARD!" (stomps off)
"You're breaking my 'BALLS', Mario!"
I didn't even beat Trauma Center
Nobody did, it's a fuckin' Atlus
People beat Atlus games. Ashly:
No, they don't.
"What sick psychotic fuck playtested this and said 'Yeah, you know what, dying all the time's alright, but I wish the game killed me more
"Go dig up an NES and tell me how many of those games you can actually complete. None of 'em! Don't lie, you probably can't even complete Bubble Bobble
. Even the titles that were directed specifically at younger children
make Dark Souls
look like fucking DuckTales
, except that DuckTales is probably harder
. Going forward, however, games would continue to become more and more approachable as developers found out that people actually like to win."
"I swear, these games were programmed by The Joker
"It's as if they programmed the game and then said: 'You know what? It needs an Expert setting'. And then they programmed it, but forgot to add it in the menus. It's a theory, but it's the best guess I can come up with."
"Unless you've played this game, you have no
idea how hard it is. Let me try to explain, OK? Imagine if I were to draw a maze on a sheet of paper. I'm asking you to draw a line from the beginning of this maze to the end. You can't run into any dead ends, and you can't touch any of the lines. Now, while you're trying to do this, I'm moving the maze to the left. It would drive you fucking nuts."
not a cheat! That's just how to play the fucking game! The basic rules of the game
needed Nintendo Power
. THAT is some fuck."
"I'm either going to break a window or fall on my ass and kill myself...aiming the newspaper into the mailbox is like trying to slingshot a dingleberry from a playground's roundabout that's situated on a moving parade float, aiming into a bottle cap that's tied by a string to a Himalayan snowcock—while drunk. It would take somebody from NASA who knows how to calculate exactly when a certain asteroid is going to pass by a certain planet when it's lined up with a certain constellation during a certain moon phase."
"Whoever's responsble for it obviously hates anyone who plays video games
. There's absolutely no
reason a game based on Dennis the Menace
should be this
hard. Fuck Contra
and Ninja Gaiden
; Dennis the Menace
makes those games look easy. It's like they didn't want anyone to play it. It has no purpose other than for sadistic shit-seekers
"It's not the shittiest game in the world, although it is shittier than a Mormon prom. But what it is
is the most nipple-twisting, nut-aching, hair-pulling, ulcer-causing, butt-itching, frustrating motherfucker of a game you ever saw... Now, I know some people will come forward and, like, tell you the Gradius
games or, like, Ghosts 'n Goblins
, they're a real challenge. They don't know what they're talking about, because I fucking guarantee you that nobody
has beaten The Adventures Of Bayou Billy
fairly — not without some kind of emulator
or Game Genie
or divine intervention."
"I'm never gonna start this game, am I? It's just not gonna happen. This was created by a very, very angry man... This guy was an orphan, he was bullied in school, and what he decided to do was to create a game designed to torture people. Which is what he has succeeded in doing."
My work is a thing to kill the player. Satoru Iwata:
Back in the NES generation... For example, let's say everyone debugs a game after it's finished. Everyone involved in its production would spend all night playing it. Chief Arino:
The people who made it? Iwata:
Yes. And because they make
the games, they become good at them... Arino:
That's true! Iwata:
So you've got these expert gamers
making the games, and then saying things like "This is too easy." And that's— Arino:
They're like, "We need to make this part harder!" Iwata:
is why you're reduced to complaining as you play. Arino:
So I'm jumping immediately into games made for professionals? Iwata:
Well, no wonder they're impossible, then! I see it now.
"But, of all things, did you tell none other than Treasure
to make it more difficult?"
Introducing the hardest software ever.
—Cover page, Konami
catalog of computer games (1990)
We get off on your tears. Please have fun playing Mega Man 9, and when you inevitably ponder why this game is so freaking hard, please remember that Inafune-san has a decanter on his desk full of broken gamer spirits that keeps him perpetually youthful.
— Press release for Mega Man 9
You know, when Nintendo gets just a bit mean, like in the last
Mario worlds? In this meaning of the word, we can say this game is very Nintendous.
—The Italian Official Nintendo Magazine
"I would have to be paid a lot of money to go back and play NES games, I mean they were tortuously difficult."
When video game magazines featured high scores from the game for the first time
[in 1996], readers were shocked to see no one had actually succeeded in beating the game. The ruthless level of difficulty became legendary among gamers at the time.