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A tourist stays the night at a farmer's house, and in the morning, visits it with the farmer.
"See that barn? Built it up with my own two hands for a year. But do they call me John Barnbuilder? No."
A while later: "See those fields? I designed and dug the irrigation trenches myself. Took me two years to do it. But do they call me John Ditchdigger? No."
Later still: "See that flock of sheep covering the hillside? Started out with just two of 'em, and five years later I got damn near two hundred. But do they call me John Shepherd? No!"
The tourist asks "What should they call you then?"
"Anything! Anything at all! All the things I've done in my life, you'd think they'd have trouble choosing, but no!"
The farmer stays silent for a minute. "But you fuck ONE GOAT!"
Films — Live-Action
: And I always confuse Monet and Manet. Now which one married his mistress? Tess
: Monet. Danny
: Right, and then Manet had syphilis. Tess
: They also painted occasionally.
"Made out with a hot dog! OH MY GOD that was ONE TIME!!!" Jay
: Hey, wait a second, aren't you that guy that fucked the pie? Jason Biggs
: Y'see, man? Y'see? It's never "hey, you were in Loser
, weren't ya?" or "dude, you rocked in Boys and Girls
!" No, it always comes back to that fucking pie! I'm haunted by it!
"Steve Gerrard, Gerrard,
He slipped from 40 yards!
He gave it to Demba Ba!
Steve Gerrard, Gerrard."
— Everton fans
, making fun of Steven Gerrard slipping and allowing Demba Ba to score during Liverpool's 2-0 loss to Chelsea on April 27, 2014.
Developing a game, as it turns out, is quite hard. As negative press grew and grew concerning nepotism and mass resignations, and full-page gaming adverts informed a restless gaming public that they were John Romero
's cellmate and he'd claimed the top bunk, as it were, outright hostility was brewing. At this point, the universe takes two paths: one in which Romero spearheads a bold artistic movement in gaming design as a misunderstood genius burdened with the egotism that often strikes the auteur, or Romero is forever lambasted as a boob so massive that even the most determined baby would struggle to get its gob around him. And which universe we ended up with hinged on one thing: Daikatana
not being an execrable pile of garbage. Better luck next time, universe.
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
— John Kenneth Galbraith
When I make a mistake, it's a beaut.
— Fiorello La Guardia
You are remembered for the rules you break.
Last time I was here, I said I was a (referring to his penis) "Magnum"
. Now people are always screaming 'Magnum' at me...I really shouldn't have said it.
Ill always be this once-famous actress nobody recognizes
because of a nose job.
Alistair loves cheese like Sten loves cookies. Which is to say they mention those things maybe twice, period.
Vertrouwen/reputatie komt te voet en gaat te paard (Trust/reputation comes on foot and leaves on horseback).
— Dutch proverb
That's something you can't take away, swinging around naked on a wrecking ball lives forever. Once you do that in the amass, y'know, that I did, it's forever. I'm never living that down. I will always
be the naked girl on a wrecking ball. No matter how much I just frolic with Emu, I'm always the naked girl on the wrecking ball.
This Earle of Oxford, making of his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth, happened to let a Fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went to Travell, 7 yeares. On his returne the Queen welcomed him home, and sayd, My Lord, I had forgott the Fart.
— John Aubrey, on an embarrassment reportedly suffered by the 17th Earl of Oxford
Future generations will damn you in your grave for what you have done
— Erich Ludendorff
, condemning Paul von Hindenburg for appointing Adolf Hitler