Quotes / Monopoly

About the game

Right then! Game's night, everyone! What's up first?
I know what my money's on...

If you're into causing a family schism
consider some tabletop capitalism
A battle of balances, man I'm so talented
Mopping up profits with Randian callousness

Isn't much use for financial analysis
Banks are all froze in the throes of paralysis
Golly, it's very nice
Crushing the parasites
Man, I'm in paradise
Give me a pair of dice

I hold'em, I blow'em, I roll'em
I'm strolling my token right over the go
And I'm folding the dough
then I'm throwing down homes
On my portfolio
My monopoly grows
You won't topple me no

I'm a polished demolisher
dropping hotels right on top of my foes
If you're stopping your boat on my property, know
That it's probably, honestly gonna be more than
the cost of the whole of the global economy
So you should just stop and just offer me
All of your keys and your dog.

Well you could call it a robbery
You can't afford an apology
All your accountants would flounder and wobble
The top of my profits would boggle a monrachy

Stopping me? Ha! Take me to court
All that I'm making I'm taking abroad
(It's tucked under the board)
So send me to jail and then
pay of my bail with your rent
Have you thought about
having your assets absorbed?

Extorting the poor whilst cutting the cord
At community beauty awards
You pitifully bid in futility
I've got the roads and the rails and utilities
So bring the waterworks
Your tears will oil the gears of my infamy!

Kid in the living room, sat on the floor
Imagining I'm on the cover of Forbes
I'm turning this city upside down
Which really amounts to you flipping the board

Now, I know nobody likes a loot box economy
But I think we can all agree on a Community Chest?
Hm?

—The Stupendium, "Chairman of the Board" (Monopoly verse)