From the show:
Dave: [while attacking the Comfort Buddy] Yes! Come and bite into this awesome crowbar I just found!
Jim: I think that's Rebhi's femur bone.
Jim: I think that's Rebhi's femur bone.
— Part 1: Welcome/ Introduction
Hob: Why are you so annoying, Baxter?
Baxter: My personality is set to fun, fun, FUN, Hobble-Bobble! But I guess that's not your jam! You're probably just a little cranky because you haven't gotten laid in four and a half hundred years, hahaha!
Hob: God, you're the worst. Fuck off, Baxter.
Baxter: My personality is set to fun, fun, FUN, Hobble-Bobble! But I guess that's not your jam! You're probably just a little cranky because you haven't gotten laid in four and a half hundred years, hahaha!
Hob: God, you're the worst. Fuck off, Baxter.
— Part 2: Health & Safety
Jim: Hob, I think we're about to die.
Hob: It wasn't meant to happen this way!
Jim: Oh, I wish I'd had a chance to say goodbye to my wife and kids!
Hob: Wait, you have a wife and kids?
Jim: Yeah, three beautiful daughters. Look, I've got a picture! Aww.
Hob: Why didn't you ever tell me?!
Jim: You said you didn't want to talk about personal stuff.
Hob: Oh, great. Now I'm going to die feeling really guilty. (both start screaming)
Hob: It wasn't meant to happen this way!
Jim: Oh, I wish I'd had a chance to say goodbye to my wife and kids!
Hob: Wait, you have a wife and kids?
Jim: Yeah, three beautiful daughters. Look, I've got a picture! Aww.
Hob: Why didn't you ever tell me?!
Jim: You said you didn't want to talk about personal stuff.
Hob: Oh, great. Now I'm going to die feeling really guilty. (both start screaming)
— Part 2: Health & Safety
David: What's this, on the control panel here? It looks like...
Dawn: Green stuff.
David: Yes, exactly.
Dawn: Green stuff.
David: Yes, exactly.
— Part 3: Team Building
Jim: It's not bad, but most closing speeches are just about Mars. The simple truths that bind us all together. The roles we carry out. Each on their own seem small and unimportant, but each is vital in the whole. Like the claws, eyes, ears, and jaws of a bear. Powerless individually, but combined, they produce an irresistible force— which is what we here at MarsCorp are doing. Every day, growing stronger, building up the mighty bear of progress, so that it may one day rampage all over this great planet, taming the hostile wastes, turning them into safe, fertile plains. A sanctuary for us Martians, and any human who comes in peace to settle these new frontiers. Further, into the cosmos. Further, into history. So let us go forth this year and terraform! A new home, a new Eden, a new Earth. To MarsCorp!
Hob: Wow. That was great, can I use it?
Jim: Um, that was Martin's first speech as base manager ten years ago.
Hob: Wow. That was great, can I use it?
Jim: Um, that was Martin's first speech as base manager ten years ago.
— Part 4: Annual Leave
Eric: So, how come you got out of the dating thing early? Did you get lucky? Eh?
David: It's not a question of luck, Eric. It's about engaging certain psychological and biological triggers to produce a favourable response in the mate you desire. But... I think some of us are predispositioned to be alone forever. And I'm totally fine with that! (nervous laughter)
Eric: Aww, hang in there, buddy. I believe there's someone out there for everybody.
David: Yes, yes, you know mathematically that's not true.
David: It's not a question of luck, Eric. It's about engaging certain psychological and biological triggers to produce a favourable response in the mate you desire. But... I think some of us are predispositioned to be alone forever. And I'm totally fine with that! (nervous laughter)
Eric: Aww, hang in there, buddy. I believe there's someone out there for everybody.
David: Yes, yes, you know mathematically that's not true.
— Part 6: Appropriate Working Relationships
Bonnie: This is a polite reminder that hostility and passive-aggressive behaviour in the workplace is an unproductive use of your valuable time. Susan.
— Part 6: Appropriate Working Relationships
Baxter: What a tragic waste of human life. Get it together, Hob! Oh! And there's a dead body, too!
Hob: Fuck off, Baxter.
Baxter: Haha, classic Hob.
Hob: Fuck off, Baxter.
Baxter: Haha, classic Hob.
— Part 8: Disciplinary Action
Dave: Yes, you're right, Hob. My problem is hubris.
Hob: Yes.
Dave: I didn't have enough hubris!
Hob: No...
Dave: Next time, I'll build a Dave Emporium three times the size of this one. With prices lower and more corners cut than ever before! Mars can be great, but first, we must dream the dream of greatness - dream of great big things! Forty-seven flavours of orange juice, socks in black and white! A karaoke machine in every quarters and cheap noodles in every pot! Martians can raise themselves up; all they need to do is desire the right thing strongly enough! Someone to point at a sequined jumpsuit and say: that's what you need, you bastard, now go out and break your back to get it! And they will get these things at the new Dave's Mega Emporium! Eight, no, twelve times bigger! With more items than anyone could possibly need in a dozen lifetimes! I will give them that desire; I will be their pointer! Me, Dave Price! Because the Price is always right!
Hob: Yes.
Dave: I didn't have enough hubris!
Hob: No...
Dave: Next time, I'll build a Dave Emporium three times the size of this one. With prices lower and more corners cut than ever before! Mars can be great, but first, we must dream the dream of greatness - dream of great big things! Forty-seven flavours of orange juice, socks in black and white! A karaoke machine in every quarters and cheap noodles in every pot! Martians can raise themselves up; all they need to do is desire the right thing strongly enough! Someone to point at a sequined jumpsuit and say: that's what you need, you bastard, now go out and break your back to get it! And they will get these things at the new Dave's Mega Emporium! Eight, no, twelve times bigger! With more items than anyone could possibly need in a dozen lifetimes! I will give them that desire; I will be their pointer! Me, Dave Price! Because the Price is always right!
— Part 9: Employee Initiative
From Bonnie's twitter feed:
"Never be afraid to fail! Your horrible, violent death will be a valuable lesson for others!"
"Did u know we’re made from stars? Do u know what that means? That’s right! Nothing! It means nothing. Get back to work ;) #TuesdayMotivation"
— August 9
"Think of urself as a brick made of meat. On your own ur nothing special, but together we can build a wall of delicious flesh #TeamBuilding"
— August 6
"Q: When is a door not a door? A: Trick question. Things are always what they are #ThursdayThoughts"
— August 4
"Ever feel like you were meant for something MORE? No, me neither! We’re all exactly where we should be ;) #MondayMotivation #KnowYourPlace"
— August 1
"#HappyMonday everyone! Remember to follow your dream! #MondayMotivation btw if you’re curious, your dream is to serve MarsCorp ;)"
— August 1
