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Quotes / Major Injury Underreaction

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    Anime and Manga 
Well, at first I thought I'd slipped and fell in the rain, then I noticed the blood gushing from my stomach and leg, so I thought "Oh, I guess I was shot."
Shizuo Heiwajima, Durarara!!

Shizuo: Yo.
Shinra: Oh my God! What happened to you?
Shizuo: Eh, you know. Got shot.
Shinra: Your leg and abdominal muscles have taken considerable damage. How are you even walking around like this?!
Shizuo: Why? ...'Cause I can.

Man, I panicked too much. All I lost was my left arm.
Shirou, Fate/stay night

My Quinque... is gone? No... my right hand is what's gone.
Kureo Mado, Tokyo Ghoul

Worry not! It's only a mortal wound!

    Comic Books 
Tim Drake: How can you take a bullet and not bat an eye?
Cassandra Cain: You know that... kid game, "Two for Flinching?"
Tim Drake: Yeah. Oh, no. Don't tell me.
Cassandra Cain: My... dad and I played something like that.

Aaah, that's the ticket. Okay, anyone got a stapler?
Wormwood, fresh from getting his head blasted off with a shotgun, Wormwood: Gentleman Corpse

    Fan Works 
Misato: And how are you?
Asuka: Hurts. They bandaged it. I may lose a toe. Whatever.

    Film - Animated 
Oh, look at that. I've been impaled.

Fiona: There's an arrow in your butt!
Shrek: Oh, would you look at that?

Rival dog: Sheesh, Igor, I think [Chief] chewed your ear off!
Igor: (grunts nonchalantly)

    Film — Live-Action 
I'm... I'm shot.
Quellek, Galaxy Quest

Axe: Did they really shoot me in the fucking head?
Marcus: Yeah, buddy.

Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch.
King Arthur: A scratch?! Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No, it isn't.
King Arthur: (points to the arm on the ground) Well, what's that then?!
Black Knight: ...I've had worse.
(they fight. Arthur lops the knight's other arm off, but the knight just starts kicking him instead)
King Arthur: You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine!
Black Knight: Oooh, had enough, eh?
King Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes, I have!
King Arthur: LOOK!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound.
(The Black Knight keeps kicking Arthur, who lops his leg off)
Black Knight: Right, I'll do you for that!
King Arthur: You'll WHAT?!
Black Knight: Come here!
King Arthur: What are you gonna do, bleed on me?!
Black Knight: I'm invincible!
King Arthur: ...You're a loony.
Black Knight: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then!
(Arthur, annoyed, lops his final leg off)
Black Knight: (Beat) ...All right, we'll call it a draw.
King Arthur: Come, Patsy.
(Arthur rides off)
Black Knight: Oh, oh, I see! Running away, eh? You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

Interesting. I've been stabbed, and I've been hanged, and I've been burned. Even broken on the rack once, but I've never been shot before. (wiggles finger around inside fresh bullet wound) Kind of itches a little!
Maximilian, Vampire in Brooklyn

Lord Uxbridge: My God, sir, I've lost my leg.
The Duke of Wellington: My God, sir, so you have.

Pepper: What's wrong?
Tony: Oh nothing, I'm just going into cardiac arrest 'cause you yanked [the magnet] out like a trout...

What're you gonna do now, wizard?! (Gandalf pokes him in the eye and slashes his belly) ...that'll do it.
The Goblin King, The Hobbit

Captain Miller: Sarge! Mike, are you alright?!
Sergeant Horvath: I'm fine... I just got the wind knocked out of me, that's all...note 

Ramirez: Bloody hell. Harry. There's a knife in my leg. When did that happen?
Harry: In the duel. Don't you remember?
Ramirez: I thought you'd stepped on me and sprained my ankle. Bloody hell. There's a knife in my guts. And they match.

Sir, I think I got nicked.
Dante-G188, Halo: Ghosts of Onyx

Phil: Well, this isn't too bad. My left leg is broken, but at least I'm right-legged. That's pretty fortunate.
Employee: Gee, I thought he'd say something more along the lines of "Aaaaah! My leg! My leg!"
A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Miserable Mill

Chapter Master Pedro Kantor: For Throne's sake, Alessio, you've lost a hand!
Captain Alessio Cortez: I didn't lose my hand. (points to it lying on the ground) It's right there!

Roman came tumbling past, bouncing across the walkway and skidding into a tree. So much of his skin and muscle was melted off that half his skeleton was visible. Green and yellow steam hissed around his body. He could still move, however, and wore a scowl on what remained of his face.

...and I see Johnny, too, still standing in the doorway, as unmoved by the bullet's passage through his skull as though it had been nothing more than a disappointing argument. Dark clots of brain meat are splashed across the flag behind him. He looks from Patrick to Tobias and when he speaks I can barely hear above the ringing in my head. "What should I do?" he says.
The Atlas of Hell, by Nathan Ballingrud

Well, son of a starfish.
Commander Tempest after being stabbed in the chest, Wings of Fire: Assassin

I stop chewing on the guy long enough to gag, and when I turn back, he's busy shoving his guts back in. He gives me the hairy eyeball, and asks me to help him find his pancreas. It was Earl.

The dwarf staggered towards him, his beard slick with blood – both the black blood of Gobblins, and the red blood of its owner. Several crooked Gobblin arrows poked out of his body. "You're still alive, boyo!" the dwarf called. As he reached Bingo, he tripped and fell to his knees.
"Mori - are you hurt?"
"Oh, it's nothing," said the dwarf. "Stings a bit," he added. Then he rolled onto his back.
The Soddit

"Aw crap, Slippery John's spine is powderized," said a voice form somewhere around floor level, with the nonchalant tone of someone discovering a hangnail.
"Oh dear," I said, then felt pretty stupid about it. "Do you need any help?"
"Nah, that's okay. Slippery John's lungs are filling with blood, so Slippery John'll head right on out after he dies. You should probably make a run for it, though, if you're not going to be growing a new body after this."

A purple flash. A white line burned across my sight.
Haralit glanced a the gaping hole burned in his chest where his heart had been. "Ah." He didn't fall.
The Traitor God, by Cameron Johnston

"Apran, do you have a broken leg?" Ehail asked him.
The emerald looked at his feet. "Well, um, I don't know, how do you tell?"
"A broken leg?" asked Gyre.
"Did anything happen that could have injured one or both of your legs?" Ehail asked.
"I fell off a horse," he said.
"That could do it," Ehail said. "You should go to a light - or a kama - and get that healed -" Gyre was running over towards the collection of adults closer to the house. "Gyre?"
Ryll, ashen, and Karyn, fumbling with some sort of bag, came back with Gyre, also at a run. "A broken leg?" exclaimed Ryll. "How?"
"I fell off a horse," Apran said. "Remember?"
"That was four days ago."

Unfortunately, he times the jump very badly. Neither Peck nor Oslo is prepared for the jump and, as Lewis hits the ground, the kart is starting a tight turn, so he crashes heavily and at speed into a sharp corner and rebounds off the wall and under the kart's back wheels.
Eddie hears Lewis say "Ouch!" For some reason, and inappropriately, he finds this hilarious. "Ouch!"? In real life, nobody actually says "Ouch!" "Ouch!" is what cartoon people say in comic books.

Rimmer: Are you alright?
The Cat: I've been better. I have a hole clean through the centre of my head, but on the right side, I have somewhere to keep my pool cue if both my hands are full.
Red Dwarf: Backwards

His manliness also requires that he refuse to go to a doctor or a hospital unless it can be demonstrated to him that he has, in fact, been clinically dead for six months. “No sense going to the hospital, honey. I don’t seem to be in a coma.” Therefore, he must learn to ignore pain. “It doesn’t really hurt. Bleeding from six holes in the head doesn’t really hurt. Just gimme the remote, get me a beer, and get the fuck outta here.”
George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

    Live-Action TV 
Ouch. Okay, that's really hot. Yeah, you could get a serious burn from that... In fact, I think I just did.
Jamie Hyenman, Mythbusters

Jessica Jones: What happened to you? What happened to your hand?
Stick: Ah, I cut it off to free myself.

Eddie: Is that a bit of your ear over there?
James: Pardon? Ha-ha! Oh, I rather think it is. Not to worry!
Eddie: "Ear" today, gone tomorrow, what?
Pride (2004 BBC film)

Lister: Kryten! Are you OK?
Kryten: I have a medium-sized fire axe buried in my spinal column. This sort of thing can really put a crimp on your day.

You shot me! I can't believe you just shot me!
Meg Masters, Supernatural, "Salvation"

He's surprisingly calm for a guy whose skeleton is exposed.
Daniel Tosh, Tosh0

Getting disemboweled always makes me kinda mad.
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Jurassic Park"

Tell me, why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated?
This really is a major inconvenience, oh man, I really hate it
Such a drag, now ... Can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore
I can't belch or yodel anymore
Can't spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated

Oh no, why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated? (yeah, yeah)
I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated
What a bummer
Can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeze
But my neck is enjoyin' a pleasant breeze now
Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated
No no no
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "A Complicated Song"

    Professional Wrestling 
"Just pulled a piece of glass out of the bottom of my bleeding foot. I'm ready for my deathmatch career."
Hunter Law'

    Tabletop Games 
The dead make good soldiers. They can't disobey orders, they never surrender, and they don't stop fighting when a random body part falls off.
Nevinyrral's Necromancer's Handbook, Magic: The Gathering, "Drudge Skeletons"

Kynus whipped his chainsword around once more, firing a bolt pistol shell on instinct. It detonated almost immediately, underlighting a withered fiend with a ragged hole blasted right through its ribcage.
"Ouch," said the Haemonculus, running a finger around the wound’s edge and bringing it to his greyish lips.
Then the darkness fell, and Kynus’ punishment began.
Warhammer 40,000: Haemonculus Covens

    Video Games 
Now I got this... tiny Injun boy, eyeballing me. Had to take his leg off. Damn thing's just... lying here between us. I sure wish he'd cry or something.
Preston E. Downs, Bioshock Infinite

I don't care! I like being on fire!
Headbanger, Brütal Legend

Kieran: Hey, Rhys! Nice day, isn't it.
Rhys: Oh, hello, Kier... (notices the axe lodged in his skull) Yaaaa! What happened to you?!
Kieran: Huh? What is it?
Rhys: Th-there's blood gushing down the side of your head!
Kieran: Hm? Why, so there is... Isn't that odd?
Rhys: "Odd?" Please, hold still! Just stay there! Let me get my heal staff.
Kieran: Heal staff? Bah! I'm fine. A scratch like this will heal itself! You should have seen the time I fought the Giant Scorpions of...

Joey: i'll be there as quick as i can, so, apply pressure to the wounds and try not to move too much.
Xefros: its ok
Xefros: the weight of the rubble crushing my body is pressing down on my wounds AND preventing me from moving at all X:D
Joey: man, Xerox.
Joey: buddy.
Joey: we've really gotta work on your concept of what's "okay!"

i think im about to pass out from bloodloss so im gonna chill out for a little while X:)
Xefros Tritoh (again), Hiveswap

Shit! Not again!
Raiden, after losing an arm and eye to Sam, Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

I think mine's cracked too... critical hit to the nads.
Yosuke Hanamura, Persona 4

Zombies tend to not give up easily. Kind of their whole thing, really. "Whatever, screw you, I didn't need that leg anyway."

Marine: Hannibal! I need a medic!
Medic: Who are you? I'm not able to get a reading on your medchip.
Marine: Corporal Thomas Alvarez. My medchip is damaged.
Medic: But your medchip's implanted in your heart!
Marine: I know... I'm looking at it right now.

I appear to have burst into flames.
The Spy, Team Fortress 2

Monster Kid: Undyne... You're... You're hurt...
Undyne: Hurt? It's nothing. Next time, listen when I tell you to leave, okay?
Monster Kid: Undyne... I...
Undyne: I'll take care of this! Get out of here!
(Monster Kid flees)
Undyne: Heh... "It's nothing"... No... s-somehow, with just one hit... I'm already... Already... D... damn it...

Well...I seem to be seriously wounded.
Black Mesa scientist, Half-Life 1

Oh no...this waistcoat is ruined.
Wildcard McVee, The Town with No Name, after being shot in the heart

I leave you alone for two minutes! What the hell happened!?
Nico to Nero, Devil May Cry 5, after the latter gets his arm ripped off.

Normally that is excruciating. Luckily all my body's pain receptors are busy in my mouth right now.
The Soldier, Team Fortress 2, Old Wounds

Thief: Doesn't it worry you to be, you know, aflame?
Red Mage: Are you kidding? This is great. This is like if Burning Hands was a seventh level spell. Maybe sixth... And anyway, it's auto-hit to boot! I could hug you for 3D4 [damage] per turn, Thief. Per turn. No, I'd be an idiot to give this up, thanks.
Thief: Of course. What was I thinking?
(Red Mage dies, but is resurrected by a spell he cast)
Thief: That doesn't hurt at all?
Red Mage: Hm?
Thief: The spell that brings you back.
Red Mage: Oh, it's quite excruciating. At least it isn't as bad as the burning.

Gordon Frohman: Sandy! Sandy! There you are! Quick, pull this pipe out of my midsection! It got stuck there when I accidentally shot myself in the hip and then fell off a ledge!
Sandy: And... the ornate axe in your head?
Frohman: Oh, leave that in. It takes my mind off my broken leg.
Sandy: I'm ditching you, idiot, before you get me killed.
Frohman: At least I think it's broken. Or did it always bend this way?
Concerned: The Half-Life and Death of Gordon Frohman


    Web Original 
The first three "symptoms you should not ignore" were rectal bleeding, loss of height, and sudden blindness! Who ignores sudden blindness? Who sits in the office at lunchtime going "Oh, who turned out the lights? Oh, no, I can't see a thing, it's awful, I'm no use to anyone today. I'll answer phones, that's all I can do, that's all I'll be good for today. Oh, don't make a fuss, don't make a fuss, don't make a fuss."

Well. That's unfortunate.
Qrow Branwen, RWBY

Adam Taurus, RWBY

When Count Dooku, my apprentice, had both of his hands cut off by Anakin Skywalker, he didn't make a sound, not a peep. That guy was like concrete, man. It was very impressive.

    Western Animation 
(as promised, Sparks and Captain Murphy meet in Hell)
Sparks: So, how's the lava bath treatin' you?
Capt. Murphy: Oh, you know. Mind-blowing pain.
Sparks: Ohhh yeah.
Capt. Murphy: How's 'bout you?
Sparks: Oh, ass full of red-hot coals.
Capt. Murphy: Ass full of red-hot coals.
Sparks: Ohhh yeah.
Capt. Murphy: Your, ah, entire ass? Just packed full of red-hot coals?
Sparks: Right to the rim, baby.
Capt. Murphy: (sigh) You lucky bastard.

Pearl, after being stabbed through the abdomen with a sword, Steven Universe

OW! Oh, I hate it when that happens...
Eda the Owl Lady, The Owl House

This is boiling water, isn't it?

    Real Life 
Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose.
President Theodore Roosevelt


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