open/close all folders
Anime and Manga
"Hey, Myoga. Kagome said she has butterflies in her stomach. Why would she eat butterflies? How will they come out? She is a fool."
— Inuyasha, Inuyasha
Fan Works
"That night, when I got home, I received a call from Mimi Dejour. She said she wanted to meet me at the club right away. Since I had no idea where the Club Right Away was, I suggested the Club Flamingo. She agreed."
— Tracer (narrating), Calvin & Hobbes: The Series
Lynn Loud Sr.: Geez, kids, I just got home! At least give me some time to hang up my hat!
Leni Loud: You don't wear a hat, Dad.
Lynn Loud Sr.: It's an expression.
Leni Loud: You don't wear a hat, Dad.
Lynn Loud Sr.: It's an expression.
— Peeking Through the Fourth Wall, Episode 36
Absent (upon being asked by Koffie why he is awake so early): Because these dimensions' times flow at different rates, meaning my biological clock is at your mercy. Also, I'm used to functioning on little, if any sleep - college life is taxing.
Koffie: I'm sorry that it costs so much. note
Absent: (facepalms)
Koffie (horrified): Oh, I'm sorry; are my telepathic powers too strong?
Absent (in annoyance): Taxing, not taxes. God, do you even know what figures of speech are?
Koffie: How can a speech have a figure? Speech is just a bunch of words. You can't give a speech a figure. Anyways, what were you saying about taxes?
Koffie: I'm sorry that it costs so much. note
Absent: (facepalms)
Koffie (horrified): Oh, I'm sorry; are my telepathic powers too strong?
Absent (in annoyance): Taxing, not taxes. God, do you even know what figures of speech are?
Koffie: How can a speech have a figure? Speech is just a bunch of words. You can't give a speech a figure. Anyways, what were you saying about taxes?
— The opening conversation between the Absent Coder and the S.S. Tex-Kofschip, SOSchip, Chapter 10, "You Should Have Gone For the Head" note
Sapphire: Let him go, sister. [...] There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Coral: I can't fuck a fish.
Sapphire: It's an expression!
Coral: I can't fuck a fish.
Sapphire: It's an expression!
Film — Animated
Hiro Hamada: GAH! Baymax! You gave me a heart attack!
Baymax: My hands are equipped with defibrillators. Clear!
Hiro Hamada: STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! It's just an expression!
Baymax: My hands are equipped with defibrillators. Clear!
Hiro Hamada: STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! It's just an expression!
Timon: (Watching Simba slump away) Gee. He looks blue.
Pumbaa: I'd say brownish-gold.
Timon: No, no, no, no. I mean he's depressed.
Pumbaa: Oh.
Pumbaa: I'd say brownish-gold.
Timon: No, no, no, no. I mean he's depressed.
Pumbaa: Oh.
"Winnie the Pooh lived in the Hundred Acre Wood under the name of Sanders. That is to say, the name was written above the door in gold letters, and he lived under it."
— Narrator, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
Film — Live-Action
Austin Powers: Mr. Roboto is lying to us.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Tell me something I don't know.
Austin Powers: I open mouth kissed a horse once.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Say what?
Austin Powers: That's something you don't know.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Tell me something I don't know.
Austin Powers: I open mouth kissed a horse once.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Say what?
Austin Powers: That's something you don't know.
Customer: Give me a Good Shake.
Ed: All right! *grabs the customer and shakes him*
Ed: All right! *grabs the customer and shakes him*
—Good Burger (deleted scene)
Customer: Look, I ordered one Good Burger with nothing on it!
Ed: That's what I gave you!
Customer: No, you gave me a bun! Just a bun! Look, there's no meat in here!
Ed: But you said you wanted nothing on it!
Customer: Yes, but I expected a meat patty!
Ed: Dude, a meat patty is something! You said nothing! Fizz, is a meat patty something or nothing?
Fizz: ...uh...something?
Ed: I win!
Customer: Alright, that rips it! I am reporting your name to the manager!
Ed: The manager already knows my name.
Customer: (scoffs) I'll see you in Hell!
Ed: Okay, see you there!
Ed: That's what I gave you!
Customer: No, you gave me a bun! Just a bun! Look, there's no meat in here!
Ed: But you said you wanted nothing on it!
Customer: Yes, but I expected a meat patty!
Ed: Dude, a meat patty is something! You said nothing! Fizz, is a meat patty something or nothing?
Fizz: ...uh...something?
Ed: I win!
Customer: Alright, that rips it! I am reporting your name to the manager!
Ed: The manager already knows my name.
Customer: (scoffs) I'll see you in Hell!
Ed: Okay, see you there!
Chantal: Shouldn't we call the fire department?
Miss Clavel: Chantal, 'burning up' is a metaphor.
Miss Clavel: Chantal, 'burning up' is a metaphor.
— Madeline
T-850: Take off your clothes.
Gay Stripper: Patience, honey.
(the T-850 steps up to the stage, much to the cheers of the bachelorettes)
Gay Stripper: Whoa, bitch. Wait your turn.
T-850: Your clothes.
Gay Stripper: (shows his hand to the Terminator) Talk to the hand!
(the T-850 literally grabs and holds the stripper's hand and talks to it)
T-850: Now.
Gay Stripper: Patience, honey.
(the T-850 steps up to the stage, much to the cheers of the bachelorettes)
Gay Stripper: Whoa, bitch. Wait your turn.
T-850: Your clothes.
Gay Stripper: (shows his hand to the Terminator) Talk to the hand!
(the T-850 literally grabs and holds the stripper's hand and talks to it)
T-850: Now.
STEM: I advise that you remove any traces of your presence here. That also means cleaning up the vomit in the sink.
Grey: Okay, just give- just give me a second, okay?
STEM: ...One second has passed.
Grey: Okay, just give- just give me a second, okay?
STEM: ...One second has passed.
— Upgrade
Holga: Forge is a real son of a bitch.
Xenk: So you blame his nature on his mother?
Xenk: So you blame his nature on his mother?
(as Spaceball troopers are raking the desert with giant combs)
Col. Sandurz: Sir?
Dark Helmet: What?
Col. Sandurz: Are we being too literal?
Dark Helmet: No, you fool, we're following orders. We were told to comb the desert, so we're combing it!
Col. Sandurz: Sir?
Dark Helmet: What?
Col. Sandurz: Are we being too literal?
Dark Helmet: No, you fool, we're following orders. We were told to comb the desert, so we're combing it!
Literature
"Now then, this particular Assyrian, the one whose cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold,
Just what does the poet mean when he says he came down like a wolf on the fold?
In heaven and earth more than is dreamed of in our philosophy there are great many things.
But I don't imagine that among them there is a wolf with purple and gold cohorts or purple and gold anythings.
No, no, Lord Byron, before I'll believe that this Assyrian was actually like a wolf I must have some kind of proof;
Did he run on all fours and did he have a hairy tail and a big red mouth and big white teeth and did he say Woof Woof?
Frankly I think it is very unlikely, and all you were entitled to say, at the very most,
Was that the Assyrian cohorts came down like a lot of Assyrian cohorts about to destroy the Hebrew host."
Just what does the poet mean when he says he came down like a wolf on the fold?
In heaven and earth more than is dreamed of in our philosophy there are great many things.
But I don't imagine that among them there is a wolf with purple and gold cohorts or purple and gold anythings.
No, no, Lord Byron, before I'll believe that this Assyrian was actually like a wolf I must have some kind of proof;
Did he run on all fours and did he have a hairy tail and a big red mouth and big white teeth and did he say Woof Woof?
Frankly I think it is very unlikely, and all you were entitled to say, at the very most,
Was that the Assyrian cohorts came down like a lot of Assyrian cohorts about to destroy the Hebrew host."
— Ogden Nash, "Very Like A Whale"
Live-Action TV
"As I've explained repeatedly to Dr. Koothrappali, whose ability to comprehend the American idiom fails him when it's convenient..."
— Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
Donna: You're not tellin' me the TARDIS is gone.
The Doctor: Okay.
Donna: Well, where is it then?
The Doctor: You... told me not to tell you.
Donna: Oi, don't get clever in Latin!
The Doctor: Okay.
Donna: Well, where is it then?
The Doctor: You... told me not to tell you.
Donna: Oi, don't get clever in Latin!
Moss: I never know what so say to people at funerals.
Jen: Just say "I'm sorry for your loss", then move on.
Roy: (to widow) I'm sorry for your loss.
Widow: Thank you.
Roy: Move on.
Jen: Just say "I'm sorry for your loss", then move on.
Roy: (to widow) I'm sorry for your loss.
Widow: Thank you.
Roy: Move on.
Lucifer: Maybe I should find out what makes Pierce vulnerable. Get inside his head!
Mazikeen: (looks up, grinning)
Lucifer: Not with the cranial saw.
Mazikeen: (looks up, grinning)
Lucifer: Not with the cranial saw.
"Please, I'm a scientist; I don't think, I observe."
— Dr. Clayton Forrester, Mystery Science Theater 3000
[The film's title, "Cry Wilderness", appears on screen]
Crow: Well, if you insist.
Jonah, Crow and Tom: WILDERNESS!
Crow: Well, if you insist.
Jonah, Crow and Tom: WILDERNESS!
Tim: My mum used to use "going next door" as a euphemism for being dead.
Mike: What? Does that mean my rabbit's dead?
Tim: It's been 18 years Mike, where did you think he was?
Mike: [crying] Next door.
Mike: What? Does that mean my rabbit's dead?
Tim: It's been 18 years Mike, where did you think he was?
Mike: [crying] Next door.
— Spaced
Jenna D'Sora: "The cat's out of the bag."
Data: (looking for his cat) "Spot?"
Data: (looking for his cat) "Spot?"
Jack Cloth: I haven't laughed since my wife died.
Anne Oldman: Why did you laugh when your wife died?
Anne Oldman: Why did you laugh when your wife died?
Music
At the farmers' market with my so-called "girlfriend"
She hands me her cell phone, says it's my dad.
Man, this ain't my dad! This is a CELL PHONE!
She hands me her cell phone, says it's my dad.
Man, this ain't my dad! This is a CELL PHONE!
— The Lonely Island, "Threw It on the Ground"
Podcasts
"A rose by any other name would be called something else."
— Welcome to Night Vale end-of-episode proverb
Video Games
Shadowheart: Have we buried the hatchet, Lae'zel?
Lae'zel: No. Why would I bury a weapon? Is it broken?
Shadowheart: It's a metaphor.
Lae'zel: I do not know your metaphor, but if you need help digging, I'll find a shovel.
Lae'zel: No. Why would I bury a weapon? Is it broken?
Shadowheart: It's a metaphor.
Lae'zel: I do not know your metaphor, but if you need help digging, I'll find a shovel.
Harvey Dent: Say hi, Bruce!
Bruce Wayne: Hi, Bruce.
Harvey Dent: Well, I tee 'em up and he knocks 'em down.
Bruce Wayne: Hi, Bruce.
Harvey Dent: Well, I tee 'em up and he knocks 'em down.
Hank Anderson: You know where you can stick your instructions?
Connor: No. Where?
Connor: No. Where?
Varla: Jasper's taken that great stair lift in the sky.
Candi: That can't be. His only went up one floor.
Varla: His batteries are flat.
Candi: Oh, that silly billy! I always told him to carry a spare!
Varla: He's fucking dead!
Candi: Noooooooooooooooo!!!
Candi: That can't be. His only went up one floor.
Varla: His batteries are flat.
Candi: Oh, that silly billy! I always told him to carry a spare!
Varla: He's fucking dead!
Candi: Noooooooooooooooo!!!
Cabbie: What's this, you tryin' to stiff me?
Larry: Of course not, you're a dude!
Cabbie: I mean, you tryin' to cheat me outta my fare?
Larry: I didn't know it was gonna be that much!
Larry: Of course not, you're a dude!
Cabbie: I mean, you tryin' to cheat me outta my fare?
Larry: I didn't know it was gonna be that much!
— Leisure Suit Larry: Reloaded if Larry insufficiently pays the cab fare.
Idura: I'll retreat for now. However, I'll have a special gift ready for you next time.
Dekar: Wait!
Idura: What?
Dekar: I could use a new coat. Unless you had another gift in mind.
Dekar: Wait!
Idura: What?
Dekar: I could use a new coat. Unless you had another gift in mind.
EDI: I had hoped to discuss how to provoke Jeff into an emotional commitment.
Shepard: That's not how to think about it. It's got to be natural. You need chemistry.
EDI: I see. There are a number of pharmaceuticals I could inject to stimulate the desired emotional response.
Shepard: That's not how to think about it. It's got to be natural. You need chemistry.
EDI: I see. There are a number of pharmaceuticals I could inject to stimulate the desired emotional response.
Hood: Forbidden Fruit loses its power when it stops being forbidden. This is good for Ingrid, I think.
Ulfina: Why can't we eat the fruit? Is it not tasty?
Hood: The saying isn't from this Fable, sorry.
Ulfina: Why can't we eat the fruit? Is it not tasty?
Hood: The saying isn't from this Fable, sorry.
Vicar Max: Ms. Holcomb has a soft heart. Always has, if you believe the talk.
The Unplanned Variable: Can Parvati get that checked by a Sawbones?
Vicar Max: I see today we'll be conversing without metaphors.
The Unplanned Variable: Can Parvati get that checked by a Sawbones?
Vicar Max: I see today we'll be conversing without metaphors.
"They asked me what job I wanted, and I said I was on the fence...Who takes idioms literally?!"
— A Koopa Troopa cleaning a fence, Paper Mario: The Origami King
Darius Mason: This guy's becoming a major pain in my ass—
S.A.M.: I detect no damage in the gluteal area.
S.A.M.: I detect no damage in the gluteal area.
(After a brief but intense firefight)
BT-7274: All threats eliminated. Area secure. Are you okay, Pilot?
Cooper: Hell yeah — I'm on a hot streak!
BT: Your vitals do not indicate a temperature problem. Do you wish for me to investigate this "hot streak" sensation further?
Cooper: Funny, BT. You're funny.
BT: Apparently.
BT-7274: All threats eliminated. Area secure. Are you okay, Pilot?
Cooper: Hell yeah — I'm on a hot streak!
BT: Your vitals do not indicate a temperature problem. Do you wish for me to investigate this "hot streak" sensation further?
Cooper: Funny, BT. You're funny.
BT: Apparently.
— Titanfall 2 (Both of Cooper's lines here come from a Dialogue Tree)
Web Animation
Emperor: You could fortify me from all the stupid shit that's happening in the galaxy and threatens to spill into my throne room.
Rogal Dorn: Fecal matter does not have mental capacity. You do not require fortifications against it.
O'Malley: Attack!!!!!
Robots: Chaaaaaarge! (Begin walking very slowly)
O'Malley: You there, hurry along! And you in the back, hu-...Lopez! Can't you speed them up?
Lopez: (In Spanish) This is their maximum velocity.
O'Malley: This isn't what I asked for.
Lopez: (In Spanish) You said you wanted a "day" of victory. At this speed, they will win in exactly 24 hours.
O'Malley: (Sigh)
(Beat)
Robots: Chaaaaaarge!
Robots: Chaaaaaarge! (Begin walking very slowly)
O'Malley: You there, hurry along! And you in the back, hu-...Lopez! Can't you speed them up?
Lopez: (In Spanish) This is their maximum velocity.
O'Malley: This isn't what I asked for.
Lopez: (In Spanish) You said you wanted a "day" of victory. At this speed, they will win in exactly 24 hours.
O'Malley: (Sigh)
(Beat)
Robots: Chaaaaaarge!
Webcomics
Gordon Noble: Thaddeus, do you remember that meeting we had a couple of days ago?
Thaddeus Euphemism: Mmm hmm.
Gordon Noble: And you remember when I said, 'Let's throw some ideas at the wall and see what sticks'...?
Thaddeus Euphemism: Yes.
Gordon Noble: That was a metaphor!
Thaddeus Euphemism: Mmm hmm.
Gordon Noble: And you remember when I said, 'Let's throw some ideas at the wall and see what sticks'...?
Thaddeus Euphemism: Yes.
Gordon Noble: That was a metaphor!
Web Original
"Between Data the walking thesaurus and Spock being confused by the deeper meaning of nursery rhymes, I’m starting to think that humans went out into the galaxy mainly to grin smugly at all the alien stiffs they could meet who don’t get their jokes."
Web Video
Fafa: Roastbusters! We have a two-hour special on Comedy Central and roast Dan Aykroyd.
(cut to Mario and Johnny T. cooking a person on a spit; Fafa walks over to them)
Fafa: What are you guys doing?!
Johnny T.: What's it look like? You told us to roast Dan Aykroyd!
Mario: I can't believe he agreed to do this!
(cut to Mario and Johnny T. cooking a person on a spit; Fafa walks over to them)
Fafa: What are you guys doing?!
Johnny T.: What's it look like? You told us to roast Dan Aykroyd!
Mario: I can't believe he agreed to do this!
"Okay, you know, I have been accused in the past of being somewhat literal-minded. I maintain that "Telephone" isn't about anything but a telephone, I think "Milkshake" was about a woman who makes really good milkshakes."
Western Animation
Dr. Scratchensniff: What's on your mind?
Wakko: My hat?
Dr. Scratchensniff: No, no, no. Your hat is on your HEAD. What is on your MIND?
Wakko: My... skin?
Dr. Scratchensniff: No, that's on your HEAD. What's on your MIND?
Wakko: Oh, I got it! My HAIR!
Dr. Scratchensniff: Your hair is on your head! (tears out some of his hair) THIS IS HAIR! THIS IS HAIR! IT IS NOT ON MY MIND, IT IS ON MY HEAD!
Wakko: No, it's in your hand.
Dr. Scratchensniff: (starts shaking with rage, but then manages to calm himself down) Let's try something different, okay?
Wakko: Okay.
Dr. Scratchensniff: Why don't you tell me what you're thinking?
Wakko: (touching his shirt) My shirt.
Dr. Scratchensniff: No. That's what you're touching. What are you feeling?
Wakko: (pointing at his nose) My nose?
Dr. Scratchensniff: THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE TOUCHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING?!
Wakko: My hat?
Dr. Scratchensniff: No, no, no. Your hat is on your HEAD. What is on your MIND?
Wakko: My... skin?
Dr. Scratchensniff: No, that's on your HEAD. What's on your MIND?
Wakko: Oh, I got it! My HAIR!
Dr. Scratchensniff: Your hair is on your head! (tears out some of his hair) THIS IS HAIR! THIS IS HAIR! IT IS NOT ON MY MIND, IT IS ON MY HEAD!
Wakko: No, it's in your hand.
Dr. Scratchensniff: (starts shaking with rage, but then manages to calm himself down) Let's try something different, okay?
Wakko: Okay.
Dr. Scratchensniff: Why don't you tell me what you're thinking?
Wakko: (touching his shirt) My shirt.
Dr. Scratchensniff: No. That's what you're touching. What are you feeling?
Wakko: (pointing at his nose) My nose?
Dr. Scratchensniff: THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE TOUCHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING?!
[Queen Latifah fumbles in a clip of Last Holiday]
Peter: Oh no she di-n't!
Joe: Oh yes she did!
Peter: She di-n't!
Joe: Yes she did!
Peter: Oh no she di—
Joe: YES SHE DID, PETER, I JUST SAW IT.
Peter: Oh no she di-n't!
Joe: Oh yes she did!
Peter: She di-n't!
Joe: Yes she did!
Peter: Oh no she di—
Joe: YES SHE DID, PETER, I JUST SAW IT.
"A drive-in? So you drive into the theater? How is that safe?"
— Kon Kujira, Grojband
Lady Allura: Until this is resolved, you are hereby confined to your keep under house arrest.
Grog: (distraught) HOW CAN YOU ARREST A HOUSE!?
Grog: (distraught) HOW CAN YOU ARREST A HOUSE!?
Oh, Little Audrey says
"Save for a rainy day!"
She saves, but every time it rains
She spends what she puts away
"Save for a rainy day!"
She saves, but every time it rains
She spends what she puts away
— Little Audrey theme song
Lincoln: I've got eyes on the package.
Clyde: "Package"? What about Lori's phone?
Lincoln: (Face Palm)
Clyde: "Package"? What about Lori's phone?
Lincoln: (Face Palm)
Helen: Why the long face?
Martha: I'm a dog. If you wanted an animal with a short face, you should've gotten a cat?
Martha: I'm a dog. If you wanted an animal with a short face, you should've gotten a cat?
Willow: We might not have time for all of that, but you can help by attracting people with your sick sky skills!
Hunter: (feels his own forehead) Hmm... I don't feel sick.
Hunter: (feels his own forehead) Hmm... I don't feel sick.
Sean: (moans) I think I left my stomach on Venus.
Celery: Ooh! Should we go back for it?
Celery: Ooh! Should we go back for it?
Irene: You're a cavegirl!
Annie: [stunned] I have never lived in a cave!
Annie: [stunned] I have never lived in a cave!
Randy: Come on, let's go! Shelly, you take care of Grandpa!
Shelly: (ominously) Okay... (aims a gun at her grandpa's head)
Randy: No-no-no, don't shoot Grandpa, just literally take care of him!
Shelly: (ominously) Okay... (aims a gun at her grandpa's head)
Randy: No-no-no, don't shoot Grandpa, just literally take care of him!
Squidward: S-S-S-SpongeBob, w-w-w-what have you done!?
SpongeBob: I did exactly as you said, Squidward. I dismantled the establishment.
SpongeBob: I did exactly as you said, Squidward. I dismantled the establishment.
— SpongeBob SquarePants after destroying the Krusty Krab in "Squid on Strike"
Glossaryck: Imagine the universe as this big old cauldron, and magic is the bubbly stew inside, and your wand is the spoon. And now...
Star: My wand isn't a spoon. It's a wand.
Glossaryck: It's a metaphor, Star.
Star: No, it's a wand.
Star: My wand isn't a spoon. It's a wand.
Glossaryck: It's a metaphor, Star.
Star: No, it's a wand.
I misunderstood the point of this ride.
—Pearl on a teacup ride, holding a teapot, Steven Universe
Steven: (laughing) Oh man Peridot, you're killing me!
Peridot: I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
Peridot: I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!
Policeman: Where's your cowcatcher?!
Thomas: But I don't catch cows, sir.
Policeman: Don't be funny!
Thomas: But I don't catch cows, sir.
Policeman: Don't be funny!
— Thomas & Friends, "Thomas in Trouble"
Chris: Ezekiel, what's up, man?
Ezekiel: I think I see a bird.
Ezekiel: I think I see a bird.
Captain Fanzone: I've been after [the Street Demons] for weeks! They're part of an underground racing circuit.
Bulkhead: You mean they race in tunnels?
Fanzone: Uh... "Underground", as in illegal. They race in the streets and don't care who gets hurt!
Bulkhead: You mean they race in tunnels?
Fanzone: Uh... "Underground", as in illegal. They race in the streets and don't care who gets hurt!
Blinky: For creatures with such a short lifespan, I would think [birthdays] would be cherished.
Toby: Not for Jim. They always remind him of the day when his dad disappeared.
Blinky: Interesting. I did not know Jim's father was a magician.
Toby: Not for Jim. They always remind him of the day when his dad disappeared.
Blinky: Interesting. I did not know Jim's father was a magician.
Miscellaneous
''"In your otherwise beautiful poem, one verse reads,
Every moment dies a man,
Every moment one is born.
Every moment one is born.
If this were true, the population of the world would be at a standstill. In truth, the rate of birth is slightly in excess of that of death. I would suggest [that the next edition of your poem should read]:
Every moment dies a man,
Every moment 1 1/16 is born.
Every moment 1 1/16 is born.
Strictly speaking, the actual figure is so long I cannot get it into a line, but I believe the figure 1 1/16 will be sufficiently accurate for poetry."''
— Charles Babbage, in a letter to Alfred, Lord Tennyson
