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  • From "Evil...and His Brother Ziggy", a Funny Moment illustrating the Crime Time Soap aspects of the show:
    Charlie: Ted... is this curry?
    Ted: You don't like it, is it too spicy?
    Charlie: Indian food? [glances at Native American Capt. Whitehat]
    Ted: It was a coincidence, I just grabbed the first menu!
    Capt. Whitehat: How long have you ?
    Charlie: Since we met in prison.
    Ted: But we're not... together.
    [Rachel sits down and glares at Charlie.]
    Capt. Whitehat: This isn't your daughter?
    Charlie: No. She's "not" my niece. And there's "not" a boy "not" playing a guitar at the other end of a ph.
    Rachel: That's exactly right, there's not.
    Charlie: Look, Rachel, I was worried.
    Rachel: No, he was worried [points at Ted], you were gone. I came home, you weren't here; I called, you didn't pick up.
    Charlie: I was in the middle of nowhere!
    Capt. Whitehat: By that he means my home.
    Rachel: You come and go. [storms off]
    Ted: I'm in love with Olivia. Charlie, I'm in love with the woman who's going to marry your father. [storms off]
    Charlie: White people.
    Capt. Whitehat: Pass the vindaloo?

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  • From "Fill it Up" - when Charlie puts Kyle Hollis in his trunk.
    Charlie: How's it going in there, Kyle? The first six months I was in solitary, I did push-ups every day and I never talked to myself. The next six months, I stopped doing push-ups and I...I confess...I did talk a little to myself. The six months after that...those next six months, Kyle? You don't wanna know what happened then.

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