Alright, Peter Puppy, let's just face facts: You have got to be the world's...no, the galaxy's worst father. I don't know how you let six hundred of your kids get captured by one giant bird in the first place...but you let it happen again! I went looking at PetCo to see if they have a mug for, like, "World's worst puppy father", and they don't! And it probably wouldn't sell very well, because it would only sell to you! Santa in a bullet-proof vest wielding a huge gun. Welcome to life in 1924.
''Watch out for that Beamos."
Mess with me, you mess with omnipotence. And by omnipotence, I mean a giant hand that can carry shit.
"DANCE MR. SATAN, DANCE!"
John opens his inventory to reveal a lockpick, a book of spells, and a formerly salty bear. John:
So wow, this is all I have for, uh— Rick:
That is all you have now. John:
At least she left you the bear. John:
Yeah, took the stick, but they left me the salt-covered bear? Steve:
No salt, just the bear. They cleaned the bear. Brandon:
You can't even lick the bear for sustenance!
"I feel like this is the only profession other than assassin where "Caleb kill the bitch!" Is something your boss tells you to do."
Momentum, momentum, momentum... Jay:
Log the roll. Spike:
Log the roll? Jay:
Rog the... Spike:
Rog the loll? What are you saying? I don't even... Aah!
"When it comes to Let's Play, you can find just about every color of the rainbow if you know where to look. You got your funny Let's Plays, your informative Let's Plays, and your narrative Let's Plays that make up all the colors found in Skittles. Unfortunately, if you look in the wrong places, you can find the shit-browns and vomit-greens of camcorder Let's Plays, self-proclaimed game reviewer Let's Plays, and singalong Let's Plays. ... If quality Let's Plays are what you're looking for, you're in the wrong place, because today... Retsupurae!"
"Okay. So then. Okay. Good evening. Good mor— Good afternoon. As you all know, I'm Akira Otoishi. Alright! This time, uh, I'm gonna do games for the first time. So then. Insta-death Mega Man
. If I medicate, I'll be str—st... If I'll meditate, I'll be stronger. So I'm going to try insta-death Mega Man. So, you know, the start is like..."
Um... Also, uh, my name is raocow, and, you know, sometimes, in the morning, usually around, uh... oh, I'd say 11, 11:30 AM, I-I-I-I take out, like, my Super Nintendo emulator, and I'm all like, 'Oh, well, looks like I'm gonna be playing a Mario hack, and, oh no, I've got Camtasia open by accident! Well, might as well use this accident to say some crazy things!' And, you know, uh, the day afterwards, when I wake up; can be just about anytime, usually... anywhere between 6 and 8 AM, basically. I, like, wake up and go, like, 'Hmm, well, I've got this video file, you know, on my computer. Might as well upload it to... uh, a video sharing service, called, you might have heard of it, it's called YouTube'. Then, afterwards, I put the link to the video... I embed it on my website, called, uh, raocow.com, but it's not the name of the site, but, uh, it is the address. "You of all people must know how liberating it is to act this way. At least we're better than those sickos that stand around and WATCH it happen... Those pathetic people that want to see it, but are too weak to do it themselves. I bet someone like that's watching right now, aren't they...?" I mean, that's fair I put just my marathon-safe [savestate] there now, so now I don't have a cheaty cape that let's me do, like just skip everything. I actually, like, [have to] watch things, and play the game, and like all that stuff, that, we try "oh so hard" in out daily lives not to do. Like that's my job as a Let's Player is that, I play video games, you know, so you don't have to go out of your way, out of your busy daily schedule to play video games. Like, no one wants to do that, you know. You don't got the time for that kind of nonsense. That's why you get someone else to play it for you. You can just enjoy them on the side, lik-like you were meant to, like how they were designed. I think it's [an] incredible system that society has devised. Ooh, what a nightmare world we live in, don't we: where we don't have time to play, so we get other people to play for us, and we play precariously. You're so old you actually play video games instead of watching other people play them on YouTube!