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Quotes / King of the Hill

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Hank: Dale, that's asinine, and here's four reasons why: First: You're not gonna clone a super-warrior out of a guy who can't even win a thumb-wrestling match. Two: You've spent your life swearing that the robots will exterminate the clones by the end of 2010, so which is it, robots or clones? Three: You've already said you sympathize with the invading Mongolians of 2087, so you'd be the last one they'd send to fight'em. And four: If you were from the future, you would've seen this coming
— "The Incredible Hank"

Peggy, you're not driven by fashion trends or snarky websites, you're just who you need to be.

We drove 2,000 miles for this?!
—Brief cameo in The Simpsons.

Bug Gribble: Oh my god, Hank! Are you gay?
Hank Hill: What?! No! I sell propane!
—"My Own Private Rodeo"

I know how tough it is for you right now, curled up lying in your own emotional vomit. You're in hell now, Boomhauer, and the only way out is through a long dark tunnel. And you're afraid to go in because there's a train coming at you, carrying a boxcar full of heartbreak. Well, let me tell you something: All you can do is let it hit you, and then try to find your legs. I know. I've taken that hit more times than I can remember. Look at me, Boomhauer. I'm fat, and I'm old, and every day I'm just going to wake up fatter and older. Yet somehow I manage to drag this fat old bald bastard out into the alley every day. I'm out there, digging holes, falling into them, climbing out, trying again. And tomorrow I'm going to hang outside at a ladies' prison, and the first thing those lady cons are going to see after twenty years is me. Will I get one? Experience says no. Will I be out there next month? If I'm alive, you'd better believe it. You've got to get up off that cannon bed, slip into a tight T-shirt, wash off some of that cologne, and get yourself out of that tunnel and into some strange woman's bed!
Bill Dauterive in "Dang Ol' Love," when Bill rescues Boomhauer from the brink of depression.

Dale, you giblet-head, we live in Texas. It's already 110° in the summer, and if it gets one degree hotter, I'm gonna kick your ass!
Hank Hill, in response to Dale Gribble declaring global warming a hoax