Palutena: Yes, Pit. The power of TV Tropes grants anyone the gift of editing, but only for twenty minutes.
Pit: It's still cool, though! Gosh, there are just so many things to put down! Maybe I should start with the stuff from my first battle with Medusa.
Palutena: Oh, like I'm finished! or YOU WEAKLING!?
Pit: Eh heh heh... yeah... let's just stick with the stuff from this game.
Just because this game is full of them, we now have a page dedicated to the nonstop banterfest of Kid Icarus: Uprising. All spoilers will be unmarked, but will be kept in specific folders for your convenience.
- Pit: Sorry to keep you waiting!
-Pit, responding to the reaction of pretty much every Kid Icarus fan of the 8-bit days
- Palutena: I'll help you get prepared for the battles ahead, Pit.
Pit: Thanks! I'm honored to be at your service, Lady Palutena! But before we get started, there's something I've been meaning to ask you.
Palutena: And what's that?
Pit: Who is this "Icarus" guy this game is named after? Can I meet him?
Palutena: Uhm...Actually, no. But let's not worry about that.
Pit: ...why not? What happened to Icarus?
Palutena: Let's just focus on you right now.
- Palutena: Quickly flick the circle pad in any direction to dash that way. Hold it to run.
Pit: That move feels so familiar.
Palutena: I think they used it in that one series, "Super Bash Sisters."
Pit: You mean "Super Smash Bros."?
Palutena: Uh, I don't think it was that.
Pit: It's definitely that.
- Pit: Light vs. Dark is Skyworld's mightiest sport! Step forward, brave fighters!
Palutena: In Light vs. Dark, two teams of three players square off against each other.
Pit: Whenever players die, their team's life gauge decreases.
Palutena: Players can equip any weapon from their collection. But the higher your weapon's value, the more life your team loses when you're defeated.
Pit: And when a team's life gauge is totally depleted, I show up!
Palutena: The last player defeated takes the role of the light or dark angel.
Pit: And the first team to take down the opposing team's angel wins!
Palutena: Sometimes you'll even be rewarded with weapons and powers. Take the weapons you earn here into the battle against the Underworld Army!
- Pit: You know how a chicken takes three steps and forgets?
Palutena: Forgets what?
Palutena: Pit? Forgets what?
Pit: Um...Oh, right! So you know how a chicken takes three steps and then forgets?
- Palutena: The monster situation is quite clamant.
Pit: Is that...a good thing?
Palutena: You know, it's importunate. Or unpropitious.
Pit: ...Are you still speaking English right now?
Palutena: I'm sorry, Pit. I didn't mean to confuse you. Let me make this easier for you. BIG MONSTERS KILL PIT! GRRR
Pit: Ahhh, that makes perfect sense! Thank you!
- Palutena: It looks like your wings are losing feathers, Pit.
Pit: Hmm, I didn't notice. But I guess you're right.
Palutena: I wonder if your wings are going bald.
Pit: Why would you even SAY that?!
Palutena: Sorry — it just sort of slipped out. Here, if you kind of...push the other feathers over the bald spot...
Pit: I am NOT doing a comb-over!
- Pit: Wouldn't it be nice to be a goldfish?
Palutena: Er... why's that?
Pit: It'd be so easy.
Palutena: I don't know about that. My goldfish never lasted very long.
- (when you have a staff equipped and Palutena and Pit are discussing how it's good for sniping)
Pit: I don't know, attacking enemies from behind when they're not looking seems kind of cowardly.
Palutena: Every warrior knows that cowardice is the foundation upon which victory is built.
Pit: You just totally made that up, didn't you.
- (when you have claws equipped)
Palutena: What do you think of those claws, Pit?
Pit: They bring out a whole other side of me! I'm part angel, part ANIMAL!
Palutena: Oh, like a squirrel? You do have a certain bright-eyed, bushy-tailed energy. Or maybe you're more like a frisky little kitten!
Pit: A little kitten that can dice up enemies!
Palutena: Wait, I've got it. You're like a penguin. Fun-loving and flightless!
Pit: Come on now! Penguins don't even have claws!
- (when you have a bow equipped)
Palutena: Bows are a really good fit for you.
Pit: Yeah, I've been using them for a long time.
Palutena: They're well suited for ranged attacks, and they split into blades for close combat. They're very well-rounded weapons.
Pit: Oh, I know. I used them in the last brawl.
Palutena: Brawl?! How horrible! Were you hurt?
Pit: No way, it was a smash!
Palutena: I just can't imagine you in a melee.
Pit: That's because I wasn't.
- (when you have a palm equipped)
Palutena: I see you're using a palm.
Pit: It's so convenient. I don't even have to carry anything.
Palutena: That's because it's basically a tattoo. It's different from other weapon types. The ink feeds off your life force and shoots bullets.
Pit: Are you saying that the more I shoot, the more I take off my life?
Palutena: No, no no—-nothing like that. Shoot to your heart's content. Besides, even if it did reduce your life, what can you do about it?
Pit: Uh, I could complain. Loudly.
- Hades: Tell me, Pitty Pat, why exactly cant you fly?
Pit: Oh, real original. Like I havent heard that one before. Not to mention, its NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Hades: So sorry. I didnt realize it was such a sensitive subject.
Palutena: Oh, dont worry about him. Hes fine. His wings just dont work right.
Pit: Hey, whose side are you on?
- (when you have orbitars equipped during chapters where Viridi is mission control)
Viridi: So I see you've equipped orbitars. If you like those, you need to try the orbitars I made from my troops.
Pit: You meant "for" your troops, right?
Viridi: Nope. These orbitars are made FROM my troops. They're very energy-efficient and 100% compostable. Plus if you're hungry, they're edible!
Pit: Awesome! But if you're at a point where you'd eat an orbitar, you're probably already doomed.
Viridi: Hmm. Good point.
- (when you have an arm equipped during chapters where Viridi is mission control)
Viridi: Now that, my friend, is a weapon!
Pit: Yeah! I'll smash anything that gets in my way!
Viridi: You do seem to have more of a presence with that arm equipped. It's like how driving an SUV or a big truck makes a person feel more in control. But that's just a misconception. Driving a big car doesn't make the cars around you any smaller. And it doesn't mean you don't have to pay attention to your surroundings.
Pit: I think I know what you're getting at. You're saying I should get a big truck!
Viridi: No, Pit. That's not what I'm saying.
- (when you have a blade equipped during chapters where Viridi is mission control)
Viridi: Blades are both versatile and extremely well balanced.
Pit: I was just thinking that, but with smaller words.
Viridi: But they're really straightforward, almost as if they were created on autopilot.
Pit: Straightforward isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Viridi: But it can be very boring. Very, very boring.
Pit: Wait, are we still talking about blades?
Viridi: What do you think?
- (when you have a cannon equipped during chapters where Viridi is mission control)
Viridi: I see you're using a cannon, Pit.
Pit: Now this is a weapon worthy of the gods!
Viridi: Oh, because gods loooove grenade launchers.
Pit: What launchers? I don't know what you're talking about.
Viridi: A weapon that launches explosive rounds! It won't be long before humans get their hands on these as well.
Pit: They can't be trusted with this technology! They'd go around shooting everything!
Viridi: Do you not see the irony in what you just said?
- (when you have a staff equipped during chapters where Viridi is mission control)
Viridi: So, Pit, have you gotten used to firing ranged attacks with that staff?
Pit: Yeah! It's like I was born to shoot stuff with a stick! I still don't understand how it works though.
Viridi: All of your weapons have been imbued with the power of the gods.
Pit: So are humans able to use them?
Viridi: No, but they miss out on a lot of stuff. You know the saying about humans.
Pit and Viridi: Born crying, soon they're dying.
Pit: That's kind of mean, isn't it?
Viridi: Well, I've always liked the saying about the gods better.
Pit and Viridi: Powerful and frightening, spite everything with lightning!
- (when you have a bow equipped during chapters where Viridi is mission control)
Viridi: That bow meshes well with your look, Pit.
Pit: Back in the day, I only had a bow to use. But my old bow didn't split in two parts.
Viridi: It WAS pretty sad. That old bow was like shooting straws with a rubber band.
Pit: Ugh, I still can't believe I had to use that stupid thing.
Viridi: How do you think you'd fare today if you had to use that old bow?
Pit: I'd be finished!
Viridi: I guess some things never change!
- (when you have a club equipped during chapters where Viridi is mission control)
Viridi: I always forget how big clubs are.
Pit: But they're not as heavy as they look.
Viridi: Bigger isn't always better, you know.
Pit: Small things please small minds!
Viridi: The best things come in small packages!
Pit: So do small potatoes!
Viridi: Great oaks from little acorns grow!
Pit: Talk softly and carry a big stick!
Viridi: The bigger they are, the harder they fall!
Pit: I'm...large and in charge?
Viridi: You're too big for your britches!
Pit: A bird in the hand will keep the doctor away?
Pit: The squeaky wheel gets the worm!
Viridi: Nope. Stop.
- (when you have a palm equipped during chapters where Viridi is mission control)
Viridi: So, you're all equipped with a palm, huh?
Pit: Pit: Yep, I've got it right here on my arm!
Viridi: Is it like a tattoo or more like a shirtsleeve?
Pit: Uhh...Well from what I understand, it feeds off your life force to-
Viridi: Hm, sounds bad for your skin.
Pit: What? That's really the least of my worries right now.
Viridi: Take my skin, Pit. It's supple and dewy like a peach at dawn.
Pit: And your point is?
Viridi: I've managed to stave off the effects of aging because I take care of my skin.
Pit: So how old ARE you anyway?
Viridi: HELLO, I'm immortal!
- (when you have claws equipped during chapters where Viridi is mission control)
Viridi: So claws are your weapon of choice, are they?
Pit: They're light, razor-sharp, and fire super fast!
Viridi: They're nothing compared to my fingernails! Now THOSE would rip you up!
Pit: Wow, really?
Viridi: My nails can displace entire rivers and level mountain ranges.
Pit: I don't doubt it!
Viridi: My nails can eviscerate the entire core of the earth!
Pit: OK, OK, I get it. Jeez, you must have, like, the worst cuticles!
- Viridi: Oh, look at us fighting on the same side! You're like a member of my army now.
Pit: Uh, I don't remember enlisting.
Viridi: I believe there are some latrines that need cleaning, private.
Pit: Private?! No way! I'm a commissioned officer!
- Pit: It's been too long, Lady Palutena!
Palutena: We can chat later, Pit. But now it's time to fight! The Underworld Army's invading!
Pit: Whoa! You weren't kidding!
- Palutena: Use the L button to fire. You can target enemies with the stylus.
- Pit: If these are Underworld troops, are you saying Medusa's been...
Palutena: Resurrected. Yes. Though the goddess of darkness was defeated long ago, she's back now. And as the goddess of light, it's my duty to protect humanity from her.
Pit: Eh, you worry too much!
- Pit: Medusa!
Medusa: Hello there, Pit. And you, too, Palutena. Here to crash my homecoming party?
Palutena: Uh...this really doesn't look like much of a party...
Medusa: What better way to celebrate my return than with a festive little bloodbath? After all, I have been gone for 25 years.
- Pit: They're moving their attack to the ground!
Palutena: Then so are we!
- Pit: I can't believe I'm actually flying!
Palutena: The power of flight is my gift to you. I'll control your route so you can focus on battle. But I can only maintain thus power for five minutes at a time. After that, your wings will burn up, and you'll fall.
Pit: You have no idea how embarrassing it is to be an angel who can't fly on his own! So thanks for your help. Without you, I'd be finished!
- Palutena: When you're not flying, you'll go into a glide that makes it easier to dodge attacks. Holding your fire also builds up charged shots. Aim carefully, and use them wisely.
- Palutena: How are things looking to you? You can adjust the feeling of depth using the 3D slider on the right.
- Palutena: Your destination should be coming into view now.
Pit: ...! Now they're attacking the town? This isn't right!
Palutena: The people need your help. I'd better get you over there.
- Pit: Do you hear that? Do you hear the peoples' cheers? They're celebrating the return of the goddess Palutena!
Palutena: Despite the Underworld invasion, the people haven't lost hope. It's our duty to protect them. Prepare for land battle, Pit.
- Palutena: First things first. Try turning left, Pit.
- Palutena: Good! Looks like you've got the hang of things.
Pit: Eh, it's a piece of cake!
Palutena: Good luck out there, Pit!
- Palutena: You're here to help the townsfolk, so wipe out as many monsters as you can.
Pit: I'm on it!
- Palutena: Flick the stylus left or right to change direction quickly.
Pit: Huh. Like a spinning globe.
- (If you pick up the grenade)
—>Palutena: A yellow reticle means that you have an item. Pressing the L button will use that item.
- (If you go to the intensity gate)
Pit: Huh? What's this?
Palutena: An intensity gate. To pass through these, you need to play at certain intensity, or difficulty, levels.
- (distant roar)
Pit: Wh-what was that?
Palutena: Medusa has unleashed an evil beast in the coliseum! You need to hurry there!
- Palutena: Try eliminating nearby enemies with melee attacks. You'll switch between melee and ranged shots automatically.
Pit: I'll stack up the melee attacks to serve up a combo meal of pain!
- Pit: TWINBELLOWS!
Palutena: The Underworld's faithful watchdog!
Pit: Old Pit's gonna teach you some new tricks! Now play dead!
Palutena: Try circling left or right as you attack. Keep your aim focused on the enemy.
Pit: That's called strafing, right?
Palutena: Whatever it's called, just stay out of his way.
- Pit: Yeah! Victory is mine!
Palutena: Excellent job, Pit!
- Pit: Listen well, Medusa! Your days of darkness are numbered. Prepare to meet the light!
Palutena: Let's return for now. This was just our first step in defeating Medusa.
- Pit: And we're off!
Pit: Ugh. This weather's nasty.
Palutena: Yes, but your next mission can't wait. You must defeat Dark Lord Gaol.
Pit: Heh. "Dark Lord"? Seriously? Hasn't the dark-lord thing been done to death already?
Palutena: He's earned it. He's working for Medusa. Her forces are coming from HIS castle. A human army has gone to fight him, but they don't stand a chance.
Pit: So, what you're saying is we need a brave hero to face the dark lord?
Palutena: I suppose it IS an old story. But don't forget this is the Underworld Army we're dealing with. And anybody with the title "dark lord" won't be some low-level minion.
Pit: So what are we talking here? Miniboss? Final boss?
Pit: Well, whatever. I hope this dark lord's hungry for a hot plate of punishment!
Pit: Is this lightning coming from the Underworld Army?
Palutena: Where else would it be coming from?
Pit: Sorry...I guess that was pretty obvious.
Palutena: If you don't watch out, we'll be having barbecued angel tonight. And though spicy angel wings sound tasty, I'd best get you out of there.
Pit: Plus...chicken is much more economical!
- Pit: Ahhhh! Much better!
Palutena: You still have to watch out for fire from Underworld troops. Let's get you headed toward land.
- Pit: How in the world would the human army make it across these mountains by foot?
Palutena: Do I detect a note of smugness in your voice?
Pit: Uh... No, no, no! I'm just really happy I can fly.
Palutena: Angels shouldn't gloat, Pit.
Pit: What I mean to say is that I'm eternally grateful for your help.
- Palutena: Let's make our way underground.
- Palutena: It's not the most cheerful place, is it?
Pit: The Underworld baddies seem to like it.
Palutena: I suppose it makes sense they'd feel at home underground.
Pit: It'd be like living in a basement.
- Pit: Why did we stop?
Palutena: Oh, I thought you might want to take in the sights. And destroy some monsters.
- Palutena: Pit, behind you!
Pit: Let me at 'em!
Palutena: I'll control your flight path so you don't run into anything. Just focus on shooting and dodging.
Pit: Got it!
- Palutena: Dark Lord Gaol's castle is up ahead.
Pit: But...but what about that wall!?
Palutena: Don't worry. I'll help you over.
Pit: Whoaaaa! G-Force in my faaace!
Palutena: It's fun, right?
- Pit: Yeah! Take that, wall!
Palutena: The people will never defeat Gaol with the Underworld forces in their way.
Pit: The humans are taking a beating! They need our help!
Palutena: Normally I'd agree with you, but...
Pit: What is it?
Palutena: Do you remember how long the power of flight lasts?
Palutena: And remember what happens when it runs out?
Pit: My wings...burn up?
Palutena: We don't have time to assist the people. We have to go straight for Gaol. I'll take you into the castle. From here, it's up to you to face the dark lord. His defeat will force the Underworld army into retreat.
Pit: Roger! Get ready for a display of raw angel power!
- Pit: So this is the dark lord's castle.
Palutena: Yes, he must've scrambled to build it after Medusa's resurrection. He's using this castle as a stronghold for Underworld monsters. Monsters designed to wreak havoc and sow sadness. *pause* Are you excited?
Pit: Yeah. It's like a birthday party where everyone wants to kill me.
- Pit: This must be the great hall.
Palutena: At the top of the stairs, there's a door with switches across it.
Pit: Switches, huh? That probably means I should hit them!
Palutena: Very... perceptive of you, Pit.
- (When Pit unlocks the door)
Palutena: The door's unlocked now. The enemy with the big skull guarding the door is a Ganewmede. They'll attack when fired at, but they don't do much at all if you don't shoot them. So I suggest using melee attacks or dash shots to take them down.
- Pit: Magnus sure is strong.
Palutena: Yes, especially for a human.
Pit: He must really want that reward.
Palutena: He may not be made of the sturdiest moral fiber, but that's fine with me.
Pit: I'm surprised you feel that way.
Palutena: Humans are driven by desire. It's convenient to know what bait they'll chase.
Pit: That's kinda cold, but it makes sense. I guess.
Magnus: Hey, if you're chatting with your precious goddess, give her a message from me. Tell her she's been sleeping on the job! My world is on the edge of collapse!
Palutena: I take it back. This guy's a jerk.
- Palutena: I'm sensing treasure somewhere to your left.
Pit: How do you know that?
Palutena: From the heavens. I can see through your laurel crown to divine your surroundings!
Pit: Really? That's amazing!
Palutena: And that's not all I can see, Pit. I can also see what's in your heart.
Pit: Oh...heh heh. That's really...something...
Palutena: So you'd better not be thinking of anything... naughty.
Pit: What?! How did you—
Palutena: Just kidding! Seriously, reading hearts through laurel crowns?
Pit: I know... I was... also kidding...
Palutena: Sure you were.
- Pit: Wait, is this...ha! It is! A hot spring!
Magnus: Apparently, someone likes his spa time.
Pit: Ahhh...now that's what I'm talking about!
Magnus: You go in fully dressed? Don't you at least want to change into a... swimming tunic or something?
Pit: Oh no no no! The angel's code of conduct says that we must always be prepared for duty.
Magnus: I guess you wouldn't be an angel if you didn't do things by the book.
Pit: Yeah...and I don't want to steam the sacred buns.
Magnus: We're done talking about this.
- Dark Lord Gaol: It's so typical of you to pawn off your work on someone else.
Magnus: Hey! In this economy, everyone's looking for work. Even part-time work.
Dark Lord Gaol: That's funny. Business is booming for me. We're even hiring more staff!
- Palutena: I don't know much about the situation, but it seems that Magnus and Gaol used to be close friends.
Pit: What?! Seriously?!
Palutena: They were part of the same band of monster-fighting mercenaries. But Gaol's heart was weak, and he couldn't resist the temptation of the Underworld.
Pit: Seeing them fighting, it's hard to believe they were ever friends.
Palutena: Magnus only knows one way to fight: ferociously. Perhaps his fire is fueled by the child he lost to Underworld troops.
Pit: I had no idea. That's so sad...
Magnus: Hey, enough chitchat! We need to concentrate here!
Dark Lord Gaol: Feeling a little agitated, Magnus?
Magnus: Don't make me laugh, "dark lord"! Now put on some pants, and fight like a man!
- (If Magnus is defeated before Pit and Palutena are finished talking)
Magnus: Ugh...you and your mouth.
Dark Lord Gaol: Hmph. I almost feel sorry for the two of you. But not quite. I'll rip this angel to shreds first. Then I'll take care of you.
- Hewdraw 1: Hello, there.
Hewdraw 2: It's snack time!
Hewdraw 3: Mmmm! What a tender little morsel!
Pit: I am not a piece of meat!
Hewdraw 3: What'd you say?
Hewdraw 2: Technically, you are!
Hewdraw 1: Just come a little closer...
- Pit: Get ready, 'cause it's time for—
Hewdraw 3: Total annihilation!
Hewdraw 1: Bone-crushing destruction!
Hewdraw 2: Face-stomping carnage! It was MY turn to have the last word!
Hewdraw 1: Oh, give it a rest.
Hewdraw 3: Let's not argue in front of company.
Hewdraw 2: Cram a sock in it, foot face!
Hewdraw 1: I'm soooo sick of you guys.
Hewdraw 3: Me?! What did I do?!
Hewdraw 1: Knock it off already!
Hewdraw 3: YOU knock it off!
Hewdraw 2: I can't believe this is my life.
Hewdraw 1: Can we go home and watch TV now?
Hewdraw 3: Would everyone just shut it?!
Hewdraw 2: Someone put me out of my misery.
Hewdraw 3: Did I mention I'm starving?
Hewdraw 2: And you think we're not?!
Pit: Um...now what?
Palutena: This is never going to end. Just go ahead and attack.
Hewdraw 1, 2, & 3: EVERYONE SHUT UP AND FOCUS!
- Hewdraw 1: Oh! I'm the only one left!
Pit: Actually, I'd say you're the only one right! Get it?
Hewdraw 1: That's fine. I'm glad to be rid of that dead weight!
- Hewdraw 2: Where did Lefty and Righty go?
Pit: You're all alone!
Hewdraw 2: Whatever, I never liked those guys anyway.
- Hewdraw 3: Ah! The other heads! You have no right!
Pit: Actually, I'd say you have no right!
Hewdraw 3: Okay, that's it! You're dead!
- Pit: I'm ready for that gift now, Lady Palutena.
Palutena: All right then! Screen briefly fades to pink
Pit: Uh... What just happened?
Hewdraw head shows up
Palutena: Do you like the gift? It's my patented monster pheromone! Monsters just LOVE the smell of it. And now it's all over you!
Pit: What?! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!
- Hewdraw 3: Did you do something with your hair? You're suddenly looking very attractive.
- Hewdraw 1: So, you killed my brothers?
Pit: That's right!
Hewdraw 1: Oh thank you! Thank you! Now I'm finally free!
- Hewdraw 1: No! I'm too pretty to die! *dies*
Pit: Hah. Victorious.
- Hewdraw 2: So, you've finished off the others, eh?
Pit: You know it!
Hewdraw 2: Then you've saved the best for last! Let's get down to business!
- Hewdraw 2: Look how far you've come, Pit! I'm proud of you. *dies*
Pit: Huh. You don't usually meet such nice bosses.
- Hewdraw 3: So nice to see you again!
Pit: You won't feel that way for long!
Hewdraw 3: Hahaha! That's big talk, little firecracker!
- Hewdraw 3: Before I die, I just wanna say- *dies*
Pit: And that's the end of him!
Palutena: I wonder what he was going to say.
- Palutena: You remember Reapers, don't you? From the Underworld?
Pit: Not those guys! They're always freaking out and calling in their little Reapettes! UGH! I'm getting worked up just thinking about it!
Palutena: Yes, yes, anyway. About the Reapers...
Pit: Sorry, sorry, go on.
Palutena: The Reapers have a fortress near the entrance to the Underworld, in Reaper Valley.
Pit: Hahah! Which is where? Reaper Boulevard? Hahah. But seriously, thank goodness we don't have to go there, right?
[Background music stops]
Pit: ...That silence means we have to go there, doesn't it?
- Palutena: I'm trying to find another one of Medusa's commanders, Pandora.
Pit: The goddess of disaster and calamity? That Pandora?
Palutena: Yes. She's currently residing in the Labyrinth of Deceit. But some force in the Reaper fortress is obscuring its location. I can't find it. Not even with my All-Seeing Eye of Palutena.
Pit: Wait, if you have an all-seeing eye, why can't you find Pandora's location?
Palutena: Because of my slightly botched laser-eye surgery!
Pit: Are you messing with me again?
- Pit: Considering this is the Reaper fortress, there really aren't many Reapers.
Palutena: There must be a huge soul harvest going on somewhere.
Pit: What do you mean?
Palutena: Reapers are soul carriers. When a being dies, they take its soul to the Underworld. The humans probably started another war, which means a lot more souls to deal with.
Pit: Why are they always fighting? It's so sad and pointless.
Palutena: Yes, but we gods fight too, and when we do, humans are always caught in the middle.
Pit: So, this war against the Underworld Army is causing the Reapers to work overtime.
Palutena: I'M the one who should be working overtime. Then there'd be less soul harvesting. Humans get frustrated, even destructive, when we gods don't provide for their welfare.
Pit: Don't be ridiculous! Everyone loves the goddess of light! You know that!
Palutena: Thank you, Pit. I do my best. Now, then, let's proceed.
- Pit: Not this guy!
Palutena: An eggplant wizard.
Pit: But I don't wanna be an eggplant again!
Palutena: Way back when, you had to visit a nurse to get fixed up, remember?
Pit: I was there so much they named the place after me. Hos-PIT-al. Get it?
Pit: It's funny. It's okay to laugh!
Palutena: No, it's really not.
- Palutena: Those aren't just flirty looks coming from the Great Reaper's eyes.
Pit: Lemme guess, they're death rays?
Palutena: In a nutshell. Plus, if you get hit, it'll summon Reapettes. That Great Reaper has quite the evil eye.
Pit: How can you make puns at a time like this?!
Palutena: I guess I just don't SEE the problem with a little levity.
Pit: Aw! You're killing me here!
- Pit: You know what, Lady Palutena?
Palutena: What's that, Pit?
Pit: Even though I almost died, I've really enjoyed our time together.
Palutena: Aww, you poor guy. You really need to make some friends!
- Pit: I have to hustle before the Power of Flight runs out!
Palutena: That would be...problematic. You see, I can't extract you if Pandora's powers are still active.
Pit: I'll just pretend you didn't say that.
- Palutena: It's a Handora ambush!
Pit: What? It's Pandora time already?
Palutena: No, I said Handora. You know, the...hand...monsters.
- Pit: Is THIS a dead end?
Palutena: Yes...? No...? Uh...
- Pandora: Quite the thrill seekers, aren't you?
Pit: Pandora, goddess of calamity!
Palutena: We let ourselves in. Hope you don't mind.
Pandora: Oh, please. Make yourselves at home. Doesn't bother me. But you should know that the whole "goddess of calamity" was really the old me. The new me leads a more grounded life. Yoga, macrobiotics, reflexology...
Pit: Don't you need feet for that?
Pandora: How dare you take that tone with me?! Especially since calamity is really more YOUR domain these days!
Pandora: It's really quite insulting.
- Pit: There're so many doors..
Palutena: And I'm sure there are just as many tricks.
Pandora: Uh, no doy.
- (after going down a hallway that loops back to the same room)
Palutena: You're back where you started.
(after doing it a second time)
Pit: Ugh, not again!
Pandora: You seem to have a thing for this room.
- Pit: Where are we?
Palutena: The Hall of Marvelous Moving Walls.
Pandora: Your delivery stinks. Say it with feeling. This isn't public radio, you know!
- Pit: What's an Exo Tank doing here anyway?
Pandora: I wanted to get my driver's license. So I whipped up a little parking lot to practice in. But then it hit me. How am I supposed to steer without hands?
Pit: How'd you build a parking lot without hands?
Pandora: Hard work and determination.
- Pit: Refresh my memory. What am I doing here again?Palutena: Pandora has the Mirror of Truth, making her Medusa's most valuable commander.Pit: Uh, what's the Mirror of Truth?Pandora: I bet smarty-pants here knows the answer.Palutena: The Mirror of Truth makes a copy of whatever stands in front of it.Pit: So, hypothetically speaking, it could turn one ice-cream sundae into two?Pandora: ...And that's why you're one of the great minds of our time.Paluetena: It copies what's in your heart and creates beings identical in nature. So what Pandora possesses is a way to create monsters on a catastrophic scale.Pandora: That's one way of looking at things.Pit: Then it has the potential to make entire ARMIES for Medusa! We have to destroy it! But wait! Does the mirror copy the reflection's soul too? Or just the body?
Palutena: That's a good question. Maybe Pandora will tell us.
Pandora: Do I LOOK like a strategy guide? In case you haven't noticed, this isn't the Ask Auntie Pandora hour!Pit: She makes a good point, especially when she yells.
- Palutena: Pandora certainly has...(whispering) interesting ideas about interior design.
Pandora: Rude rude rude. You don't see me breaking into YOUR home and criticizing YOUR style. I mean, marble columns? Really? How gauche!
- Palutena: Those orange platforms seem to spell something.
Pit: Ooh, ooh! Like a secret message! Can you decode it?
Palutena: It says...P-A-N...D-O-R-A... It...doesn't seem like there's much to decode here.
Pit: Well, that was a letdown.
Pandora: You're just jealous of my knack for interior design AND my flair for spelling.
Palutena: Yes. I'll never have powers like yours.
- Pit: I guess it's bouncy time.
Pandora: I thought trampolines would add a touch of whimsy to my humble abode.
Palutena: But you can't even use them!
Pandora: So what? I thought it would be fun to watch people bounce around on them. And I was right! Even though this is the first time someone's made it this far.
Pit: Well, there's another achievement to throw up next to "Slaying Pandora"!
Pandora: Don't make ME throw up.
- Pit: You know I appreciate your help, Lady Palutena, but I'd be totally fine without all this hand-holding too.
Pandora: That's right. Hand-holding is strictly prohibited here. Not to be rude, but I have to project a certain aura of toughness.
Palutena: We understand. Rules of being a boss.
- Pandora: OK, whatever. Do what you're gonna do.
Pit: What kind of attitude is that to have? I can take anything but indifference!
Pandora: What's the point of getting worked up? What's the point of anything, really?
Palutena: Quite an existentialist view for a ball of vapor.
- Pandora: Let's get right to introductions. This here is Dark Pit. He'll be your escort out of this life.
Dark Pit: *WHAP* Speak for yourself.
- Pandora: You fool! You were created to serve me! Your opponent's over there!
Dark Pit: You're a boss, Pandora, but you're not my boss!
Pit: Wait, so was creating Dark Pit part of Pandora's plan all along?
Palutena: Having an angel CAN come in handy. And he's quite the little scrapper, isn't he? Use his scrappitude to your advantage and take down Pandora together.
- Pandora: The Mirror of Truth is just that. It reflects the truth. It seems that under that cute veneer of yours, Pit, you're actually quite ferocious.
Pit: You don't know anything about me!
- Palutena: I've located Dark Pit!
Pit: (leaping out the door) Where is he?! *gets blindsided by Dark Pit* Ow!
- Pit: Are you with the Underworld Army? Is that why you have it out for me?
Dark Pit: Don't be ridiculous! I just don't like the idea of someone copying my act!
Pit: WHAT? But you're a copy of me!
Dark Pit: Come on, now, think about it! If I was a copy, why would I kick my own butt?
- Medusa: You're a real go-getter, Dark Pit. I like that.
Dark Pit: Is that so?
Medusa: Yes. But I do wonder how you plan to best your dopplegänger. Of course, destroying Pit would be a snap with a little help from me.
Dark Pit: Don't make me laugh.
Medusa: Did I say something funny?
Dark Pit: You've got me confused with the other guy. This Pit is no pawn. I'll take care of him. But only after I've finished you!
- Dark Pit: Hey there, Pit Stain!
Pit: You know I could call you the same thing, right?
- Pit: It's a shame that Pittoo is just so obnoxious. Just think of all the stuff you could get done with more than one of yourself.
Palutena: That's a good idea. Having a bunch of Pits COULD come in handy...
Pit: But you would NEVER abuse your power, right?
Palutena: Of course I would. That's part of the goddess job description.
Pit: I should've gone to school for goddessry.
- Pit: Hey, Lady Palutena?
Palutena: Yes, Pit?
Pit: Do you think we could start these missions closer to our target?
Palutena: If it were possible, of course I would do that. However, I can't just open up a door wherever I feel like it.
Pit: You're right. Sorry about that.
Palutena: Plus, doesn't it feel good to get some fresh air and stretch your wings a bit?
Pit: It'd feel a whole lot better if that fresh air weren't filled with enemies.
- Pit: Why are you all doom and gloom all the time, Pittoo?
Dark Pit: I think a better question is why are YOU so annoyingly cheerful?
Pit: I'm not annoying. I'm positive!
Palutena: (singing) You gotta stay upbeat, upbeat, upbeat...
Pit: (singing) Or you'll be dead meat, dead meat, dead meat...
Dark Pit: Like I said. Annoying.
- Dark Pit: Bring it, puppet!
Pit: Who are you calling a puppet?!
Dark Pit: Palutena says jump, you jump. She says fight, you fight. It sounds like a very satisfying existence. For her, that is.
Pit: I have absolute faith in Lady Palutena!
Dark Pit: The Mirror of Truth doesn't lie. I'm a reflection of your true self. So maybe your faith in her isn't quite so absolute after all.
Pit: What would you know about faith, anyway, you treacherous blackheart?! Lady Palutena always guides me the right way! That's why I follow her. And the Mirror of Truth you mentioned?! It's nothing more than a pane of lies. Pandora was just using it as bait!
Dark Pit: Looks like I touched a nerve. Methinks the puppet doth protest too much.
Pit: Oh, will you give it a rest already?
Dark Pit: Okay, fine. Do whatever you want! Or rather, keep doing what she wants. But I, for one, refuse to be a puppet. These wings take ME wherever I want to go!
Pit: Not if I take you down first!
- Palutena: We need to refocus our efforts on Medusa, so today's target is Tanatos, god of death.
Pit: Tanatos?! You mean THE Tanatos!? Wait...who's Tanatos again?
Palutena: Back in the 80's, Tanatos took the form of a snake on Medusa's head. He's quite the chameleon, you see, and that was his "look" back then.
Pit: Great fashion sense. But as god of death, he must be a big deal in the Underworld Army.
Palutena: He possesses a key to the Underworld, and he's leading Medusa's invasion of the sea.
Pit: Wait, so I'm going to be fighting his forces under the sea? How am I supposed to do that?
Palutena: Just use your gills! Tell me, Pit. How are you with brachial respiration?
Pit: Oh, no worries! I minored in brachial respiration. Wait, YOU'RE CRAZY!
Palutena: Alright. Just hold your breath, then! For about four hours!
Pit: I SAID, YOU'RE CRAZY!
- Pit: You were kidding about holding my breath, right?
Palutena: Watch and learn, pupil. Witness the true power of the goddess of light! Ready, set...(singing) Dum da da daaah!
* The ocean parts in front of Pit*
Pit: Whoa ho ho ho hoooaaa! You've outdone yourself, Lady Palutena!
Palutena: Next stop: the Seafloor Palace!
- Pit: This is just one more point on your already-impressive resume!
Palutena: Heh heh! What can I say? I'm an overachiever.
???: Ho, now! Just one second there, lassie!
Palutena: Oh, heh heh...Lord Poseidon!
Poseidon: Tsk, tsk, Palutena. Lies don't become a lady.
Palutena: I'm sorry. But can't a goddess have a little fun?
Pit: So that sea-parting business was...
Poseidon: 'Twas obviously my doing, silly boy.
Palutena: To pull off an attack on the Seafloor Palace, I went to the sea god himself.
Pit: It all makes sense now.
Poseidon: I wouldn't allow anyone else to part my ocean! In fact, I've half a mind to put it back together!
Pit: No, please don't do that!
- Pit: I guess this used to be a city?
Poseidon: Yes, but I sunk it long ago.
Palutena: Sunk it? That's a bit...extreme.
Poseidon: Humans consist of equal parts hubris, envy, and deceit. Sometimes one has to put them in their place.
- Pit: This coral is sooo beautiful!
Palutena: True, but don't forget the old saying that every coral has its thorn.
Pit: I'm pretty sure you're thinking of roses.
Palutena: And I'M pretty sure I'm thinking of coral.
- Palutena: Look!
Pit: So that's the Seafloor Palace. I thought it'd be covered in barnacles and kelp, but it's actually very nice.
Poseidon: I'll be closing up the sea now. It should wipe out any Underworld stragglers.
Palutena: Just give us one more moment.
Pit: Please! I'm not wearing a life vest!
- Tanatos: Oh goodie! Guests! Protecting an impregnable fortress can get awfully lonely!
Palutena: Is that you, Tanatos?
Thanatos: Actually, I go by "Thanatos" now. The extra H is for HAMAZING!
Pit: ...Have we met before?
Thanatos: I'm wounded, truely I am. I know it's been a while, but surely you haven't forgotten your old foe.
Pit: Sorry...there are just so many foes and only one of me.
Palutena: You know we've crushed Medusa's other commanders, Thanatos. Just give us the key to the Underworld, and we won't be forced to harm you.
Thanatos: Hoo hoo hoo! Impatient as always, I see! But since you've come all this way...wouldn't you like to stay and catch up for a bit? Oh, pretty please?
Palutena: So you're not going to give up the key.
Thanatos: No need to get all huffy now. I'll have you know that I much prefer honey to vinegar. And I prefer witty repartee to any condiment!
Pit: This is getting nowhere. Our goal here is to track down Medusa, right?
Palutena: Yes, Thanatos is basically Medusa's right-hand man. That's why he has the only key to the Underworld.
Thanatos: I have no such thing! None whatsoever! Honestly. HONESTLY.
Pit: How did THIS guy get to be Medusa's second in command?
Palutena: Beats me. Seniority?
Thanatos: Helloooo? It's rude to exclude!
Pit: Okay, if Thanatos won't give up the key, we'll have to take it from him.
Palutena: The longer we wait, the more we have to lose. We need to strike soon. We only have a little way to go, so buckle down.
Pit: I'm buckled and ready!
Thanatos: Yoo hoo! Can you hear me? I'd like to be a part of this conversation please!
Pit: Shut it already!
Thanatos: Me? But you've been talking this whole game!
- Palutena: It seems like there's an electric current running through the water here.
Thanatos: Oh, my. An excess of frizowatts must have overloaded the dooziestat.
- Pit: Whoa! It's slippery!
Thanatos: Hoo hoo! Isn't skating just delightful?
Palutena: I wish MY domain had a skating rink.
Pit: Yeah, it's really...great.
- Pit: An elevator! Well, that's convenient.
Palutena: Going up.
- Palutena: Now approaching...the second floor.
Pit: This play-by-play really isn't necessary.
- Thanatos: Now approaching...the third floor.
Thanatos: Are you two ignoring me?
- Pit: Gah!
Palutena: Just your run-of-the-mill trap door. Shake it off and keep moving.
- Pit: What's this?
Palutena: Looks like a moving platform. Stay on it.
Thanatos: Let me jazz things up for you a smidge. We do have to keep things interesting! Hoo hoo hoo!
- Thanatos: Keep on trooping, little trooper!
Palutena: I'm curious about something, Thanatos.
Palutena: You are the god of death, are you not? And if the Underworld is the land of the dead, why don't you outrank Medusa?
Thanatos: I'm not really interested in climbing the corporate ladder. You wouldn't believe the amount of overtime you have to put in. Plus, that sort of strict hierarchy isn't the Underworld style.
Palutena: You're avoiding my question.
Thanatos: What was that? You seem to be cutting out! La la laaaaa la! I can't heeear you!
Pit: It's hard to get a good read on him. I can't tell if he's weird or just dim.
- Palutena: Thanatos should be in the next room over.
Pit: Oh, goody! Then do let us get to the fisticuffing!
- Thanatos: Oooah! I must have dozed off there. Hooah. Waiting around is such exhausting work!
Pit: Heroes always arrive late on the scene!
- Palutena: Thanatos is a skilled chameleon. Don't be surprised if he changes into a spider or scorpion or cockroach or tick...or a moth or lizard or leech or tapeworm or centipede or bat or snake or...cat.
Pit: But a cat...would be kind of cute, right?
Thanatos: I'm tempted to reach for my book of snappy comebacks, but...maybe I should just show you?
- Thanatos: *Transforms into a bat* Keee! Keee!
Pit: That's not even what a bat sounds like!
Thanatos: Woop woop woop woop woop!
Pit: And neither is that! This is getting really annoying really fast!
- Thanatos: *Transforms into an urn* I'm just gonna catch a few Zs here. By the way, your attacks are useless.
Palutena: There must be some way to hurt him. Why don't you try hitting those skulls back at him?
- Thanatos: *Transforms into a doll*
Palutena: It looks like he transformed into...a doll?
Pit: There's something inside of the doll!
Palutena: Wait, inside Thanatos...is a mini Thanatos? I wonder if they sell these in the gift shop.
- Thanatos: *Transforms into an array of spears and a sword* ~Slicety-Sliiiice! Dicety-Diiiice! Stabbity-stab-stab-stab-stab!~
Pit: You don't have to sound so gleeful!
Palutena: Maybe you can get the sword to hit the spears when they're in the ground.
- Thanatos: *Transforms into a giant foot*
Pit: A foot?
Palutena: Come on, how dangerous can-
Thanatos: Ever heard of athlete's foot?!
- Pit: Crushing victory!
Thanatos: Crushing defeat!
- Thanatos: Fareweeeeell! *Dies*
- Pit: With Medusa's commanders out of the way, we're getting to the battle of battles! But this isn't the way to the Underworld. Where are we going?
Palutena: I'm a little embarrassed to say...
Pit: What is it?
Palutena: Remember the Three Sacred Treasures you used against Medusa long ago?
Pit: Of course. The Mirror Shield, Arrows of Light, and Wings of Pegasus.
Palutena: Right. I hid them in case of an emergency. You know, so that they wouldn't get stolen.
Pit: Now that's using your noodle. Man, you are so smart!
Palutena: The story doesn't end there. See, there's also this space-pirate ship...
Pit: Wait, what?
Palutena: You know, a pirate ship...in space.
- Pit: So I should destroy the shiny thing?
Palutena: You'd better not. The explosion would be enormous.
- Pit: Is that a switch?
Palutena:That's what it appears to be.
Pit: I'm guessing it does something.
Palutena: They usually do.
- Space Pirate Captain: *gibberish*
Pit: I have no idea what he's saying.
Palutena: He's like, "Yar, I'll make ye walk the space plank, scurvy dog!" *pause* That's just a loose translation.
Pit: Oh man, not the space plank!
- Pit: The box has really held up well!
Palutena: It is less pixelated than I remember.
- (If Pit is using the Three Scared Treasures)
(Pit heads out)
Palutena: Are you ready for the final battle, Pit?
Pit: It's now or never!
Palutena: For this final battle, youre equipped with the Three Scared Treasures.
Pit: Using the Pegasus Wings and power of flight at the same time seems like overkill...
Palutena: Who knows how reliable the Pegasus Wings are after all this time? I've turned them off.
(If Pit decides not to use them.)
Pit: Uh... I'm all set.
(Pit heads out)
Palutena: Are you ready for the final battle, Pit?
Pit: It's now or never!
Palutena: Oh! You won't be using the Three Sacred Treasures?
Pit: The Sacred Treasures look cool, but Im going with my weapon of choice!
Palutena: Just in case, though, lets take the Pegasus Wings too.
- Palutena: Look at those Trailtails drawing lines.
Pit: Or...trails, right?
- Pit: Pittoo! What are you doing here?
Dark Pit: The same thing you're doing. Pummeling Underworld fools. I'm just way better at it.
Palutena: Maybe you also sensed that Pit could use your help.
Dark Pit: Don't make me laugh. Now, enough talky talk. There's fighting to be done!
- Dark Pit: Hi-yah!
Dark Pit: And THAT'S how you take out a boss!
Palutena: For future reference, face kicking isn't usually this effective.
- Pit: Twinbellows! Here, boy! Old Pit's gonna teach you even MORE new tricks! And if you're good, I'll take you for a walk and give you a bath and a treat. We're gonna rack up some serious Nintendogs trainer points together!
Palutena: Focus, Pit.
- Pit: So this whole town is some kind of illusion?
Medusa: It's as real as I am. I built it myself using your and the Hewdraw's memories.
Palutena: That's because you don't know what the original town looked like.
Medusa: No matter. You're in my domain now, and you'll play by MY rules!
Pit: Yeah? Well, some rules are meant to be broken!
- Medusa: I find it very ironic that you would call yourself the goddess of light. After all, it was you who turned me into a monster. It was you who hunted me down.
Palutena: You shouldn't blame me for that. I only reflected in your appearance what I saw in your heart.
Medusa: And what about YOUR heart? I can only imagine what resides there.
Palutena: Why just imagine it? Don't you have the power to make it a reality?
Medusa: There's no point. We all know it would be some sort of hideous creature.
Pit: You shut your mouth, Medusa! Lady Palutena is nothing like you! Who turns people to stone and poisons the rivers? Who reduces cities to rubble? And who is leading the Underworld destruction of the land and heavens? Not Lady Palutena. YOU'RE the one responsible for all this, Medusa. But what I don't get is how you managed to resurrect yourself in the first place.
Medusa: ...I suppose I don't really understand how that happened either.
Pit: Don't play dumb with me!
Medusa: I...I don't remember what happened. My memories aren't what they were.
Palutena: You're slipping, Medusa. Your mind isn't all there anymore. And I can sense that your life force is weaker than it used to be. Twinbellows, Hewdraw, Pandora, and Thanatos have all been defeated. But if you withdraw your army, and promise to stay in this castle, I will spare you.
Medusa: Don't be ridiculous. Besides... It hardly matters HOW I returned. What matters is WHY. To exact revenge on you! Turning your little angel into stone is a nice first step...
Pit: Threaten all you want! You don't scare me. I will put an end to you. I'll return to Skyworld victorious!
- Pit: Huh? What the heck is that?!Palutena: It's a Tempura Wizard!Pit: A Tempura Whatzerd?Palutena: If he deep-fries you, keep your distance. One bite and you'll be finished!Pit: Well, that's a step up from eggplant, I guess. (pause) No...not really.
- Medusa: I can sense you getting closer, Pit.
Pit: There's nowhere left for you to run!
Medusa: Y'know, I'm very much looking forward to your arrival. I feel like Rapunzel waiting for her prince.
Pit: Sorry to break it to you, but those aren't exactly golden locks on your head.
Medusa: And you're not exactly a brave hero. Yet somehow the thought of our confrontation fills me with anticipation. So hurry to me, Pit. I'll strip you of your wings and sever you from the heavens forever.
Pit: I don't think so!
- Pit: Listen well, all you demons of the Underworld! In the name of the goddess Palutena! The defender of all that is good! Those who hide in the darkness will be made to face the light.
Palutena: Fly, Pit! (Pit is lifted into the air as Medusa slams her hand down on where he used to be.)
- Pit: Wow, warping that huge body must be a pain!
Medusa: Who are you calling huge, you insignificant little thing?
- Pit: We did it! We really did it!
Palutena: Congratulations! I know it wasn't always easy.
Pit: Aw, but it was so worth it! With the world at peace again, even the sun feels warmer!
Palutena: Aw, you're so cute, Pit!
???: Now wait just a second.
Palutena: Did you hear something?
???: I said wait just a second.
Pit: I've got to be hearing things.
???: Ha ha ha ha ha!
(A hand appears on the screen and tears through the credits, revealing himself to be Hades)
Pit: Who's Hades?
Palutena: The true master of the Underworld.
Hades: Sorry to keep YOU waiting. But now that I'm here, let's get this party started. Welcome to MY Underworld, Pitty Pat. You too, pretty Palutena.
Palutena: I'm...honored you know who I am.
Hades: So this little angel took down big, bad Medusa all by himself. What an accomplishment! Goodness, you should put this on your resume!
Pit: Uh, what's with this guy?
Hades: But before you do, you should know that I whipped up that Medusa especially for you.
Palutena: Wait, how?!
Hades: Add a pinch of memories to a ton of souls. Put them in a blender, and hit frappé!
Pit: Explain yourself!
Hades: Her thirst for revenge was so great, it seemed a shame to let it go to waste. Oh, pretty Palutena...you must have done a real number on her.
Palutena: I won't deny that.
Hades: But she's old news, and old news bores me. We must look to the future, and that future is me, the true leader of the Underworld! Next to me, little miss Medusa's going to look like a sweet, cuddly bunny.
Palutena: No! This can't be happening!
Hades: I must bid you adieu.
- Pit: My wish would be to fly by myself!
- (if you take the volcano route)
Palutena: Going to cut straight through, are you?
Pit: How hot can it be? Whoa! Man! This is some intense heat!
Palutena: If it werent for my power of cooling, youd be burnt to a crisp by now. You know, I sometimes just forget how flammable humans and angels are.
(the tunnel route explodes with a pillar of magma)
Palutena: That was a close one, good thing you didnt go through that tunnel.
Pit: Yeah, that would have been bad.
- Palutena: Don't worry, he's the Phoenix. He'll come back to life.
Pit: That's not what I'm worried about! What I mean to say is...I'm not scared. I'm not scared at all.
Palutena: Saying it twice doesn't make it sound more convincing.
Pit: How about if I say it a third time? I'm not scared at all!
- Hades: Well, helloooooo there! Glad to see you made it!
Hades: Settle down there, Pitty. Ladies don't like high-strung fellows. So the "good guys" covet the Wish Seed, too. Tell me, goddess, what do you wish for? Is it all kittens and rainbows, or is it something more...interesting?
Palutena: I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours!
Hades: Thanks so much for asking! I just have one humble, little wish. You see this poor child? Both of her parents are dead. Awww... There was an unfortunate accident, if you know what I mean.
Pit: You mean you murdered them!
Hades: It was a simple case of distracted chariot driving. I shouldn't have been doing my hair. Anyway, I was hoping to use the Wish Seed to bring back the parents. Can you think of anything more joyous than a family reunion? Then after that, they'd strike it rich—like, rolling-in-dough rich. And then we'd slap crowns on all of them, and make 'em royalty! And that's the general gist of my wish. Pretty noble, and not at all evil, right? I can't think of anyone MORE deserving of the Wish Seed than yours truly.
Palutena: Let me get this straight. You, the lord of the Underworld, want to revive the dead. That's somewhat at odds with your "mission statement," wouldn't you say?
Hades: Don't tell me the goddess of light hasn't heard of altruism before.
Pit: What a load of baloney!
Hades: My intentions are pure. As lord of the Underworld, you have my word.
Palutena: That just makes me more suspicious.
Hades: How cold of you. Your words pierce my heart like an icicle.
- Hades: Oh, Palutena! Pretty Paluteeeena! Can you hear me?
Palutena: Of course I can hear you.
Hades: You never told me your wish. Even after I bared my very soul to you!
Palutena: Right. Your wish? I don't buy it. In fact, it makes me doubt this entire story. Answer me this: does the Wish Seed even have the power to grant wishes?
Hades: You're a sharp one. How'd you guess?
Pit: What?! Are you serious? The Wish Seed is a fake?
Palutena: It's so obvious to me now. I mean, the idea of a Wish Seed is pretty far-fetched. An item like that could make anyone more powerful than the gods.
Pit: Dang. I was totally gonna be like, "I wish for...a kazillion wishes!" Wait — if the Wish Seed doesn't work, why's the Underworld Army going after it?
Palutena: To make everyone — us included — believe that it's real.
Hades: Can't get anything past ol' Professor Palutena, now can I? If there's one thing you can predict about humans, it's their greed. It's physically impossible for humans to resist the lure of a wish-granting item.
Palutena: And since they can't get the Wish Seed from the Phoenix to see it's a fake... You need them to THINK that someone has made off with it.
Hades: At which point, they'll drive themselves into extinction battling for it. And that's good for my business. An ingenious plan, if I do say so myself.
Pit: But the Phoenix himself could wipe out humanity if the Underworld sets him loose.
Palutena: You're right. We have no choice but to defeat him. We've fallen right into Hades's trap.
Hades: Flattery will get you nowhere, my dear! Actually, scratch that. It'll get you a hot date with the Phoenix. Ciao.
- Palutena: Look, Pit! A hot spring!
Pit: Sco-o-ore! Who has two thumbs and loves hot springs? Everybody with two thumbs!
- Palutena: The Phoenix is up ahead.
Hades: Go die now!
- ??? Hahahaha! Nice shot, if I do say so myself!
Viridi: Good riddance, human scum! The world's better off without you!
- Viridi: So you're the famous Palutena! I hear you've been busy!
Palutena: And you're Viridi. Ruler of the earth, and all living things.
Viridi: Hm! I didn't know I had a fan club.
Pit: WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS?!
Viridi: Humans are driven by selfish desire. They think only of themselves. They were killing each other for what? A WISH? A FAKE wish?! They've strayed too far from their intended path. That's where my Reset Bombs come in. To help return Earth to its natural state!
- Pit: This is a pretty twisted version of "nature"...
Viridi: Humans massacre Earth's creatures, decimate the trees, and exploit the land. They're the twisted ones! They're enemies of life itself! Tell me, Palutena, why do they deserve special treatment?
Palutena: Because, of all creatures, humans are closest to the gods. Gods cannot intervene in mankind's affairs, as you have. You had no right.
Viridi: No right?! Humans are trampling over the rights of every other living thing! Should I just sit back and watch as they continue to exploit the earth!? No. I must exterminate them all before it's too late!
Palutena: There's just no reasoning with her.
Pit: I have to admit, she has a valid point. But wiping out humanity is not the answer!
Palutena: I agree completely. You've given us no choice but to oppose you, Viridi!
Viridi: Oh, that's brave of you. But the Forces of Nature? We're not what you're used to.
- Viridi: I'm surprised you've survived this long, Pit.
Pit: I'll take that as a compliment!
Viridi: I think it's time you meet one of my finest warriors. Come on out, Cragalanche!
- Pit: Ugggghh...
Palutena: Are you OK, Pit?
Viridi: Now, Pit, you are the captain of Palutena's guard, yes? I look forward to seeing how you fare against Cragalanche.
Pit: You should be more worried about how HE fares against ME!
Palutena: Careful, Pit. I need you in good shape. Besides you, all I've got are the centurions. You know, maybe I should open a boot camp to toughen them up.
Pit: Still wouldn't give them muscles like these!
- Pit: Good! There are survivors!
Palutena: They're a stubborn bunch, hanging on like that. Set as many free as you can.
Palutena: Oh, I didn't mean it like that.
Viridi: Maybe what you meant to say was "insignificant".
- Palutena: It looks like there used to be a hot spring here.
Pit: Wait! There's a little water left!
Viridi: Do you soak in every random puddle that crosses your path?
- Viridi: What's with you and hot springs?
Pit: What's with you and not minding your own business?
- Pit: I've been wondering something.
Palutena: What's that?
Pit: Do all gods have their own angels like you have me?
Palutena: No, I don't think that's necessarily the case.
Viridi: I wish I had an angel to do my bidding. It's like having an intern.
Pit: I'm not an intern. I'm a messenger of the gods!
Viridi: Poor Pit. Don't you know that the definition of angel is "errand spirit"?
Pit: That's a lie. Right, Lady Palutena? I'm not your personal assistant.
Palutena: ...I could use a coffee.
Pit: Sure thing. Cream and two sugars, right?
- Palutena: I've heard that the Forces of Nature are actually quite tasty.
Palutena: Apparently, they're especially delicious when paired with a hard cheese.
Viridi: That is entirely untrue! Don't believe her lies!
- Viridi: You like to eat, don't you, Pit?
Pit: I always go back for seconds AND thirds!
Viridi: Well, everything you eat comes from nature. So if nature nourishes your body, why are you using it to fight my forces?!
Pit: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not eating your army, so just take it easy.
- Pit: This place is big.
Palutena: There's another Aether Ring in the middle of that giant tree.
Pit: But why there?
Palutena: Ask Viridi.
Viridi: I installed it for my army to use. ...But no one passed Driver's Ed.
Palutena: I'm not surprised.
Pit: I can't believe you didn't think of that before.
Viridi: You were attacking! I was busy! Leave me alone!
- Pit: What is this? A hot spring! A HUGE HOT SPRING!
Palutena: It's nature's bathtub!
- Palutena: Viridi's army is called the Forces of Nature. Most of her troops are made from natural materials, like wood, dirt, and rocks.
Pit: Eco-conscious down to her troops! Everyone's going green these days.
Viridi: I'm not going green, I've always been green! I use cloth shopping bags. I compost my food scraps. And I separate my recyclables into fifteen types!
Pit: Now this is a goddess who sweats the details.
Palutena: I could learn a thing or two from her.
- Cragalanche: ...
Pit: Cragalanche, huh? What are you, a monster truck?
Viridi: Pit, huh? What are YOU? A hole in the ground?
- Cragalanche: ...
Pit: Guy doesn't talk much, does he?
Viridi: He's a rock. Last I checked, they're more the strong, silent type. Tell you what — I'll do the talking for him.
Viridi: Cragalanche crush!
- Pit: Wow! Nice moves!
Viridi: Yes, he's been practicing this routine all week.
- Pit: It looks like there's a weak spot on his butt!
Viridi: Arrgh! Oh, he was supposed to get that fixed!
Pit: Thanks for the tip!
Viridi: I didn't say anything!
Pit: It's butt-kicking time! Literally!
Viridi: Oh, shut up! You're not clever at all!
- Palutena: The Underworld Army and the Forces of Nature are engaged in battle.
Pit: What? Why are Hades and Viridi fighting?
Viridi: Isn't it obvious?
Pit: You again!
Viridi: These brutes have a complete disregard for life. They're even worse than humans!
Hades: Ho ho ho! You're one to talk, little goddess! At least I give the humans YOU kill peace after death.
- Palutena: Watch out, Pit!
Pit: Laser beams?!
Viridi: Children! You must protect the Reset Bomb Depot!
Pit: It won't work, Viridi! You have a problem with humans. OK, we get it. But more destruction won't help anything!
Viridi: Oh, please. This coming from the flying munitions depot himself! You're as destructive as a hundred Reset Bombs!
Pit: Maybe, but I'M destroying evil! It's totally different! Look it up.
- Viridi: What mischief are you two getting into now? Rise, my children, and pluck this dweeb from the air!
Palutena: I'm sorry, but that's one point for Viridi.
Pit: Yeah? Well... every dweeb has his day!
Palutena: Hmm... make that two points for Viridi.
- Viridi: Just going to stroll in without backup? That's brave, if not very smart. Rise, my children! Politely destroy our guest!
- Palutena: I brought a Cherubot for you.
Viridi: I can't imagine that pile of metal is very fuel efficient.
Palutena: Actually, it runs on goddess power, which is totally renewable.
- Viridi: Dang it, Hades! Get your filthy troops out of MY bomb depot!
Hades: You're awfully cute when you're flustered, rosebud.
- Pit: I really don't think I should be touching these walls.
Palutena: Good instincts.
Viridi: Bok bok bok! What are you? Chicken?
- Viridi: More Underworld forces!
Pit: I get what Viridi has against Hades. He's destructive and evil. But what does Hades have against Viridi?
Palutena: I think you answered your own question. Destruction is fun for him.
Hades: Well, five points for the squares! It's true. This is just my idea of a good time. Not that these serious ladies would know anything about having a good time.
Pit: Don't even put Lady Palutena in the same sentence as the goddess of brutality!
Viridi: It's "goddess of nature"!
Palutena: You'd think the lord of the Underworld would be too busy for mischief making.
Hades: Oh, no. Mischief making is one of my principal responsibilities.
- Palutena: We're approaching the bottom of the fortress.
Pit: Everything seems to be made out of natural materials.
Palutena: Reset Bombs must grow like fruit.
Viridi: ORGANIC fruit.
Hades: And when it's ripe, it falls off the vine and just organically destroys everything in its path?
Viridi: That's not exactly how it goes.
Hades: But I'm the ballpark, aren't I?
Viridi: Nature dictates that all life must eventually break down. This is just an accelerated version of that process!
- Pit: A Mimicutie?
Viridi: Neener neener!
- (on grind rail)
Pit: Huah! Haha! Wahoo! Yes!
Viridi: Are you always so insufferably upbeat?
- Viridi: Fight harder, children! He's just one little angel! If this fortress goes down, that's the end of all Reset Bombs.
Palutena: That's right. Ready yourself, goddess of nature!
- Viridi: My depot!!!! That's it, you're officially at the top of my 'to kill' list!Palutena: Uh oh! We'd better get you out of there, Pit.
- Pit (singing): Again today I will go soaring through the skyMy enemies, I'll dish 'em up in a stir fry!
Gracious godess of light watches from up above!
At dinnertime I always show the cook some love!Palutena: What are you singing?
Pit: Just this little victory song I made up.
- Palutena: Those lasers are quite the security system!
Pit: You're telling me!
Palutena: With all THIS firepower, Arlon must be preparing for a massive attack.
Arlon: Why on earth would I be attacking? I'm far too busy...defending, my dear.
Palutena: You must be Commander Arlon.
Arlon: Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Lady Palutena. And yours too, young master Pit. I have heard tales of your prowess from our Mistress Viridi.
Pit: Well, that's...weirdly nice of her.
Arlon: She said I mustn't let your attacks spread chaos HERE of all places. Before you cause a most unnatural harm, let us sit down for a chat.
Palutena: I might consider if you withdrew your forces...and banded with us to face the Underworld Army together.
Arlon: Those decisions fall to the will of Mistress Viridi. Unfortunately, it's entirely out of my purview. I do hope you understand.
Pit: What's a purview? And why do you talk like that? Bad guys are supposed to be more like "Graaahhh!" and "I'm gonna KEEL you!"
Arlon: The young master is skilled in impressions, I see. Would you care to perform more?
Pit: Uh, that's all I've got.
- Arlon: Oh yes, I almost forgot.
Palutena: Forgot what?
Arlon: To close the gates! And the gates...go...shut.
- Pit: Talk about ritzy!
Palutena: It's like a whole other world. A classier world.
Arlon: I'm deeply flattered by your gracious compliments.
Pit: Who knew the Lunar Sanctum would be so nice?
Palutena: I could get used to a place like this!.
Arlon: Perhaps you could. But the Lunar Sanctum doesn't have room for any...MORE guests.
Palutena: Uh, it's not THAT nice.
Pit: I don't care how nice this place is! It won't stop me from taking you down!
Arlon: I understand. You have no regard for other people's property.
- Palutena: Deploying the Palutena Super-Sensor.
Pit: I didn't know you had a Super-Sensor!
Palutena: Hee hee, I don't. You know how I like to make stuff up.
- Pit: Pittoo!
Dark Pit: Seriously, that is the last time I want to hear "Pittoo"!
Palutena: Arlon, did you call Pittoo here?
Arlon: I most certainly did.
Palutena: He's not usually one to follow orders. How did you persuade him?
Arlon: It was quite simple, actually. Just the mention of young master Pit's presence...was enough to send his twin running here.
Palutena: Pittoo just isn't happy unless he's fighting someone.
Dark Pit: You say that like it's a bad thing!
Pit: You stay out of this!
- Palutena: Ha...chooo! *a meteor falls nearby*
Pit: Augh! Are you trying to get me smooshed?
Palutena: Huh? That wasn't my doing.
Arlon: Goodness. So sorry. I must have lost myself in the golden melody of her sneeze.
Pit: That's why you should cover your sneezes.
Palutena: I would never! A strong sneeze is the sign of a strong spirit.
- Pit: This is so coool! It's like the surface of the moon!
Palutena: Why was the Lunar Sanctum built anyway?
Arlon: That information is highly confidential.
Palutena: That only makes me more curious.
Arlon: Curious or not, I took an oath of silence, and I intend to honor it!
Palutena: Now, now. no need to get all bent out of shape.
Pit: After all, your name IS "Arlon the Serene".
Arlon: I'm well aware of my name! But back to the topic at hand. I cannot tell you the reasons WHY this sanctum was built. But I can say that it runs on my powers. Without me, it's just a husk, an empty shell, an orbiting house of cards.
Pit: Ooh, that sounds fancy.
Palutena: I don't think we're getting the whole story here...
Arlon: You're in no position to demand explanations. I am beholden only to Mistress Viridi, and you two are thorns in her side.
Palutena: You've made your allegiances quite clear.
Pit: Then enough talk! Let's get back to fighting!
- Palutena: Don't just shoot wildly, Pit. You do NOT want to get those Clobblers mad. Try luring each one into a mine.
Pit: Good idea!
Arlon: Pit's lucky to have such an excellent guide. Though we're on opposing sides, I must commend your work, Palutena.
Palutena: Thanks. It's just part of my job. Besides, Pit's the one doing all the heavy lifting. Which is especially impressive for someone so small.
- Pit: Arlon!
Arlon: Welcome. Please make yourself comfortable. It is my great honor to represent Mistress Viridi and the Forces of Nature.
- Pit: I can't see!
Palutena: Focus, Pit. Pay attention to where Arlon's attacks are coming from. After he attacks, shoot in that direction.
- Arlon: Very impressive, young master Pit. But it's time to reveal the true extent of my power!
- Pit: Lunar Sanctum defused! *the Chaos Kin is shown breaking out*
Palutena: But what's that...THING breaking free?
Pit: Oh, I'm sure it's nothing.
Palutena: I'm...not so sure. But Viridi's forces are still a threat, so let's keep the heat on them.
- Palutena: The Underworld Army and Forces of Nature are out for blood—each other's AND yours. On the Underworld side, Hades has put Thanatos back into play as commander.
Pit: Thanatos?! He's still alive?!
Palutena: Apparently. And leading the Forces of Nature is Phosphora.
- Phosphora: Yes? You called?
Pit: So you're commanding the Forces of Nature?
Thanatos: We're in the middle of something here! Can this wait?
Pit: So Thanatos was resurrected as...a glowworm?
Palutena: I think the look he's going for is more glow dragon.
- Pit: But this is Thanatos's third time around!
Hades: Thanatos is a bit of a special case.
Pit: You're telling me.
Hades: He is the God of Death after all. So he gets free perks like evil powers and health insurance... and free soda.
Palutena: Resurrected from the dead — that's some health insurance!
- Pit: Whoa! I gotta admit—he's fast! Must be all that free soda.
Hades: Lovely little Phosphora's no slouch in the fighting department, either.
Palutena: Ugh, will you stop trying to butter up all the ladies? It's gross.
Viridi: There's nothing wrong with compliments.
Pit: Viridi! Where'd you come from?
Viridi: But Commander Phosphora must also be respected for her power!
Palutena: Anyway, Pit, just keep after Phosphora and Thanatos. It's great how they're wearing each other out like this. I mean, who knows? You may have to fight them both at the same time.
Viridi: Well, we all know how THAT would end.
Hades: Almost makes you take pity on Pitty.
- Hades: Thannypoo, are you okay?
Thanatos: Oh, yes! I'm just peachy!
Palutena: He doesn't seem peachy...
Viridi: That's because Phosphora combines the depeachifying power and speed of lightning!
- Phosphora: Finishing blow!
Thanatos: Aaah! Farewell cryyyyyyyyy!
Viridi: Bravo! BraVO!
Hades: Oh me oh my. Now whatever shall I do?
Pit: She really brought the thunder!
Viridi: I said lightning, Pit! Sheesh, get it right!
Hades: Whatever. We'll just keep fighting without someone out there giving orders.
Palutena: Are you saying it makes no difference whether your troops have a leader?
Hades: They're all idiots. Seriously, I don't even know if any of them have actual brains.
- Pit: Where's Phosphora?
Palutena: She must be recharging after her battle with Thanatos. Now's your chance. Let's hit her before she fully recovers.
Pit: Good idea!
Palutena: We may not have the best dental plan, but justice is on our side!
Pit: Now it's OUR turn to bring the thunder!
- Palutena: Phosphora's in the middle of those clouds.
Phosphora: Persistent, aren't we?!
- Palutena: I'm going to open up a path through these storm clouds. Stay sharp!
- Pit: This is intense!
Palutena: Hold on as best you can. Phosphora is definitely up this way.
Phosphora: Nope. There's nobody here.
Pit: We can totally hear you!
- Palutena: Just about there. Three...two...one...you're out!
- Palutena: This is the Thunder Cloud Temple. It's been abandoned since ancient times.
Phosphora: Here already? I didn't even have a chance to take a shower!
Pit: Too bad!
- Pit: (dodges laser) Wah!
Palutena: I guess she's not completely spent after her battle with Thanatos.
Phosphora: It's just one fight after another. Today is not my day. The fortune Mistress Viridi read me didn't paint a very good picture either.
Pit: Wait...Viridi reads fortunes?
Palutena: I wonder what other services she offers.
Pit: Anyway, it's on!
Phosphora: Looking forward to it!
- Pit: This level would be way easier if my sandals were rubber.
Phosphora: It's not my fault you conduct electricity so well.
Pit: We'll see who's laughing when I shut the power down!
- Palutena: I think that's a power supply to some of the areas in this temple. Destroying it will probably make life easier for you.
- Pit: Wooohooo!
Palutena: That seemed to cut some of the power, so you can move forward now.
Phosphora: Whatever. It's no skin off my back.
- Pit: Is that a train car?
Palutena: There's something inside of it. Break it open, and I'll move its contents near the exit for you to grab.
Phosphora: Sure, go right on ahead.
Pit: Aren't you going to put up a fight?
Phosphora: What do I care? This isn't my place.
Palutena: So you're basically squatting in this abandond temple. Dignified.
Phosphora: Not squatting. Repurposing! Besides, I'll be out of here before too long.
Pit: Why's that?
Viridi: Because the free-spirited Phosphora isn't one to put down roots. Like a hobo. Anyway, I've been busy with the Underworld Army, so I've asked her to defeat you.
Pit: I'd like to see her try!
Phosphora: Ooh, what bluster! What bravado! I guess I can't back down now!
- Palutena: Phosphora is busy recharging at the temple's center.
Pit: Got it.
Palutena: You'll need to move fast and get to her before she's done.
Pit: Absolutely, Lady Palutena!
Phosphora: Absolutely, Lady Palutena! You're such a yes-man, Pit. Good thing you're so cute.
Pit: You're...you're not just making fun of me now, are you?
Phosphora: Awww, you're turning red! That's even cuter!
Palutena: He embarrasses easily. Don't mind him.
Phosphora: *giggles* Oh, don't give it a second thought, ma'am.
Palutena: Did YOU just call me "ma'am"? Are you trying to start something?!
Phosphora: You're right, I'm sorry. You're MUCH too young to be called "ma'am."
Palutena: You know as well as I do the lifespan of gods. And how about you? What's YOUR age?
Palutena and Phosphora: I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours.
Pit: For the record, I don't mind being called "sir."
Phosphora: Yes, well, as much as I'd like to continue this delightful chat, I have things to do.
Palutena: I know it's difficult when she's flirting with you, but remember that she's the ENEMY.
- Pit: Neat! I can go higher depending on the strength of the air current!
Phosphora: Brains AND brawn. He's the whole package!
- Palutena: Don't run straight at her. Keep your distance, and wait till she's not moving.
Pit: My skin feels all tingly!
Phosphora: The air in here is electrified. It's good for the complexion, don'tcha know?
- Viridi: Just look at them go!
Hades: And I thought the fighting outside was exciting! But it looks like the real action is in here!
Viridi: Pit doesn't stand a chance!
Palutena: Glad you're enjoying the show, oh divine peanut gallery.
Phosphora: I, for one, am honored to have you all in the audience.
Pit: Who's the yes-man now? Kissing up to management won't help you, Phosphora!
- Palutena: Watch out when you see Phosphora stop to gather energy. Once she has enough, she'll fire shots at the posts that ricochet towards you.
- Pit: Did you see THAT thunder?!
Phosphora: No. 'Cause you CAN'T SEE thunder!
- Phosphora: I take back what I said before. You're not cute at all!
Viridi: This can't be happening!
Pit: I'm coming for you next, Viridi! *the Thunder Cloud Temple starts to crumble*
Hades: This place is going back to the dogs without lovely little Phosphora.
Palutena: Smarm it up while you still can, Hades. We'll be after YOU soon enough.
- Pit: Uhh...I'm...so sleepy... *falls out*
Palutena: Sorry to drag you out so early, but we've got an emergency. We have a BIG problem. Bigger than all of us gods.
Pit: Huh?! What is THAT?! It's...it's ransacking the earth!
- Palutena: Enemies incoming!
Pit: They're firing on me!
Palutena: I'm not even sure what THEY are!
- Palutena: They're organized, but who's giving the orders?
Pit: Maybe they're a new unit of the Forces of Nature?
Viridi: Come on now. Do they look "natural" to you?
Hades: Morning, do-gooders!
Pit: Don't tell me you two are behind this!
Hades: Sadly, no, though I do applaud any and all violence directed at you.
Viridi: Plus, you should know that I'd never work with Hades. In fact, I was about to destroy him when THEY suddenly appeared.
Hades: No, they saved HER at the last minute.
Pit: So you have no idea what they are?
Hades: I'm sure know-it-all Palutena is just dying to illuminate us.
Palutena: Unfortunately, I don't know any more than you do. I can only tell you that they're not of this world.
Pit: You mean they're...invaders from space?!
Viridi: They're not just invading. This swarm is harvesting whole sections of the earth! They're like bees taking pollen back to whatever hive they call home.
Hades: Not to quibble over details, but I think locusts are a more apt analogy. But whatever they are, they must be stopped. Earth is MY flower to plunder, not theirs!
Viridi: Do I have to do everything around here? Forces of Nature, drop the hammer!
Hades: I guess we Underworlders will get in the mix, too. Shoot anything that moves!
Pit: Still can't get along, I see.
Palutena: Just do what you can, and try to stay out of the thick of things.
- Pit: I've never seen anything like this!
Viridi: These things are tough.
Palutena: But what are they?
Pyrrhon: Villains are no match for Pyrrhon!
Palutena: Pyrrhon? The sun god Pyrrhon?
Pyrrhon: The one and only!
Pit: This wacko's the sun god?
Viridi: Well, that's what he calls himself anyway.
Pyrrhon: Ah! So you're all together?! Good! Pyrrhon loves a party!
Palutena: Listen, do you know anything about these enemies?
Pyrrhon: Pfft, of course! They're the Aurum, and THIS passel of floating islands is just one of their bases.
Hades: Just ONE of their bases?! How much more hell DO they plan to raise?
Pyrrhon: Let me drop a little knowledge on you!
Viridi: Oh, goody.
Pyrrhon: It's all in the Book of Divine Prophecy, chapter 84, section 3. "Beckoned by destruction and corruption, the Aurum are born from and return to nothing. They travel across the galaxy to swallow up the heavens, land, and seas."
Viridi: I don't remember that passage.
Pyrrhon: I'll break it down for you, godlings. The Aurum are gonna eat the entire Earth! But stow your fear. Pyrrhon has a delivery, and the return address is "justice."
Pit: We can trust this guy, right?
Viridi: You know things are dire if THAT'S the guy we're listening to!
- Pyrrhon: Feel the wrath of my pyro blasters, space weirdos! HAHAHAHAHA! Kablooey! Kablammy!
Palutena: Yes...let's let Pyrrhon take care of this. We'll take the other side of the islands!
Pit: Good plan.
- Pit: This is out of control!
Viridi: The Aurum are blowing up the earth and then taking the pieces for themselves!
Pit: If they're like bees, what are they doing with it all? Making honey?
Palutena: Viridi, it was you and Hades who lured the Aurum to our world.
Viridi: What?! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
Palutena: Well, Pyrrhon said they're "beckoned by destruction and corruption." They were likely drawn here by the war between the Underworld and nature.
Viridi: Convenient how you've forgotten YOUR little tiff with the Underworld.
Pit: Convenient how YOU'VE forgotten a massive Reset Bomb visible from space.
Viridi: You! Zip it! The Aurum are the agressors here! We're the victims!
Palutena: You're absolutely right. Like it or not, we're on the same side now.
- Pit: Is this...the future?
Viridi: The Aurum must have stolen materials from all over to build this place.
Palutena: I wonder how many other planets were harvested to make it.
Pit: For being patched together, everything seems pretty structured.
Palutena: If the Aurum are like bees, that's no surprise. Bees are orderly colonies. Likewise, the Aurum seem to act as one. And I doubt these drones have any sense of free will.
Pit: There's all this activity here, but no life. It's pretty creepy! At this point, I'd expect a boss or something. And he'd be like, "Muah ha ha! I've been waiting for you, Pit!"
Viridi: Aww, poor Pit. Are you feeling lonely? Because I can call in one of my commanders to keep you company!
Pit: Heh heh...I was just kidding. I'm fine!
- Palutena: Taking out targets like that is the key to moving past certain obstacles.
Pit: ...Or I could just go "Woo-hoo!" and fly over them entirely.
Palutena: You know I can't enable the power of flight right after you've used it.
Pit: I know...but it sure would be nice.
Viridi: Sheesh, talk about passive aggressive!
- Pit: Huh? Are those enemies...waving at me?
Viridi: They're not saying hello, if that's what you're asking.
Palutena: Those Aurum enemies are known as Zaurums. Their attacks can confuse you, so don't stop to say hi.
- *Pit, going after a treasure chest, is dropped into a torture room. And the chest is a Mimicutie.* Huh?
Viridi: An elevator into a torture chamber! Convenient!
Palutena: Hades, did you put that treasure box there?
Hades: Me? I would never!
- Pit: Ooh hoo hoo! A hot spring! *if Pit runs up to it without taking the stairs* Where's it going?! Get back here, hot spring!
Palutena: Don't worry. There are stairs to your right that will take you to it.
Pit: I love you, hot spring!
- Pit: Ahhh. I'm feelin' the healin'.
Viridi: I hope for your sake that's a hot spring and not some other kind of...puddle.
- Pit: Hey look, an Exo Tank!
Hades: Hey look, who cares?
Viridi: It doesn't make sense.
Palutena: I certainly didn't put it there.
Pit: Well, since it's here, I might as well use it!
- Palutena: There's a jump up ahead.
Viridi: You're gon-na fa-all! You're gon-na fa-all!
- Pit: *overshoots a ramp on the Exo Tank* Nooo!
Hades: Nice one, Pitty!
- Pit: *runs into another Mimicutie* Nononononononono!
Hades: What elegance! What grace! What disturbing brutality!
- (after Hades' minions are destroyed by the Aurum's lasers)
Hades: Well, that didn't go very well.
Viridi: I think we should just leave this to Pit.
Pit: Oh, sure. Do you want me to pick up your dry cleaning too?
Palutena: Now, now, Pit. Viridi has faith in you, and so do I. I know you can handle it!
Pit: I'll do my best! But only for you.
Viridi: Pit certainly is devoted to you, Palutena.
Hades: Only because she squeezes his head wreath when he doesn't follow orders.
Palutena: You mean like...THIS?!
Pit: No no no no no! You'll squeeze my brains out!...Why do I always fall for that?
Viridi: Ha ha ha ha ha! Nicely done.
Palutena: Thank you.
Hades: Who knew pretty Palutena possessed a sense of humor?
Pit: Hmph. Very funny.
- Viridi: Hey! am I the only one paying attention here? Look! Those Aurum "troops" are just rip-offs of Underworld enemies!
Hades: I gotta hand it to them; those are some pretty decent knockoffs.
Viridi: First they devour planets, now they're copying enemies? Ugh. Lowlifes!
Palutena: So maybe the Treasure Boxes and Exo Tanks were also copies.
Viridi: Can't say for sure.
Hades: Full disclosure here, the Mimicuties were courtesy of yours truly.
Pit: It WAS you!
Hades: What? Don't you like presents, Pitty Pat?
- Hades (imitating alien voices): We are from outerr spaaaaaace...
Palutena (sarcastically): Yes, yes, you're hilarious.
- Hades: Don't curse the darkness, light a candle! When freaky aliens give you lemons, make freaky alien lemonade! Like this! *rams hijacked ship into mothership*
Pit: Wah! Well, that's one way to do it.
Viridi: That. Was. Awesome.
- Pit: Uh-oh.
Palutena: You must have set off an alarm.
Viridi: (laughs) Maybe you tripped their smell sensors. Though the Aurum probably use more high-tech ways of detecting intruders. Like a...brain-wave scanner or something.
Palutena: No, it was probably his smell.
- Palutena: The ship the Underworld Army hijacked was really in rough shape.
Viridi: Well, yeah. They DID crash it straight into the hive. But on the bright side...in doing so, they lost some of their own troops AND took out some Aurum forces.
Palutena: I AM thankful for that bit of good news.
Hades: Um, you're welcome?
- Palutena: The power generator is somewhere deep inside the Aurum Hive.
Viridi: I'm against this place. It's so cold and sterile.
Pit: Oh, I don't know. It's nothing a lava lamp and few posters couldn't fix.
- Pit: What do we have here?
Viridi: They seem to be fans made of lasers. Hm. Not the most effective method of cooling.
Pit: But they're a pretty effective method of hurting. Specifically, hurting me.
Palutena: Good thing you're so quick and nimble!
- Pit: Do you feel a rumble?
Palutena: It's coming from a behemoth of a vehicle! It looks like it runs on a loop.
Viridi: As a disclaimer, your insurance doesn't cover getting run over by alien trains.
Palutena: Outer space IS a bit out of the coverage area.
- Palutena: Pit! There's a hot spring!
Viridi: Hold on. This is an Aurum hot spring. You don't know if it's dangerous.
Pit: Dangerous? Come on now. I've spent this entire game getting shot at. Plus, if Aurum hot springs are so deadly, why didn't you warn me in the last level?
Viridi: Because that's Palutena's job, not mine.
- Palutena: Look, an Aether Ring.
Viridi: It's probably another cheap Aurum knockoff.
Pit: I don't care! If it works, I'm gonna use it! I'm an angel! And this is how we get stuff done!
Viridi: No, that's how scavengers get thing done. Are you a buzzard, Pit?
Palutena: Now, now, I think we can all agree that Pit's not a buzzard. Though I have seen him eat some questionable things off the ground...
Pit: Floor ice cream gives you health!
- Pit: The Forces of Nature?
Viridi: Don't get the wrong idea, Pit. I'm not here to help you. It's just in my best interest to keep you alive for now!
Palutena: Aww, it looks like Little Miss Cactus has a soft spot for Pit.
Pit: Uhhhhh... Really? 'Cause I don't think you're all that bad either...
Viridi: Shhh! Keep your voice down! People are listening! I'm definitely NOT doing this to help you, Pit.
Palutena: Oh, really.
Pit: Hmph. Well, I'm not here to help you either, so THERE!
Viridi: Aaaaauugh! You two are SO ANNOYING! This is why I kept trying to kill you!
- Palutena: It's their last line of defense.
Pit: I dedicate this beatdown to the honor of our precious planet!
- Pyrrhon: HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Pit: Pyrrhon? What are you doing here?
Pyrrhon: Looks like you could use a hand there, little angel. The heroic hand of justice!
Pit: No, I'm fine.
Pyrrhon: Try my pyroweaponry on for size!
- Pyrrhon: That's...odd.
Palutena: Apparently adding heat to heat only makes things hotter.
Pyrrhon: HA HA HA HA HA! That is to say, oops. My bad.
Pit: "My bad"? That's all you have to stay?
Pyrrhon: No. I have one more message to impart to you. I wish you luck! You're going to need it. And with that, I must leave you! Until we meet again!
Pit: Arrgh! What an idiot!
- Hades: Commencing Underworld assault on the Aurum central nervous system!
Viridi: Children! Our final target is the brains behind this operation! The Aurum Brain!
Pyrrhon: Sun God Pyrrhon on the scene! Now with added Pyro Cannon Action!
Palutena: With all us gods, er, and Pyrrhon, united, the Aurum Brain doesn't stand a chance!
Pit: It's so weird. The biggest egos in the universe working together?
Hades: Drive the outsiders back into space, minions!
Viridi: We cannot lose! Our planet's very existence is on the line!
Pyrrhon: Do your thing, Pyro Snake! Shazammitylam!
Pit: Everyone seems to be in good spirits, though.
Palutena: Or they've finally lost it.
- Pyrrhon: Do your thing, Pit. You know, your...shooting thing.
- Hades: Oh snap. Poor Pitty got duped.
Viridi: This might not be the best time to rub salt in the wound.
- Pit: What kind of rat tricks an angel, Pyrrhon?!
Pyrrhon: WHAT? I can't hear you over all this AWESOME!
- Pit: Yow! This is intense!
Hades: So, anyone have any bright ideas on how to take him out?
Viridi: I suppose we have no choice. This is it, my single remaining jewel.
Pit: Wait a second...is that a RESET BOMB?!
Viridi: Time to let nature take its course!*The Reset Bomb hits the Aurum fortress*Pit: This is out of control!
Viridi: Who's awesome now, Pyrrhon?!
*The Reset Bomb forest burns away*Pyrrhon: HA HA HA HA HA! Is that really all you've got?
Viridi: How could this happen?!
Palutena: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the power of flight is running out.
Pit: So now what?
Palutena: I'm sorry, Pit. I have to get you out of there.
- Palutena: Oh no!
Viridi: What's wrong?
Palutena: I can't extract him. I don't understand why.
Pyrrhon: That's because you don't have an associate's degree on telepathic interference!
Palutena: Are you blocking me?
- Pit: My wings are getting hot!
Palutena: I'm sorry! I can't carry you any farther! I have to cut off the power of flight!
Palutena: Pit! PIT!
Pit: Mayday! Mayday! This looks like the end! I never learned how to reeeeead!
Viridi: Ugh, pull yourself together! I've got you covered.
Viridi: All you have to do is line yourself up with the platform below.
- Pit: Ouch...
Palutena: Whew, I'm glad you're all right!
Pit: But why did you save me, Viridi? I don't get it.
Viridi: There's nothing to get. Just shut your yapper and get ready to fight!
Palutena: By invading our land, the Aurum have declared war on all of us. And with Pyrrhon on their side, they've become even more powerful! If we don't defeat them today, we may not have a tomorrow.
Viridi: Ugh, do you ever get tired of being such a nerd? All you need are twenty-sided dice and some thick glasses.
Palutena: My X ray specs allow me to see your ignorance.
Viridi: Yeah, yeah, enough with the lame comedy routine. It's time for us to strike!
- Pit: This isn't much space to fight on.
Viridi: Picky picky! Maybe this will suit His Majesty a little better!
- Pit: Thanks! This is MUCH better!
Palutena: It looks like Viridi has also donated some of her forces to carry the platform. But this platform is bigger, so there's more room for enemies. Stay on your guard!
- Pit: Ugh!
Palutena: Looks like you've got company.
Viridi: That Kolma is trying to scam a free ride! What a deadbeat!
Hades: Attention, passengers! Those who fail to pay their fare must exit the vehicle!
- Pit: I made it out of the ship!
Palutena: Good job, but there are enemies closing in from all directions. Watch out!
Hades: Our little sun buddy must have a thing for you, Pit.
Viridi: Of course he does. Pit's the only one that loon considers an equal.
- Pit: Whoaa!
Viridi: You've got a battleship on your tail!
Pit: Hoo boy!
Palutena: And one on your front!
Viridi: You're being sandwiched!
Hades: Ah, yes, the old sandwich tactic. How delectable!
Viridi: Shut up, Hades! Forces of Nature! Push that platform up and out of there!
- Pyrrhon: HA HA HA HA HA! I see you're hard at work!
Pyrrhon: Pyrrhon Creed Number 427: Hard work should always be rewarded! Which is why I got a present. For me. To destroy you. It's Pyroblaster time!
Pit: Huh?! Uh-oh!
Viridi: Hold on!
Viridi: Come on, Pit! No wimping out!
- Viridi: See? You're fine. Though I can't say the same for my troops that were carrying your platform.
Pit: I feel terrible about this.
Palutena: Our Forces of Nature allies made the ultimate sacrifice. But there's no point dwelling. I called for backup.
Pit: Whoa whoa! Centurions?!
- Pit: Whew. That was close.
Centurion Strongarm: Glad to see you're safe, Captain!
Pit: The Centurions are in way over their heads!
Palutena: They mean well. They're just not very effective.
Viridi: Pretty harsh words for your own troops.
Pit: Pull them out! I don't want them to get hurt!
Palutena: Then how do you plan to make it to Pyrrhon?
Pit: I-I'll think of something!
Centurion Strongarm: We live to serve, Captain! Your mission is to defeat Pyrrhon and eliminate the Aurum forces! We dedicate our energy and resources to helping you reach that goal!
Pit: ...OK, OK. Then charge, soldiers!
- Palutena: Pyrrhon is right up ahead!
Pyrrhon: Halt. Halt. Stay. Away.
Pit: Does something seem a little off about Pyrrhon?
Palutena: How can you even tell?
- Aurum Pyrrhon: 01101011011010010110110001101100 ...
- Pit: Are you really controlling the Aurum, Pyrrhon? Or are they controlling you?!
Pyrrhon: I...I... I will not be controlled...
Pyrrhon: > WE WILL NOT BE CONTROLLED
Pit: Oh, boy. What's he gotten himself into?
Palutena: It's just as you suspected. The Aurum Brain has overtaken Pyrrhon.
Pyrrhon: > INTRUDER MUST BE PURGED
Pyrrhon: > WE MUST CONSUME ALL
- Hades: Just like bugs, the Aurum are powerful as a swarm, but not very bright.
Palutena: They're like moths drawn to the flame of battle. They live only to consume and destroy, like...hungry moths.
Pyrrhon: > WE WILL MULTIPLY > WE MUST BE ALL
Viridi: In that sense, they're pretty much like any other living creature. They're concerned with their own survival and propagation. Each species influences the other, and THAT is the cycle of life! But this...this is just too much. It's too destructive and too unnatural!
Palutena: Well, they are an alien species. Of course they're not natural.
Pit: So they're just going to eat everything?!
Palutena: Not if you stop them!
- Palutena: With any luck, Pyrrhon will push the Aurum to the other end of the galaxy.
Viridi: He finally does something useful.
Palutena: Now we can get back to eliminating the real enemy. The Underworld Army.
Pit: So long, space scum!
- Pit: I...guess I'm a dog now. This is getting weirder and weirder. But where'd the little girl go? Hmm. She must have run off. Anyway, on to the town! I gotta be careful not to drop the ring. So that means no more mouth-breathing. And no crazy barking. And no eating delicious garbage off the ground. Not that I would, of course.
- Pit (still as a dog): Good thing the centurions are on patrol. This square's looking RUFF! Heh heh. Umm, right. Anyway...
- Pit: Hey, something smells really good. This new sniffer is really doing its job. Is that garbage? Beef garbage? Man, I am SO hungry! Why am I craving garbage? Oh no no no! Stop drooling, stop drooling! The slobber's getting the ring all wet! Ugh, I'm grossing myself out!
- Pit: (to Magnus, still a dog) Hey! Hey! How's it going? Listen, you gotta take this ring! Go on! Take it!
(Magnus takes the ring)
Pit: Yes! Great! Now put it on your finger! Come on! Put it on! Put it on!
(Magnus tosses the ring away)
Pit: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! No, no, no, no! Pick it back up! Where are you going? Don't go! Don't go! Put the ring on! You can always pawn it! It's a little slobbery, but I'm sure it's worth a lot. C'mon, don't make me beg! PLEASE take the ring!
- Pit: It feels like just yesterday we were fighting together.
Magnus: "Yesterday"? Try THREE YEARS, buddy!
Pit: WHAT? Three years? That's impossible! You have to tell me what's going on!
Magnus: How's this for starters? You've become the enemy of all mankind!
- Magnus: No one knows what happened. Did your goddess just lose her mind?
- Magnus: *is up against a Centurion Strongarm - twice his height, and each arm is as thick around as his body* Aww, look at that cute little fella.
- (Magnus is up against more centurions)
Magnus: Look at this happy little family.
Pit: (deep voice) "They won't be happy when I'm done with them. Hoo-ah!"
Magnus: Is that supposed to sound like me? 'Cause it doesn't.
- Magnus: Why are there so many enemies today? What, was MinionMart having a sale?
- Magnus: Hot springs don't usually heal humans. You must be having an effect on me.
Pit: This is the proper way to enjoy a hot spring. Step 1: Breathe deep. Step 2: Clear mind.
Pit: Step 3: REMOVE PANTS!
Magnus: Wait, what? No! Those are MY pants!
- Pit's Body: ...
Pit: You're tough, Magnus, but I'm no slouch either.
Magnus: You're the only member of Palutena's army who can carry his own weight. Don't even get me started on the centurions. Yeah, there's a ton of them, but they're all pretty flimsy.
Pit: They're grunts. What did you expect? There's no incentive for them to toughen up — they get revived when they die.
Magnus: What are you talking about? So do you!
Pit: Well, yeah, but...I can't help it if Lady Palutena has my back!
- Magnus: Pit!
Magnus: Come on! Wake up!
Pit: Unnngh...hmm?! I'm back in the... *pauses to readjust laurel crown* game!
Magnus: Well, that did the trick.
Pit: Thanks, Magnus!
Magnus: Eh, it was nothing.
Pit: There's only one thing...how am I supposed to get back to Skyworld?
Magnus: Why don't you just fly?
Pit: Flying, getting extracted from battle — that's all Lady Palutena's doing. Lady Palutena! Can you hear me?! I need your help! *pause* I can't fly without you! Please help me! Please give me the power to fly back to the heavens, and back to you! *power of flight is activated*
Magnus: I guess she must have heard you.
Pit: *sigh in relief* What a relief.
- Pit: I missed you, Lady Palutena! I'm so glad you're back to lead me!
Viridi: Right. About that.
Pit: Huh?! Viridi?
Viridi: That's right. I'm the one controlling your flight path.
Pit: Really? How is that even possible?
Viridi: Don't you know? Anything Palutena can do, I can do better! So, do you want my help or not?
Pit: Actually, I was just thinking about how nice it would be to fly on my own.
Viridi: Yeah? Not an option.
Pit: Will you at least tell me what happened to Lady Palutena?
Viridi: I'll do you one better. I'll show you. Please fasten your seat belt; this is a nonstop flight to Skyworld.
Pit: Guess I don't really have a choice here.
Viridi: Nope, not really.
Pit: Then I'm all in!
- Viridi: We're approaching Skyworld.
Pit: I'm praying that Lady Palutena is all right.
Viridi: You're praying? To who? You are one confused angel.
- Pit: What?? What happened here?! It used to be so beautiful.
Viridi: Look what's become of it. Palutena's gone off the deep end and destroyed Skyworld in the process. She's still fighting the Underworld Army, but she's mankind's enemy now too.
Pit: And what about your Forces of Nature?
Viridi: Oh, they keep busy. But less so now that the humans are occupied with Palutena.
Pit: And to think, I was so worried about her.
Viridi: Well, if you're not too busy moping, there's something you should see. Palutena's temple!
Pit: It's all beat up!
- Palutena: Well, it's been a while, Pit!
Pit: Lady Palutena...what has happened?!
Palutena: Everything changes, Pit! Even gods! And to be frank, I'm tired of fighting for those ungrateful humans. And I'm especially tired of dealing with you! (Throws a piece of rubble at him)
- Pit: I have to help her [Palutena].... Viridi, send me in!
Viridi (mischievously): Are you sure about that?
Viridi (angrily): Don't say I didn't warn you.
(Pit tries to fly towards Palutena's temple.)
Pit: LADY PALUTENA!!!!!!!
(Pit is repelled by a barrier, sending him flying away and yelling.)
Viridi: Oops! I forgot to mention! Her temple is protected by a force field.
Pit: YOU TOTALLY SET ME UP!
Viridi: Well, there's nothing more we can do here. Come on, Pit.
(Viridi warps Pit out of the area.)
- (At Viridi's temple)
Pit: What happened here?
Viridi: Well, you've still got to prep for battle. Like it or not, I'm taking over Palutena's duties.
Pit: You're joking, right?
Viridi: Hmph. I told you. Anything Palutena can do, I can do better.
Pit: Wow! Everything I need is still here! I guess I didn't give you enough credit. You're kind of awesome, Viridi.
Viridi: Do you have to be such a insufferable suck-up all the time? It won't get you anywhere with me. My only concern is taking down Hades. Anyway, you can equip weapons and powers here, just like always. Got it?
Pit: Got it.
- Pit: Underworld troops on the scene!
Viridi: I'll send in some backup. If they get in your way, I'll pull them out.
Pit: You know, you can be really nice when you try.
- Viridi: The force field around Palutena's temple is incredibly strong. We're going to need to borrow the Lightning Chariot.
Pit: That sounds AWESOME!
Viridi: It's a superfast battle carriage that travels the galaxy. It's also pulled by unicorns!
Pit: And that's what I'm gonna use to break through the force field?
Pit: So basically, you're telling me to ram a horse cart into a brick wall.
Viridi: Sure, if you wanna put it crudely.
Pit: Which means I might die.
Viridi: Well, anything's possible.
Pit: Does the Lightning Chariot at least have air bags?
Viridi: Last I checked, no.
Pit: Uh, I'm not a safety nut, but even I draw the line somewhere!
Viridi: So you don't really care about saving Palutena after all.
Viridi: She could be in agony at this very moment. She could be trapped inside a dungeon of madness. She could be crying out, "Oh, help me, Pit! Oh, please!"
Pit: OK OK OK OK OK! I guess it IS my duty to rescue her.
Viridi: Yeah, I know! That was my point!
- Pit: Aren't I a little low to be flagging down a galactic chariot?
Viridi: It's not like those chicken wings of yours are really helping any.
Pit: Yeah, yeah.
Viridi: Don't worry. I've got a great plan.
Pit: This oughta be good.
Viridi: Have you ever been to the circus, Pit? My favorite act is the human cannonball. It's just such a...thrill ride!
Pit: Where are you going with this?
Viridi: We're going to do our own version, but with an angel instead!
Pit: No way, uh-uh, absolutely NOT!
Viridi: Ugh, you're so boring! Where's your sense of adventure?
- Viridi: Three, two, one! FIRE!
- Pit: I could've been blown to smithereens!
Viridi: But you weren't! Look on the bright side!
- Pit: So, what's all this?
Viridi: These are patterns formed by galactic particles. Beautiful, aren't they?
- Viridi: The Underworld presence is very strong. Hmm.
Pit: Do you think they're after the Lightning Chariot too?
Viridi: Huh? Here it comes behind you, Pit!
- Pit: Ah! It is CRUISIN'!
Viridi: The chariot's headed for its home base. Stay on it!
- Hades: Well, hello again, friends!
Viridi: Ugh, not you again.
Hades: Just look at the two of you sneaking around behind Palutena's back. It's classic.
Pit: Shut your mouth!
Viridi: What do you want, Hades?
Hades: The Lightning Chariot, obviously!
Viridi: You creep! Just go away already!
Hades: It's one slick ride! A veritable goddess magnet if you will.
Viridi: Please. I'm a goddess, and I would never ride in that thing.
Hades: But Pitty here sure likes it!
Pit: Are you only here to get in our way?!
Hades: My intentions are always honorable. You know that.
Pit: Whatever you're REALLY up to, we're going to find out!
- Pit: Ugh! Whoa!
Hades: It gives me such pleasure to see you suffer, Pitty Pat.
Viridi: Just ignore him, Pit.
- Viridi: The Lightning Chariot is up ahead.
Pit: We've got to get to it before the Underworld does!
Viridi: Both the Lightning Chariot and its master are in that tower. I'll drop you off on the ground floor.
Pit: OK. I'll make my way up from there.
Viridi: Just so you know, the tower's really, really tall. Get ready to feel the burn!
Pit: No worries there. Have you seen these thighs?
Viridi: Ready for land battle, Pit?
- Pit: So the Lightning Chariot is in this tower, huh?
???: Who dares trespass on my domain? Leave before you get hurt!
Pit: Who said that?
???: I've had many names in my life, but now I am called the Chariot Master.
Pit: Oh, great! You're the guy I'm looking for. Listen, I have a favor to ask you. Would you mind if I borrow your chariot for just a little while?
Chariot Master: Your foolishness is matched only by your rudeness. How dare you charge in here flinging unreasonable requests at me? I've half a mind to turn you into galactic roadkill!
Viridi: You can't really blame him for being upset. That was kind of rude.
Pit: Then I guess there's only one thing I can do. I'll go talk to this Chariot Master guy in person. He's at the top of this tower, right?
Viridi: That's right. Hey, looking at you acting all assertive! You're just grabbing life by the horns and shaking it until it moos!
- Pit: So, is there an elevator in this tower?
Viridi: Oh, would Prince Pit like me to scatter rose petals in his path too? Listen, this is the only way up, so you'd better get a move on.
- Viridi: You'll need to ride that platform to move forward.
Pit: You know what's weird, Viridi?
Pit: There sure are a lot of Underworld troops here.
Viridi: This tower does seem to be lacking proper defenses.
Hades: Any riffraff can just waltz on in. After all, little Pitty here had no problems. But I must admit that I ADORE running amok in other people's homes.
Chariot Master: Another uninvited guest? Very well. At least show your face...so my Lightning Chariot can erase you from existence!
- Viridi: Those floor panels alternate between hurting you and not hurting you. They don't seem to have any affect on those Underworld enemies, though. Odd.
Chariot Master: It's a known issue. It'll be resolved in the next version of the tower.
Pit: Someone needs a better QA department.
- Viridi: The Underworld has taken position up on top of the pillars.
Pit: Well, what goes up...must come down!
- Pit: Whoa! It's solid ice!
Viridi: Using an Aether Ring should keep you from slipping around.
Pit: Why does the Chariot Master have a vehicle of the gods?
Chariot Master: Isn't it obvious?
Viridi: Are you saying you're a god?
Chariot Master: I'm not saying anything.
Viridi: Aurgh! Then why even bring it up?
- Pit: Ok, so we've got rolling obstacles.
Viridi: And don't forget the jump pads.
Pit: Something seems familiar about this...
Hades: I guess the Chariot Master has played Donkey Kong.
- Pit: Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
Viridi: No, we're not. No, we're not.
- Viridi: Be careful you don't step on any land mines.
Pit: I'll do my best.
Viridi: Mines certainly are useless on floating Underworld monsters.
Chariot Master: Yes, yes, I'm quite aware of that.
Hades: Defense really isn't your strong suit, is it? Eh, whatever. Defenses are for the weak and insecure.
- Pit: Hey there, grind rail! Time to give these barking dogs a rest!
- Viridi: Hey, there's an oversized bowling ball and some ugly bowling pins!
Hades: My troops are a worthy sacrifice for the sport of kings.
- Pit: (on grind rail) How convenient!
Viridi: Oh, I'm so pleased that it meets your approval.
- Viridi: Look! The Chariot Master has an Exo Tank!
Pit: Maybe he's a gearhead.
Hades: Or a nerd.
- Viridi: Now what do we have here?
Hades: It's time for my minions to do their thing. Underlings! I'm offering 100 gold for the putz's head!
Pit: The name's Pit!
Hades: Yes, I know. Your tenure as a ring doesn't seem to have had any effect on that keen wit of yours.
Pit: Wait, you know that I was turned into a ring?
Hades: Oh, is it a secret? Then don't mind me. Mum's the word!
Pit: Did YOU turn me into a ring?
Hades: Wow, you really are clueless. Don't you know, Pit? You're the cause of all this chaos.
Pit: Whaaaaat?! That makes no sense!
Viridi: Don't let him get to you, Pit. The Underworld Army is the one to blame.
Hades: Why, thank you. That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard you say.
Viridi: You know what? You're annoying.
Hades: Yow! She's feisty! Wear gloves with this one, minions!
- Pit: Am I ever going to get to the top of this tower?Viridi: I warned you before we got here that it was a long way up.Pit: Yeah, but this place is so huge, we even had a loading screen back there.Viridi: Shhh, they're going to hear you! We're not supposed to talk about that!
- Pit: Score!
Viridi: Hop on in, Pit! The Cherubot is pure mechanical brawn wrapped in an adorable package. So decimate anything that gets in your way.
Pit: Consider it done!
- Pit: And that's the end of them! ...Are we there yet?
Viridi: Good job and no, not yet. But there's just a little ways to go. Oh, and I have a special treat for you up ahead.
- (Pit finds Viridi's treat, a hot spring, with a Bumbledrop bathing in it.)
Pit: What what WHAT IS THIS?! A. HUGE. HOT SPRING!
Viridi: You're not the only hot-spring fan. (if Pit hasn't killed the Bumbledrop yet) Apparently, Underworld monsters value relaxation too.
Pit: Why can't they relax somewhere else? This is my special me time!
- Pit: This isn't how I wanted things to go, but I have to save Lady Palutena!
Chariot Master: I understand more than you know. For my own master, I would not hesitate to dirty these hands.
Pit: So you serve someone as well?
Chariot Master: I did. I've suffered countless war wounds, but none greater than the loss of my master. I once had many comrades in arms, but they, too, have returned to the dust. All I have left in this life are my faithful steeds, Phos and Lux.
Chariot Master: My body has long since degraded, and now my soul grows thin. The warrior's path inevitably leads to loss. I have no qualms about this. But you are no warrior, angel. Tell me, why do you fight?
Pit: I fight for Lady Palutena! And I fight for the people under her protection!
Chariot Master: That's not reason enough for an angel.
Pit: Who are you to question my reasons? My choices are my own. And I choose to serve the goddess of light!
Chariot Master: I admire your conviction. It speaks to the deep reservoir of strength within you. But it also proves you very foolish. And though you may be a servant of the heavens, I will show you no mercy.
Pit: And I won't need it!
Chariot Master: We understand each other, then.
Pit: We do!
- Pit: What's happening to you?
Chariot Master: Ah heh heh...I seem to have drowned in your reservoir of strength. You've proven yourself worthy of my Lightning Chariot.
Pit: Wait... I don't want it to end this way!
Chariot Master: This is the only way things can end, for an old warrior. I have no regrets. I'm trusting you with Phos and Lux, and the future of this realm.
Viridi: He was an honorable warrior. Don't let his death be in vain. Now let's go save Palutena.
- Pit: Gaaaaaaah! My skin feels like it's going to peel right off!
Viridi: What was that? You want to go faster?! You are the arrow of light that pierces the heart of darkness!
- Viridi: This chariot's a real beast. These speeds don't even touch it. Wish I could say the same for you, Pit, but you're such a fragile little thing. But even a pebble becomes a bullet if it moves fast enough. Just be extra careful not to get your butt ripped off in the process.
Pit: Don't you worry. I'll show you how it's done!
Viridi: You sound awfully confident all of a sudden.
Pit: How hard can it be?
Viridi: I guess you'll find out soon enough!
- Phosphora: I'll hold on to the Lightning Chariot for you.
Pit: Where'd you come from?
Phosphora: Don't get the wrong idea. I'm not here to help. Stopping Palutena's your job.
Pit: That's fine. I don't need your help anyway!
- Palutena: Hello again, Pit.
Pit: Lady Palutena!
Palutena: Now how did you make it through that barrier? It seems you're not the helpless, sniveling little thing you were before.
Pit: You have to stop attacking the humans!
Palutena: No, Pit. Don't you see? This is my atonement for my greatest sin. I let the people grow arrogant and betray the heavenly order.
Viridi: Oh, jeez. You're just figuring that out now?
Pit: You're not yourself! The Lady Palutena I know would never say something like that!
Palutena: Please. Angels cannot truly know gods.
Pit: I followed your orders because I trusted you. I can't even count all the times I risked my life for you!
Viridi: What a sap...
Pit: I trusted you because I knew you were on the side of justice and...and light! But something is blocking that light now. This isn't the real you.
Viridi: Someone cue the strings...
Pit: Hey, would you mind holding the commentary for just two seconds, Viridi?
Viridi: Why, yes. Yes, I would.
Phosphora: These are goddesses you're talking to here, Pit. Watch your tone.
Pit: Butt out, Phosphora! The goddess of light has turned dark. Skyworld is destroyed! Everything is wrong, and it's up to me to make things right!
Palutena: Oh, Pit. You never change, do you? You're just as naive as ever.
Pit: I'm not naive!
Palutena: Don't get me wrong. I appreciate how easy that's made things for me. But you have to understand, the past is gone.
Pit: Fine. If that's the way you really feel, I guess I have no choice. As the captain of your guard, it's my duty to save you from what you've become. And if saving you means defeating you, then I'll do what I have to do.
- Hades: Sorry I'm late! Thanks for clearing the way for me, Pitty Pat.
Viridi: Oh, great. It's Mr. Personality.
Hades: I just want to get this out there. The Chaos Kin doesn't work for me. It seems it built up quite the grudge being locked away in the Lunar Sanctum.
Pit: So when I defeated Arlon, it got loose.
Viridi: If only I'd been there at the time. Or Arlon should have explained the situation, but you know how reserved he is. Well, that's all in the past. Arlon posed a threat to you, so I can't blame you for defeating him.
Hades: But I can! Because the Chaos Kin didn't just "get loose" on its own. You set it free. That overgrown louse is quite a handful, even for me.
Pit: I don't understand why anyone would create such a hideous monster.
Hades: And who made you the final arbiter on which creatures live and which ones die? The Chaos Kin might not be as soft and cuddly as you, Pitty Pat. But you can't just wipe out every living thing that doesn't suit your liking.
Viridi: Technically, you can. Especially if you're in battle.
Hades: Hmmm. Can't argue with that.
Pit: Just so we're clear, I'm defeating the Chaos Kin to save Lady Palutena. Not because it's really ugly!
- Pit: It's a long way down.
Viridi: Yes, falling would certainly throw a wrench into the plan.
Hades: So would getting tossed by the side winds ahead. My, my, Pitty Pat. Palutena must hate you even more than I do.
Pit: This isn't her doing!
Palutena: I wouldn't be so sure about that.
Pit: What is this, Everyone Pick On Pit Day?
- Hades: Looks like someone left a tiny trike behind.
Pit: It's not a trike! It's an EXO TANK!
Viridi: You really have to learn how to tune him out.
Pit: I try! He's just so annoying!
Viridi: Anyway, just drive that Exo Tank right through enemies!
- Viridi: You'll need to use the Exo Tank to cut straight through the area up ahead. Whatever you do, don't slow down. Just go for it!
- (Should Pit fail the Exo-Tank segment)
Hades: Aaaa!note You fail!
Viridi: Try again, Pit. You can do it.
- (Should he fail again)
Hades: Close. So close.
Viridi: Drive right down the center of the course!
- Viridi: Excellent job, Pit!
Hades: "Excellent" might be overstating it.
- Palutena: I suggest you quit while you're ahead, Pit.
Viridi: Things are about to get hectic!
Pit: So what?! I can take it!
- Palutena: So you're here to fight me, Pit?
Pit: No...no! I'm here to save you!
- Viridi: The Chaos Kin is close by. I can feel it. You have to locate and destroy it. However, be sure not to hurt Palutena.
Pit: But I thought the Chaos Kin was, like, camping out in her brain or something.
- Viridi: Which part of "don't hurt Palutena" did you not understand? Seriously, focus on finding and attacking the Chaos Kin!
- Pit: That's low, you coward!
Viridi: Calm down. Just wait for your chance!
- Palutena: Pit...
Pit: Are you all right?! I didn't mean to hurt you.
Viridi: Pit! Behind you!
(the Chaos Kin rips Palutena's soul out. She turns to stone, and the Chaos Kin tears open a portal)
Viridi: It's heading into the Chaos Vortex!
Pit: Viridi! You have to help me fly RIGHT NOW!
Viridi: O-of course!
(Pit flies toward the portal, but the hole is too small)
Viridi: Now what?!
Dark Pit: Out of the way, coming through!
Dark Pit: (crashes the Lightning Chariot into the hole, shattering it open) Grrah! Agh! Grah! Ugh...
Phosphora: Don't worry. I got this.
Pit: What the—-?
Dark Pit: There's no time to talk about it! We have to go help Palutena NOW!
Viridi: He's absolutely right. But first let's get you back. You've been through a lot, and you probably want to save your game.
- Pit: Hold on, Lady Palutena! I'm coming for you!
- (The Chaos Vortex suddenly goes pitch-black)Pit: O...K...maybe the Chaos Vortex's batteries are dead.
Viridi: This place doesn't run on batteries, dingle brain! Anyway, it doesn't matter. You're going the right way...I think.
Pit: What do you mean you think?
Viridi: Don't worry your little head about it.
- Pit: Seriously? Now what?
Viridi: They seem to be your shadows.
Pit: What?! They don't look anything like me! First of all, I'm MUCH more attractive!
Viridi: Honestly, it's like you WANT me to insult you.
Pit: No! You just do it anyway!
- Pit: My face feels like it's blowing off!
Viridi: Put on your big-boy pants and stay on the Chaos Kin!
- Pit: Ungh! I've almost got it!
Viridi: Not to rain on your parade, but we have to watch the clock!
Pit: Just keep me in the air as long as you can!
- Viridi: You're running out of time!
Pit: But I've almost got it!
- (If Pit fails to shoot down the Chaos Kin at the end of the Air Battle)
Viridi (sadly): You're out of time, and out of flight. I can't even get you home. I'm sorry, Pit...
- Pit: Those Aurum troops are doing their best Game & Watch impression.
Viridi: Check out the gaming IQ on this guy! You're a regular video game historian! But enough nerdery for now. This place is crawling with Cacaws!
Pit: Ugh! Why did you create an enemy that annoying in the first place?
Viridi: You can thank the Chaos Kin for this batch! Don't blame me!
- Viridi: Shoot that Pluton before it steals anything from you. No, wait! Don't shoot! Those Shootflies will react to your fire!
Pit: Which is it? Shoot or don't shoot?!
Viridi: Um...melee! Melee like crazy! Melee till the cows come home!
- Viridi: Wave six! Wait, that's a Boom Stomper and some Bumpety Bombs! Those are MY troops too! Seeing these copies of my warriors turns my stomach!
Pit: Boom Stomper and Bumpety Bomb, eh? You come up with those names yourself?
Viridi: Are you getting smart with me?
Pit: No, I'm just curious.
Viridi: Because I DID come up with those names myself. Aren't they just the cutest?
Viridi: Bumpety Bomb...(laughs) Have you ever heard anything so adorable?
- (At the Eighth wave...)
Viridi: And here comes the eighth wave!
Pit: It's just a few Underworld Komaytos. And another Orne?! Oh no!
Viridi: This could spell trouble. Stay away from the Orne, and keep taking out the Komaytos.
Pit: You know, Komaytos look an awful lot like little Metroids.
Viridi: No! Shhh! Stop right there!
Pit: What's the matter? All I said was that Komaytos look like little Metr-
Viridi: (singing) Hmm hmm HMMMM hmm! I can't HEAR you!
Pit: Hey, what's your problem?
Viridi: This game universe and that game universe have NOTHING to do with each other! So don't go around spreading rumors!
- Dark Pit: Looks like you could use a little help.
Pit: I can do this myself. And why are you suddenly so interested in helping me anyway?
Dark Pit: While you were a ring? I was less than nothing. Unconscious. Un-MYSELF. We're connected. No you, no me. Two sides of the same coin.
Pit: That's crazy! So that's why you have to help me save Lady Palutena!
Pit and Dark Pit: OK then. Let's take these enemies down!
- Viridi: Team Baddy's putting up quite a fight. But with the two of you working together, it's probably a cakewalk.
Dark Pit: That goes without saying.
Pit: So the Chaos Kin is copying Aurum enemies that are copies of the Forces of Nature.
Viridi: It makes you think, doesn't it?
Pit: No, not really. It's just weird.
- Viridi: You know what time it is? It's time for the TENTH WAVE!
Dark Pit: Let me at 'em!
- Viridi: Defeat that Guttler first. Guttlers get more powerful the more they eat.
Pit: Well, so do I.
Viridi: They really don't have the most discriminating tastes. They'll eat anything.
Dark Pit: Well, so does Pit.
Pit: Hey! At least I don't eat my friends!
- Viridi: Here comes the eleventh wave! I can feel the Chaos Kin getting tired!
Pit: Just gotta power through it!
- Viridi: Igniots can temporarily paralyze you if you get in their way. So try to avoid that.
Pit: That's it? No joke or snappy commentary?
Dark Pit: This is wave eleven! The time for jokes is over!
- Viridi: Wave twelve! TWELVE! I think we're getting close to the end!
Dark Pit: You keep saying that, but the enemies keep coming!
Pit: Bickering won't help us! If we want to defeat evil, we have to unite as good!
Viridi: No, if we want to defeat to defeat evil, we have to unite against platitudes.
- Viridi: We're at the thirteenth wave. I'm sure this is it!
Dark Pit: Then it's time.
Pit: Time for what?
Dark Pit: Our pre-boss battle rallying cry!
Pit: Oh, right. OK. Ahem. Filth of the land, hear our words!
Dark Pit: And see our actions!
Pit: I am Pit, servant of the goddess of light!
Dark Pit: And I am Dark Pit, servant to no other but myself!
Pit and Dark Pit: Together we will rain death upon you!
Dark Pit: So, anyone who wants to die, step right up!
Pit: And anyone who doesn't want to die, too bad!
Pit and Dark Pit: Aw, yeah!
Viridi: Nice speech, guys. Did you stay up all night writing it? Or maybe it's your super-secret twin connection talking.
- Dark Pit: Well, look who decided to show up.
Pit: It's game over, Chaos Kin!
Viridi: Here, let me help! (sets up a barrier to keep the Chaos Kin from escaping) There! That should make things easier for you two.
Pit: Thanks, Viridi! You're always thinking.
- Viridi: I set up an electro trap in the center of the field. It'll come in handy if you're having trouble keeping up with the Chaos Kin.
Pit: Just like I said. You're always thinking!
Viridi: Well, one of us has to.
- Pit: You'll pay for what you've done, Chaos Kin!
Dark Pit: Eating souls is bad enough, but going after the soul of a goddess is just vile.
Viridi: Palutena resisted being consumed for over three years. I have to hand it to her — that takes a certain strength of will. She was waiting for you to return, Pit. I'm sure she used every last ounce of her power to resist.
Pit: She must have suffered so much...
Dark Pit: There's no point dwelling on this now. We need to take down the Chaos Kin.
Pit: You're right!
- (The Chaos Kin blows up. Palutena's soul goes into Palutena's petrified body, she then comes back to life.)
Palutena: *gasps for air* Pit...!
Pit: I'm so relieved you're okay!
(Dark Pit looks at the remains of the Chaos Kin and walks away. Suddenly, the Chaos Kin's remains attack Dark Pit and throw him off the platform!)
Dark Pit: *screams and falls*
Pit: *gasps* Oh no! Pittoo!
Dark Pit: *yelling*
Pit: Viridi! I need to fly!
Viridi: You already used the power of flight! Don't you remember?! If I enable it again now, your wings will catch fire!
Pit: The Chaos Kin is going to destroy Pittoo! Can't you see what's at stake here?! I don't care if my wings catch fire!
Viridi: No way! Just forget about it! I'm pulling you out!
Pit: No! Stop! If we don't help him right now, we won't have another chance! I'm begging you, Viridi! Let me fly! NOW!
Viridi: *groans angrily* FINE, but whatever happens to you isn't my fault!
Pit: (The power of flight activates and Pit's wings catch fire, causing him to yell in pain!)
Viridi: Hang in there, Pit! Be strong!
Dark Pit: Help me!
- (Pit catches Dark Pit.)
Viridi: I'm getting you out of there!
(Viridi teleports Pit and Dark Pit out of the Chaos Vortex. The scene cuts to Skyworld. Dark Pit lies on the ground, burned, but not badly.)
Dark Pit: (weakly) How's Pit?
Viridi: Pit— Pit's in bad shape...
(The camera pans over to Pit, whose wings are burned off, and he's dying.)
Viridi: He can't fly. He's barely breathing.
(Palutena approaches Pit's body.)
Viridi: Palutena, what are you doing?
(Palutena grimly looks at Pit, we then see a flashback of Pit wanting to fly.)
Pit (Flashback): My wish would be: to fly by myself!
(The flashback fades away to one of Pit's burned off wings. Another flashback is shown, this time when Pit was about to face Medusa.)
Pit (Flashback): I'll return to Skyworld victorious!
(The flashback ends and it fades away to Pit's near-death face.)
Palutena (sadly): Oh Pit...
- Dark Pit: I'm outta here!
Palutena: Pit is still unconcious. With his wings burned up, he can't last much longer. But I thought of a way to save him.
Dark Pit: Of course you did.
Palutena: We both owe Pit. You know that. Think of the sacrifices he made to save the both of us.
Dark Pit: ...All right. Then what's the next step?
Palutena: Go to the City of Souls. It's just a little ways ahead. It's the place where souls make their final passage into death, or back into life.
Viridi: Oh, I get it. You want to turn back the clock and cheat death. Raising the dead, keeping the near-dead alive? It's pretty dirty business.
Palutena: I know the stakes, but we don't have a choice.
Dark Pit: Hey, weren't you two just at war with each other?
Viridi: Mind your own business! I'm not so petty that I can't extend an olive branch at a time like this.
Palutena: Thank you, Viridi. And thank you for helping Pit when I couldn't.
Viridi: Just so you know, this is NOT a hug-it-out moment.
- Dark Pit: Not to hurt your feelings, but THIS Pit doesn't need your help to fly. So don't expect me to suck up to you.
Palutena: If your flight's unlimited, you don't have to battle on land.
Viridi: So air battle only? It feels strange to say it, but I'm disappointed.
- Dark Pit: What kind of city IS this?!
Palutena: It's unlike any earthly city. The spirits of the dead gather here.
Dark Pit: So, basically, this is the Underworld.
Hades: You got it!
Dark Pit: Oh, it's you.
Hades: Our hero's looking a little goth today. I hope the stresses of life haven't gotten you down. That would be ever so tragic.
Dark Pit: No one's listening.
Hades: It's hilarious how you have no sense of humor! But that sourpuss attitude's gonna give you an ulcer someday, you know.
Viridi: Anyway, Pittoo, your understanding is correct. The Underworld is where souls go. As you know, Reapers are responsible for carrying souls.
Hades: But we've got an excess of souls these days. The Reapers can't handle them all!
Dark Pit: So the extra souls come here?
Palutena: Yes, though some just fade away. And others are, well, eaten.
Hades: Even in the afterlife, it's survival of the fittest!
Viridi: That makes some sense. The weak are consumed, just as nature intended.
- Palutena: Remember when I said some souls get eaten?
Viridi: Well, here's the hideous devourer of souls himself!
(Soul-Eating Monster appears)
Dark Pit: You weren't kidding about the hideous part!
Hades: I find him quite adorable, actually. And souls CAN be very delicious. Luckily, they don't possess personalities or anything like that.
Dark Pit: What — they don't?
Hades: Of course not! Souls have no more personality than blood or bone. They're just another resource to harvest from living beings.
Viridi: Your disregard for life is just astounding. Could you be any more callous?
Hades: Well, I could try. You know, souls are a bit like taffy. Sweet enough to eat, but pliable enough to mold into any shape I can imagine.
Viridi: I don't even...that's just so...um...nuh-uh!
Hades: I'd love to get my hands on Pittooey's soul. So dark, so chewy, so malleable! A powerful spirit like that shouldn't be wasted on Ol' Chomper's lunch.
- Viridi: Do you think Hades was serious about molding souls into other forms?
Palutena: It would explain his endless supply of troops. He's making them out of souls!
Hades: Professor Palutena does it again!
Viridi: But wait...if that's the case, there's no WAY the Underworld Army could ever lose!
Hades: Uh...SPOILER ALERT!
Viridi: So let me get this straight. All the lives lost in battle go to building up the Underworld Army...
Hades: You got it. So the more fighting there is, the bigger my army gets. My goodness! It feels wonderful to be on the winning team.
Dark Pit: Hold on a second. Your math is a little off. You might want to break out the Brain Age, pal.
Viridi: I have a brain age of 24!
Palutena: And that's relevant because...?
Dark Pit: Think about all the casualties there have been in this war between the gods. If Hades was right, the Underworld would be way more crowded with monsters.
Palutena: Then that means that one fallen soldier doesn't equal one new Underworld monster. After all, creating something as corporeal as a monster would take...
Viridi: A TON of souls! But that's a huge waste! It's...an abomination!
Dark Pit: Yeah, that's just about the sickest thing I've ever heard. We HAVE to stop him.
Hades: You poor deluded things! You'll never stop me! Not in MY realm!
Dark Pit: Egah!
Palutena: Don't let him get under your skin!
Dark Pit: Not a problem.
- Dark Pit: It's been fun touring the City of Souls and all, but we're here to save Pit, right?
Palutena: Hey, no need to cop an attitude. Just keep moving forward.
Hades: Get a room, lovebirds.
- Palutena: This WAS a stream of souls. But so many lives have been lost that it's now a torrent. All souls need to find their final resting place down here so that life can spring anew. That's part of the natural cycle of life. But Hades keeps playing with souls. He won't let them rest. His bloodlust has thrown everything off balance.
Viridi: It's like humans disrupting the balance on Earth! It's unforgivable!
Dark Pit: You've GOT to be joking. ALL you gods and your stupid wars are the ones throwing everything off balance!
Viridi: You little nothing! How dare you!
Palutena: He may have a point. We have the Underworld Army out to hoard souls. We have the Forces of Nature trying to wipe out humanity. We have the humans continuing to exploit nature and each other. And we have us — gods — who drag the entire world into our power struggles. But it doesn't matter how this started. Now we know who's profiting from it.
Viridi: Hades! Left unchecked, he threatens us all.
Dark Pit: Then our only option is to take him down.
Viridi: But to do that, we're going to need Pit's help. Let's get him patched up.
- Pandora: Well that worked out nicely!
Dark Pit: Pandora! Urgh!
- Viridi: Wow! I sure wasn't expecting that!
Pandora: YOU can thank Dark Pit for bringing me to the Rewind Spring. He was a rebellious servant, though it seems he still served my purposes in the end. But that little parasite DID steal my powers. And for that, he must pay!
Palutena: She can be quite frightening.
Viridi: I hope I never get to that point.
- Palutena: Pandora's leftover power was what enabled Pittoo to fly.
Viridi: He basically had her remains living in his wings. Gross. But standing too close to the Rewind Spring seems to have revived her.
Pandora: Your freeloading days are over!
Dark Pit: Really. The whole flying thing worked out pretty well for me. I might just defeat you again and steal your power back!
Pandora: I HIGHLY doubt that.
- Pandora: Irritating little pest! Time to exterminate you!
(Pandora jumps into the Rewind Spring. The spring glows and a few souls go into it. Pandora emerges out of the water of the spring, and has taken on a new form, a beautiful blue-haired girl. She is now Amazon Pandora.)
Palutena and Viridi: WHAT?!
Dark Pit: Who is that?
(Pandora winks at the camera and giggles)
Amazon Pandora: It's the new improved me. Ahhh... It's been so long since I've had a body. Eat your hearts out, ladies.
- Viridi: Someone's overcompensating!
Palutena: Feeling a little inadequate, Viridi?
Amazon Pandora: Of course she is. You should too! Just LOOK at me!
Palutena: I liked her better when she was just an evil blob.
Viridi: She's still an evil blob underneath. She just has better hair, that's all.
- Hades: There you are, friends! I finally tracked you down. You're a stealthy bunch.
Palutena: That's because I was using my "power of ninjary".
Palutena: What, you don't believe me?
Dark Pit: I think that's something everyone can agree on.
Viridi: Tone down the sass, little angel.
Amazon Pandora: It's been a long time, Lord Hades.
Hades: Hm? And you are...?
Amazon Pandora: Don't tell me you've forgotten your old friend Pandora.
Hades: *Beat* ...I don't remember you being so...animated.
Amazon Pandora: *chuckles* That's not the half of it!
Hades: If the Rewind Spring did this to Pandora, I shudder to think of its effect on Pitty! No one wants to see him in that outfit. I'd better destroy the spring.
Palutena: You can't do that!
Viridi: Come on, Pittoo! Get rid of Pandora for good!
Dark Pit: Oh, don't you worry!
- Palutena: Watch out for that heart-shaped crystal barrier. You see, it's—
Dark Pit: Reflecting my shots back at me, right?
Dark Pit: I got it, so stop telling me what to do!
- Pit: Lady Palutena! Lady Palutena!!!
Palutena: Welcome back, Pit!
Pit: I've missed you so much!
Palutena: I've missed you, too. Let's go home.
- Palutena: It's finally time for you to square off against Hades. Are you ready?
Pit: I am SO ready! I carbo-loaded and everything!
- Palutena: Hades has overstepped his boundaries by exploiting and desecrating souls. He's disrupted the balance between the earth, the heavens, and the Underworld. He must be stopped. YOU must stop him. It's a tall order, but if anyone can do it, I have faith that you can!
Pit: Leave it to me! In the name of the heavens, the earth, the humans, and the souls of the afterlife... I WILL defeat Hades!
Palutena: Go now, Pit!
Pit: With pleasure!
- Pit: So where's his castle?
Palutena: Hades doesn't have one.
Pit: What?! The lord of the Underworld can't even afford a roof over his head?
Palutena: No, no, it's not like that. This is his realm, so he could be anywhere in this darkness. Or everywhere.
Pit: Then...what's the plan?
Palutena: Just stay alert, Pit. I can sense Hades's presence surrounding us.
Pit: Uh, that's great intel... But do you think you could be a bit more specific? Just a little bit?
- (if Pit is using the Three Sacred Treasures)
Hades: Ooh! Do I spy with my little eye the Three Sacred Treasures?
Pit: Even your darkness can't hide from the light!
Hades: Now isn't that just... PRECIOUS! *Hades wrecks the Three Sacred Treasures*
Pit: Ah-oooooooooooh! Ungh!
Hades: Now that felt good!
Palutena: Not the Three Sacred Treasures!
Pit: What!? NO!
Hades: Not quite so tough now, are ya?
- Pit: Huh? (Hades teleports to the side and swipes at Pit) Augh!
Hades: Having fun, Pitty Pat?!
Palutena: Oh, put a lid on it.
Pit: Yeah, shut up!
- Hades: Yowwwww! (Hades clutches his face) You know what, Pitty Pit? You're looking mighty tasty! Down the haaaaaaatch!
(Hades starts to inhale)
Pit: No no no no no no no!
Palutena: Get out of there, Pit!
(Pit gets trapped within the suction and gets swallowed up)
Pit: Uh-oh... Where am I?
- Pit: Lady Palutena? Can you hear me? Hello? ... I guess she can't hear me. Well, I'd better start wiping out all these bad guys. These guys are like grosser versions of Underworld monsters. Blugh!
Hades: Oh, my. Don't tell me you're still alive, Pitty Pat!
Pit: Hades! Where am I?
Hades: Why, in the belly of the beast, of course!
Pit: Oh, no!
Hades: Oh, yes!
Pit: I'm going to be sick.
Hades: Me, too. Well, there's more than one way to get rid of a bad chicken nugget. Maybe I should just expel you the old-fashioned way.
Pit: No! Please don't do that!
Hades: Can't stop now!
Hades: Whew. This is more difficult than I expected.
Pit: Oh, man. I am NOT going out this way. That would be the opposite of a hero's death!
- Pit: What are these? Cells? I'll just bust through them.
- Pit: At this point, heading up has gotta be better than heading down... Ugh. Sooo... Gross...
- Pit: I'm trapped! All right, no panicking. Just gotta focus on defeating these enemies. Cells of Hades, hear my words! And, um...see my actions! Uh...something something...I'm going to rain death on you! I can't remember all the words, but that's the general gist.
Hades: My innards have so longed to hear your battle cry. How could you forget the words?
Pit: I didn't have time to rehearse. I've been busy fighting evil, OK?!
- Pit: If only Lady Palutena were here to help me. She'd be so grossed out.
Hades: Unfortunately for you, I have a stomach of steel.
Pit: So that's why I can't communicate with Lady Palutena.
Hades: And you're just lost without her to do all the thinking for you, aren't you, Pitty?
Pit: She doesn't do ALL the thinking. I have ideas too. Occasionally.
Hades: Then answer me this, little angel. Why exactly are you trying to defeat me?
Pit: We're all responsible for maintaining a certain order in the universe. As lord of the Underworld, you know this better than anyone. But your greed has thrown everything out of order. You've overstepped your bounds by exploiting and desecrating souls. And you've disrupted the balance between the earth, the heavens, and the Underworld.
Hades: I'm impressed by all the big words you used, but I didn't ask for a sermon. Did you come up with that all by yourself, or did you have some divine inspiration?
Pit: Like I said, I have ideas too. Sometimes.
- Pit: Augh! OK, self, pull it together. Out of my way, monsters!
- Pit: Augh! No need to lurk all creepily.
- Pit: (high-pitched) "It looks like there's a way forward, Pit."
Pit: (normal voice) Thanks, Lady Palutena!
Pit: (high-pitched) "But you have to be careful, Pit. You're too handsome to lose."
Pit: (normal voice) Now that's something we can both agree on! ...I'm really starting to lose it.
- Pit: How is there a grind rail in here?!
- Pit: Weird. I thought grind rails were, like, a gift from the gods.
Hades: I'm hurt. Have you forgotten that your dear friend Hades is a god too?
Pit: But why would you help me get to my destination?! What's in it for you?!
Hades: Always the optimist, Pitty Pat. Who's to say this grind rail goes anywhere at all?
Hades: Just relax and enjoy the ride. Wherever you go, I'm sure you'll be dead.
- Pit: This grind rail just keeps going... And going and going and going.
- Hades: You know, Pitty... I'll miss you when you're gone.
(Hades punches through himself)
(Hades punches through himself two more times)
Hades: Ha ha ha ha! Surprised?!
Pit: Uh, yeah. How did you just punch yourself?
Hades: Aww, now you're making me feel bad. (Hades starts bringing enemies and objects into the room) And when I feel bad...I get hungry.
Pit: Waaaah! What is all this?! STOP eating things! It's bad enough that you eat souls!
Hades: But souls are delicious. They're like bacon — they taste good on everything.
Pit: But if you eat them, you completely remove them from existence! They can't move on or...or be reincarnated!
Hades: Huh. I never really gave it much thought. Besides, what do you mean by reincarnation anyway?
Pit: You know, being reborn as someone or something else.
Hades: Which means a different body, different memories, and different experiences, yes? So isn't being reborn as "something else" the same as being "removed from existence"?
Pit: I... I... Eating souls isn't right!
Hades: That depends on your definition of "right." All living things survive by eating other living things.
Pit: So what? You're a god. You should be above all that!
Hades: Gods are above living things, which doesn't necessarily mean we care about them.
Pit: What?! I can't believe you just said that! That's it! In the name of the living, I WILL destroy you!
Hades: Ugh, you're so boring. I really wish you'd leave. Unfortunately for you, there's only one way out.
Pit: No no no no no!
Hades: Cheer up. You've been PRIVY to a side of me that no one else has — my insides! And now, you'll be privy to the inside of a privy too. Tootle-LOO!
Pit: OK, OK, fine. I give up. Please spare me. PLEASE!
Hades: Obeying the call of nature is part of the cycle of life. Tell me, Pit, why do you hate life?
- Pit: Hm? What's that?
Hades: Viridi can't seem to mind her own business. Pardon me, if you will, I must go entertain my guests.
Pit: Hello? If Viridi's army is attacking, they're doing it awfully quietly.
Pit: (high-pitched, imitating Viridi) "At least I'M doing something, Pit. You're such a slacker. Ugh!"
Pit: (normal voice) I really need to stop talking to myself.
- Pit: I thought using souls to create monsters was evil...but at least those souls are being used in some other life. Hades and the Underworld have taken this too far. They've stolen so many souls that they're disrupting the proper balance of things. It's just like what Viridi says about humans disrupting the balance of nature. But it's worse than that, because Hades threatens the earth AND the heavens! He has to be stopped! And the only ones who can stop him are Lady Palutena and me. But I guess I'm just talking to myself here. Again. It's just me and that heart. That adorable little heart. Aw, it's so cute! I have to admit, it can really bust a move. Seems almost wrong to destroy it.
- Dark Pit: If it weren't for that explosion, I never would've found you.
Pit: I'm sure glad you did!
Palutena: It's good to see you, Pit!
Hades: That wasn't very-
Palutena: Good-bye, Hades! *extracts Pit and Dark Pit*
Hades: -NICE!!! *tries grabbing Pit and Dark Pit, but fails* That really hurt. But hey...at least I'm not dead!
- Palutena: The Three Sacred Treasures were destroyed that's why I called for help from DyntosPit: Cool! I've always wanted to meet the god of snacks!Palutena: Actually he's the god of the forge he made the three sacred treasures, he made all weapons, even that pathetic little one you're using now.Pit: It's not pathetic it's awesome!
- ????:Ohohohohoho!Dyntos: Why hello there Palutena, and hello to your little helper as well!Pit: Hey DyntosDyntos: That's Lord Dyntos to you sonny!Palutena: I apologize for his impertinence. So you know why we're here?Dyntos: Of course! You're here to defeat Hades and restore the celestial balance.Palutena: That's absolutely right!Dyntos: Oh to be young, brave, and have a head stuffed with wool. I jest I jest, I like the cut of your jib. If you pass all of my trials I'll make you a new weapon!
- Pit: You know the three sacred treasures weren't very sturdy. Can you make sure this new one won't just....fall apart?Dyntos: Palutena, you'd be wise to put a muzzle on your chicken.Palutena: I apologize for him....againPit: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.Dyntos: Aw that's alright, now I won't have to feel bad about what happens to you!
- Pit: Sometimes it feels like I'm fighting the entire universe.
- Pit: Hey, it's Cragalanche!
Pit: Strong and silent as ever, I see.
Dyntos: Yep, and he's still got a busted keister.
Pit: I have to hand it to you. Your craftsmanship and attention to detail is just amazing!
Palutena: If you wanted to, you could build the strongest army the world has ever seen!
Dyntos: Not interested. Though creating enemies if terribly fun. I use your experiences as the blueprints.
Pit: Wait...you can see into my brain?!
Palutena: Lord Dyntos is powerful beyond imagination, Pit.
Pit: Does that mean he's even more powerful than Hades?
Pit: I hear you, Cragalanche. This is scary stuff.
- Pit: Cragalanche crushed!
Dyntos: Good work there, sonny.
- Pit: Magnus, that's really you, right?
Magnus: The one and only.
Pit: I was sure you were another of Lord Dyntos's creations.
Palutena: That is the most likely explanation.
Dyntos: It's also the most incorrect. I just invited these two here to help test you.
Pit: In that case, I have some questions for you, Magnus! Why were you so quick to team up with me when we first met? And how come you're stronger than any other human I've seen? AND—
Magnus: What is this, twenty questions?
Magnus: Well, I don't have any answers for you. I'm only here to TEST you.
Gaol: Angel! It's the lord of the Underworld you oppose, yes?
Pit: Of course it is!
Gaol: Then concentrate on proving yourself, not what we're saying. Hold your questions for after you save the world.
- Dyntos: Here it is. The Great Sacred Treasure!
Pit: You're just giving it to me? I don't have to do something horrible first?
Dyntos: That depends on your definition of "horrible."
Pit: Wait! DON'T SHOOT!
- Palutena: The time has finally come, Pit. This is the final battle. Good luck!
Pit: Thanks! I am SO ready for this!
Viridi: Hope you didn't get too lonely without me.
Pit: What are you doing here, Viridi?
Viridi: There's no way I'd miss the battle of battles! I made popcorn and everything!
- Hades: Hello again, Pitty.
Pit: Excuse you. But anyway...
Pit and Hades: Now it's REALLY on! *slams Hades' fist and the Great Sacred Treasure together*
(simultaneously) Pit: On to victory! Hades: On to death!
- Pit: It wasn't cool of you to disappear earlier. After all, this IS our final battle.
Hades: Oh, I was just going to make a quick stop to decimate a country or two.
Pit: In the middle of battle? Why would you do that?
Viridi: Probably so he could fuel up on souls.
Hades: Yes, I was hoping to greet Pitty on top of a mountain of corpses. But I didn't even get a pile started with him hot on my heels. What a killjoy.
Palutena: Your hunger for destruction is as boundless as it is callous, Hades.
Pit: Plus, a "mountain of corpses"? Seriously?
- Pit: The Great Sacred Treasure is falling apart!
Palutena: No, it's...it's changing shape again!
Pit: Mech Armor mode engaged! This thing is so awesome.
- Viridi: He's covered from head to toe in weaponry. Like a rainbow apocalypse.
Hades: I prefer to think of it as my devastation ensemble. I only wear it for very special occasions. You know, weddings, armageddons...
- Palutena and Viridi: Medusa!?!
Palutena: But...we defeated you! Why are you helping us?
Medusa: Hades keeps reviving me, but I won't play the puppet anymore!
- Medusa: No! How dare you?!
Hades: I am your master, Medusa, and I will revive you as many times as I desire! *grows a new head* Gwaaah! But you've worn out your usefulness!
- Pit: How could you do that?
Viridi: You look like you need help, Pit. Activating the power of flight!
Palutena: Thanks, Viridi.
Viridi: Don't thank me yet. Get your heads back in the game! Let's finish this once and for all!
- Pit: I fight for all creatures living and breathing! I fight for all departed souls still hanging in limbo! But most of all, I fight for Lady Palutena, the goddess of light! And it's in all their names that I will crush you, lord of the Underworld! I won't let you desecrate another soul!
- Hades: It's hard to believe...but actually you got me, Pit. The nerve of you.
- Pit: Listen to those cheers! ...We did it! We saved every living thing! Everywhere!
Viridi: Not to rain on your parade, but now we're back to the real problem.
Pit: What's that?
Viridi: Humans! You might live for this adoration, but I'm not fooled by those cheers at all. Sure, Palutena says that humans are closest to the gods...
Viridi: But SHE can be a real sap sometimes. Why do YOU care so much about them?
Pit: Well, of all living beings, humans are the only ones with "heart".
Viridi: Uh-uh, not true! All living creatures have an essence that can be described as heart.
Pit: But humans have faith and devotion. That's what I mean by heart. Only humans believe in gods. Only humans RESPECT the gods.
Viridi: OK, A, you're not a god. And B, are you saying only believers deserve protection?
Palutena: Let him enjoy his moment in the sun. He saved everyone, not just humans.
Viridi: Augh! Then what's the point of faith and devotion anyway? Buttering up the gods to get greedy wishes granted?
Pit: That's one way of looking at it, I guess. ...Huh? Pittoo!
Viridi: Hey! Pay attention! I'm talking at you! Palutena, haven't YOU learned anything?
Palutena: It's true; humans are selfish little creatures driven by greed. Sounds a lot like us gods, wouldn't you say?
Pit: No way! (laughs) Nobody could be as selfish as the gods!
Viridi: (mimics Pit's laugh)... That's it. I'm done here. You guys can have your happy ending.
- Hades: Well, I must say I am impressed. Such a teeny little angel defeating such a big, bad god of the Underworld. Why, Pitty... that must make you the most powerful Nintendo character of all time! I'm actually rather proud of you. 8-bit Pit would have never made it this far. But don't worry, I'm not going to tear up the credits again. The game really is over. Which is why I'm here to delete your save data! 1, 2, 3, GONE! '(screen goes black...then comes back) Nawwww, I'm just messing with you, buddy.. Settle down. Your saves are, er, safe. I mean, I don't even have a body anymore. Couldn't delete a save file if I wanted to. I'm not even sure I can be resurrected in this state. There's the real tragedy. This dashing physique, this literally godly body, gone forever?! Ladies everywhere are no doubt weeping as we speak! Your fault! Oh, well. I'll figure something out. I have, what, 25 years until the next sequel? Anywho, you can always revisit me and other...friends...in the chapters you've beat. You can play our battles over and over again like a favorite book, or a broken record! Oh, and if the mood strikes you, throw some hearts into the Fiend's Cauldron. Hearts spice up the difficulty of the level and can net you some sweet rewards! And because I'm not a sore loser, I've unlocked Boss Battle mode for you. So here's to Kid Icarus: Uprising — my new favorite game of all time. Thanks for playing! Hades...out!