"My name is The Rickhead. I've been an atheist since I was eight years old. My diet consists of red-meat, cheap beer and mounds bars. Because it doesnt matter to me if I live past forty. We're all going to end up in the dirt at some point anyway. Might as well not spend it kneeling to a god that doesnt give a damn if the person praying has a baker's cyst. Admit it, you were thinking it, and thats where I come in. I say it, because you think it."
- Rick's voice-over rant at the beginning of the film.
"So my favorite restaurant 'Christ Chicken' is closed on Sundays. What, I'm only supposed to eat six days a week? I know you God-folk out there like to stuff your faces with faith and fried potatoes. So you can try to talk me into believing your invisible Santa Claus in the sky, but I cant talk you into fine dining on a Sunday? (Cut) So I'm proposing an ordinance that bans ringing church bells before noon. See, everyday some local Quasimodo starts banging away and wakes me up from a sound sleep. I only take two days off a week, Wednesdays and Sundays (thinly days I don't read viewer comments). So first you take away my favorite restaurant and now I cant even sleep? (Cut) And by the way, it shouldnt be called "24 hours of A Christmas Story", it should be "24 hours of A Holiday Story". When are we going to ban Christmas? How is it moral to continue to lie to these children? We have them believing in the corporate-sponsored Santa Claus down here, but we also have them believing in the invisible Santa Claus in the sky? I mean, the greatest gift of all would be to sit these kids down and tell them that there is no God! (Cut) I mean, why would anyone worship a guy that can't even take a good flogging? We have a local senator who pays $500 an hour at the local leather-club. You don't see me worshipping him as the son of God. (Cut) Is it really so hard? Admit it, you hated Jim Caviezel too! And until next time, I'm The Rickhead, and I say it because you think it."
- Rick's video at the beginning of the film.
"My name is The Rickhead. I've been a Christian for less than a week. My diet consists of crackers, holy-beer and Almond Joys. Because I hope to make it past forty. It doesn't matter if I end up in the dirt. My soul is going to be singing the praises alongside Jesus. I'll spend my time on the Earth praying to my God because there's no baker's cyst in Heaven. You probably weren't thinking it, but I said it anyway. I say it, and now you're thinking it.
- Ricks voice-over rant after meeting Santa Christ.