- Lieutenant Angela Arruti: Sir, may I have a word with you before debriefing?Captain Thomas Boone: Do you want to know why I didn't use the Phoenix?Lieutenant Angela Arruti: Yes, sir.Captain Thomas Boone: What's a Phoenix missile cost, lieutenant?Lieutenant Angela Arruti: A million dollars, sir.Captain Thomas Boone: You think a couple of camel jockeys are worth that kind of money?Lieutenant Angela Arruti: Serbs don't ride camels, sir.Captain Thomas Boone: Well they fly like they do.Lieutenant Angela Arruti: Sir, that doesn't explain why we took them on alone.Captain Thomas Boone: I wanted to see if you had the guts for a knife fight. And you don't.Lieutenant Angela Arruti: That's not fair, sir.Captain Thomas Boone: Well hell, I don't have to be fair, lieutenant. I'm the CAG.Rear Admiral Al Brovo: If Admiral Drake were smart, he'd make this RIO more famous than Amelia Earhart.Lt. Commander Ted Lindsey: She's missing, sir.Rear Admiral Al Brovo: Did anybody tell FDR?Lt. Commander Ted Lindsey: Sir?Rear Admiral Al Brovo: That Amelia Earhart was missing?Lt. Commander Ted Lindsey: No, sir. She's not missing. well, I guess she is missing, sir. But that's not who I'm referring to: I meant Lieutenant Arutti.Rear Admiral Al Brovo: Who's Lieutenant Arutti?Lt. Commander Ted Lindsey: The female RIO that Jay Leno's talking about, sir. She disappeared at sea last night.Lieutenant JG Caitlin Pike: Those wings look good on you.Lieutenant Harmon Rabb: Well, you know what they say about gold wings and dress whites. They'll get you in bed anywhere.Lieutenant JG Caitlin Pike: Except here.Captain Thomas Boone: You sure you're up to this, Mr. DePalma?Chuck DePalma, ZNN reporter: No problem, captain. The Air Force gave me a ride in an F-16. I did just fine.Captain Thomas Boone: Lieutenant Mace, when Mr. DePalma's ready you take him topside and familiarise him with the cockpit and ejection procedures.Lieutenant Mace: Aye, aye, sir.Captain Thomas Boone: Mr. DePalma, we will be flying a Tomcat that has been modified for recon and training missions. There's a complete set of controls in your cockpit but if you touch anything other than your personal joystick, I'll eject you over the Adriatic and forget where I did it.Chuck DePalma, ZNN reporter: Yes, sir.Lieutenant Cassie "Lobo" Puller: 166. Tomcat. Ball. 4.8.Lieutenant "Ripper" Carter: Roger, Ball. You're below glide path- below glide path. 166, do you still have the Ball?Lieutenant Cassie "Lobo" Puller: 166. Roger. Ball.Lieutenant "Buster" Williams: You just had to out-press him, didn't you?Lieutenant Cassie "Lobo" Puller: He can't wave us off forever.Lieutenant "Buster" Williams: That's true. We'll be out of fuel soon.Lieutenant Keeter Jenkins: Considering the conditions, she's doing pretty well!Lieutenant "Ripper" Carter: This bitch couldn't fly a weather balloon. 166, go around, go around!Lieutenant Cassie "Lobo" Puller: Not this time, Ripper!(forcefully lands the plane and catches the trap after her upteenth wave-off)Lieutenant "Ripper" Carter: The deck was rising and her approach was low. I had no other choice but to wave her off, sir.Captain Thomas Boone: Keeter?Lieutenant Keeter Jenkins: She was a little low, sir.Lieutenant Cassie "Lobo" Puller: I made the trap, sir.Captain Thomas Boone: You caught the number one wire, which means your tail cleared the ramp by three feet.Lieutenant Cassie "Lobo" Puller: Sir, I was bingo fuel. I knew I could make it.Captain Thomas Boone: Well, hell, Lieutenant, why have LSO's at all? We may as well save the Navy the money. Put these men back in the cockpit where they'd rather be anyway. Lieutenant, you have the worst trap record on this ship. I'm not sure you could land a Tomcat at Dulles without a wave-off.Lieutenant Cassie "Lobo" Puller: Yes, sir!Captain Thomas Boone: If you ever ignore an LSO again, your next flight will be a one-way trip on the COD to Naples.Lieutenant Cassie "Lobo" Puller: Yes, sir.Captain Thomas Boone: Dismissed.(Cassie leaves)Captain Thomas Boone: Ripper? You don't like female pilots, do you, son?Lieutenant "Ripper" Carter: No, sir. I do not.Captain Thomas Boone: Neither do I. Don't believe they have the stomach for battle.Lieutenant "Ripper" Carter: You got that right, CAG.Captain Thomas Boone: (curtly) But if one of my LSO's ever intentionally waved a pilot off because she was a female, I'd keelhaul him. Do we understand each other, mister?Lieutenant "Ripper" Carter: Yes, sir.Captain Thomas Boone: Dismissed.Lieutenant Cassie "Lobo" Puller: I figure the only chance you've got is to follow me in. I'll set you into the slot.Lieutenant Harmon Rabb: No offense, Lobo, but you've got the worst trap record on the ship.Lieutenant Cassie "Lobo" Puller: It's better than yours...noteLieutenant Harmon Rabb: Gear down... Flaps down... Automatic throttle engaged...Lieutenant Cassie "Lobo" Puller: (concerned that he's forgetting the most important thing) Hook down?noteLieutenant Harmon Rabb: [deflated "oh, yeah" tone of voice] ....Hook down.Lieutenant Keeter Jenkins: He hasn't made a trap in five years!Lieutenant "Ripper" Carter: (misoginistically) With luck, he'll take her with him!Lieutenant JG Caitlin Pike: Lieutenant Carter! You are relieved of duty and confined to quarters pending the convening of a board of inquiry into Lieutenant Arutti's death.Lieutenant "Ripper" Carter: (also misoginistically) By whose orders?Lieutenant JG Caitlin Pike: MINE! Under Article 118 of the Uniform Code Of Military Justice.Lieutenant "Ripper" Carter: (outraged) Get this bitch off my platform before I THROW HER OFF!Lieutenant Bud Roberts: SERGEANT!(a muscular male sergeant on security detail with the escort apprehends Carter)(Pike draws up to Carter's face)Lieutenant JG Caitlin Pike: And it's "Lieutenant Pike", not "bitch".... (venomously) ASSHOLE.Lieutenant Harmon Rabb: Clear? I'm throttling back. Looking for 150 knots.Lieutenant Cassie "Lobo" Puller: How's he doing, Buster?Lieutenant "Buster" Williams: I wouldn't ride with him. And I ride with you!Lieutenant Cassie "Lobo" Puller: Looking good, Harm.Captain Thomas Boone: You know, your dad and I were on a photo recon when he went down.Lieutenant Rabb: I know. I read the mission debrief.Captain Thomas Boone: How the hell did you get that?Lieutenant Rabb: Freedom of Information Act.Captain Thomas Boone: Lawyers...Chuck DePalma, ZNN reporter (on TV) The most unlikely hero of last night's highly successful naval air strike was Lieutenant Harmon Rabb, Jr.—Rear Admiral Al Brovo: Yes!Chuck DePalma, ZNN reporter (on TV) —who saved Captain Thomas Boone's life when he safely landed this damaged Tomcat onto the deck of the Seahawk. What is so unusual is that Lieutenant Rabb isn't even an active pilot in the Navy. He's a member of the Judge Advocate General Corps. He's a lawyer...!Newsreporter: That Was Chuck DePalma reporting from the USS Seahawk...Rear Admiral Al Brovo: (cackles) Did you ever think you'd see the day when a lawyer was a hero in America, Teddy? —>Lt. Commander Ted Lindsey:' No, sir. I think you should take a look at this, Admiral. It's from Lieutenant Rabb.Rear Admiral Al Brovo: So she was murdered.Lt. Commander Ted Lindsey: Yes, sir.Rear Admiral Al Brovo: That's too bad. ...Well, you can't have everything.Lt. Commander Ted Lindsey:' Excuse me, sir, but aren't you concerned about a Senate hearing? I mean, you said it could discredit our JAG investigation and ruin Lieutenant Rabb's career.Rear Admiral Al Brovo: They wouldn't dare go after him now. He's a hero. Nope, if anybody goes from JAG, it'll be me.(heads for the door... then turns around with a big grin)Rear Admiral Al Brovo: ...Or you, Teddy.Lieutenant Cassie "Lobo" Puller: This is humiliating, Harm. Launching from the back seat.Lieutenant Harmon Rabb: Look at it this way, Cassie. You'll land without a wave-off.Lieutenant Harmon Rabb: Here. (helps Pike fasten her seat-belt)Lieutenant JG Caitlin Pike: (naughtily) You know what they say about gold wings and a white uniform.(Harm gets a dirty grin)(the plane lurches and knocks the wind out of them on takeoff)Pilot Movie, "A New Beginning" (Season 1, episodes 1 & 2)Grover: Don't you hate it when the bad guy's so good?Lieutenant Harmon Rabb: No. Makes nailing his ass that much more satisfying.Season 1, episode 3, "Shadow"Lt. Commander Theodore Lindsey: The State Department is not happy with your handling of the CAG's court-martial. They don't understand how the defending counsel wound up parachuting into Bosnia.Lieutenant JG Meg Austin: The Bosnia rescue was an integral part of our defense, sir.Lt. Commander Theodore Lindsey: That's what I told them, that occasionally circumstances dictate that we have to act beyond the courtroom.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Well put, sir.Lt. Commander Theodore Lindsey: Then State wanted to look at your cases for the last few months and wanted to know if staging jailbreaks in Iraq, flying missions in F-14s, and recovering stolen nuclear weapons qualify as "occasionally".Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Well, they say that the Navy is not just a job, it's an adventure.Season 1, episode 10, "Boot"Lieutenant Harmon Rabb: That's a little crazy even for a Marine.Lieutenant JG Meg Austin: Nothing's too crazy for Marines.Season 1, episode 12, "The Brotherhood"Commander Alison Krennick: If I were you, talking hypothetically, of course, I'd be asking for a deal.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Well, I'm not, but since we're talking hypothetically, what would that deal be?Commander Alison Krennick: CAG resigns, admits his responsibility, court-martial never happens.Captain Thomas Boone (CAG): You can go to hell. Hypothetically.Season 1, episode 13, "Defensive Action"Mrs. Anderson: (arrest warrant issued on her ex-husband) How will that help me get Trevor back.Attorney: When the police spot your ex-husband, they arrest him, and they return your son to your custody.Mrs. Anderson: But I don't know how Matt's gonna take to that.Attorney: What do you care? You want your son back, don't you?Mrs. Anderson: Yes, but arresting Matt could ruin his career.Attorney: Mrs. Anderson, most ex-wives would pay me double for that.Season 1, episode 18, "Survivors"Lieutenant JG Meg Austin: Looks a lot bigger in person, doesn't it? Who would have ever thought we'd be this close to it?Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr.: Speak for yourself, lieutenant. July 20, 1969.Lieutenant JG Meg Austin: The Apollo moon landing?Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr.: I watched it with my mom. I remember seeing Armstrong roaming around up there, wondering if he stopped right then and looked up at the Earth, he'd see me and my dad in Vietnam at the same time.Lieutenant JG Meg Austin: I'll bet there were a lot of future astronauts recruited that night.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr.: Yeah, I'll bet there were. What do you remember about it?Lieutenant JG Meg Austin: Nothing. I was a baby.Season 1, episode 19, "Recovery"Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Nobody pulls a JAG officer off an investigation except me or God, and He hasn't asked.Season 1, episode 22, "Skeleton Crew"Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Well done, commander.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Thank you, sir.Lieutenant JG Bud Roberts: Very well done, sirRear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Don't over do it, Mr. Roberts, he's a naval aviator. With his wings comes an ego as big as an admiral's.Lieutenant JG Bud Roberts: One or two stars, sir? (silence) I was joking,sirRear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Lieutenant JGs don't joke with admirals, son, it could get him transferred to a supply ship in the Aleutians. Joking is strictly an admiral's privilege only.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Just call us JAG, Mr. Webb. It's not such a mouthful.Clayton Webb: [About Colonel O'Hara] He's a traitor and should be shot.Major Sarah Mackenzie: Since when did we start shooting Americans for saying what they think?Clayton Webb: He's advocating anarchy, major. And there are plenty of right-wing nutcases looking for a voice like his to follow.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: I don't think he's an extremist.Clayton Webb: He stole the damn Declaration of Independence. That's pretty extreme in my book.Season 2, episode 1, "We the People"Lieutenant JG Bud Roberts: NCIS didn't find anything in his apartment, sir.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: I'm surprised they found his apartment without a trail of donuts!Maj. Sarah MacKenzie: Objection! Your Honor, the prosecution has just gone from speculation to fantasy.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Captain Morris suggested a transfer to Somalia, but I told him Somalia was letting you off too easy.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: I concur, sir.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: What in God's name would possess you to fire a weapon in in the courtroom?Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: No excuse, sir.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: You're damn right, there's no excuse!Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Yes, sir.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: I warned you, commander!Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: You did, sir.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: AT EASE!Season 2, episode 4, "Heroes"Lt. Cmdr. Harmon Rabb: You grounded Lieutenant Isaacs after a substandard landing. The LSO log indicates: OSCB, EGAR, DNKH.Capt. Thomas Boone (CAG): That's correct.Maj. Sarah MacKenzie: Can you tell me what those initials stand for, sir?Capt. Thomas Boone (CAG): OSCB, Over Shot Came Back. EGAR, Eased Gun At Ramp.Maj. Sarah MacKenzie: What about, uh... DNKH?Capt. Thomas Boone (CAG): Well, that's the technical one, major. Damn Near Killed Herself.Season 2, episode 5, "Crossing the Line"(Before going undercover as a Marine NCO, Harm gets a crash course)Lt. Cmdr. Harmon Rabb: Sergeant Major Sauer?(The Sergeant Major suddenly appears)Lt. Cmdr. Harmon Rabb: Sergeant major?Sergeant Major Sauer: You will address me as sir, recruit. Do you understand?Lt. Cmdr. Harmon Rabb: I'm Commander—Sergeant Major Sauer: Do you understand?Lt. Cmdr. Harmon Rabb: Yes, sir.Sergeant Major Sauer: Because you are one of the most miserable specimens I have ever seen. There is no way in hell I'm gonna be able to square away what God has so badly screwed up. There is not enough time. Unless you pay attention to every word I say. Do you understand?Lt. Cmdr. Harmon Rabb: Yes, sir.Sergeant Major Sauer: Good. Then repeat back what I have just told you.Lt. Cmdr. Harmon Rabb: Every word?Sergeant Major Sauer: Are you making a joke, recruit?Lt. Cmdr. Harmon Rabb: No, sir.Season 2, episode 11, "Force Recon"Zaki: We are not murderers! We are fighting for the freedom of our people.Lt. Cmdr. Harmon Rabb: By killing old men and young women?Zaki: Do you know how many old men and young women and even babies we have lost?Lt. Cmdr. Harmon Rabb: Too many. It doesn't justify killing more.Season 2, episode 13, "Code Blue"Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr.: The Abductee's Survival Manual?Lieutenant JG Bud Roberts: It's a compilation of personal accounts of actual survivors.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr.: Survivors of what?Both: Alien Abductions.Lieutenant JG Bud Roberts: Don't you believe in the possibility of life on other planets, sir?Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr.: A life, maybe. Flying saucers stealing cows and hillbillies? I don't think so, Bud. I believe in things you can see, smell, taste, touch.Lieutenant JG Bud Roberts: Sir, there were a rash of UFO sightings all along the coast the night that Commander Douglas disappeared.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr.: So now you think they were abducted by aliens?Lieutenant JG Bud Roberts: Well, there is a theory that The Bermuda Triangle contains what's called a blue hole. It's like a space warp and the aliens use it like a portal. And sometimes they'll take humans back with them.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr.: Take them back for what?Lieutenant JG Bud Roberts: Experimentation. Hybrid breeding. Things I don't even wanna think about, sir.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr.: How many of these brain-nuts are you eating a day, Bud?Lieutenant JG Bud Roberts: Power-nuts, sir.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr.: Power-nuts.Season 3, episode 6, "Vanished"Maj. Sarah Mackenzie: Do you want this medal, Rivers?Lt. Curtis Rivers: It's just a trinket.Maj. Sarah Mackenzie: You know, General Patton once said he would sell his soul for the Medal of Honor.Lt. Curtis Rivers: General Patton wasn't a SEAL. We don't do what we do for the ribbons, ma'am. Men die for their buddies. Others die for their country. And some die for no reason at all. But no one, no one I know, ever died for a medal.Season 3, episode 8, "Above and Beyond"Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Webb, I don't know whether to thank you or ram your teeth down your throat.Season 3, episode 10, "People v. Rabb"Major Sarah MacKenzie: Anything broken?Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Just my ego. Never been shot down before.Season 4, episode 1, "Gypsy Eyes"Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Commander, do not do anything to exacerbate the situation.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Don't worry, sir, you know me.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Yes I do!Season 4, episode 2, "Embassy"Rear Admiral Morris: Oh, and Commander Rabb. Remember the time you discharged a firearm in my courtroom?Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Yes, sir. I was a little overzealous.Rear Admiral Morris: You were a loose cannon, commander, both figuaratively and literally. But you're older and wiser now, aren't you?Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Yes, sir.Rear Admiral Morris: Good. Because if you pull a stunt like that again, the next psych hearing will be your own.Major Sarah Mackenzie: Professor Ressler, I'm flattered you remembered me.Juanita Ressler: I didn't. When I saw your name listed as trial counsel, I researched your background. You were in my Criminal Law class at Duke.Sarah Mackenzie: Yes, you advised me to drop Law, and take up lap dancing.Juanita Ressler: I see you didn't take my advice.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Why are you getting involved in this, Mr. Bertram.Percival Bertram: Because I will not stand by and watch that young patriot suffer for doing that none of us had the guts to do. Those people can attack us at will! Beirut, Khobar Towers, World Trade Center, embassies, and now the Wake Island.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: We retaliated for the embassies, Mr. Bertram. We'll retaliate for Wake Island.Percival Bertram: How? By blowing up a pill factory in the Sudan? By lobbing some missiles into Afghanistan? We should be going after their governments, their leaders. But what are we doing? We're going after a bunch of ragtag gorillas stoking around in mountain caves. Their terrorism will not defeat us, commander, but our complacency will. We've got to let those bastards know that there's no more open season on Americans. We have the most powerful nation on the face of the earth. And by the Lord God, we're going hunting.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Because we are the most powerful nation on the earth, sir, we can't.Percival Bertram: Oh, come down from your high moral ground, commander. You know you agree with me.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Part of me, maybe. But the other part, sir, knows that we are a nation of laws, and that is what makes us great. Vigilantes like yourself are as dangerous to this country as the terrorists.Season 4, episode 6, "Act of Terror"Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: You knew the truth, Mr. Delaporte. You altered it to fit your story. You deliberately left things out.Norman Delaporte, ZNN reporter: No. I chose what to put in. That's what a reporter does.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: You rejected the things that didn't fit your thesis, sir. You reportes rumor.Norman Delaporte, ZNN reporter: I made a judgment call.Congresswoman Bobbi Latham: You lied to this committee on several counts, Mr. Delaporte. You testified that you did not buy the tape. You did. You testified that the tape was 18 minutes long.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: It was 22 minutes.Congressman Martin: Mr. Rabb, address your remarks to this committee.Congresswoman Bobbi Latham: Let him talk. I'm interested in what he has to say.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Tell me something, Congressman Martin, why is it that people are so ready to believe the worst of the military? These men put their lives on the line. They're the ones who risk it all. So why are people like Sergeant Morrison the last to be believed and men like this [points to Delaporte], the first?Season 4, episode 8, "Mr. Rabb goes to Washington"Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: New years resolution, remember to kill Rabb.Season 4, episode 11, "Jaggle Bells"Master Chief Crimins: Major. That's the head.Major Mackenzie: Yes, master chief.Master Chief Crimins: Well, you're gonna need instructions on what to do in there.(Gets WTH look from Major Mackenzie).Master Chief Crimins: Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am. That came out wrong. You— What I mean is that the facilities on a submarine are, well, unique. Think of it as a chamber within a chamber, so you're... When you've concluded your business, then you'll have to stand and open the saltwater inlet valve, close it when it fills, then open the flapper valve. That's a cylinder with a hole in it that's located in the bottom of the receptacle itself. And... Turn it so that the... Well, the contents empty into the sanitary tank. Thing is, you're gonna have to open it into its smallest aperture first because if the pressure in the sanitary tank's higher than that in the toilet, then the contents can blow back at you. And, anyway, if you're turning the valve and you see bubbles, then just stop and call the engineer.Major Mackenzie: Thanks for the instructions, master chief Crimins. But at the moment, I'm just using it to change'.Master Chief Crimins: Oh. Yes, ma'am.Season 4, episode 16, "Silent Service".Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Quite a day, huh, sir?Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Yep. Never a dull moment around this place.Season 4, episode 23, "Yeah, Baby".Alexander Nelson, Secretary of the Navy: Commander Rabb was there?Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Apparently he was close by. He was not involved in the action.Alexander Nelson, Secretary of the Navy: Well, thatd be a first!Season 5, episode 2, "Rules of Engagement"Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie: The reason officers aren't allowed to be contemptuous of civilian leaders is to keep the military out of politics. We don't have military coups in this country. I assume your paper would like to keep it that way.Wexler, Washington Globe editor: So you tell me if I don't tell you who wrote that editorial, I can expect to see tanks rolling down Pennsylvania Avenue.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Why me?Suzanne Moore, Roanoke Liberty Foundation: Who better? You're everything he isn't.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: The poster boy for Clinton-bashing. Aquitted or convicted, a martyr to your cause.Suzanne Moore, Roanoke Liberty Foundation: Your cause too.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: You don't know that.Suzanne Moore, Roanoke Liberty Foundation: Harm, we have to show these people up for what they really are.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Well, what are you?Suzanne Moore, Roanoke Liberty Foundation: Organizations like this are trying to put the country back on the right track.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: Then I'll stay on the wrong track, thank you.Suzanne Moore, Roanoke Liberty Foundation: Okay, think what you want. But I didn't even commit a crime. I am not a military officer. I am allowed to write an editorial criticizing the president.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: But you're not allowed to commit telecommunications fraud, or to impersonate a military officer, or to conspire to interfere with the administration of justice. I'm sure the Clinton Department of Justice will think of a few more things to charge you with.Suzanne Moore, Roanoke Liberty Foundation: This will help him. You don't even like him.Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb: It doesn't matter if I like him. He's my Commander in Chief.Season 5, episode 9, "Comtemptuous Words"Renee Peterson: With all due respect, commander, your reality is boring.Commander Harmon Rabb: Ma'am, this scenario does not address the fine points of military law.Renee Peterson: Unathorized absence, insubordinate conduct? It sounds like we're back in high school. Missing a movement? What is that? Is that a crime or an intestinal ailment?Commander Harmon Rabb: Miss Peterson, you apparently don't understand what JAG lawyers do.Renee Peterson: You don't do anything. You don't fire torpedoes or storm beaches. You talk.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: is there a problem here?Commander Harmon Rabb: Sir—Renee Peterson: Yeah, I'll tell you the problem, general.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Admiral.Renee Peterson: Whatever. The problem is that the Navy is 18 000 sailors short and can't fill its quotas. The problem is that I have been hired to shoot a recruiting commercial, and rather than being given Navy pilots or Navy pilots or Navy SEALs, like a certain feature director, I was given Navy lawyers.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Miss Peterson, the Navy is not just about its warriors. Most of the 400 000 men and women in uniform will never see a single day of combat, God willing. Now, maybe their expertise is engineering, or electronics, or nuclear propulsion. Whatever their specialty, they are essential to our national security. The Navy can't function without its cooks. I can't function without its doctors, its mechanics, its lawyers, trained in the art of war and the profession of peace.Renee Peterson: Admiral, you have great presence.(Admiral smiles)Renee Peterson: But its too hokey. It would never sell.Season 5, episode 12, "Into the Breech"Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: She wants a chance to talk to my friends. Are we friends here?Commander Harmon Rabb: Id like to think so, sir.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: I dont think friends call each other sir.Season 5, episode 25, "Surface Warfare"Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: In the meantime, just try to stay out of trouble.Commander Harmon Rabb: Ill do my best, sir.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Thats what Im afraid of.Season 6, episode 11, "Baby It's Cold outside"Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Tiner.Petty officer Jason Tiner: Sir.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: What do you know about teenage girls?Petty Officer Jason Tiner: They look good in shorts, sir.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Dismissed.Season 7, episode 3, "Measure of Men"Commander Sturgis Turner: Lieutenant Barrett, why did you blow up an EP-3 on a Chinese runway?Lieutenant Barrett: It had to be done, sir.Commander Sturgis Turner: Regardless of the consequences?Lieutenant Barrett: If I'm found guilty, Commander, I'm prepared to pay the prize.Commander Sturgis Turner: What about the cost to your government, lieutenant?Lieutenant Barrett: Well, I realise the aircraft was expensive, sir.Commander Sturgis Turner: That's not what I'm talking about. The cost I'm talking about is the damage to American-Chinese relations. the cost I'm talking about is the increased danger that another such incident might occur. The cost and the potential loss of American lives.Lieutenant Barrett: Well, that's the price we have to pay then, sir.Commander Sturgis Turner: Who are you to determine that, lieutenant?Lieutenant Barrett: At the Academy, I was taught what is right and what is wrong.Commander Sturgis Turner: You were taught it was right to fly into sovereign airspace and to fire rockets whenever the spirits moved you?Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie: Sometimes this job really...Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Sucks! Yes, it does.Season 7, episode 10, "Dog Rober, Part 2"Commander Sturgis Turner: Youre right about Tiners coffee. It tastes like battery acid.Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie: You should have tried it before he knew the pot required a filter.Season 7, episode 12, "Capital Crime"Commander Harmon Rabb: Why did you ignore the regulations, lieutenant?Lt. Stephanie Donato: Because they're ridiculous, sir.Season 7, episode 15, "Head to Toe"Commander Harmon Rabb: Captain Sebring's been charged with involuntary manslaughter.Commander Sturgis Turner: Judge Sebring? No way, the man's so by-the-book he won't brush his teeth the wrong way.Season 7, episode 22, "Defending His Honor"Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie: Hey. Tiners brew has reached yet another octane level. Want some?Commander Harmon Rabb: Im gonna go with the tea.Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie: Yeah.Season 8, episode 8, "Ready or Not"Commander Harmon Rabb: Saving the best for last commander?Commander Theodore Lindsey: Oh, I wont rehash incidents like turning your hallowed halls of justice here into shooting practise, or mention the fact that you personally burned through a quarter-billion dollars of military equipment in your career. Nine-tenths of that after you left flight status to become a lawyer.Commander Harmon Rabb: Well, thank you.Commander Theodore Lindsey: No, I came here to thank you for delivering the icing on the cake, commander. You have more than enough to recommend your lieutenant Hien for court-martial.Commander Harmon Rabb: What does any of this have to do with you?Commander Theodore Lindsey: You're squandering the Navys time by keeping this investigation open. As per usual, what you want is what you get, and the admiral thinks I'm not captains material.Commander Harmon Rabb: So that's what this is about, huh, commander? The good-child syndrome. You keep your nose clean. I don't, but I catch all the breaks.Commander Theodore Lindsey: Oh commander, dont worry. Your days of catching all the breaks are over. My report on this place goes to the SECNAV at 0900 tomorrow. Im recommending that you and your friends here at JAG all be reassigned.Commander Harmon Rabb: Reassigned?Commander Theodore Lindsey: Youve all become far too cliquish. The interpersonal incest that goes on around here makes it impossible for the chain of command to function. It's long overdue Rabb. You and I both know it.Season 8, episode 18, "Fortunate Son"Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Kid shoots an arrow into a corpse. That's a new one.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: What the hell went on between you and Lieutenant Singer?Commander Harmon Rabb: Nothing, sir.Rear Admiral A.J. Chwegwidden: NOTHING MY ASS! AFTER THAT PERFORMANCE IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM, YOU'D BE MY PRIME SUSPECT!Commander Harmon Rabb: I didn't kill Lieutenant Singer, Admiral.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: I know you didn't kill her. But you're involved and I wanna know how.Commander Harmon Rabb: I'd rather not say, sir.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Good God, did you get her pregnant? Of course not, you didn't get her pregnant(walks away and turns back)Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: But you know who did and you're protecting him, aren't you?Commander Harmon Rabb: I am protecting Lieutenant Singer's privacy, sir. If she disn't tell anyone who the father was I'm not gonna speculate.Rear Admiral AJ Chegwidden: You're not being more truthful with me than you would be with NCIS.Commander Harmon Rabb: I'm not gonna lie, Admiral.Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: No, you're a damn good lawyer. You know how to obfuscate the truth in an interrogation—(becomes silent, scoffs and the chuckles)Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Damn, he's good.Commander Harmon Rabb: Sir?Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Special Agent Gibbs. He's got me questioning you. Hearsay rules don't apply in an interrogation, I'm duty bound to repeat anything you tell me if he asks.Commander Harmon Rabb: You really think he's that devious?Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Reminds me a lot of you.Season 8, episode 20, "Ice Queen"Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie: (while punching Sadik Fahd) I'm not weak, I'm not barren, and I'm not a whore!Season 9, episode 16, "Persian Gulf"Rear Admiral A.J. Chegwidden: Don't you two ever get tired of disagreeing?Commander Harmon Rabb: No, sir.Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie: Yes, sir.Season 9, episode 20, "Fighting Words"Commander Harmon Rabb: For this marriage to be successful, one of us has to resign our commission.Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie: And it's no surprise we couldn't decide which one.Commander Harmon Rabb: So we're going to let fate decide. Bud?Lt. Commander Bud Roberts: Before he retired Admiral Chegwidden gave me his JAG coin and I thought this would be the perfect moment to use it.Season 10, episode 22, "Fair Winds and Following Seas"
Quotes / JAG