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Quotes / Ironic Hell

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"Over the past five years at You Are Dumb Dot Net, I have repeatedly claimed to be redefining my personal vision of Hell. And each time, it was mostly true. But from now on, if I ever say that? I'm lying for comedic effect."
Bryan Lambert

Black Mage: (Upon dying and going to hell) Wait, if I did evil, and you guys are evil, then shouldn't you be showering me with rewards and concubines?
The Devil: This is hell. We're big on irony here.

"But such a talent is worthless in Hell where time doesn't exist. Hell gave me everything I wanted and then changed the rules so that it didn't matter."
— Arloest, Jack

Baby Blue: Don't go easy on these guys, Fyoosh. They deserve to be punished. They're worthless scum and they know it.
Fuchsia: Isn't that punishment enough?
Baby Blue: No. You gotta drive the point home!

"Men are not punished for their sins but by them"

You remember the dragon that you brought Vader forth from your heart to slay. You remember the cold venom in Vader's blood. You remember the furnace of Vader's fury, and the black hatred of seizing her throat to silence her lying mouth—
And there is one blazing moment in which you finally understand that there was no dragon. That there was no Vader. That there was only you. Only Anakin Skywalker.
That it was all you. Is you.
Only you.
You did it.
You killed her.
You killed her because, finally, when you could have saved her, when you could have gone away with her, when you could have been thinking about her, you were only thinking about yourself...
It is in this blazing moment that you finally understand the trap of the dark side, the final cruelty of the Sith—
Because now your self is all you will ever have.
And you rage and scream and reach through the Force to crush the shadow who has destroyed you, but you are so far less now than what you were, you are more than half machine, you are like a painter who has gone blind, a composer gone deaf, you can remember where the power was but the power you can touch is only a memory, and so with all your world-destroying fury it is only droids around you that implode, and equipment, and the table on which you were strapped shatters, and in the end, you cannot touch the shadow.
In the end, you do not even want to.
In the end, the shadow is all you have left.
Because the shadow understands you, the shadow forgives you, the shadow gathers you unto itself—
And within your furnace heart, you burn in your own flame.
This is how it feels to be Anakin Skywalker.
Revenge of the Sith novelization

"Oh, irony's all relative anyway. I added an extra circle of hell where Monty Python fans quote lines at each other. It's torment for everybody else, but they all think they're in Heaven!"

Continually emerging from the slave ship, these are the festering creatures who foil my attempts to escape this confounded rock. Rats live within their flesh, writhing within it and then springing forth randomly. They appear to be a reincarnation, not of the slaves — for then they would be of darker skin tone — but instead of the slave traders. In this form, they are forced to live out again and again the fate they forced upon those hapless slaves.
Clem, on the Festers, The Suffering

"Because I severed those so joined, I carry
alas-my brain dissevered from its source,
which is within my trunk. And thus, in me
one sees the law of counter-penalty."
Bertran de Born, The Divine Comedy


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