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Quotes / Improvised Weapon

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"Imagination is a weapon too. Those without it are the first to die."
Goblin Slayer, Goblin Slayer

"I'll kill you with my teacup."

Jade: I ought'a take this and kill you both with it!
Tori: (holding onto Andre) How can you kill us with a roll of toilet paper?

"I once saw him kill three men in a bar with a pencil. With... a fucking... pencil."
Viggo, regarding John Wick

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"We must improvise. The world is full of weapons waiting to be used."

Farrel: You just killed a helicopter with a car!
McClane: I was out of bullets.

"You used a crate? I mean, really, a crate?"
Neutral, TwoKinds

"Did you know that, at 400 miles per hour, soccer balls can decapitate people?"
Steven Heck, Alpha Protocol

"Folks're always tellin' me to use the door."

Zeetha: You just said: "No weapons."
Higgs: That wasn't a weapon, that was a chair.
Zeetha: Well then! Give me a chair!
Higgs: Comin' up.
[later]
Zeetha: Tankard! Not a weapon!

A muzzle takes away your teeth, but look around - there are teeth everywhere.
Argal, Doglands

"This needle-sized ninja sword is too small to use as a weapon. Well, it's too small to use as an effective weapon. Pretty much anything can be used as an ineffective weapon."

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"As long as we still have guns, we gonna fight. And if we run out of bullets? Baby, they gonna wish we hadn't."
Coach, Left 4 Dead 2

"Harry invited Smithy round for an explanation. Smithy didn't do a very good job. Within a minute, Harry lost his rag, reached for the nearest thing at hand, which happened to be a fifteen-inch black rubber cock. He then proceeded to batter poor Smithy to death with it."

Kung-Fu Cowboy minion: [does a bunch of kicks] I learned that from a Chinaman!
West: [picks up a shovel and knocks him out in one hit] I just made that up!

"If a minifig can't find a real weapon, Random Objects are better than nothing, although this is only because having nothing sucks to such an impressive degree."
Brikwars Manual on what to do when disarmed

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Dr. Danger: Can nothing stop this thing?
"Dash" O' Pepper: Just let me throw a barrel at it!
Freakazoid!, "Toby Danger in Doomsday Bet"

"Shit, there's a lot of things you could use to kill a guy with. You could probably beat a guy to death with the Sunday New York Times, couldn't you?"

Seanbaby: Where the book really shines is its tips on creating makeshift weapons using only the crap found on a plane. For example, here's how to arts 'n' crafts an ordinary Coke can into a dagger... they give tips on crushing terrorist windpipes with the edge of a meal tray! Why the hell not!?
Stewardess: THIS is the deal with airline food!

"Depending on how hardcore you are about making trips to the Home Depot every weekend, this place can potentially be literally covered from wall to wall with diabolical instruments so pointy and menacing that it makes some of those pussy-ass Spanish Inquisition torture chambers look like an inflatable bounce house at a six-year-old's birthday party."

Glory: You lost your hammer, sweet cheeks. What are you gonna hit me with now?
[a huge wrecking-ball smashes through the wall and into Glory]
Buffy: Whatever's handy.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "The Gift"

Valmont: You are telling me one man stopped you?
Finn: Uh, yes, but—
Valmont: Three of my enforcers armed with high-tech weapons were defeated by an... archaeologist?
Finn: Did we mention he had windshield wipers?
Jackie Chan Adventures, "The Dark Hand"

"Naturally, you're not armed in church. The nearest blunt instrument is the processional cross - a good ten pounds of silver and mahogany. God will understand."

Ben: Whoa! I am... pretty sure you shouldn't have a weapon at work.
Ron: Literally everything is a weapon, son. That folder in my hands is much deadlier than this bow in yours.
Ben: Oh, that's... probably true.
Parks and Recreation. Keep in mind Ron has an enormous crossbow in his hands for this particular conversation

"He is to be considered armed and dangerous at all times. Even if he’s holding something you wouldn’t normally consider lethal."
World Domination in Retrospect, in reference to the main character.

Shu Aozaki: So this "Shizuo" guy... how does he fight?
Mizuki Akabayashi: Well... it's kinda hard to explain. He usually just grabs whatever's lying around.
Shu: That's not surprising. Anyone with any street sense has grabbed a rock or something a few times.
Mizuki: Yeah, but this guy hits people with vending machines and guard rails.
Shu: No imagination, huh? Everyone has knocked someone into a vending machine before.
Mizuki: That's not it at all, boss. This guy picks up vending machines and rips up guard rails and then throws them at people.

Roy Harper: See, the thing about me is, I can use anything as a weapon. So the more you blast stuff apart, the more weapons you give me.

[W]e stood there and listened to the unmistakable sound of priceless artifacts being used as improvised weaponry.

I went in next, took a bullet to the chest. So I hit him in the head with the only thing that was anywhere near me.
A tin of baked beans and a Woman's Weekly.
Space, Me & You Vs. The World

According to the victim, the Green Guide started fighting the guy, but couldn’t get the upper hand until he grabbed a can of beans and started beating the guy with it like it was a pair of improvised brass knuckles. It was pretty brutal, but also effective.

You will collect and contain paranormal objects, and then use them to beat up sharks.
Unnamed speaker, SCP Foundation, "10:30 A.M."

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