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Quotes / I'm a Humanitarian

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    Anime and Manga 

Ryujiro: Heh. So, what're you in here for?
Firo: Huh? Oh, uh. I messed some people up bad.
Ryujiro: That's not what I'm talking about, buddy. That's not it at all.
Firo: Huh?
Ryujiro: What I mean is, what happened after that? You had to have done something after that to get yourself a ticket here.
Firo: Oh, uh. I messed some guards up bad, too.
Ryujiro: Huh...
Firo: What, you don't believe me? You don't think I could do it?
Ryujiro: Hah! You too, eh? Yeah, I get whatcha mean. You're in here for the same thing as me.
Firo: ...You too?
Ryujiro: Yup. Well, in my case, there was this guard who pissed me off, so I gave his neck a little chomp. You understand, right?
Firo: ...
Ryujiro: Heheh! Hey, ever heard of odorigui? It's this way of eating the Japanese have — you bite down on your food while it's still alive and moving. The feeling of something live squirming against your tongue, against your teeth as you bite down... It just all comes together with the salty taste of blood and makes it so incredible!
Firo: Yeah, okay. I think I've heard enough.
Ryujiro: Whoa, whoa, hear me out here. I mean, I think about it right now and... Damn, that feeling! That tearing sensation as my teeth snag against skin! The taste of iron flooding into my mouth! The sound of the guard screaming and the pain of the clubs hitting my head making the perfect seasoning... Delicious! It was so great I thought I'd died and gone to heaven!
Baccano! 1934 - Alice in Jails

You will become sushi
Simon, Durarara!!

Could everyone stop eating, please? You're eating the guest of honor.
Fran Madaraki, Franken Fran

Can I eat him?

    Comic Books 

Yum, yum. Dim sum. Chinese food made from real Chinese. All of them. I guess someone should have yelled "Peking... Duck!" (BURP) Okay, Joker, you've wiped out the People's Republic of China. What are you going to do next? And the first one of you who even thinks "I'm going to Happyland" gets to be dessert...

Filemón: Cowpatland? But that's the land of the savage! Where they eat the explorers raw...
Super: Well, they have advanced a little... Now they fry them first!
Mortadelo y Filemón, "Fórmula Uno"


    Fan Works 


"You Are What You Eat!" proclaimed an ad for Soylent Green.
Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space

    Film - Live-Action 

Well, listen up, sonny Jim. I ate a baby! Oh, aye! Baby, the other, other white meat! Baby, it's what's for dinner!

You don't understand... I've seen it. I've seen it happening. The ocean is dying, the plankton is dying. It's people! Soylent Green is made out of people. They're making our food out of people. Soon, they'll be breeding us like cattle for food! You gotta tell 'em! Listen to me, Hatcher! You gotta tell 'em SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!! We gotta stop them! Somehow! Listen! Listen to me... PLEASE!!
Robert Thorn, Soylent Green

I'm a cannibal, hombre! We're gonna fucking eat your ass!
Danny McBride, This Is the End


"Aren't you the chap that I found boiling down some rebel skulls in Bikili last year?" I asked.
He fidgeted nervously.
"Yes, sir."
"Well, beat it, my boy. I don't want your type in my unit."
"But sir, I promise you I've given it up!"
Congo Mercenary by Mike Hoare

He took up with a band of mutie marauders who had a rather more liberal attitude to norms than most — that is, they accepted him, instead of slow-roasting him over a fire and eating him...

I decided I would show the livestock a friendly face before they were taken to the washroom; otherwise, the fat father and the weasel son would be the last people they would see before they were stuffed inside the sacks and chained up. When we reach the courtyard, I remember what the fat father told me last time, about how the meat tastes better with bruises under the skin. That's why they use the clubs. To tenderize the meat and get blood into the flesh. When he told me that, I wanted to escape from Gruut Huis and keep running into the poisonous mist until I fell down, until no one in the building could ever find me again. The residents don't need to eat the fresh meats. Like the staff, they can eat the soft yellow yeast from the tanks, but the residents are rich and can afford variety.
Doll Hands, by Adam L G Nevill

I was standing to one side of them, praying as they were blindfolded, when the eldest one spoke to me.
"I have tasted it," he said. "I have eaten the Word made flesh. Now God is in me, and I am God. He tasted good. He tasted of blood."

"Don't know shit about fairies," Nauk admitted.
Which wasn't entirely true. He had an old family recipe for braising them with southern spices, but Kilian was quarter-fae and might be displeased by the revelation. Humans always got all offended when orcs mentioned eating other humans, like eating each other wasn't the most natural state of Creation. You'd think they'd never eaten a rabbit, by the way their hackles got raised. You just had to accept that, to the Clans, everyone else might as well be rabbits.

Boy Pie might be better than Bird Pie. More meat and not so many tiny little bones!
Mr. Twit, The Twits

Finally, after 97 long days adrift, Captain Pertwee was rescued, mercifully ending his miserable diet of rainwater and strips of sun-dried Haddock——which was 
actually far ghastlier than it sounded, what with George Haddock being 
his former first mate.
Phillip Davies of Cardiff, Wales, The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

    Live-Action TV 

Peralta: Are you a... cannibal, Caleb?
Caleb: Well, that's not how I would define myself. If we're going by what I'm most passionate about, I would say that I'm a woodworker. Why did you think I was in protective custody?
Peralta: I dunno, I guess I hoped you were another cop wrongly convicted of crimes you didn't commit.
Caleb: Nope! I did all my stuff - and more! There's tons they can't even trace to me. The secret is eating the evidence.

Madame Vastra: Jack the Ripper has taken his last victim.
Jenny Flint: How did you find him?
Madame Vastra: Stringy, but tasty all the same. I won't be needing dinner.

I ate my sister and my mom. My dad, too. Up in Fort Collins. Couldn't eat the dog, though. Only an animal would chow down on their own dog, don't you agree?
Ralph Greenwald, Scandal, "The Belt"

You're either the butcher or the cattle.
Gareth, The Walking Dead

    Newspaper Comics 

My Soylent Green came out lumpy.


    Stand-Up Comedy 

Cannibalism. Imagine that: chowing down on another human being. You gotta be all out of beef jerky, man. You gotta be really fucking hungry. But it happens, doesn't it? Still happens to this day. A bunch of people stranded in the wilderness run out of pop tarts, gotta eat something... Might as well be Steve! And by the way, how do you decide who to eat first? How do you decide who's first on the barbecue rack? Do you pick on the little guy because he's skinny and he can't fight back, or do you all gang up on the bodybuilder because he's got a lot of steaks and chops on him?
George Carlin, "Extreme Human Behavior"

    Tabletop Games 

Humies are a bit like big pigs, they squeal like 'em too. Stunties are coarse and gritty, nasty things, best avoided, but they do scream good if yer can be bothered to keep 'em alive when you roast 'em; they'll keep yer goin' if yer can't get nuthin' else. Elveses are a bit strange too, bit of an acquired taste, I like 'em but a lot doesn't. Halflings though, not a lot of eatin' on 'em yer might think, but that big fat gut makes for great steaks.
Flabgask, cook to Warlord Grubnash, Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay: Old World Bestiary — A Compendium of Creatures Fair and Foul

We iz strong an' tough. Da strong onez win, an' then eat the weak. Some of dem Gobboes is awright to keep for slaves or ter catch Humie cannonballs in the heads, but most is best fer the pot. One day we eats all of youse. One day soon.
Galnast, Orc Boss, Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay: Old World Bestiary — A Compendium of Creatures Fair and Foul

Here the carnivorous banquet begins. These are giant, carnivorous organisms who trick men who wander into the forest with their innocent looks, then reveal their true motive to trap and devour their prey. As a result, I have decided to name these organisms "Traptrix."
— Unnamed Biologist, Yu-Gi-Oh! Master Guide 4


For what's that sound of the world out there?
That crunching noise that's pervading the air?
It's man devouring man, my dear—
And who are we to deny it in here?

    Video Games 

Tick tock, feed the croc...
Killer Croc, Batman: Arkham Asylum

This one was a good one. Very nice to kill.
Easy to cut with my knife, like to cut food.
— My secret note #4, Cry of Fear

Devour your enemies!
There is no other way to survive. You cannot escape your hunger, Warriors of Purgatory!
Angel , Digital Devil Saga

There is a meat sweeter than the most cornfed livestock. Most of you have tasted it. All of you have coveted it. [...] For our society to be truly elite, we must dine on the most delicious, the most exclusive food known to us.
Mortimer, Fallout: New Vegas

Listen, sweetling. A New England professor says: "Cannibalism represents the most egregious violation of etiquette between host and guest." He says that, sweetling, but you cannot hear him. He's muffled, buried in a distended belly. A clawed foot crushes his bloodied glasses.
The Buzzing, The Secret World

It is every citizen's final duty to go into the tanks, and become one with all the people.
Chairman Sheng-ji Yang, "Ethics for Tomorrow," Sid Meier’s Alpha Centauri

    Web Animation 
Carl: Because we're friends, and friendship is two pals munching on a well-cooked face together.
Paul: That's not friendship Carl, that's sick.
Carl: Well then, you're probably not going to like your birthday decorations.

    Western Animation 
Webby: Hot dog costumes!
Huey: I'm sorry, what?
Webby: You know, in case we get lost at sea and one of us— probably Louie— goes mad with hunger, we'll put these on! Louie hates hot dogs, so he probably won't eat us.
Huey: Are you saying Louie would rather eat us than hot dogs?
Louie: I do hate hot dogs.

Fry: My god, what if the secret ingredient [of Slurm] is people?!
Leela: There's already a drink like that, Soylent Cola.
Fry: Oh. (beat) What's it taste like?
Leela: It varies from person to person.

Pud'n: Falling chickens from the sky! Now we don't have to eat each other to survive!
Sperg: (with Pud'n's limbs stuffed in his mouth) Tough luck for you, kid.
The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, "Which Came First?"

    Real Life 

Phil Ashby: Have you eaten people?
Rebel: Yes.
Phil Ashby: Is it true what they say? Does it taste like pork?
Rebel: I do not know; I am a Muslim.
Locked Up Abroad: Sierra Leone

The number of incidents of the use of human flesh in cooking decreased this month to 56.
— NKVD (Police) Archive for the Leningrad District, June 1942


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