Ice Cream Man: April 19th, one year ago: It is first day on job, everything is going great, until you come. You wanted most expensive ice cream, I make suggestion of cheaper ice cream. But no, you want expensive one. And after I am giving you ice cream, you pay with pennies. Do you know how long it took me to count those pennies?
Dexter: Um... At an average human rate, I'd estimate about... Five hours and thirty-three minutes?
Ice Cream Man: Precisely. And after counting was done, it is time to put pennies in safe. And I am noticing my shoelace is untied. Now I very well couldn't stop to tie my shoes since somebody had given me heavy jar of pennies to hold, and the ice cream man rules say to keep any amount of money over a dollar in the safe. So I trip, and I break my tooth, the pain! It is so bad! My girlfriend left me! I lose apartment! I lose car! I am forced to live on the freeway with wild animals! I CAN'T EVEN EAT ICE CREAM BECAUSE OF THE PAIN! ALL BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID PENNIES!! AAAAAUGGGHHH! [hyperventilating]
Contrary to what many treatises preach, I don't believe that morale shocks off the battlefield are better off delivered all at once. Several consecutive blows bring the expectation of more to come. That perception comes in more useful than one instance of great panic.
Swan, is there any reason why there should be an absurdly dressed, half-naked man chained to a fence being tossed off by an old blind council worker?
— David Carlton, Ali G Indahouse
Filbert: And your total is...$150. Gee, looks like you just missed a big sale. Have a nice day.
Rocko: YOU CHEAP LITTLE ROTTER!!! I have been run over by a car, made to drag around a gimp shopping cart, threatened by your Gestapo security guards, had me head set on fire, I was attacked by wild lobsters, beaten by a very LARGE woman, had me dog wrapped in plastic, nearly starved to death and I still beat the 12:00 deadline! So if you don't change that total back to a dollar fifty, I WILL DO SOMETHING NOT NICE!!!
Rocko: YOU CHEAP LITTLE ROTTER!!! I have been run over by a car, made to drag around a gimp shopping cart, threatened by your Gestapo security guards, had me head set on fire, I was attacked by wild lobsters, beaten by a very LARGE woman, had me dog wrapped in plastic, nearly starved to death and I still beat the 12:00 deadline! So if you don't change that total back to a dollar fifty, I WILL DO SOMETHING NOT NICE!!!
N-Noooooooooooooo! M-M-My makeuuuuuup! [...] (answers phone) Hello, this is L'Belle! ...What? The project... is off? (answers phone) This is L'Belle! ...The sponsors have pulled out? (answers phone) L'Belle speaking! ...I'm fired? You mean I'm no longer Mayor Tenma's aide?! (answers phone) Hello, this is L'Belle! ...What? There's a stratospheric damages claim against me? ...One hundred m-m-million dollars?
—Florent L'Belle, shortly after confessing to Rex Kyubi's murder, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Dual Destinies
Geoff: She's not the gal you think she is, so let me tell you plainly.
There's thick black hair between her toes, and her real name isn't Blaineley!
Blaineley's Entourage: Hey!
Geoff: She's a phony scheming weasel-nose, and her real name isn't Blaineley!
She steals and lies and she's evil, bros, and her real name isn't Blaineleeey!
It's Mildred!
There's thick black hair between her toes, and her real name isn't Blaineley!
Blaineley's Entourage: Hey!
Geoff: She's a phony scheming weasel-nose, and her real name isn't Blaineley!
She steals and lies and she's evil, bros, and her real name isn't Blaineleeey!
It's Mildred!
— Total Drama World Tour, "Aftermath Aftermayhem" during the musical number "Her Real Name Isn't Blaineley"
Crushed and broken beneath the body of a small, naked child...yep, I think I'm done here.
— Vegeta, Dragon Ball Z Abridged
"We got through Max's dyslexia. And Carmen having to switch schools. Your uncle dying. My parents getting a divorce. Your father throwing you in jail. The garage burning down. Why does everything happen to us!? Are we cursed!? Did you cut off a voodoo priest in traffic!?"
—Anglie Lopez, The George Lopez Show
I clean up my act, I did rehab, I'm a TV personality, I'm sober for two years, and this happens: Rugrat goes and gets busted down in Miami, and guess who the fuck with? Saurel. I mean, what are the fuckin' odds? There had to be ten thousand Swiss bankers in Geneva, and Rugrat gets the one dumb enough to get himself arrested on U.S. soil. Even more fucked was that he got busted for shit that had nothing to do with me. It had nothing to fucking do with me! Something about laundering drug money through off-shore boat racing and a guy named Rocky Aoki - you know, the founder of Benihana.
...Benihana?
Beni-fucking-hana?
BENI-FUCKING-HANA?! WHY?! WHY, WHY, GOD?! Why would You be so cruel as to choose a chain of fucking hibachi restaurants to take me down?!
...Benihana?
Beni-fucking-hana?
BENI-FUCKING-HANA?! WHY?! WHY, WHY, GOD?! Why would You be so cruel as to choose a chain of fucking hibachi restaurants to take me down?!
—Jordan Belfort, fresh from being arrested on camera, The Wolf of Wall Street
He'd been giggled out of Georgetown, howled out of Harvard, yuk-yukked out of Yale, snickered out of Stanford, and chuckled out of Chattanooga State Technical Community College.
— Captain Underpants And The Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants
"So that's how a dead 255-pound man with no pants on, with a truck on top of him and a stick up his ass, came to be," said Commissioner Appleton.
—Darwin Awards, "Misadventure at the Metallica Concert"
