Spoilers are off
"This is going to be legen- wait for it..."
"The great moments of your life won't necessarily be the things you do, they'll also be the things that happen to you. Now I'm not saying you can't take action to affect the outcome of your life, you have to take action, and you will. But never forget that on any day, you can step out of the front door and your life can change forever. You see the universe has a plan kids, and that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps it's wings and it starts to rain. It's a scary thought, but it's also kind of wonderful. All those little parts of the machine, constantly working, making sure that you end up exactly where you're supposed to be, exactly when you're supposed to be there. The right place, at the right time."
—Future!Ted, "Right Place, Right Time".
"Look, we've all been searching for the five doppelgangers, right? But eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgangers, these completely different people that just happen to look like us. 5 years ago Robin, that girl was pretty great, but doppelganger Robin, she's amazing."
—Ted Mosby, "Doppelgangers"
"I went into journalism to make a difference, but you have made that impossible. You know, to be honest, it hasn't been an easy couple months for me. I've made mistakes, I've felt alone, I had to let go of dreams I didn't even know I had, so here's the deal: You're gonna get back on air and count us down into a better year, because I just can't do 2011 anymore!"
—Robin Scherbatsky, "Tailgate"
"Hi. Im Ted Mosby. And exactly 45 days from now, you and I are gonna meet, and were gonna get married, and... Were gonna have two kids. And were gonna love them and each other so much... All that is 45 days away. But Im here now, I guess, because... I want those extra 45 days with you. I want each one of them. And look, if I cant have them, Ill take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face, because... I love you. Im always gonna love you. Till the end of my days... and beyond. Youll see." "Hi. One ticket to Farhampton, please."
—The Mother's first line
"What point is that? Because she hurt you once, you now get to hurt her? That's not how it works in a marriage." "You are gonna lose. You're gonna lose this[points at them both]. If you keep lying to me, if you keep cutting me out of decisions, if you keep using words like 'winning' or 'losing' when you talk about our marriage... it's not like it's going to happen all at once but keep acting this way and little by little, you're gonna lose me. Is that what you want?"
"Ted is literally the sweetest guy in the world. He's like a modern-day Martin Frobisher. If Ted took his awesomeness and built a skyscraper out of it, it would literally be taller than Mount Waddington! That's over 4,000 meters tall! When we split up, I literally cried forever. Yet, we both wanted different things, so we knew it wouldn't work oot in the end. Still, Ted is not a jerk. Would a jerk steal a Smurf Penis just to impress a girl? Would a jerk literally make it rain just to see me? I don't think so. In fact, Teddy Boy and I are still literally the best of friends. Anyone who thinks Ted is a jerk is a major idiot (Major Idiot!). Let me put it this way: I wouldn't trade the time I spent with Ted for literally all the grizzly paw ice cream sandwiches in the world."
—Robin Scherbatsky, in a testimonial vouching for Ted hosted at tedmosbyisnotajerk.com