Farms, the wheel and fire
Then metal was explored, which meant we could make swords to kill and build empires.
Think Ancient Egypt was nicer? Pharaohs, tombs, lovely shrines?
But some were living graves for hundreds of poor slaves and pigs eye was our cure for the blind...
Greek civilisation our creation, drama and philosophy
But Sparta praised lying, celebrated dying—
And Hippocrates drank wee!
We brought you bloodshed
Greek excursions to battle the Persians
Disembowelling our dead.
Together we made the world a little bit grim
Could be fairly... dim.
We Romans brought you roads, and public medicine
Gladiator fighting, feeding men to lions, burning Christians... that kind of thing, you know.
Then came the Middle Ages; Saxons, Normans, Vikings, Celts,
A time of invasion, feudalism, famine, Black Death, buboes and welts.
1066 saw Harold in a fix as William conquered all
What was the bettin an arrow in his retina would lead to his downfall?
We brought invasion and strife
We attacked monasteries, said Give us gold, please, then we took your life!
Our Crusades meant slaughter
Wherever wed go
Was it pretty? No.
Tudor, Stuart, Georgian monarchs next in line
Brought progress in science and art.
Also beheadings, burnings, civil war
Greed and colonies, for a start.
We gave you plague and disease
Travelled, found the Incans, spread smallpox in a blink and
Brought them to their knees!
Dogs, cats and the French blamed
For plague, along the way
Not such happy days.
Victorian technology went hand-in-hand with poverty
Kids up chimneys and down mines
Improvements to the world did pick up, despite some violent hiccups—
Two World Wars, millions died!
Our times smelly and gory
We reigned over you and told you what to do
And that is this story.
Thought we were amazing
Though you may quibble—
Were History... and we made it horrible!