Yes, you are certain these people said these things. One hundred percent positive.
- Note: A larger, if spoilerific, collection of quotes can be found here. Helpful tropers can add them to this page.
You are almost certain Mark Twain said that.
It is your thirteenth birthday
, and as with all twelve preceding it, something feels missing from your life. The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack. His coarse schemes are those less of a prankster than a common pickpocket. His riddle is Absence itself. It is a mystery dispersing altogether, like the moon's faint reflection, with even one pebble of inquiry dropped in its black well. It is the most diabolical riddle of all.
How you hate this season.
You don't even know what's up with this sick heat. The sun threatens to set but won't step off. It's staring you down, like the big red eye of a hot needle skipping on a groove its tracing 'round the earth. While lingering in midair its heat seems to suspend time itself, stretching it like warped vinyl. It's meant to rain this season but there ain't been a drop in sight. Even a little drizzle would help. Might help to fizzle this sizzle a little bizzle, set the record straight on this global turn-tizzle
"So don't change the dizzle, turn it up a little
I got a living room full of fine dime brizzles
Waiting on the Pizzle, the Dizzle and the Shizzle
G's to the bizzack, now ladies here we gizzo
When the pimp's in the crib ma
Drop it like it's hot
Drop it like it's hot
What a daring dream,
to combine the finest qualities of humanity with the elegance and nobility of the animal kingdom. How you wish you could know their world. To hear one night those muted pawpads traipse up your stairs. A low but friendly growl unsettles your slumber, and as the sopor seeps from your eyes they detect a sharp pair of ears cutting moonlight. A mysterious wolven tongue invites. Wouldn't these ears suit you? Would not this proud long snout assist you in the hunt?
No need to answer. Words slough from the busy mind like a useless dead membrane as a more visceral sapience takes over. Something simpler is in charge now, a force untouched by the concerns and burdens of the upright, that farcical yoke the bipedal tow. It now drives you through the midnight brush, your paws whisking through creepers, unearthing with each bold stomp bright odors demanding investigation. But not for long, as you and your new friend must claim the night with piercing howls moonward.
The mail is sacred,
and sacred is the trust between the Post Man and the recipients of his precious parcels. You have made a solemn pledge to deliver this letter to the doctor, just as soon as you determine where this address is, or find any sort of discernible mailing address in this wasteland, for that matter. The mail is freedom. The mail is life. The mail is the very fabric of civiliz...
Hold that thought for one moment...
is the one final hope for resurrecting a dead planet from its ashes, and the letter carriers are the brave soldiers of God in this righteous crusade. They are the defenders of the light of knowledge, free communication, and the exchange of ideas. They are the bold toters of all those little papery conduits of freedom, the white postmarked angels that whisper a message on their deliverance, a promise to the yearning: "There is hope yet."
Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection.
Frankly you don't know about things skimming voids or grazing hollows or whatever
. You've got AMBITION. You were meant to be a bigshot. To be in charge of something huge and really important, and to be totally ruthless about it. You just haven't found the dominion in which you're destined for greatness yet. Or even a vague concept of it. You haven't found your purpose. But you will tonight.
You stew in your own impotent aggravation in the cool dusk breeze. During the dark seasons, it remains dusk for most of the day. It can stay dark for many bilunar perigees at a time. But even if it didn't, you would still have this feeling...
"I slept and saw God's forge in frost.
Its hearth was quelled, and as it cooled so swooned the verdancy it kept above. In slumber it grew a thick winter skin, white as bedsheets. In their folds the waker dreamt, her breath as steam, her touch as hot as iron, forgotten in the fire.
No, wait. Don't look. Just...
You don't have time for fancy poetry.
It's almost as useless as having your thoughts dictated to you, assuming you were even aware of that happening, which you definitely aren't. Cherubs aren't prone to that kind of self awareness. No way, absolutely not. Yes, you believe that thought. The one you had just now, by your own volition, and now it's true reality. See? Yes, you agree totally with that thought you had.
Frankly you don't know about stuff skimming holes or alertness to some purely hypothetical flow of narrative or whatever. You've got MAJOR PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS. You were meant to be a monster. To destroy something huge and really important, perhaps repeatedly, and to be a total shithead about it. You just haven't found the road that'll take you there yet. Somewhere in this depressing empty lot of a session there is a quest waiting for you. You are determined to squeeze more blood from this pathetic stone than all the naturally occurring puppets
in paradox space keep in their squishy little torsos combined.
You stew in your own quasi-lucid hostility as you think this very thought. The one right here, that feels like it's being dictated to you, you think. You think it feels that way, so you guess it's true. But we previously agreed that you were the sole author of your own thoughts, didn't we?
That's the thought you should be thinking, and more importantly, believing in as hard as you can, thus slightly reducing its stubborn fakeness attribute. You then think the word, HUH? That doesn't sound like a thought you would have, you think to yourself thoughtfully. What the fuck? But seriously, you've got to stop this. If you keep thinking thoughts like this, you'll probably start going crazy
. And if you start going crazy, this desolate one player session will start to feel a lot longer than it's already going to, and more specifically, than it already did. Still, you can't quite shake the feeling.
You have a feeling it's already been a long—Hey!
It's some kind of blinking light, far off in the distance. It may be part of something else, like a larger structure. But it's so far away, the light is all you can see.
You have a feeling it's going to be a long walk.
"The key to sorting it all out is to understand it doesn't actually matter."
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS. THERE IS NO PLOT.
NOTHING IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING EVER. JUST A LOT OF BULLSHIT LIKE THIS. WITH CAKES AND CARDS FLYING EVERY WHICH WAY. AND YOU ARE JUST SITTING THERE.
As you were saying. So many irons in the fire. Such a tangled web. It is a web full of flaming irons and mixed metaphors.
GG: i dont really know what to tell you other than its not going to be what you think it is
GG: and most importantly you will have your questions answered, but they will be the ones you havent thought to ask yet!
GG: just be patient and be brave youll see
GG: it will be fun!!!!!!
— Jade reassures
Rose about the upcoming game and inadvertently describes the entire webcomic to the readers.
JASPERSPRITE: Rose im just a cat and i dont know much but i know that youre important and also you are what some people around here call the Seer of Light.
JASPERSPRITE: And you dont know what that means but you will see its all tied together!
JASPERSPRITE: All the life in the ocean and all the shiny rain and the songs in your head and the letters they make.
JASPERSPRITE: A beam of light i think is like a drop of rain or a long piece of yarn that dances around when you play with it and make it look enticing!
JASPERSPRITE: And the way that it shakes is the same as what makes notes in a song!
JASPERSPRITE: And a song i think can be written down as letters.
JASPERSPRITE: So if you play the right song and it makes all the right letters then those letters could be all the letters that make life possible.
JASPERSPRITE: So all you have to do is wake up and learn to play the rain!
TG: and hey you might even be able to help your past dream self wake up sooner without all that fuss you went through
TT: I think the true purpose of this game is to see how many qualifiers we can get to precede the word "self" and still understand what we're talking about.
GC: YOU SM3LL L1K3 OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S
TG: youre aliens do you even have orange creamsicles
GC: OF COURS3 WH4T K1ND OF 4WFUL C1V1L1Z4T1ON WOULDNT 1NV3NT OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S
GC: NOT ON3 1D W4NT 4NYTH1NG TO DO W1TH
GC: C4N 1 COM3 TO YOUR S33 P4RTY?
TG: i guess but youll have to be careful not to stumble around bumping into all the gorgeous masterpieces hanging around everywhere
TG: god so beautiful to look at with my perfect eyesight
GC: C4N 1 L1CK TH3 P41NT1NGS?
GC: *4ND ONC3 W1TH H3R M1GHTY SNOUT FOR GOOD M34SUR3*
AC: :33 < *ac saunters from her dark cave a little bit sl33py from the recent kill*
AC: :33 < *ac uses one of her mouths to lick the fresh blood off her paws*
AC: :33 < *and the other one to blow you a kiss!*
GC: *GC W1TH 4 M1GHTY WH1SK OF H3R M1GHTY T41L PLUCKS TH3 K1SS OUT OF TH3 41R M1GHT1LY*
GC: *GC POCK3TS TH3 K1SS 1N H3R 3NCH4NT3D RUCKS4CK FOR L4T3R, TO DO SOM3TH1NG M4G1C4L, L1K3 M4K3 GOBL1N W1SH3S COM3 TRU3*
AC: :33 < *yes! ac finds that to be a most admirable use of a kiss!*
AC: :33 < *ac perks up curiously*
AC: :33 < *she wiggles her rear end a bit and then chases something she s33s bounce into one of karkats shoes*
CG: KARKAT CAN'T BELIEVE HE HAS TO SINK THIS LOW.
CG: KARKAT CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S ASKING AN AUTISTIC GIRL IN A CAVE TO JOIN HIS TEAM.
CG: KARKAT MYSTIFIES IN INFINITE BEFUDDLEMENT OVER THE FACT THAT YOU ARE PRESENTLY THE BEST REMAINING CANDIDATE FOR THE RED TEAM.
AC: :33 < i am???
AC: :33 < i mean *ac says i am??? wondrously*
CG: YES AND KARKAT CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THAT.
CG: KARKAT THINKS ABOUT THAT A BIT AND HIS JAW DROPS OPEN AND BREAKS A HUGE COLUMN OF BRICKS LIKE A FUCKING KUNG FU MASTER.
AC: :33 < *ac gathers up all the brick pieces and builds a cute little house and invites karkat inside*
Nepeta into the game.
TG: no dude
TG: you sassed me up
TG: we are in THE SHIT now
TG: for the long haul
TG: we're motherfuckin entrenched in this bitch
TG: you and me
TG: welcome to nam
TG: now grab my hand and shimmy your soggy ass off that muddy bank before charlie gets the fuckin drop
AT: uHHH, wHO,
AT: wHO'S CHARLIE,
TG: hes the guy whos gonna read our vows
TG: im feeling pretty friggin MATRIMONIAL all a sudden
TG: take a look down by your foot see that little bottle
TG: stomp on that shit like its on fire
TG: noisy ethnic dudes are flipping the fuck out and waving us around on chairs til someone gets hurt
TG: im your 300 pound matronly freight-train
TG: and my gaping furnace is hungry for coal so get goddamn shoveling
AT: oH MY GOD,
TG: bro look in my eyes
TG: that twinkle
TG: that be DEVOTION you herniated pro wrestlers sweaty purple taint
TG: sparklin like a visit from your fairy fuckin godmother
TG: shit be PURE AND TRUE
TG: thats what you see
TG: a kaleidoscopic supernova of all your hopes and dreams all swishin together
TG: radially effevescing arms of more little boy peckers than you can imagine
TG: turning out insane corkscrew haymakers of a billion dancing vienna sausages strong
TG: this is how we do this
TG: this shits more real than kraft mayo
— adiosToreador [AT] blocked turntechGodhead [TG] —
CCG: FUTURE ME, DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE WEIGH IN ON THIS, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
CCG: IF I WERE FUTURE ME, WHICH I GUESS I AM, I WOULD READ THIS AND BE ALL OVER IT, LIKE DAMMIT KARKAT WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING.
CCG: GET TO THE POINT.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 0:20 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: YEAH PRETTY MUCH.
CCG banned FCG from responding to memo.
GC: K4RK4T, H3S 4 J3RK!
GC: H3 H4S ST4BB3D YOU ON MOR3 TH4N ON3 OCC4S1ON!
CG: SOME OF THOSE STABBINGS WERE ACCIDENTAL!
CG: OK, WELL I KNOW FOR A FACT THE THIRD TIME WAS ACCIDENTAL.
CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAC: :33 < *the especially impurrtant pouncellor looks really serious and thoughtful as she scoots her chair out from under the official courty looking table and begins to pace around thoughtfurry*
CAC: :33 < *she doesnt understand why
CAC: :33 < i dont understand why we are doing this!
CAC: :33 < what was the point again?
CGC: 3XC3LL3NT QU3ST1ON M1SS POUNC3LLOR
PAST carcinoGeneticist 2 [PCG2] 5 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG2: ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED.
PCG2: I CAN PLAINLY SEE YOU ARE GOING TO START WRITING THIS MEMO IN FIVE MINUTES.
PCG2: ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GO MAKE MY "BOR1NG 1NSP1R4T1ON4L SP33CH" AND THEN WALK OVER TO YOUR COMPUTER AND START FUCKING WITH YOU.
PCG2: GO AHEAD, BAN ME ALL YOU WANT.
CGC banned PCG2 from responding to memo.
EB: what is the point of everything we're doing?
TT: The objective is no longer to win.
EB: i mean, what are we actually shooting for here?
TT: To do as much damage to the game as possible.
TT: To rip its stitches and pry answers from the seams.
TT: We will snatch purpose from the jaws of futility.
TT: Are you ready to wreak some havoc, John?
EB: i suddenly don't understand anything.
CG: STRIDER FUCK OFF
CG: AND BY FUCK OFF I MEAN FUCK OFF RIGHT BACK HERE AND LISTEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK.
between John, Dave, and Karkat about romantic relations with troll girls
GA: And So My Impression Has Thrashed Around From Conversation To Conversation
GA: And Now
GA: Rather Than Suspecting You Of Incompetence
GA: I Have Begun To Fear Just The Opposite
GA: I Think You Might Be Dangerous
TT: To whom?
GA: Maybe Not Knowing That Is What Really Bothers Me
GA: Why Dont You Put The Turtle Ruins Down
GA: And Return To Your House
TT: Then clearly I will have to prepare for this soul sundering duel, whilst making my own funeral arrangements.
GA: Oh Yes I Do Believe Securing A Corpse Box Would Be Prudent
GA: Fitted To Dimensions Suited To Your Myriad Of Unassembled Leaky Body Parts In Aggregate
TT: What will herald the arrival of this swift and righteous thaumaturge?
TT: Will I be blinded by the fearsome lashes of light ribboning from the incandescent coastline of his beauteous aura?
TT: Should I borrow my friend's sunglasses?
GA: Yes Definitely
GA: Definitely Do That
GA: Wait I Hope That Wasnt Too Emphatic
GA: Maybe At This Point I Should Clarify This
Is All A Big Joke
TT: I was getting that.
TT: You don't always have to tip your hand, Kanaya. You were doing well.
TG: i dont know sounds like a riddle
TG: fuck it ill just say all of it
TG: i mean that is the answer right
GC: SM4RT4SS >:P
GC: 1T 1S NOT 4 R1DDL3, 1T 1S 4 S3R1OUS QU3ST1ON, TH3R3 1S 4 B1G D1FF3R3NC3 D4V3
GC: 1F YOU S33 WH4TS 1N YOUR M1ND CL34RLY 4ND UND3RST4ND TH3 POW3R YOUR THOUGHTS H4V3
GC: TH3N YOU UND3RST4ND R34L1TY WH1L3 3V3RYON3 3LS3 1S RUNN1NG 4ROUND CONFUS3D 4ND 4NGRY 4ND UPS3T
GC: B3C4US3 TH3Y TH1NK R34L1TY 1S SOM3TH1NG H4PP3N1NG TO TH3M
GC: R4TH3R TH4N SOM3TH1NG TH3Y 4R3 M4K1NG 3V3RY MOM3NT W1TH 3V3RY THOUGHT
KARKAT: SO I GIVE HER THE PASSWORD AND SHE'S LIKE WRONG!!! I HAVEN'T GIVEN YOU THAT PASSWORD YET, OR YOU ALREADY GAVE ME THAT PASSWORD, OR IT'S "TOO EARLY" FOR IT OR WHATEVER. FIND THE RIGHT FUTURE ME TO GIVE THE PASSWORD TO.
KARKAT: SO I'M LIKE FUCK, I RESPECTFULLY SUBMIT THIS IS NEW LEVELS OF STUPIDITY AND POINTLESSNESS THAT ONLY RETARDS WOULD ENJOY WHILE EARNESTLY INVESTIGATING THEIR OWN GENITALS, BUT THAT'S JUST MY OPINION.
KARKAT: AND THEN WE SPEND WAY MORE TIME ARGUING ABOUT PASSWORD SHIT THAN ANYTHING CONSTRUCTIVE.
KANAYA: It Sounds Like You Like Her
KARKAT: WHAT?? WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THAT
KANAYA: Well She Is Giving You A Reason To Be Frustrated And Loud What More Could You Ask For In A Friend
KANAYA: Shes Quite Considerate Actually
KARKAT: OK, YES, I'LL SAY SHE'S A LOT MORE DECENT THAN I GAVE HER CREDIT FOR ORIGINALLY
AG: Your lives are so simple and easy. It must 8e really nice 8eing a human, even though you're all so weak.
AG: 8ut may8e it's ok to 8e weak, if that's what's normal.
EB: yeah, it is pretty great, actually. i highly recommend being human.
between John and Vriska (Warning: Full log contains spoilers.)
TA: y0u mean in the afterlife? that's easy.
TA: because she's asleep, she's dead, y0u're alive, and i'm blind, c0uldn't be simpler.
UU: good morning, lovely. ^u^
GG: Why, hellooooooo.
UU: so i gUess today is finally the day yoU make everything better.
UU: it is the day whereafter the legendary octet of mUtUal progenitoriety will come together and heal a great breach in paradox space.
UU: a day delivered throUgh eighty billion years and foUr distinct Universal instances worth of Unfathomable tUrbUlence.
UU: and while the emerald eye of this storm is fixed in the abyss forever
UU: today yoU are poised to escape its scowl once and for all.
UU: by skaias gUiding light, yoU may leave behind its tUrning arms of bright coloUrs and mayhem, and secUre peace for yoUr cosmic progeny for all dUration.
UU: and if yoU are to meet this departUre with trepidation i woUld Understand! bUt also i woUld ask
UU: is there nothing i can do to ease yoUr mind?
TEREZI: 1 4M SO SORRY YOU GUYS
TEREZI: W3 4R3 4CTU4LLY 4 LOT COOL3R TH4N TH1S!
TEREZI: NO W3 AR3 NOT
TG: but only
TG: because that will be impossible for me to do
TG: when u + him r snoggin hard in motherfuckin makeout paradise
TG: A K A SEX LAND
GG: But let the record show that this resolution has almost nothing whatsoever to do with your use of the phrase "SEX LAND."
— Jane and Roxy
VRISKA: Some inexplica8le forces out there are fucking with us. They are doing everything in their power to make sure that when we're not 8eing totally humili8ted, we are staying completely irrelevant.
VRISKA: We can't let them toy with us, then just sweep us under the carpet like that. I'm not going to let our relevance 8e marginalized anymore, Tavros.
TAVROS: wHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO,
TAVROS: oH, nO,,,
VRISKA: I'm going to have to insist.
VRISKA: You are going to join me and together we are going to fuck shit up.
ERISOLSPRITE: revvolvve around? iit2 a biit late for that jake.
ERISOLSPRITE: your flu2hed quadrant ii2 a black hole and wwe are all beiing dragged 2creamiin through iit2 evvent horiizon.
ARQUIUSPRITE: You, seadwelling mustard b100d.
Half of me commands the peasant half of you to resolve my emotional turmoil, while humbly requesting the noble half of you to do the same. The other half of me doesn't give a flying hoot about your lame caste bulls**t and is just kind of freaking out internally about this.
DAVE: did you steal it from the common area
KARKAT: UNLIKE EVERYONE ELSE EVER, I HAPPEN TO MAKE A PRACTICE OF CAPTCHALOGUING ITEMS WHICH MIGHT BE CONVENIENT ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS.
KARKAT: SAY I'M STROLLING AROUND AND FIND MYSELF IN NEED OF A PLACE TO SIT? BAM. SUDDENLY, A CHAIR.
KARKAT: AND NO I DIDN'T STEAL IT.
KARKAT: HOW COULD I STEAL SOMETHING FROM THE COMMON AREA? NOBODY ACTUALLY OWNS ANY OF THAT FUCKING FURNITURE.
KARKAT: THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED THE *COMMON* AREA, YOU ACCUSATORY PIECE OF FILTH.
DAVE: sounds like communism
DAVE: are you a communist or something
DAVE: actually that makes perfect sense what with your sickle and all
KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??
DAVE: wait john has a hammer oh shit its all adding up
DAVE: when we arrive are you going to team up with john and seize the means of production
KARKAT: YOU APPEAR TO BE JUMPSTARTING A FACETIOUS DISCUSSION ABOUT SOME SORT OF HUMAN ECONOMIC IDEOLOGICAL FRAMEWORK, WITHOUT HAVING THE SLIGHTEST CLUE THAT YOUR VEHICLE IS PARKED SQUARELY IN THE NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ZONE.
KANAYA: None Of Us Are!
KARKAT: (i kind of am)
KANAYA: Karkat Shut Up!
SOLLUX: kanaya, d0n't be such a damn n00b.
SOLLUX: the explanation for all the stuff i just heard is s0 0bvi0us.
KANAYA: What Is The Explanation
VRISKA: Party's over, folks. The pirate playtime wiggler jamboree was fun while it lasted. But it's time to get serious.
VRISKA: The treasure's down there. If my guess is right, it should be buried somewhere in one of his ancient memories. By now we've all been windbagged to hell and back by my dear ancestor. So I'll trust nobody's gonna mind indulging one of MY stories. There was a pretty good yarn about this treasure I read once during our travels. Found in some damn memory, who knows whose. It was a good read. IMPECCABLE prose. Failing to do it justice would be the real matter of gray morality here, if you ask me. But right now I ain't in the mood to figure out how not to make it fucking suck. So I'll just say this. It was supposedly a weapon that once belonged to him. But he could never use it without altering its nature. Meaning he could only use it once. So he did. After that, it could only be used again one more time. And only as a weapon against him. Knowing it was one of the keys to his defeat, he had it locked away deep in the void. That's it. Part one of my story. Hold your applause. Guess we'll find out if that's true. Or if it turns out all my despicable shit was in vain.
VRISKA: Not that it would even matter to some people. You know, they can say whatever they want about me. But somewhere out there is a shimmering new universe growing in a big ball of water. He's looking hells of majestic. Amphibious and resplendent. His glorious croak would bring you to your knees. That universe is going to give life to billions of trillions of zillions of cute little aliens. You wouldn't even believe how pretty and wonderful and happy all those aliens will be. It's making your lip tremble just thinking about them, and how worth saving they are. Wow. You could walk up to one of those aliens and put your hand on its innocent shoulder, and with a straight face you could say, "Sorry to break it to you. But tomorrow, a guy named Lord English is going to destroy your universe. You are all going to die." And when that alien looks up at you with tears in its eyes, just before the first one rolls down its weird alien cheek, you lean in close to its absurd alien ear and whisper, "Psyche." That's because you know a long time ago, in an obscure pocket of reality the alien could never understand or give a shit about, some crazy girl sacrificed the "lives" of a bunch of ghosts in order to kill that guy forever. They were already a million sweeps past their prime, existing on borrowed time, luxuriating in a kind of bizarre metaphysical longevity few others will ever enjoy. Just a fresh batch of bait the squid gods kept on ice for an insatiable fisherman cause they were sick of being hunted themselves. These ghosts were all that stood in the way of an end to this eternal holocaust, and sparing their souls ain't different in my view from personally committing atrocities on a cosmic fucking scale. I only ever wanted to do the right thing no matter how it made people judge me, and I don't need a magic ring to do that. You don't have to be alive to make yourself relevant. And you don't have to be a good person to be a hero. You just have to know who you are and stay true to that. So I'm going to keep fighting for people the only way I ever knew how.
VRISKA: By being me. note
DAVE: all havin to sneak around and...
DAVE: ugh my shitty childhood spider senses are tinglin just thinking about it
DAVE: it was "training" you know
DAVE: but you know what it really was it was some vicious shit that was bad and sucked and i hated it
DAVE: it didnt make me stronger
DAVE: it did the opposite
DAVE: it made me never want to fight
DAVE: it made me never want to see blood or be near danger or hear metal sounds
DAVE: it made me hate the idea of being a hero cause he was a hero and he ruined the idea of heroism
DAVE: i dont even want to be fighting this shitty version of jack but hey nobody else has secret welsh powers so i guess i have to
— Dave opens up to Dirk about what it was really like living with Bro