Pearl: Which lousy gift would you rather get? Dumb socks or an ugly sweater?
Marina: Uh... How about neither? No one wants to open that up on Octivus morning! OH! Or Squidmas morning! Whichever holiday you...um...happen to celebrate.
Pearl: I feel you. But if I HAAAAAD to choose, I'd go with the sweater. A sweater shows that they at least put a LITTLE effort into finding a gift. Plus you can return a sweater for more money than socks...
Marina: Yeah, I guess. But returning gifts is always such a hassle. Let's be real—it'll still be in a box in your closet two years from now.
Adam: You know, some would say these antlers I'm wearing would be emasculating, but they'd be wrong.
Morgan: You're right, Adam. It's the sweater that makes you look gay.
Morgan: You're right, Adam. It's the sweater that makes you look gay.
—X-Play "Non-Denominational Holiday Special"
"Oh, my God! Is that sweater made of bees?"
—Penny, The Big Bang Theory
You don't know what's worse: the embarrassingly quaint "elf on reindeer" motif, or the fact that wearing it makes you feel like you're wrapped in a dead sasquatch.
Made of wool with a holiday print
Mine's so black it'll make you squint
Sure I itch, but that'll get better
When I get used to my holiday sweater
Mine's so black it'll make you squint
Sure I itch, but that'll get better
When I get used to my holiday sweater
—Alex Stalock, San Jose Sharks goaltender, on the team-sung single "Holiday Sweater
"
"SpongeBob: Do you love it?
Squidward: (scratching) It's a little itchy. What's this thing made of?
SpongeBob: Eyelashes!
(Squidward tosses the sweater at his face, hurting his feelings)
Huey, Louie, Dewey: And Santa, no wool sweaters, please!
Huey: They make us itch!
Louie: And they make us sneeze — AHCHOO!
— "Dear Santa", Disney Sing-Along Songs: The Twelve Days of Christmas
