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Quotes / Hitler's Time Travel Exemption Act

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    Comic Books 
Midnighter: was just this pathetic little man going of to meet his ultimately quite mundane fate...
Timecop: It's always some pathetic little man. I seen ninety percent of the greatest scumbags in history up close, an' I can tell you: Khan, Pol Pot, Caligula, Torquemada, whoever, you look at any one of these worms an' you wonder how people didn't spot 'em a mile off. But they always end up on top anyhow, somehow...
Midnighter: Because people want them there. Adolf got elected, let's not forget.
Timecop: True, Dave. People suck. The past sucks. But that ain't no excuse for not trynna change the future.

"Ach, another time traveler. I must have done something terrible in a past life to face so many assassins."
Adolf Hitler after killing a time traveler, Deadpool #26

Rhodey: Lemme ask you something. If we can do this - y'know, go back in time - why don't we just find baby Thanos, y'know, and... (makes a gesture of strangling a baby with a rope)
Banner: [shocked] First of all, that's horrible...
Rhodey: It's Thanos!
Banner: ...And second, time doesn't work that way!

Shoot the dictator and prevent the war? But the dictator is merely the tip of the whole festering boil of social pus from which dictators emerge; shoot one, and there'll be another one along in a minute. Shoot him too? Why not shoot everyone and invade Poland?

"My mission is done. Future generations will be spared the horrors of that madman's ambitions for all time."
Paul Driscoll, triggering the rise of an even worse Fuehrer in Weber's Germany: The Veterinarian Totalitarian

"The name Hitler does not offend a black South African because Hitler is not the worst thing a black South African can imagine. Every country thinks their history is the most important, and that’s especially true in the West. But if black South Africans could go back in time and kill one person, Cecil Rhodes would come before Hitler. If people in the Congo could go back in time and kill one person, Belgium’s King Leopold would come way before Hitler. If Native Americans could go back in time and kill one person, it would probably be Christopher Columbus or Andrew Jackson.

"I often meet people in the West who insist The Holocaust was the worst atrocity in human history, without question. Yes, it was horrible. But I often wonder, with African atrocities like in the Congo, how horrific were they? The thing Africans don’t have that Jewish people do have is documentation. The Nazis kept meticulous records, took pictures, made films. … Six million killed. We can all look at that number and be rightly horrified. But when you read through the history of atrocities against Africans, there are no numbers, only guesses. It’s harder to be horrified by a guess. When Portugal and Belgium were plundering Angola and the Congo, they weren’t counting the black people they slaughtered. How many black people died harvesting rubber in the Congo? In the gold and diamond mines of the Transvaal? So in Europe and America, yes, Hitler is the Greatest Madman in History. In Africa he’s just another strongman from the history books."
Trevor Noah, Born a Crime, deconstructing this trope

"I could go back and kill Hitler. Isn't that every time traveler's dream?"
Far, Invictus

    Live-Action TV 
"If someone who knew the future, pointed out a child to you and told you that that child would grow up totally evil, to be a ruthless dictator who would destroy millions of lives... could you then kill that child?"
The Fourth Doctor, Doctor Who, "Genesis of the Daleks"

"Let's see... You've got a time machine. I've got a gun. What the hell. Let's kill Hitler!"
Mels, Doctor Who, "Let's Kill Hitler"

Hitler: Thank you, whoever you are. I think you have just saved my life.
The Eleventh Doctor: Believe me, it was an accident.
Amy: What do you mean, we just saved his life? We cannot have just SAVED HITLER!
Doctor Who, "Let's Kill Hitler"

"Well, I was on my way to this gay Gypsy bar mitzvah for the disabled when I suddenly thought 'Gosh, the Third Reich's a bit rubbish. I think I'll kill the Führer.'"
River Song, Doctor Who, "Let's Kill Hitler"

"Listen, we went to dinner in Berlin in 1937, right? We didn't nip out after pudding and kill Hitler. I've never killed Hitler. And you wouldn't expect me to kill Hitler."
The Doctor, Doctor Who, "Kill The Moon"

Pierre Chang: [the Orchid] will allow us to manipulate time.
DHARMA Workman: And then what, you're going to go back in time and kill Hitler?
Pierre Chang: Don't be ridiculous. There are rules.

    Video Games 
Assistant: Did you find him?
Albert Einstein: Hitler is... out of the way.
Assistant: Congratulations, professor! With Hitler removed-
Einstein: Time will tell. Sooner or later... time will tell...

"Ever wondered what a parallel universe you might be like? Well, stop wondering, because you're just Hitler. Every parallel universe ever. You. Hitler. We can't figure it out. Anyway, if you meet him in the next test, don't kill him. I know, I know. But trust me, it'd be bad."
Cave Johnson, in a Dummied Out line from Portal 2

    Web Comics 
"Time travel and Hitlers are always a bad combination."

Jane Goodall: We have an alternate history, and time travelers are all over the place.
Totally-Not-Steve Irwin: And we've killed a dozen Hitlers already! We're winning!

Commander Badass: Ah, I'm a commanding officer a' th' Navy TIALS. Y'know, Time Air Land Sea. Th' government commissioned a handful'a platoons of us in th' future. Get t' jump back and punch Hitler, win Vietnam, that kind of thing.
Jonesy: But... we didn't win Vietnam...
Commander: Yeeeaaaaah, The Man decided people couldn't handle a world where America took 'Nam an' they sent me back again to sabotage myself.
Jonesy: What?!
Commander: Take a moment to imagine yer livin' in a world where th' Rambo movies didn't get made.
Jonesy: (thinks about it, looks horrified)

3 Possibilities:
A: Time travel is impossible
B: Future people are dicks
C: Future people are really bad at killing Hitler

    Web Original 
"Okay. If I kill Hitler, that will be good. Unless, by doing that, I somehow create zombie Hitler. What if it creates an alternate reality with twenty Hitlers? I can't take this anymore! I'm going home to play Xbox."
Fafa, Glove and Boots

"Also, don't kill Hitler, even if it really seems like a good idea. Just trust me on this one."

"Apparently the Russians were not too happy I killed Joseph Stalin... The Americans, not wanting World War Three, blamed the Hungarians... who had no capability to dispute, the Soviet Union declared war... however China joined the Hungarians... America saw this as their chance to get on the Russians' good side and ALSO went after China... And it became a mess..."

International Association of Time Travelers: Members' Forum
Subforum: Europe – Twentieth Century – Second World War - Page 263

At 02:21:30, SneakyPete wrote:
Vienna, 1907: after numerous attempts, have infiltrated the Academy of Fine Arts and facilitated Adolf Hitler's admission to that institution. Goodbye, Hitler the dictator; hello, Hitler the modestly successful landscape artist! Brought back a few of his paintings as well, any buyers?

At 02:29:17, SilverFox316 wrote:
All right; that's it. Having just returned from 1907 Vienna where I secured the expulsion of Hitler from the Academy by means of an elaborate prank involving the Prefect, a goat, and a substantial quantity of olive oil, I now turn my attention to our newer brethren, who, despite rules to the contrary, seem to have no intention of reading Bulletin 1147 (nor its Addendum, Alternate Means of Subverting the Hitlerian Destiny, and here I'm looking at you, SneakyPete). Permit me to sum it up and save you the trouble: no Hitler means no Third Reich, no World War II, no rocketry programs, no electronics, no computers, no time travel. Get the picture?
"Wikihistory" note 

"Side note: Why the hell do the time travelers always go after Hitler? He's got to be the luckiest man alive. Look into the possibility of his SCPness."
Dr. Light, Annon

    Real Life 
"Time travelers! You can go back in time and fuck Hitler, but you can't kill him!"


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