Follow TV Tropes


Quotes / Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

Go To

Beneath the moonlight glints a tiny fragment of silver, a fraction of a line...
Chapter 1, Chapter 114

Whatever dark power inhabits you, it is contagious, and I don't want to end up like poor Draco Malfoy, poor Madam Malkin and her two poor assistants!
Professor McGonagall: Chapter 5

Harry Potter: Someday, when the distant descendants of Homo sapiens are looking back over the history of the galaxy and wondering how it all went so wrong, they will conclude that the original mistake was when someone taught Hermione Granger how to read.

Look at this! I mean, just look at this! Can you believe I'm being charged 30 points for shipping and handling on one lousy pie? 30 points! I'm turning a loss on the deal even after rescuing an innocent boy in distress! And storage fees? Conveyance charges? Drayage costs? How do you get drayage costs on a pie?
Harry, Chapter 13

You're giving me a time machine to treat my sleep disorder.
You're giving me a TIME MACHINE to treat my SLEEP DISORDER.
Harry's train of thought when Professor McGonagall gives him a time machine to treat his sleep disorder, Chapter 14

Harry: Hello, Headmaster.
Dumbledore: Please, Harry! Headmaster sounds so formal, just call me Heh for short.
Harry: I'll be sure to, Heh.
Dumbledore: [beat] Do you know, you're the first person who's ever taken me up on that?
Chapter 17

Harry Potter: Professor McGonagall the Headmaster set fire to a chicken!
Minerva McGonagall: He wha
Chapter 17

"Sometimes, when this flawed world seems unusually hateful, I wonder whether there might be some other place, far away, where I should have been. I cannot seem to imagine what that place might be, and if I can't even imagine it then how can I believe it exists? And yet the universe is so very, very wide, and perhaps it might exist anyway? But the stars are so very, very far away. It would take a long, long time to get there, even if I knew the way. And I wonder what I would dream about, if I slept for a long, long time..."
Professor Quirrell, Chapter 20

Draco: Later on we should have some sort of special mark that all our servants have, the Mark of Science, like a snake eating the Moon on their right arms—
Harry: It's called a PhD and wouldn’t that make it too easy to identify our people?
Draco: Huh?
Harry: I mean, what if someone is like "okay, now everyone pull up their robes over their right arms" and our guy is like "whoops, sorry, looks like I'm a spy"—
Draco: Forget I said anything!
Chapter 21

Dumbledore: Dear me, I do feel silly. And here I was expecting you might try to redeem the heir of Malfoy by, say, showing him true friendship and kindness.
Harry: Ha! Yeah, like that would have worked.
Chapter 25

Harry: We should kill them.
Hermione: Who, the Quidditch team?
Harry: I was thinking of everyone involved in any way with Quidditch anywhere, but the Ravenclaw team would be a start, yes.
Hermione: You do know that killing people is wrong, Harry?
Harry: Yes.
Hermione: Okay, just checking. Let's get the Seeker first. I've read some Agatha Christie mysteries, do you know how we can get her onto a train?
— Harry and Hermione agree to murder Cho Chang, Chapter 27

"Your books betrayed you, Potter. They did not tell you the one thing you needed to know. You cannot learn from stories what it is like to lose the one you love. That is something you could never understand without feeling it yourself."
Severus Snape to Harry, Chapter 27

(Ex tempore speech given by General Potter to the Chaos Legion, immediately before their first battle, on November 3rd, 1991, at 2:56pm:)

My troops, I'm not going to lie to you, our situation today is very grim. Dragon Army has never lost a single battle. And Hermione Granger... has a very good memory. The truth is, most of you are probably going to die. And the survivors will envy the dead. But we have to win this. We have to win this so that someday, our children can enjoy the taste of chocolate again. Everything is at stake here. Literally everything. If we lose, the whole universe just blinks out like a light bulb. And now I realize that most of you don't know what a light bulb is. Well, take it from me, it's bad. But if we have to go down, let's go down fighting, like heroes, so that as the darkness closes in, we can think to ourselves, at least we had fun. Are you afraid to die? I know I am. I can feel those cold shivers of fear like someone is pumping ice cream into my shirt. But I know... that history is watching us. It was watching us when we changed into our uniforms. It was probably taking pictures. And history, my troops, is written by the victors. If we win this, we can write our own history. A history in which Hogwarts was founded by four renegade house elves. We can make everyone study that history, even though it isn't true, and if they don't answer the right way on our tests... they'll fail the class. Isn't that worth dying for? No, don't answer that. Some things are better left unknown. None of us know why we're here. None of us know why we're fighting. We just woke up in these uniforms in this mysterious forest, knowing only that there was no way to get our names and memories back except victory. The students in those other armies out there... they're just like us. They don't want to die. They're fighting to protect each other, the only friends they have left. They're fighting because they know they have families who'll miss them, even if they can't remember now. They may even be fighting to save the world. But we have a better reason to fight than they do. We fight because we like it. We fight to amuse eldritch monstrosities from beyond Space and Time. We fight because we're Chaos. Soon the final battle will begin, so let me say now, because I won't get a chance later, that it was an honor to be your commander, however briefly. Thank you, thank you all. And remember, your goal isn't just to cut down the enemy, it's to make them afraid.
Chapter 30

The awesome thing was how fast he'd been able to escalate the chaos once he started doing it deliberately.
Harry sat in his office; he'd been given the authority to order furniture from the house elves, so he'd ordered a throne, and curtains in a black and crimson pattern. Scarlet light like blood, mixed with shadow, poured over the floor.
Something in Harry felt like he'd finally come home.
Before him stood the four Lieutenants of Chaos, his most trusted minions, one of whom was a traitor.
This. This was what life should be like.
"We are gathered," said Harry.
"Let Chaos reign," chorused his four Lieutenants.
"My hovercraft is full of eels," said Harry.
"I will not buy this record, it is scratched," chorused his four Lieutenants.
"All mimsy were the borogroves."
"And the mome raths outgrabe!"
That concluded the formalities.
Chapter 33

- Harry: "All right, I'll hear out your evidence, because that's what a scientist does. But first, Headmaster, let me tell you a little story." Harry's voice was trembling. "You know, when I got here, when I got off the train from King's Cross, I don't mean yesterday but back in September, when I got off the train then, Headmaster, I'd never seen a ghost. I wasn't expecting ghosts. So when I saw them, Headmaster, I did something really dumb. I jumped to conclusions. I, I thought there was an afterlife, I thought no one had ever really died, I thought that everyone the human species had ever lost was really fine after all, I thought that wizards could talk to people who'd passed on, that it just took the right spell to summon them, that wizards could do that, I thought I could meet my parents who died for me, and tell them that I'd heard about their sacrifice and that I'd begun to call them my mother and father -"
- "Harry," ''whispered Dumbledore. Water glittered in the old wizard's eyes. He took a step closer across the office'
- "And then," spat Harry, the fury coming fully into his voice, the cold rage at the universe for being like that and at himself for being so stupid, "I asked Hermione and she said that they were just afterimages, burned into the stone of the castle by the death of a wizard, like the silhouettes left on the walls of Hiroshima. And I should have known! I should have known without even having to ask! I shouldn't have believed it even for all of thirty seconds! Because if people had souls there wouldn't be any such thing as brain damage, if your soul could go on speaking after your whole brain was gone, how could damage to the left cerebral hemisphere take away your ability to talk? And Professor McGonagall, when she told me about how my parents had died, she didn't act like they'd just gone away on a long trip to another country, like they'd emigrated to Australia back in the days of sailing ships, which is the way people would act if they actually knew that death was just going somewhere else, if they had hard evidence for an afterlife, instead of making stuff up to console themselves, it would change everything, it wouldn't matter that everyone had lost someone in the war, it would be a little sad but not horrible! And I'd already seen that people in the wizarding world didn't act like that! So I should have known better! And that was when I knew that my parents were really dead and gone forever and ever, that there wasn't anything left of them, that I'd never get a chance to meet them and, and, and the other children thought I was crying because I was scared of ghosts -"
Chapter 39

I know you now, I comprehend your nature, you symbolize Death, through some law of magic you are a shadow that Death casts into the world.
And Death is not something I will ever embrace.
It is only a childish thing, that the human species has not yet outgrown.
And someday...
We'll get over it...
And people won't have to say goodbye any more...

— Harry casting the True Patronus Charm, Chapter 45

"Men care for what they, themselves, expect to suffer or gain; and so long as they do not expect it to redound upon themselves, their cruelty and carelessness is without limit."
Professor Quirrell, Chapter 60

Albus: Nor had Harry ever dropped his Occulmency barriers in the Defense Professor's presence—
Minerva: Mr. Potter is an Occlumens? You gave him an invisibility cloak and he is immune to Veritaserum and he is friends with the Weasley twins? Albus, do you have any idea what you have unleashed upon this school? By his seventh year there won't be anything left of Hogwarts but a smoking hole in the ground!
Dumbledore: Don't forget the Time-Turner.
Minerva: *strangled shriek*
Severus: Should I teach him to brew Polyjuice, Headmaster? I ask only for the sake of completeness, in case you are not satisfied with the magnitude of your pet disaster.
Albus: Perhaps next year.
Chapter 61

"I truly do not know if your choice was wise. I truly do not know if it was the right thing, or the wrong thing. If I knew, Harry, I would have spoken. But I- I am nothing but a foolish young boy who has become a foolish old man, and I have no wisdom."
Albus Dumbledore commenting on Harry sending his phoenix away, Chapter 85

— Trelawney's full prophecy, Chapter 89

Of course it's my fault. There's no one else here who could be responsible for anything.
Harry about Hermione's death, Chapter 90

What is deadlier than hate, and flows without limit?
— Quirrell's riddle, Chapter 102

Harry: Hello, Lord Voldemort.
Professor Quirrell: Hello, Tom Riddle
Chapter 104

"It's my fault, I was stupid. I've always been stupid. You mustn't rescue me. Goodbye."
Harry to Dumbledore, Chapter 110

Not Heaven, not some faraway star, not a different place but a better person, I'll show you, someday I'll show you how to be happy.
— Harry's thoughts about Quirrell, Chapter 118

There can only be one king upon the chessboard.
There can only be one piece whose value is beyond price.
That piece is not the world, it is the world's peoples, wizard and Muggle alike, goblins and house-elves and all.
While survives any remnant of our kind, that piece is yet in play, though the stars should die in heaven.
And if that piece be lost, the game ends.
Know the value of all your other pieces, and play to win.
Albus Dumbledore in his letter to Harry, Chapter 119

Upon my life and magic I swear friendship to Harry Potter,
To help him and trust in him,
To stand with him and, um, stand by him,
And sometimes go where he can't go,
'Till the day that death takes me for real, if it ever does, I mean,
And if the world or its magic ends, we'll deal with that together.
Hermione's second oath to Harry, Chapter 122

How well does it match the trope?

Example of:


Media sources: