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Quotes / Gretzky Has the Ball

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Ms. Darbus: This school is about more than just young men in baggy shorts flinging balls for touchdowns!
Coach Bolton: Baskets! They shoot baskets!

(To)day you won a ticket to see Doctor J
Front row seat (in free!) no pay
Radio in hand, snacks by feet
Game's about to start, you kickin' popcorn to the beat
You finally wake up, Doc's gone to town
Round his back, through the hoop, then you scream "Touchdown!"
Run–D.M.C., You Be Illin

"And so there was this player named Mark Lemke, and they said something like 'All star second baseman for the Braves.' And our friend knows nothing about sports, and so he would always do his old timey radio impression of this guy, and not knowing any positions in baseball or whatever, he'd just be like, 'Homestar Runner for the Braves.'"
Matt Chapman on how Homestar Runner got its name

Max: I fold too.
Tycho: Everyone folded to you. You won the pot.
Max: But... but I... oh alright. (Max reluctantly takes his winnings)

"Congratulations! That was the hairiest game of Hearts I've ever played!"
Max again, and the game is still Texas Hold-em

"Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding onto all the cards, and guess what: They're all Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn. Anyways, new turrets. Not defective. Aces of fours. The best hand, I imagine."
Wheatley, Portal 2

Tai: Bases loaded, two out! And we need a slam dunk!
Sora: ...Huh?

"The important thing when writing a sports movie is not to get too bogged down in the so-called "rules" of the sport..."
The Lazy Writers, That Mitchell and Webb Look, on their cricket movie "The Full Number Of Overs That Are Scheduled To Be Bowled That Day".

"And there's a right cross to the chin, and a left uppercut, and a high one in the centerfield stands... Oh, a foul, a foul- it's breathtaking, and they're mixing it up! Wow, a basket, a basket, parry, thrust, parry, thrust, Oh, touché! And look at that body! Look left, look down the sideline, it's a touchdown. Strike, ball, ball, strike, ball, Strike! He's out! Out like a light! Here comes the pitch to long-nose drive, straight down the fairway. Is it a strike? Is it a strike? No, a spare! Rub that goose, rub that goose, rub that goose, rally! Rally! Wow! Wow! What a performance! What a show! It's every man for himself!
...And that's why ice hockey is called a spectator sport."
Doodles Weaver, From the Goofy cartoon, "Hockey Homicide"

Monica: (To Chandler and Phoebe) Alright, guys, could you help me with the dishes? There's a lot of pots and pans.
Chandler: Oh honey I'd love to but the second game's about to start so... (starts to get up)
Phoebe: (getting up with him) Oh yeah, the second game. More football for the Phoebster.
Monica: Who's playing?
Chandler: Los Angeles.
Monica: Wow, last time I checked, Los Angeles didn't have a football team.note 
Chandler: Did I say Los Angeles? I meant the team that used to be in Los Angeles and now in St. Louis. note (whispers to Phoebe) I actually knew that.
Monica: Ok, quick. Name three players on that team.
Chandler: Gretzkynote ... Agassinote ... (struggles to think of a third, then to Phoebe) I'm a pretty little girl. (Monica throws him a tea-towel)
—From the Friends episode "The One With The Rumor"

Bingo! Yahtzee! King me! I don't really know how to play backgammon.
Crow T. Robot towards two policemen playing chess, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Reptilicus

Peppermint Patty: Marcie, I'm short a player... I need you out in right field.
Marcie: I hate baseball, sir!
Patty: All you have to do is stand out there...please?
Marcie: But what if I get put in the penalty box?
Patty: There's no penalty box in baseball... Now, please get out there...
(Marcie goes out to right field)
Marcie: I forgot to ask if we're playing nine holes or eighteen...

Soun drew from the card stack, then rolled a 7 and landed on the last orange property. Buying it and therefore completing his triple, he proceeded to build two houses on each. He locked eyes with Genma once more.
The two men stayed silent, appraising one another, wondering who would speak first.
"The author has no idea how shogi is played, do they?" Soun asked.

"He might make me quarterback of the hockey team or something."
Justin Suarez, Ugly Betty

"What the crap kind of freaked up sport are you guys playing, anyway? I mean, you've got a basketball goal and you got basketballs and footballs..."
Strong Bad, Homestar Runner

"Looked like a pop fly into the endzone!"

Marina: Baseball is the most contrived artificial sport ever created. "Try to throw this ball past that player, but only in this small area... And if she hits it, pick it up and throw it at her, but only if she's stealing a-".
Pearl: You don't know how to play baseball, do you?
Marina: What? Of course I do! You just grab, uh...the club and smack in a touchdow- OK FINE. I don't know how to play baseball...

Katie: Careful. Daniel doesn't follow sports terms.
Daniel: We're supposed to follow sports "terms"? I've been saying "teams".