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Quotes / Genre Savvy

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"Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present..."

Ira Kane: Snag one!
Harry Block: Snag one?!
Ira Kane: Yeah. Snag it and put it in the box.
Harry Block: I've seen this movie before, the Black Dude Dies First. You snag it!

"Hah! I found it! In my 'Vault of Horror' comic book #9! Right after the story of the thing in the swamp that eats up the grandma alive... it tells how to kill a vampire!"
MAD, "V-Vampires!"

Guy: [when the rest of the crew try to approach some harmless-looking aliens] They may look cute now, but in a minute, they're going to get mean, and ugly somehow, and there's going to be a million more of them.
Gwen: They don't look dangerous.
Guy: Did you guys even watch the show?

Betty: It's that old familiar story. You help a timid little soul across a crowded street; she turns out to be a multimillionaire and leaves you all her money.
Joe: That's the trouble with you readers. You know all the plots.

Chuck: You're scared? Of a perfectly ordinary door?
Ferdie: Yea, well I know what happens in those mystery pictures: a guy walks over to a "perfectly ordinary door", opens it up, and zowie! Out falls a body, right on its kisser!
Abbott and Costello in Hold That Ghost

Geek Scientist: Look, we have medics and guards standing by just in case. And this is one of our strongest containment rooms. Everything is under control.
Joel: You do realize that the scientist say that in every horror movie, just before things go horribly wrong.
Geek Scientist: This isn't a cheesy B-Movie, Joel. Relax! What could go wrong?
Joel: Are you trying to get us all killed?

"Do it?" Dan, I'm not a Republic serial villain. Do you seriously think I'd explain my masterstroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I did it thirty-five minutes ago.
Adrian "Ozymandias" Veidt, Watchmen

Check my flank. That's how they got that guy in Jurassic Park.
Gordon Freeman, Freeman's Mind

Did you honestly think you could take so many lives and never suffer retribution? Have you never even seen a kung-fu movie, spy flick or western? Shakespeare, for God's sake!

"So I called that guy I know at NBC. And then I got to thinking — You know what I hate? I hate those lame action movies where the good guy calls just one person who ends up betraying him. So I called ABC, CBS, The Post, The Times, the local news channel, and the FBI."
Mr. Smith, Shoot 'em Up

Duane: You do not want to engage me. Have you never been to an opera house?
Bett: What?
Duane: Think of it. A mysterious stranger in unassuming garb, of noble mien, his manner strange, his abilities unknown, selflessly answering the call of innocents. Not one to take lightly, says the theatre. What is your role? The brutish dullard who would raise a weapon to a child? You won't see the second act.
Bett: You're not accounting for me!
Duane: Convince me that I should no-
Sette: [interrupting] Zombies don't banter!

"The true secret in being a hero lies in knowing the order of things. The swineherd cannot already be wed to the princess when he embarks on his adventures, nor can the boy knock on the witch's door when she is already away on vacation. The wicked uncle cannot be found out and foiled before he does something wicked. Things must happen when it is time for them to happen. Quests may not simply be abandoned; prophecies may not be left to rot like unpicked fruit; unicorns may go unrescued for a very long time, but not forever. The happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story."

Z: Itís a talking cat.
Theo: We're in a Heterodyne story now. These things happen.

Ebony Maw: Your powers are inconsequential compared to mine!
Iron Man: Yeah, but the kid has seen more movies.

Hsu: Well I guess there's nothing to do but try to find a phone. Say, why don't we try that big, old house on the hill?
Chan: Because we are neither incredibly stupid, nor traveling with Scooby Doo. Come on. I saw a normal house a little way back down the road.
Hsu and Chan, Symphony of the Nut

Valentine: You know what this is like? It's like those old movies we both love. Now, I'm going to tell you my whole plan, and then I'm going to come up with some absurd and convoluted way to kill you, and you'll find an equally convoluted way to escape.
Harry Hart: Sounds good to me.
Valentine: Well, this ain't that kind of movie.

Tarquin: You're a bard, right? How many stories have you heard in which a single hero vanquishes a wicked empire?
Elan: I dunno... dozens, I guess.
Tarquin: What is the one thing they all have in common? The one face they all share?
Tarquin: Arguable. No, the one thing they all have in common is this: the wicked empire exists. It has existed for some time, and it will continue to exist if no heroes intervene. Don't you see, Elan? The rules of drama to which you subscribe as a bard tell us that such tyrannies can exist—indeed, MUST exist—and persist long enough that no one realistically thinks that they can be defeated. Else, where's the drama in a hero opposing them? And if such kingdoms are necessary, why shouldn't I rule one?

See that? Reading comic books can save lives.
Cat Noir, Miraculous Ladybug, "Dark Owl"

You ever seen horror films? (Arturo nods) Well, you've always seen that guy that appears, that you can tell right away that he smells like a dead man walking? It always happens, it never fails. Arturito... you smell like a dead man walking.
Berlin, La casa de papel