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Film — Live-Action
Uh, waitaminute, what about this: What if they're eating in an airplane
, and they cross a timezone? I mean, it's always midnight somewhere! Hehehe! (gets mauled by Mohawk
Glen: Well shit, man, I guess that's why they call it a "way-homer."
Hi: Why's that?
Glen: Cause you only get it on the way home.
Film — Animated
I see now that my plan didn't make much sense.
It makes sense, if you think
about it! M:
No it doesn't.
: Perfect place for a murder. No one can hear you scream. Kate Beckett
: No one can help you carry the body up the stairs either. Richard Castle
: Maybe somebody marched Donny at gunpoint down to the river and killed him there. Kate Beckett
: If he had a gun, why would he use a bottle [to kill the victim]? Richard Castle
: Don't ruin my story with your logic!
Wait a minute. How did they open the car door?
(Asked what the quote "It was the most excruciating experience of my life" referred to.) Andy Parsons
: Is it David Blunkettnote
hanging pictures? [He mimes hitting his thumb with a hammer] Dara O'Briain
: I get that he'd drive the nail into his thumb because he's blind, but why is he hanging pictures? He's blind!
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out?
Seeing the film the first time, I was swept away, and have remained swept ever since. Seeing this restored version, I tried to be more objective...it is remarkable that the Empire marksmen never hit anyone important.
Which if you think about it rationally is absurd, but you get too involved to think rationally
There's one line in one scene at the start of the movie to explain the entire apocalypse. And it's not even repeated or alluded to. Just one line... It's India. It's a monsoon. A man arrives, clearly in a hurry. He's wearing a suit. He's got a small bag. He's rushed to be here. He's a scientist, he's meeting another scientist. [...] This guy, a physicist, turns to the other physicist and without any shame or compunction goes: "The neutrinos have mutated
and they're heating up the planet!" [Insert lengthy rant about how scientifically impossible this is.] At the end of the movie, they're on a boat. It's a new dawn. Everyone's survived. Everyone in the cinema got up and walked out. I was the only idiot in the Curzon on Leicester Square with his arm up going "Eh,
what happened to the fucking neutrinos?!" A week ago, they had "mutated and were heating up the planet"; how did
that change all of a sudden?
: Take Vampire movies. Why are they always set in L.A. or Mexico? They can't even get a tan. If I was a bloodsucker, I'd move to the North Pole. Winter's one looong night. Mobster 2
: Yeah, what would ya eat? suck blood from Pengiuns? Mobster 1
: Nah. Eskimos, man, Eskimos.
Is the long part its trunk or its neck? How does it bathe itself? An utterly mysterious Chimera.
—The Description for the Ostrelephant
, MOTHER 3
By the time you figure out what was wrong with that, it won't matter anymore!
: "Wait a minute! What was Professor Utonium
doing making little girls in the first place?!" [beat] Misteroo
Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot.
How can you say the Wonder Twins
was about incest
? I mean, just because he turns
into water, and then she turns into an elephant
, and then... Then they... They... Oh My God. And the monkey! Where does the monkey fit in? Tycho:
The monkey watches
"I know I shouldn't, but I can't help but wonder how creatures without arms could make such a device. Or tie up my friends." Wanda:
I'm trying to rein in my ruthless logical thinking
and embrace the boundless and bewitching wonders
of the magical world. [Later] Wanda: [hrrrnghh]
If he's so smart then why didn't he just try to summon the fricken egg
first not one of them tried to summon that fricken egg
, not one, you've learned the summoning charm, great, why not just try summon the motherfrickin egg
When the lights go on, Ben sees a horde of hundreds and hundreds of Spider-man clones, all in cute little matching Spider-man costumes. You know, where did the Jackal find time or resources to mass-produce the costume? For that matter, where are all these Spider-men using the bathroom? I hate to think the answer might be 'in the corners of the room.'
The all-concrete room you're in suddenly erupts into flames. (I don't know how either, but go with me) The fire doors slam shut locking you in with the flames.
A: Notify someone in order to have the strangely designed doors opened.
B: Crack the glass and stick a hose through it with which you can put out the flames
C: Go to a linen closet, find a chainsaw
(!) and proceed to saw through the two inch thick steel fire doors, thereby freeing you.
Well obviously the answer is C. Everybody knows that chainsaws are in abundance on a cruise ship, I mean, trees can come out of nowhere in the ocean. And everybody also knows they'll cut through two inch steel like paper. Duh!
I think people heard about Kevin Costner
drinking his own distilled pee in Waterworld
and ran for the hills... nobody wants to see the guy from Field of Dreams
drinking his wee-wee. I puzzle over it myself. If he has a machine that can distill urine into drinking water, why can't he just purify sea water? After much thinking, I finally decided that he prefers warm drinks.
We then discover Sharon Stone has been given superpowers by the beauty cream when she yells at George until he slaps her. Chris
: Catwoman and Sharon Stone then have this big karate fight, which makes sense because Catwoman used her cat powers to beat the living hell out of four gigantic armed robbers in the first half of the movie, but that’s okay because Sharon Stone has an invulnerable face and neck
. Twenty-eight writers.
There's an awkward scene in The Daleks
talking about the TARDIS food dispenser and how it makes energy bars that taste just like the real objects. And it made sense, except for being really stupid and pointless and tedious. But here, the ship, quite frankly, goes a bit mad, starting early in the episode with a long shot in which we can clearly see that the food dispenser has separate buttons for water and... milk
. This is absolutely fantastic. Because of course alien species love bovine lactation.
The government wants to figure out how to turn Clark’s powers off and on
, which is fine. That makes sense and follows logically. But to accomplish this, they have “turned off neural pathways” so that he can’t access his powers, which.. What? Does Clark have to THINK about being invulnerable to make it happen? David
: Haha, that’s a good point! He should just be walking around destroying everything in his path, like Lennie from Of Mice and Men
. Hugging Lois and she comically pops open. The episode ending with Ollie mercy-killing Clark with a Kryptonite arrow.
It's a lot like the iron boots in modern 3D Zelda
games: you have these 200kg boots in your inventory; you're swimming in water; you open the menu and choose to put the boots 'on'; you sink to the bottom of the water. Are the boots only heavy when they're on your feet? (Maybe they're magical
Wait a second, if their mission is to proliferate their DNA through procreation, why is there a gay guy
in the group?!
Y'know, come to think of it, if the Jedi had just one (or two, or three, or four, or five, or six, or seven
) Jedis back to them with Naboo, they might've actually captured
Darth Maul and figured out who he was workin' for. Can you imagine the look on his face when he opened the door and is like, "IMMA FUCKIN BADASS—" (sees Jedi army), and then he's like, "—Ohhh. Oh.
How do you close these doors? Is it this button? OK there it goes.
Why would the Prometheus
crew agree to go on a four-year mission when they're not even briefed on what the mission is until the mission starts? What if the mission involved a gang-bang?
Android 17: Holy shit, you're an android! How did you even do that?
Dr. Gero: I took my brain out and put it into this body.
: I...huh. How did I do that?
How the hell does that guy owe money?! He has a magic lever that can force people to lose everything! Marry into money? Why?!
You have God's personal money tree! Th-Th-There's not even any complicated controls! It's just "Win" and "Lose"! Is it only targeted to Fred?! Can it be targeted to other people?! Is there a remote-controlled chip inside everybody's mind that he somehow has control over that can win or lose or...?! This whole movie should be about how that lever works!
The longer we stand here, the more people are going to question how a fisherman with no engineering background was able to build a sophisticated talking fish robot.
[Zoidberg's underwater house has just burnt down] Zoidberg
My home! It burned down! How did this happen? Hermes
: That's a very good question. Bender
: [Retrieving a lit cigar from the ashes]
So that's where my I left my cigar. Hermes
: That just raises further questions!
Wait a second... if the pit is bottomless, how exactly are you going to fill it with water?
[Chowder accidentally puts rat poison in the dish he's making] Mung
: Oh, golly... Why did I even put that poison in the spice cabinet in the first place?! [A giant rat passes by] Mung
: ...Oh, yeah, that's right...
As Zack admits to the scam, Major Slater produces a (disarmed) hand grenade and pulls the pin
, causing Zack to dive for cover... but with his life in immediate danger, why didn't he call a Time-Out?
No, Millard, stop it. Don't think about it, or you'll drive yourself crazy.