Three bears arrived at their den to discover a yellow haired girl sleeping, and as she was neither too hot nor too cold, neither too soft nor too hard, but just right, they ate her.
— Neil Prowd, Ballarat, Australia. Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2022
Pearl: It's time for a gritty reboot of the Tortoise and the Hare. THIS SUMMER...
Marina: Dear cod...
Pearl: The hare had just won the race. She was taking a victory lap, when suddenly...
Marina: Suddenly what?!
Pearl: Mysterious creatures emerge from the sea to threaten their peaceful village! So the tortoise and the hare join forces to rescue their kidnapped friends!
Marina: WHAT?! That's not a plot twist... it's a plot backside rodeo 1080!
Orson: (reading "Rumpelstiltskin") After the king let the son out, the little man offered the son a deal.
Rumpelstiltskin (Roy): You can keep your VCR if you can guess my name.
Miller's son (Wade): Guess your name? Ha! That oughta be a cinch! Is it Fred?
Rumpelstiltskin: No.
Miller's son: Sam?
Rumpelstiltskin: No.
Miller's son: Elliot?
Rumpelstiltskin: Nope!
Miller's son: Jason?
Rumpelstiltskin: No way.
Orson: The son just kept on guessing far into the night...
Miller's son: Irving? Floyd? Ichabod? Michael? Sidney? John? Paul? George? Ringo? Larry? Moe? Curly? Shemp? Howie? Frank?
Rumpelstiltskin: Nope.
Orson: ...but without success.
Miller's son: Arbuthnot? Trallfaz? Sting? Prince? Engelburt?
Rumpelstiltskin: Sorry, you only get one more guess.
Pizzaman (Bo): Hey, like, hi there, Rumpelstiltskin. Qué pasa?
Miller's son: I know it! I know your name! Your name is...
Roy: (grabs the book from Orson) But before the duck-son could say the name, a hurricane came up!
Orson: A hurricane!?
Roy: Yes, a hurricane. And it blew the duck away, so he couldn't take his VCR back.
Wade: Uno momento!
Orson: Guys!
Wade: Then, a spaceship came by! And it rescued the handsome duck, and flew him back to reclaim his VCR.
Orson: Guys, stop this!
Roy: But the rooster was determined to get it back with the aid of his trained dinosaurs!
Orson: Trained dinosaurs? Where did the trained dinosaurs come from?
Roy: Same place all those ninjas came from.
Wade: But then the Third Marine Division landed with their Anti-Trained Dinosaur Squadron.
Roy: But the Mole People were too smart for the Marines!
Orson: Guys!
Wade: Then 83 monsters take the VCR back!
Roy: Then 84 monsters and a giant moth grab it back from the duck!
Rumpelstiltskin (Roy): You can keep your VCR if you can guess my name.
Miller's son (Wade): Guess your name? Ha! That oughta be a cinch! Is it Fred?
Rumpelstiltskin: No.
Miller's son: Sam?
Rumpelstiltskin: No.
Miller's son: Elliot?
Rumpelstiltskin: Nope!
Miller's son: Jason?
Rumpelstiltskin: No way.
Orson: The son just kept on guessing far into the night...
Miller's son: Irving? Floyd? Ichabod? Michael? Sidney? John? Paul? George? Ringo? Larry? Moe? Curly? Shemp? Howie? Frank?
Rumpelstiltskin: Nope.
Orson: ...but without success.
Miller's son: Arbuthnot? Trallfaz? Sting? Prince? Engelburt?
Rumpelstiltskin: Sorry, you only get one more guess.
Pizzaman (Bo): Hey, like, hi there, Rumpelstiltskin. Qué pasa?
Miller's son: I know it! I know your name! Your name is...
Roy: (grabs the book from Orson) But before the duck-son could say the name, a hurricane came up!
Orson: A hurricane!?
Roy: Yes, a hurricane. And it blew the duck away, so he couldn't take his VCR back.
Wade: Uno momento!
Orson: Guys!
Wade: Then, a spaceship came by! And it rescued the handsome duck, and flew him back to reclaim his VCR.
Orson: Guys, stop this!
Roy: But the rooster was determined to get it back with the aid of his trained dinosaurs!
Orson: Trained dinosaurs? Where did the trained dinosaurs come from?
Roy: Same place all those ninjas came from.
Wade: But then the Third Marine Division landed with their Anti-Trained Dinosaur Squadron.
Roy: But the Mole People were too smart for the Marines!
Orson: Guys!
Wade: Then 83 monsters take the VCR back!
Roy: Then 84 monsters and a giant moth grab it back from the duck!
—U.S. Acres, "The Name Game"
