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Quotes / Fake Difficulty

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Web Animation


"So it is badly made, and I'm not shit! Hooray!"

"In all fairness, Kane & Lynch 2 does occasionally pretend to be a stealth game; the kind of stealth game where every enemy on the map becomes alerted to your exact position the moment one guard spots half an inch of your pimply bum. You know, the shit kind of stealth game. At all other times, it's got nothing but same old cover-based shooting, and technically doesn't even have that. I thought the prerequisite of cover combat is that when you're in cover, the enemy can't shoot you, but Kane and Lynch beg to differ. You think they'd be better at tucking their heads in, what with all the time they spend sniffing their own farts."
Zero Punctuation on Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days

"I have to pass through the underground tunnels again, where it's pitch-black and I can't use any gun without a flashlight, and they're full of the same Nazis as always! How can they fucking see?! How can their exploding kamikaze dogs see?! Serious Sam gets away with exploding kamikazes, 'cos you fight them in open areas. In claustrophobic tunnels, they're basically, 'We're taking your health now, fuck you.' So in conclusion, Wolfenstein: Youngblood gives so little shit, it is actively removing shit from the universe."
Zero Punctuation on Wolfenstein: Youngblood


Web Original

Roger tags along with Eddie, but he's absolutely useless for everything except being a load, where random birds can abduct him and cost you a life out of guilt. Doom's weasels will also butt in to kidnap Roger, where you're forced into a mini-quiz where you need to answer a bad pun....The pun answers are mostly obvious, nothing remotely on the level as Monkey Island's insult swordfighting responses, but you'll get sick of these after the first one with how commonly the dang weasels accost you.


Web Video

"Hey, guys, look! It's a water level in Bubsy 3D! Ho ho ho! OHHHHH, he can just chomp you from a hundred miles away! Hee hee hee! Hahahahaha! AH hA Ha HA hA! HAhAHaHAhAHAaHA!!"
videogamedunkey gets bitten by a shark

"Ecco controls like he's swimming through vodka rather than salt water."

"Geralt has a real problem with authority. Much of your combat is spent pressing buttons twice, 'cause he doesn't seem to think you mean business the first time."

"They actually have, in the description of the controls, a way to get out of getting stuck on the scenery. Well, at least they're aware."
Jim Sterling on Dark Shadows (Steam)

"In New 'N' Tasty, it's incredibly finnicky to get Abe to do a short hop...I found the best way to get past it was to charge at it repeatedly like an idiot, because it was easier than putting up with the new controls."

"There is bad design, and then there is E.T. for the Atari, and then there is the Hellkite Dragon."
Squiddish Returns, "Derp Souls: Herp Souls 2"

"Games like Dark Souls are unique in that they require the player to be in a constant state of skill and awareness to stop them being punished."
VaatiVidya, A Tale of Two Adventurers (and yes, he and Squiddish are talking about the same game.)

"I hit it when the hole's in front, I hit it when it's to the back, I hit it when it's to the left, and to the right. What remains?"
Dan Avidan, Game Grumps, "The Wacky World of Miniature Golf Part 1

"Because when it comes to Dark Souls, bugs are just features that make it MORE EXTREME!"

"This is less of a challenge in the form of endurance or smarts or doing something clever, i-i-it's more of the challenge of just bashing your dick up against a cinder block laced with fire and acid. It's kinda that, you know. You just keep going until you meet this arbitrary idea of the success, of the goal-line, of the finish victory - well done, chappy boyo, you fucking dick fell off!"

"If you include it at all, the last thing this sort of gameplay should ever be is a crutch, and X6 uses it as goddamn life support. You don't need to stack artificial difficulty to make a hard game. There's plenty of shit out there that routinely kicks my ass just as much as X6. The difference between this and those is the fact that they're rewarding to better yourself at because there's quality to their design. When you get massacred in a properly intense game, you don't feel cheated, you feel the need to improve."

Real Life

"I played Battletoads, and learned that 'faster computer reactions' is a cheap substitute for 'harder difficulty.'"
Chris Kluwe

"The game is not challenging, it’s difficult to play, and it’s taken many years but I’m ready to begin making this distinction."


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