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Quotes / Ethical Slut

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"One of the advantages of not being puritanical about sex is not being embarrassed after. You should try it."
Inara Serra, "Heart of Gold," Firefly

"No sex is wrong if there's love involved."

"What I promote goes hand in hand with Jewish values, the importance of family and relationships, the connection of sexuality and godliness. The tricky part is figuring out a way to incorporate religious values and still explore sex in an open and honest way."

Jews (the group of which Jesus preached) do not have the same sexual hang ups that today's traditional Christians (vs Biblical) have. They view sex in a much more wholesome way than most Christians. Christians borrow their negative views of sex from the Greeks and from St. Augustine who over-reacted to his previous sexual progligacy with his ascetic responses that made sex totally evil when it was used in marriage for sexual reasons. It was only valid if it was for the purpose of procreation. Now if that is the only use you make of sex then you are in sympathy with St. Augustine. That is a sorry place to put your loyalty.

Regarding Christ, I believe that his silence indicates a wholesome acceptance of Jewish openness about the subject. Christians (?) are all too often in tune with negativism about their own sexuality and, as a result so many of them end up in deviancy. Sex is not a disease. It is a gift from God. That does not mean that we use it carelessly. Many traditional Christians have a lot to work out on a psychological level sexual issues, before they can engage in dialogue with honest, searching Christians eager to find solutions to the errors created by organized religious fanatics.
Liberated Christians, How Sex Was Made A Sin

And for the record, Saison Margeurite, I do not just give handjobs. I also let boys fuck me in my butthole, okay? Not my growler (her vagina), but my butthole. Because I am saving my virginity for someone special. And that's not you Blaine.
Brittnay Matthews, The Most Popular Girls in School (Episode 2)

It's foolish for society to impose the restriction of one man to the married woman. I'm not advocating sexual promiscuity but I think it's possible for a woman to have many kinds of sexual relationships with many men and that shouldn't affect the status of the marriage. The husband, in turn, should have the same freedoms.
Suzy Chaffee

Meanwhile, we were having nonstop sex (and trust me, that just not as much fun as it sounds) and getting nowhere. I would call Guy off the basketball court, out of a meeting, away from a family function, and even home early from a business trip. Trust me, I was fast becoming the not-so-popular wife even among our closest circle of friends and business associates. I made Guy promise to never and I mean 'never' be without his cell phone or without his cellphone on; and if he didn't answer on the very first ring, I would jump all over him for not wanting this baby badly enough, for not trying as hard as he needed to. I even told him once that if he didn't get home in ten minutes to have sex with me, I'd find someone else who would!
Cindy Margolis, Having a Baby... When the Old-Fashioned Way Isn't Working

Cultivated large part, that's what an open marriage represents.

Despite what they tell us (they being Cosmo magazine editors and other such feminist fighters) open marriages are at least as beneficial to wives as to husbands, if not more so. Husbands are easily satisfied: They simply need their wives to act like their girlfriends (that's why I'm a loud defender of mistresses by the way).

Adultery has nothing to do with swinging. Huh? 'Tis true. Who knew such a loophole in The Bible existed? Swingers do, that's who.

Dr. Eddie says he's learned from his years of research that many swingers are religious and attend church regularly. They attend the most typical churches that dot the South: Southern Baptist, Presbyterian and Methodist. He explains that like any group, some swingers aren't religious. Sara and Craig, for instance aren't. But then Dr. Eddie says that he knows a Baptist preacher in Raleigh and another one in Wilmington who are avid swingers. That's all fine and dandy. Adultery is cheating on someone behind their backs - in other words, taking someone's property away. Swinging is not that. It's consensual and fun. No one gets hurt. That's how Christians resolve this particular hairy question.

But even swingers who aren't holy rollers have to wonder if this is cheating. Sara says it is absolutely not.

"Adultery, to me, implies sneaking around, sleeping with other people without your spouse's knowledge or approval. she says. The sexual dalliances we have with others are completely out in the open. We have a full disclosure policy. We do these activities together, and with prior approval. If I were to find out that Craig had sex with another woman, without my knowledge or approval, I would view that as cheating, the same as any other woman would. Well, no, probably not the same as other women. In this lifestyle, cheating is considered to be a greater offense than with nonlifestyle folks, because we give our partners so much freedom."

Makes sense. If freedom reigns in a relationship and anyone can boink any anyone as long as permission is given first, then why would anyone cheat?
Suzi Parker, Sex in the South: Unbuckling the Bible Belt

"Our marriage is different. Sometimes we have sex with other people, not just with each other."

This is how thirty-eight year old mother of two Rach Wilson first told her 11-year-old daughter that her happily married parents were in a bi-flexible open marriage which includes intimate sexual relations with other people.

In terms of frank conversations with her children, Wilson says that she tries to be open and honest with them without telling them all the gory details. She told her eldest daughter about her open marriage following her participation in formal sex education at school.

Wilson said that she wanted her daughter who is now 16 to grow up knowing that there are lots of options. My daughter is very mature and open-minded'', she says.

However, Wilson plans to wait a few more years before telling her youngest daughter, who is 9, the full story.

Wouldn't it be nice to be like men and get notches in your belt and sleep with most attractive men and not get emotionally involved?

It is thus a very specific adulterous woman who is affected by the Sotah Waters."

"Thus, despite the Torah's stern prohibitions against adultery, there seems to be somewhat of a softer approach towards a cuckoldress in a committed and loving relationship. In fact, even whilst the Sotah is being intimidated by the Sanhedrin, as they encourage her to confess, they deemphasize the gravity of her sin."

Sharing your partner helps increase her sexual urge and tension to get intimate with strange partners as compared to what she would experience with a monogamous partner. A swinger couple tends to know about her partners sexual abilities therefore it is easy to control oneself over a given level. As a matter of fact,the rate of cheating, separation or divorce cases is minimal in a swinger couple as compared as compared to a monogampus couple. Needless to say, it is better to be involved in your partner's intimacy fantasies as compared to seeing him or her going out without your consent."
Cynthia Morris, Setting Up an MMMF Foursome

The specifics of Torah law define adultery as a man sleeping with a woman who is married to someone else. He can sleep with as many unmarried women as he wants and it's frowned upon, but not adulterous. Presumably the reverse is true (as long as a woman is unmarried she can sleep with any man she wants). Once the woman is married, it is adultery and against the law for both parties.

All this depends on a very legalistic interpretation of the Scripture, and most Jewish communities frown on sex outside of marriage, even if it's technically legal. However, an important tenet of Judaism is that each person is responsible for their own interpretation of the law and how they follow the law.
Polyamory With Purpose, Polayamory and Judaism

Open relationships are not nearly as socially accepted as they were in the 1960s and 1970s, at the peak of the sexual revolution. But the do work for some couples provided there is a tremendous level of trust and commitment.
Dr. Laura Berman and Dr. Jennifer Berman, For Women Only: A Revolutionary Guide to Reclaiming Your Sex Life


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