I learned something yesterday that blew my fucking mind. Narwhals. Really. Exist. Allow me put you in my shoes for a moment. Let's talk about Dragons. Dragons are not real. Furthermore, it is widely accepted among all of Planet Earth that they're not real. Correct? Correct. Now, imagine that one day a friend casually drops into conversation that Dragons are real! But not only are they real, their population is thriving by the thousands in the Arctic and everybody knows this but you. It's common knowledge. You're the dumb-fuck for thinking they're mythological creatures. You're the weirdo. You're the one people look at with a concerned look in their eyes. You call your parents in shock and they just sigh heavily because this is one more thing that you've managed to let escape you. THAT'S ME! I'M THE DRAGON DUMB-FUCK!
"I think it's just an Internet rumour. Like how there's a country called 'Turkey'."
— Walter, The Muppets (2011)
Sweden's just a made-up place, like Fairyland or Australia. I bet you think kangaroos are real, too! Ha ha ha!
"Nice try. See, The Netherlands is this make-believe place where Peter Pan and Tinkerbell come from."
— Joey, Friends, "The One with the Football"
"I know Weinstein's parents were upset, Superintendent, but I was sure it was a phony excuse. I mean, it sounds so made up, 'Yom-Kip-Pur'."
— Principal Skinner, The Simpsons, "Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song"
Moe: Don't you hags know that all male figure skaters are twinkly-in-the-lutz?
Elvis Stojko: That's a common misconception. I have a girlfriend in Vancouver.
Moe: Made-up girlfriend, made-up city.
Elvis Stojko: That's a common misconception. I have a girlfriend in Vancouver.
Moe: Made-up girlfriend, made-up city.
— The Simpsons, "Kill Gill, Volumes I & II"
"Carl, how many times do I have to tell you? Your permanent record is just a myth, like the Loch Ness Monster or North Dakota."
— Sheen, The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius, "Beach Party Mummy"
"Earth, the greatest mystery of our time. Many academics subscribe to the theory that Earth does not exist. This theory is supported by the fact that it's really improbable, and that's just where science is right now. Giving further credence to this theory is, by all accounts, nobody can claim to have ever discovered Earth. There is only record of people "supposedly" being born there, or being told that it is real. The prevailing theory is that Earth is a mass shared hallucination, and that we should really just take things slow for a while and calm down to see if it goes away."
— Hat Kid's computer, A Hat in Time
Sarge: It has four inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the Warthog.
Simmons: Why Warthog, sir?
Sarge: Because M12 LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son.
Grif: I know, but why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig.
(beat)
Sarge: Say that again.
Grif: I think it looks more like a puma.
Sarge: What in Sam Hell is a puma?
Simmons: Uh, you mean like the shoe company?
Grif: No, like a puma. It's a big cat, like a lion.
Sarge: You're making that up.
Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal!
Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.
Simmons: Yes, sir!
Sarge: (pointing at the front of the Warthog) Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks, and what kind of animal has tusks?
Grif: A walrus.
Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!
Simmons: Why Warthog, sir?
Sarge: Because M12 LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son.
Grif: I know, but why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig.
(beat)
Sarge: Say that again.
Grif: I think it looks more like a puma.
Sarge: What in Sam Hell is a puma?
Simmons: Uh, you mean like the shoe company?
Grif: No, like a puma. It's a big cat, like a lion.
Sarge: You're making that up.
Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal!
Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.
Simmons: Yes, sir!
Sarge: (pointing at the front of the Warthog) Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks, and what kind of animal has tusks?
Grif: A walrus.
Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!
— Red vs. Blue, Season 1 Episode 2 "Reds Get a Delivery"
Miguel: I thought [The Land of the Dead] might have been one of those made-up things that adults tell kids, like vitamins.
Tía Victoria: Miguel, vitamins are a real thing.
Elvis: Lupin, mailmen are a myth, like any of these made-up legends. (pointing at board with pictures of unicorns, dragons, phoenixes, and narwhals)
Puck: Elvis, narwhals are real.
Elvis: You mean, like, in your heart...where anything is possible?
Puck: No, I mean like in the ocean where they swim and dive and exist.
Elvis: Oh, Puck. Always the dreamer-
Puck: Mailmen, like narwhals, actually exist, Elvis.
"You're living a fantasy. There is no Easter Bunny, there is no Tooth Fairy, and there is no Queen of England!"note
— Hal Stewart/Tighten to Roxanne Ritchi, Megamind
"Sonic and Shadow are so cool. I wish hedgehogs were real..."
— Jenna, an infamous
Miiverse post
Miiverse post Chip: Trent, why don't you believe in Climate Change?
Trent: You got it all wrong, Chip. I don't believe in Climate.
Chip: Climate. Like...Climate?
Trent: Exactly Chip! This whole thing's a hoax! Weather is a conspiracy perpetrated by the Illuminated Council of Subterranean Lizard Men who secretly run the one-world government.
Chip: Weather is a hoax?
Trent: Yes.
Chip: Certainly you felt the wind blowing on the way to the studio, Trent. What do you think wind is?
Trent: Invisible holograms.
Chip: And rain?
Trent: Wet holograms.
Chip: Indulge me, Trent. What do you think people make snowman out of?
Trent: Snow is a mass hallucination brought on by the blue dye in mom jeans! Chip, look at this model of the earth. [pulls out a flat earth] See what happens when I pour "rain" on it? [hits the model with a spray bottle] I don't see any flooding? Do you, Chip? And what about this "wind"? [blows on the model until it falls out of his hands] Oh, I guess that's it for Earth! We all got blown over! You see how idiotic this is, right, Chip?
Chip: No, I see how exactly idiotic this is, Trent.
Trent: You got it all wrong, Chip. I don't believe in Climate.
Chip: Climate. Like...Climate?
Trent: Exactly Chip! This whole thing's a hoax! Weather is a conspiracy perpetrated by the Illuminated Council of Subterranean Lizard Men who secretly run the one-world government.
Chip: Weather is a hoax?
Trent: Yes.
Chip: Certainly you felt the wind blowing on the way to the studio, Trent. What do you think wind is?
Trent: Invisible holograms.
Chip: And rain?
Trent: Wet holograms.
Chip: Indulge me, Trent. What do you think people make snowman out of?
Trent: Snow is a mass hallucination brought on by the blue dye in mom jeans! Chip, look at this model of the earth. [pulls out a flat earth] See what happens when I pour "rain" on it? [hits the model with a spray bottle] I don't see any flooding? Do you, Chip? And what about this "wind"? [blows on the model until it falls out of his hands] Oh, I guess that's it for Earth! We all got blown over! You see how idiotic this is, right, Chip?
Chip: No, I see how exactly idiotic this is, Trent.
Anonymous asked: if karl marx was real he could beat you up, effortlessly. karl marx could rip your little twig body asunder
edwad: i have like half a foot on him and know all of his weaknesses
edwad: wait, "if karl marx was real".... is he... made up?
edwad: i have like half a foot on him and know all of his weaknesses
edwad: wait, "if karl marx was real".... is he... made up?
—found on Tumblr
"Why do they have an exhibit on narwhals?" asked one woman.
"Because they're really popular and they can't have live narwhals," said a second woman.
"Yeah, but children might end up thinking narwhals are real, and they'll get really confused."
"Narwhals are real, dear."
"Because they're really popular and they can't have live narwhals," said a second woman.
"Yeah, but children might end up thinking narwhals are real, and they'll get really confused."
"Narwhals are real, dear."
"Shoot, he probably made up this whole 'suh-lavery' thing. What nigga you know gon' work all day in a hot field for no paper? See, that's yo problem, you be believin' anything somebody tells you or put in a book. See, I keep my mental mind extra secure. Nothin' gets in."
— Riley Freeman, The Boondocks
Kagura: Mind if I ask you something? Now, we all know Santa doesn't exist... but reindeer are real, right?
Tomo: Ah-ha-ha-ha! You really still believe in reindeer?!
Everyone: Huh?!
Tomo: What?
Yomi: Reindeer do exist.
Tomo: You gotta be kidding! There's no such thing as magic flying deer! You can't fool me!
Yomi: Uwah! She's really that dense...
Sakaki: Deer and reindeer are totally different animals...
Chiyo: (drawing a reindeer) They look like this, but they don't fly.
Tomo: (turning to Osaka) Seriously? Reindeer are real?
Osaka: Yup.
(Beat)
Tomo: What's the big idea?! I'm not stupid! I'm not!
Tomo: Ah-ha-ha-ha! You really still believe in reindeer?!
Everyone: Huh?!
Tomo: What?
Yomi: Reindeer do exist.
Tomo: You gotta be kidding! There's no such thing as magic flying deer! You can't fool me!
Yomi: Uwah! She's really that dense...
Sakaki: Deer and reindeer are totally different animals...
Chiyo: (drawing a reindeer) They look like this, but they don't fly.
Tomo: (turning to Osaka) Seriously? Reindeer are real?
Osaka: Yup.
(Beat)
Tomo: What's the big idea?! I'm not stupid! I'm not!
Marckus: Anyone figured out if mummies are real yet?
(Harry and Grimal smirk at him as Marckus realizes he has fucked up.)
Grimal: Markus.
Harry: [laugh]
Marckus: No...
Grimal: Mummies are REAL.
Marckus: That's not what I meant!!
Grimal: Mummies are desiccated dead people!
Marckus: FUCK, I KNOW!
Grimal: There's one SMACK DAB in the middle of the British Museum just LYING THERE, MARCKUS.
Marckus: I KNOW, IT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!
Harry: [laugh]
Grimal: Did you forget there are non-supernatural phenomena??
Marckus: STOP! STOP! THIS IS WORSE THAN THE HEAD KICKS, STOP IT!
(Harry and Grimal smirk at him as Marckus realizes he has fucked up.)
Grimal: Markus.
Harry: [laugh]
Marckus: No...
Grimal: Mummies are REAL.
Marckus: That's not what I meant!!
Grimal: Mummies are desiccated dead people!
Marckus: FUCK, I KNOW!
Grimal: There's one SMACK DAB in the middle of the British Museum just LYING THERE, MARCKUS.
Marckus: I KNOW, IT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!
Harry: [laugh]
Grimal: Did you forget there are non-supernatural phenomena??
Marckus: STOP! STOP! THIS IS WORSE THAN THE HEAD KICKS, STOP IT!
