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"If I ever talk about having kids, slap me."
— Fujiko Mine, Lupin III: Part II
Ladd: You... You're not really a child, are you?
Czeslaw: Glad to see you understand so quickly. Now, if you can kill all of those passengers for me...
Czeslaw: Glad to see you understand so quickly. Now, if you can kill all of those passengers for me...
— Baccano!
"I hope to meet you again, Flit-oniisan... [gives a Psychotic Smirk] if you survive long enough, that is."
— Desil Galette, Mobile Suit Gundam AGE
Comic Books
Mrs Armstrong: Ulysses has run away to Gotham City. The police have arrested him for murder!note It's horrible. My little General! Murder! We must get down there right now!
Hilary Armstrong: Dad, could Ulysses go to the electric chair?
Mr. Armstrong (sotto voice) We can always hope.
—'Batman Prelude to Knightfall
As I said, Thanos was always a problem as a child: tantrums, sneaking around, causing trouble. I thought he'd grow out of it. Then his mother died in a horrendous accident. At least, that's what we thought it was at the time. Years later, it became terribly apparent that Thanos murdered her. He was only ten years old at the time. Who would have thought?
—Mentor, Silver Surfer: Rebirth Of Thanos
Film — Live-Action
Six-year-old Josh Tanner liked his dog, Scout. But the little beagle didn't taste as good as Mary Walker's cat...
—Summary of "The Feeding," In the Mouth of Madness
"There was one time when we were children, he transformed himself into a snake, and he knows that I love snakes. So, I went to pick up the snake to admire it and he transformed back into himself and he was like, 'Blergh, it's me!' And he stabbed me. We were eight at the time."
—Thor on Loki, Thor: Ragnarok
Literature
"Is he not beautiful?" she cried. "Is my son not beautiful, as fair as the summer sun?"
These were her last words.
These were her last words.
—The Dark Tower VII: The Dark Tower
You see, they get visits at night, by black-eyed children. I don't mean they've got bruising around their eye sockets, I mean their eyes are entirely black, with no whites, irises or pupils. They usually come in pairs and they are usually inadequately dressed for the weather. They visit houses, approach cars, hotel rooms, even boats. And they knock, and if you answer, they ask to come in. They don't engage in conversation - in fact they seem to have a limited range of questions and responses, which they communicate in a demanding monotone. They are insistent and evasive, and appear vulnerable. You get an intense feeling of dread and panic. These children terrify you. They want to come in. And sometimes they tell you they want to feed. And then you see their eyes and your mind can't cope, because their eyes are entirely black.
There is only one encounter recorded where one of these children was let in and people survived.
—Driver Error, by Paul Meloy
"Barbarian, you look upon a strangler of Yota-pong. I was chosen by the priests of Yajur in my infancy, and throughout childhood, boyhood, and youth I was trained in the art of slaying with the naked hands — for only thus are the sacrifices enacted. Yajur loves blood, and we waste not a drop from the victim's veins. When I was a child they gave me infants to throttle; when I was a boy I strangled young girls; as a youth, women, old men, and young boys. Not until I reached my full manhood was I given a strong man to slay on the altar of Yota-pong."
—Baal-pteor, Man Eaters of Zamboula
When at last she found the nerve to enter, Chiglas looked up from playing with his collection of animal skulls, and her head immediately began to throb.
“With the shoulder bone connected to the,” she paused, “Hip bone…”
“And the hip bone connected to the… back bone.”
She drew a pair of forceps from beneath her dress, another two pairs of forceps were retrieved, joining the first.
“And the back bone connected to the… knee bone. And the knee bone connected to the… hand bone.”
I was scared. I could admit that. I could barely think straight, I couldn’t move, and whatever she’d dosed me with was rendering me unable to use my power. It was there, it wasn’t like what Panacea had done; it hadn’t shut it down entirely. I could sense what my bugs did, and I could maybe give them crude instructions, but I couldn’t do anything even remotely complicated or delicate.
"And the neck bone connected to the-” She rocked her head to either side as she finished, “Head bone.”
—Worm
Live-Action TV
Provenza: You are aware that your ex-stepbrother is a Serial Killer.
Tammy Bechtel: The FBI came to my house five years ago and told me about all the women that Phillip had murdered. I was just shocked. But in retrospect, there were signs, things that I now know are markers for people like him ...
Provenza: What signs?
Tammy Bechtel: Oh, he tried to set our house on fire a couple of times. My dog disappeared one day, it never came back. He pushed me off the slide in our backyard.
Mason: Those aren't signs. Those are billboards.
—Major Crimes "By Any Means Part 2"
"Being a grown-up isn't so much. I'm not a man, and I can do anything. You can't."
—Charlie, Star Trek: The Original Series ("Charlie X")
"Okay, quick update for you, mom and dad! Turn's out your baby's a horrible person. She bit off my finger. I am pressing charges. Hope she enjoys lady prison."
—Male Nurse, Studio C (Life Lessons From Grandma)
"My friend thinks you're a bitch... and so do I!"
— Meghann Cooke to Jo Frost, Supernanny ("The Cooke Family")
Music
Since I was no bigger than a weevil, they've been saying I was evil
That if "bad" was a boot that I'd fit it
That I'm a wicked young lady, but I've been trying hard lately
O fuck it! I'm a monster! I admit it!
That if "bad" was a boot that I'd fit it
That I'm a wicked young lady, but I've been trying hard lately
O fuck it! I'm a monster! I admit it!
—Nick Cave, "The Curse of Millhaven"
Everyone's going to be free
But they'll have to agree to be free
They'll have to agree to be less free than me
'Cos I rule the world you see
So wait for the army of kiddie winkies
And terrible tiny tots
In armoured school buses
Firing poison pea-shooters
And sinking their milkteeth into your thighs
Delapsus resurgam! When I fall I shall rise!
But they'll have to agree to be free
They'll have to agree to be less free than me
'Cos I rule the world you see
So wait for the army of kiddie winkies
And terrible tiny tots
In armoured school buses
Firing poison pea-shooters
And sinking their milkteeth into your thighs
Delapsus resurgam! When I fall I shall rise!
—10CC, "I Want to Rule the World"
Tabletop Games
A century ago, Velya fell in love with, and "wed" one Elaine Cassidy, a 10-year-old Boston socialite. He watched from afar as Elaine meticulously spidered her way into a dominant position within her neurotic family by reducing her mother to catatonia, contriving her sister's untimely demise, and cleverly manipulating her sensitive elder brother into a madhouse. Velya was entranced; aiding little Elaine's schemes from a distance, Velya ensured the girl's inheritance of the entire Cassidy fortune. The young and impressionable Elaine, for her part, was quickly taken with the wise and Mephistophelean vampire noble upon meeting him, and the two monsters joined in a sanguine union.
—Vampire: The Masquerade - Children Of The Night
The creature known as Morghur was far from a human child. With tooth and horn, he ripped his mother apart in his gory entrance to the world, while her features mutated horribly. Her distraught husband reached forwards to strangle the twisted abomination, yet as his hands touched the foul creature, his body also was wracked with hideous mutation.
Days later, when a group of traveling adventurers arrived at the small community on the outskirts of the dark Forest of Arden, they found it in absolute chaos. Recorded in the tragic Bretonnian poem 'Requiem', it is said that men crawled around in the mud like animals, their hands turned to hooves and limbs twisted and rearranged. The livestock walked around on hind legs, speaking in unfathomable tongues as they devoured each other.
—Warhammer: Beasts Of Chaos Army Book (6th Edition)
Taking the name “Madame Kalfon” to make her seem more grown-up, the diminutive Necrarch took over Chigaru’s tower and made its wondrous toys her own. Over the years, she has mastered the techniques of creating new life with a childlike glee, pulling beings apart and putting them back together in unusual combinations as she would with any doll. Chigaru’s tower is now full of the precocious girl’s playthings and friends...
—Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay: Night's Dark Masters - A Guide To Vampires
Trapped within a helpless body for its first few years of life, the fomor bides its time, but eventually the child will begin to show signs of the bad seed that created it. Such fomori are cruel and uncaring, but often quite clever at covering up their behavior and acting innocent. Siblings of such Bane Children, unless also fomori, rarely survive childhood.
Bane Children torture their pets, poison their grandmothers, beat up other children and steal their possessions, and create mayhem wherever they go. Because they never do anything in front of witnesses or in such a way that anything can be proved against them, they can literally get away with murder. And if one Bane Child sounds scary, imagine mama trying to deal with quintuplets.
—Werewolf: The Apocalypse - Freak Legions: A Player's Guide To Fomori
Stephen's crib was empty. Ron stifled a shriek and looked quickly at Jeremy's crib. Somehow, both babies were in there, nestled up next to one another. They looked adorable. How Stephen had managed that, Ron had no idea. But both babies were there, safe and sound. With a chuckle, he went to lift Stephen up, to put him back in his own crib, and then found himself screaming.
Stephen and Jeremy were huddled together, yes. Stephen's hands were clenched tight around his brother's still, cold throat, and he was smiling.
—Mage: The Ascension - The Book Of Madness
Video Games
The pitter-patter of tiny feet. A sensation a little like nostalgia and a lot like a night terror. Cherub voices in the gloom. Listen.
"Play with us."
"Don't go. We love you. We love you very much."
"Games are fun when you're dead!"
"Spleens, spleens, the magical fruit - the more you eat, the more you eat, the more you eat, the more you eat, the more you eat..."
By the time you hear the twinkling laughter, it is already too late.
—The Buzzing on the Little Ones, The Secret World
"It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing. Flowers are blooming. On days like these, kids like you... SHOULD BE BURNING IN HELL."
Webcomics
Gabe: These are babies that lie. Babies that cheat. And yeah, babies that kill.
Tycho: How can a baby do those things?
Gabe: Man, you're asking me to get inside the head of some crazy-ass, fucked-up baby. I don't want to go there.
Tycho: How can a baby do those things?
Gabe: Man, you're asking me to get inside the head of some crazy-ass, fucked-up baby. I don't want to go there.
It is total propaganda that all children are good and innocent.
—Symus, Cwen's Quest
The look on your face when a toddler rips your heart out and shows it to you? Priceless.
—Richard, Looking for Group
Web Original
Yasha: We can't take a baby on the road with us, you know?
Fjord: We barely took care of Kiri.
Jester: [offended] Kiri turned out great, okay?!
Fjord: [deadpan] Kiri is walking around with a dagger telling people to go fuck themselves.
Fjord: We barely took care of Kiri.
Jester: [offended] Kiri turned out great, okay?!
Fjord: [deadpan] Kiri is walking around with a dagger telling people to go fuck themselves.
— Critical Role, "With Great Power..."
Western Animation
Terry was such a happy child, [he was] burnin' down churches, microwaving frogs, puttin' rat shit in his teacher's coffee.
—Mrs. Two-Toes on her son Terry Two-Toes, Paradise PD, "Welcome to Paradise"
Buford: She gives me the willies...
Phineas: Little Suzy Johnson gives you the willies?
Buford: You don't know, man. You don't know!
Phineas: Little Suzy Johnson gives you the willies?
Buford: You don't know, man. You don't know!
—Phineas and Ferb, "One Good Scare Ought To Do It!"
Real Life
Somewhere in a Little Tikes Climb & Slide Castle, Justin Bieber is holding a meeting with his lawyer Teddius Stuffington, Esq. to discuss last night’s on-point Saturday Night Live commercial spoofing those busted black and white Calvin Klein ads. “They’re just jealous haters. Can we sue them for being jealous haters? Think about it and get back to me – I want to watch Bubble Guppies before my nap.”
—Dlisted
, "Cue Justin Bieber Threatening To Sue SNL In 3…2…1…"
, "Cue Justin Bieber Threatening To Sue SNL In 3…2…1…""I fucking hate the world."
If I try to picture Osborne as a child, for some reason all I see is a toddler so desperate not to share an icelolly that he’s suffocating his conjoined twin with the hat from his sailor suit, then passing it off as a novelty rucksack till it shrivels up and drops off. Of course, I’m joking. He throttled his twin in the womb with its own umbilical cord as a difficult but necessary measure to ensure he would hit his own arbitrary milk consumption targets.
as a child, for some reason all I see is a toddler so desperate not to share an icelolly that he’s suffocating his conjoined twin with the hat from his sailor suit, then passing it off as a novelty rucksack till it shrivels up and drops off. Of course, I’m joking. He throttled his twin in the womb with its own umbilical cord as a difficult but necessary measure to ensure he would hit his own arbitrary milk consumption targets.