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Quotes / Dysfunction Junction

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    Anime and Manga 

It's strange that Evangelion has become such a hit — all the characters are so sick!

    Fan Works 
Like the Avengers and the X-Men before them, they had shown her that super-teams, at best, are little more than dysfunctional families.
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    Film - Live-Action 

What are we, a "team?" No, no, we're a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're a time bomb.

WOW. The insecurity level with you guys is RIDICULOUS!!
Kevin Sandusky, Tropic Thunder

    Literature 

Wedge Antilles: The Wraiths have a new pilot for their roster - Targon, please stand.
Elassar Targon: Flight Officer Elassar Targon reporting for duty, sir.
Wedge: Targon comes to us fresh from Fleet Command Academy; in addition to being a competent pilot, he's a medical corpsman. Once again we'll have a unit medic who can do more than put on pressure patches and make squealy noises. And unlike the rest of you, he hasn't yet had time to ruin his career or his mind.
Wes Janson: Then he won't do. Send him home. Get us another lunatic.
Targon: Excuse me! (strikes a Captain Morgan Pose) Elssar Targon, master of the universe, reporting for duty!
Wedge: (Fascinating Eyebrow)
Janson: I withdraw my objection.

    Live-Action TV 

There's a reason spies don't have a lot of parties. (ducks flying cup) Everybody's got a history with everyone else.
Michael, Burn Notice

Dr. Cox: Listen, Dan...
Dan Dorian: Ah ah ah! (points to bubbles on his chin) Captain Bubblebeard. SHEAHT YER SCUPPERS, ME HARDIES!
(Dr. Cox shoves Dan's head under the bathwater)
Cox: Now you're Dan again. Let's break down the kid's support structure, shall we? He's got me, an emotionally-crippled narcissist; and he's got you, an emotionally-crippled narcissist who is soaking in a tub of what must be, by now, mostly your own urine.
Dan: I believe the ratio has shifted that way, yes.
Cox: And I have to believe that together, together, Dan, we can make it at least half way to one legitimate adult!
Scrubs, "My Cake"

Alison: Do you have any idea how insane this sounds?
Number Five: You know what else is insane? I look like a thirteen-year-old boy. Klaus talks to the dead, and Luther thinks he's fooling everybody with that overcoat. Everything about us is insane. It always has been.
The Umbrella Academy, "The Day That Was"

This administration doesn't even need an opposition party, do you know that? We do fine by ourselves.
Toby Ziegler, The West Wing

    Music 
But both boy and girl were glad 'Cause one kid had it worse than that...
Crash Test Dummies, "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"

    Video Games 

Dear god, why me?! Why do I always seem to attract the who's who of mental illness?!
Platinum vs Ragna, BlazBlue: Continuum Shift Arcade Mode

A dummy, a psycho, a waste of space, and a pervert. Yeah, we're a merry band, all right.
Zero, Drakengard 3

Statement: oh, yes. my master had quite the collection of tortured individuals that seemed unable to confront their basic personality conflicts.

You would hardly be the first member of our merry band to have issues.
Grimoire Weiss to Emil, NieR

Diligent Salia, strong-willed Hilda, big-hearted Ersha, foul-mouthed Rosalie, and withdrawn Chris... It seems each one is struggling with her own inner demons. I'm dying to see what happens when they at last find freedom from their tormentors.
Hopes doing a monologue on the cast of Cross Ange, Super Robot Wars X

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    Webcomics 

We're Light Warriors, damnit.. I bet he can't hurt us any worse than we hurt each other every day.
Thief, 8-Bit Theater

I am sick of hearing you two bitch about each other. Hell, not just you two. Everyone in Foxhound is constantly at each other's throats. I of all people can appreciate the enabling power of seething hatred, but we can't be bickering over the radio while the enemy points and laughs.
Liquid Snake, The Last Days of FOXHOUND

Durkon: Tell tha truth, I been wantin' ta punch me own smug face in tha face fer days.
Minrah: Uh, OK. Does everyone in your group have weird emotional issues?
Durkon: Eh, tha cat's prob'ly fine.

I'd refer you to my therapist but she's already said she won't work with anyone else in my social circle.

    Web Original 

Hey, remember Morph, the shape-shifting X-Man who was killed by Sentinels in the pilot in order to add an element of danger to the series, who was then resurrected as a hollow-eyed lackey of Mister Sinister who pretended to perform Cyclops and Jean's marriage, only to run away screaming in a mineshaft? ...Moira, however, isn't so sure that he's fully over his trauma, but as he reminds her by shapeshifting into the other people on the team, he has a long way to go before he's the most screwed up member of that little family.
Chris Sims on X-Men, "Courage"

Owen pumps bullets into Jack because he's "sick of people doubting him." What the hell were the psychological evaluation team doing during the Torchwood interview process? This is the man who is entrusted with powerful alien technology?

Someone's going to have to realize that throwing wrestlers in a psychiatric ward makes about as much sense as having security break up the matches. To point:
· Sting - Identity Problems
· Konnan - Clear nervous tic with the catchphrases
· Goldberg - Masochism (and he grunts more than all of Flair's new friends combined)
· Macho Man - Madness (that one is too easy)
· Chris Benoit - Does diving headbutts onto steel chairs.... hello?
· Hulk Hogan- Lives in the past
· Bischoff - Megalomania
· Schiavone - Selective amnesia and excessive hyperbole
· Rey Mysterio - Napoleon complex
And if they take away people for narcissism we'd lose Scotty Riggs, Lex Luger, our Paragon of Virtue, Lenny Lane, and Big Sexy. All we'd have left is Ralphus.
DDT on WCW Monday Nitro 5.3.99

These people don't have "issues" so much as they have subscriptions.
GG Crono on the Katawa Shoujo forums

    Web Video 

Starlight: Look dudes, whatever Twilight and her stupid friendship lesson say, I know I'll probably never be a part of your clique and I'm okay with that. I mean, I'm a crazy bitch who's barely capable of casual social interaction.
Mane Six: Yep, you sure are. And that's why you fit right in.
My Little Pony: Totally Legit Recap "Every Little Thing She Does"

Just open the DSM-IV at a random page and you're likely to find on it some disorder that Curtis has.

What a fuckin' useless bunch of cunts we are.

    Western Animation 

You realize The Avengers are a complete disaster, right? Iron Man is completely unqualified to lead a team like this. Thor is crazy. The Hulk is a bomb waiting to go off! Ant-Man couldn't be less interested in taking down bad guys. And Wasp belongs in the party circuit, not law enforcement.

All of the ponies in this town are crazy!


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