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Quotes / Duct Tape for Everything

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Guns make you dumb. If at all possible, fight your wars with duct tape. Duct tape makes you smart.
Michael Westen, Burn Notice

"I don't believe in a lot of things, but I do believe in duct tape.
Miles Straume, Lost

First law of the universe: You can never have too much duct tape.
Guardian of Space/Time, Marvel vs. DC #1

Power corrupts, but the power of duct tape corrupts absolutely.
Florence Ambrose, Freefall (575)

Don't need to save the world. Just need to apply enough duct tape to hold it together until Monday.
Bill Raibert, Freefall (2368)

Duct Tape is like violence: Doesn't work? Use more.

Of course duct tape works in a near vacuum. Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshipped.
Mark Watney, The Martian

If you're whining over ANY problem that can be solved with less than a square inch of duct tape, you're spoiled. That's the rule.
Bryan Lambert, You Are Dumb

Dang you're dim, stupid man. You totally fell for it and gave me the tape. I... Furudo Erika... have DUCT TAPE!!
Erika Furudo, Umineko: When They Cry, "Episode 6: Dawn of the Golden Witch"

"Man, I love duct tape. I love how it tapes. I love the sound it makes. I love saying it. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape..."

Duct tape is a must-have tool for every inventor. It's good to focus on the fundamentals and work your way upwards in the inventing industry.
The Sims 3 (description of the "Duct Tape Rigger" rank on the Inventing career path)

Every problem in the world can be fixed with one of two items. If it moves and it shouldn't, duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, WD-40.

...and for that, I would recommend the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape.
Red Green, The Red Green Show

Really? Stoop that low? Duct tape?! Are you serious?!
Batista, after losing a Last Man Standing match to John Cena when Cena taped Batista's legs together around one of the ring posts

Duct tape is like The Force: it has a light side and a dark side and it binds the galaxy together.
Carl Zwanzig

Take these three items, some WD-40, a vise grip, and a roll of duct tape. Any man worth his salt can fix almost any problem with this stuff alone.
Walt Kowalski, Gran Torino

The usefulness of duct tape is limited only by a character’s imagination. Duct tape can support up to 200 pounds indefinitely, or up to 300 pounds for 1d6 rounds. Characters bound with duct tape must make a Strength or Escape Artist check (DC 20) to free themselves.
d20 Modern rules on duct tape

Yes, even in the far future duct tape is the best way to patch anything! Even starship hulls!
Linkara on Blake's 7 #2

Please refrain from peeling off the special space-age polymer holding the starship together. It may look and feel like duct tape, but it's not. It's called... space... tape. Very advanced stuff. Thank you.
Dr. Eggman, Sonic Colors

We’ve found that duct tape is not a perfect solution for anything. But with a little creativity, in a pinch, it’s an adequate solution for just about everything.
Jamie Hyneman, Mythbusters

Frank: Just hang onto this tape.
Sarah: Oh no-no; you said we were just gonna to talk to her.
Frank: We are. This will help.
Sarah: The woman just lost her daughter. You can't just go around duct-taping everyone!

Panther King: As you can see...(camera shows his end table with a missing leg) the table...
Professor: Ah, yes...ze table! I vill see vhat I can do!
Panther King: I don't want to have to get out the duct tape...again...
Professor: Yes—I mean, no—eh, I don't want you to get out the duct tape again!

Duct tape can fix everything. Even torn duct tape!

Dr. Bananas: I don't understand. I thought I invented someone no one else could copy! What did you use for the on-board auto-traffic detect feature?
Orange: Duct tape.
Dr. Bananas: And what on Earth did you use for the computerized inter-vehicle communication system?
Orange: Duct tape.
Dr. Bananas: And what about—
Orange: Whatever you're about to say, I assure you the answer is duct tape.
The Annoying Orange, "Eat-3 Conference"

ProtonJon: Why do I let you talk? Why do I let you talk?
Chuggaaconroy: No! Don't come near me with the duct tape!

Niomi: Great! You just gave an engineer a problem that can't be solved with duct tape. Now we're going to be here all day.
Triac: There are problems that can't be solved with duct tape?

Polyethylene-coated pressure-sensitive tape
It's tried, it's true, nothing it can't do
Fixed the fender on the rover that was left on the moon
It's good enough for you
Barenaked Ladies, "Duct Tape Heart"

A desperate father, in search of a cure... Thousands of rabid zombies... 72 hours to kill... One big-ass roll of duct tape... To save his daughter, he will go through hell to find those responsible... He will go through a lot of tape...
Dead Rising 2 trailer

Resistance Fighter: I'm a bit of an amateur engineer myself. Tell me, what did you use to patch up the anti-concussion field generator?
Resistance Worker: Um... I think it was some duct tape.
Resistance Fighter: Is that safe?
Resistance Worker: Well, it didn't blow up! Of course, we haven't actually turned it on yet...
Resistance Fighter: So how did you fix the power converter, then?
Resistance Worker: More duct tape.
Resistance Fighter: More duct tape?
Resistance Worker: More duct tape. It's very versatile.
Resistance Fighter: And the crack in the auxiliary cooling system?
Resistance Worker: Ooh, uh...! That was, um... That was... Yeah, that was duct tape too.
Resistance Fighter: Is there anything you didn't just slap a tiny strip of duct tape on?
Resistance Worker: Sure - the life-support system!
Resistance Fighter: Okay, alright, I should hope so.
Resistance Worker: Yeah, we had to use a ton of it on that.
Resistance Fighter: Ugh... I have to ask, before you joined the Resistance, you were a...?
Resistance Worker: Arts and crafts teacher.
Resistance Fighter: I am so glad I'm not flying this thing...


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