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Quotes / Deer Avenger

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Quotes of the Deer Avenger video games.

"It's showtime."
— Bambo (the kickoff phrase of every game)

    open/close all folders 

Deer Avenger

"Here's that guy that married his sister."

"Well, well, well, if it isn't that guy from Deliverance."

"Bonjour, Bubba!"

"Didn't I see this guy on COPS?"

"Keep your tail down around this guy, he looks horny."

"That's the one that killed Uncle Buck."

"Does the phrase, 'dental hygiene' mean anything to you?"

"This guy's straight out of a catalog."
— (about Tad and/or Biff)

"Hey, that's the guy that shot my brother!"
— (about Tad and/or Biff)

"Whoa, what was that?"

"Be cool. Remain calm."

"Tree Man, we meet at last."

"I smell patchouli!"
— (about Tree Hugger)

"Uh-oh, here comes Johnny Sensitive."
— (about Tree Hugger)

"This guy just plain creeps me out!"
— (about Tree Hugger)

"I wonder if these things explode."

"If the trailer's a-rockin', heh, don't bother knockin'!"

"Well, it's not intelligent, but there's definitely life around."

"Here drunky, drunky, drunky!"

"Rest in piece, Elmer!"

"Enjoy the view, yuppie boy."

"Ah, yes, nothing quite dresses up the home like the stuffed head of a drunk."

"Every moron for 50 states knows I'm here now."

"Even if your IQ hovers in the mid-twenties, you'd have left by now."

"Did somebody just gut a pheasant? Nobody could stand this stench!"

"Damn it reeks out here! What was I thinking?"

"Ugh, that's awful!"

"I've opened too many brews; these guys are onto me."

"Great, now they just think I'm a drunk with a gun. Yeah, a real standout in these woods..."

"Sometimes you get the deer and, hey, sometimes the deer gets you!"

"Animals hunting people... there's something vaguely familiar about this..."

"Eat lead, pansy!"


"I suck! I can't even hit a beer-belly the size of Texas!"
— (When he misses a shot)

"Okay, now I'm pissed! Stand still, you moron!"

"I missed? That guy's BO must have deflected the bullet!"

"You can run, but you can't hide!"

"I may have missed now, but rest assured, I will get you, Tree Man! I will get you!"

"He is sneaky, isn't he?"

"I didn't hit him, but you can be damn sure I just made him take a leak."

"Thank God none of my friends were around to see that crappy shot."

"He's right there, and I didn't hit him!"


"Come! ON!!"

"Damn it!"

"Damn! His gut absorbed most of the shot."

"Nuts! He's probably so drunk he didn't even feel that."

"Get back here, you hillbilly! I've got another one for ya!"

"This guy's superhuman! Who is this guy?"

"I don't know when I'll get another opportunity like that again."

"Just a flesh wound! I had a golden opportunity and all I did was cause a flesh wound! I'm pathetic!"

"Don't run off and cry to mommy, get back here and fight like a man!"

"I blew that one! He'll be on his cell phone calling a helicopter to fly him out of here in no time!"

"Not the best shot, but at least I put a hole in his Ralph Lauren hunting outfit."

"Oh come on, don't tell me he can still walk after that shot!"

"Wait, I hit the scrawny dude and he's still alive? Now I'm pissed!"

"I remember this guy. What a putz!"

"Hmm. This kind of excitement should sell a lot of videogames..."

"Did my computer crash or is this game really this dull?"

"Hey, where did everybody go?"

"I must've scared 'em all away. *sniff, sniff* Maybe I should've taken a bath this morning."

"Wait a minute, isn't the point of this game to shoot these guys? Heh. I guess there's so much other action going on, that that's a little hard to remember."

"Oh! I must've fallen asleep."

"There's nothing going on. What's an angry deer supposed to shoot at?"

"Where are these morons?"

"I've seen better hunting in a cave."

"This is gettin' so boring even I might start hunting deer."

"Did you ever think a game could be this cool?"

"This is much better than spending time with actual people."

"Let's find out where them hunters are at."

"Can you believe how great these graphics are?"

"This action alone is worth the price of the game."

"Man, this is just like Star Wars! Only there's a lot more deer jokes!"

"I don't know how they're gonna top this technology with Deer Avenger 2."

"Whoa, these are good!"

"Go, Rocky, go!"

"You don't see this on The X-Files!"

"Oh, come on, just die already!"

"Not a good speller, but look at his penmanship."



"Here we go."

"Pay dirt!"

"Now we're hunting!"

"Well, this should even the odds."
— (about the M-16)

"Oh, yeah, when they absolutely, positively, gotta die!"
— (about the bazooka)

"It may not be strong, but it's stinky."
— (about the slingshot... and it's ammo)

"Picturesque, peaceful Colonial New England; a breathtaking backdrop for vengeance!"
— (about hunting in Connecticut)

"Winter in the Gopher State, ten thousand frozen lakes and a lot of dumb hunters!"
— (about hunting in Minnesota)

"Come for the hunting, stay for the wacky dancing, banjo-playing inbred freaks!"
— (about hunting in West Virginia)

"Well, here's an accurate game. The Minnesota Rockies, mm-hmm. Educational as well as fun."

"Aaand it's back to the map."

"What's this guy doin' in Minnesota?"

"What's this guy doin' in West Virginia?"

    Bambo's Calls 
"Maybe I should stop pushing the 'Call' button and start kickin' some asche!"

"Well, that's a bonehead move! I've used too many calls and now these guys are scared off."

"Note to self, stop using that 'Call' button so much; I'm scaring off the morons!"

"Oh, baby! Boy, the woods make me horny!"

"Help, I'm naked! And I have a pizza."

"Free beer! Who wants a cold one?"

"Hey, Ted Nugent's here! Who wants to meet The Nuge?"

"Oh, my God, there's a 30-point buck over here!!"

"Uh-oh, somebody's pickup truck's over here and they left their lights on!"

"Sweet! Baywatch is on!!"

"Hey, anybody want a free satellite dish?"

"Free tickets to a Molly Hatchet reunion show!"

"Viagra! Get your Viagra!"

    The Redneck Hunters 
These first few are about Bambo's "droppings".

"Oh, no, you done killed me with yer dung!"

"This is a crappy way to die."

"This stuff would make great fertilizer!"

These are not.


"Lynyrd Skynyrd will avenge my death!"

"Now I can't go see WrestleMania!"

"Long live General Lee!"

"Well looky here, a deer with a gun. Don't that just beat all!"

"Well now, this looks like a pretty safe spot to stand around in."

"Well, gotta go find my sister. Hee-hee-hee!"

"Well, it's time to go watch Dukes of Hazzard!"

"Klem! You around here? Yoohoo!"

"That you, Walt?"

"Smells like my mama's cookin'."

"Somebody havin' a hoedown around here?"

"Anybody see my girly mags?"

"Them hooves don't work too good, do they boy?"

"Nice breeze out today."

"My wife's a better shot than you!"

"Easy does it there, Rudolph!"

"Hey, Bambi, watch where you're shooting!"

    The Other Hunters 
"Hold all my calls."

"Wait, this can't happen to me! I'm rich!"

"What the deuce is this?"

"This is nice. What's it called again? 'Nature'?"

"Now this would make a lovely golf course."

"I love to exploit migrant workers."

"These bugs are a nightmare. I'm out of here."

"Well, this is a drag."

"Well, nature's boring. Toodle-oo!"

"Time to execute my exit strategy."

"Time to head back to the Range Rover!"

"I've seen better shots in the WNBA!"

"You're lucky you missed, I could sue you."

"Must we act like Neanderthals?"

"Oh, please, can't we act like adults?"

"Hey, that's gonna hurt my golf game!"

    Tree Hugger 
"I feel like King Special, ruler of Specialness Valley!"

"Hello! Are there any woodland creatures in need of a hug?"

"What an amazing wonderland of happiness."

"Mmm. Smell that lilac breeze. What a bouquet of love..."

"This would be a lovely place to paint a still-life."

"Oh, look! A rainbow!"

"Hugs! Free hugs!"

"Is that a deer? Hello, friend!"

"That's an interesting way to say hello."

"That's your body saying, 'howdy.'"

"Don't be ashamed. That's beautiful!"

"Was that a present for me?"

"What'd you say your name was?"

"I'm sorry, friend, what?"

"Heyo, nice shot."

"Golly, that stings!"


"I forgive you!"

"I'm sure that was an accident, no hard feelings!"

"Wowzers, yikes!"

"Okay, you're doing something that hurts me there!"

     Tree Man 
"Must keep moving. Always moving!"

"Hunger! I am driven by hunger!"

"Must stop to catch breath."

"Innate sensors detecting danger, don't stop!"

"Wait, I smell something. Something horrid!"

"Have you no decency, you filthy animal?"

"It's deer droppings. Slingshot ammo is deer droppings!"

"You call that a gun?"

"Only pussies use high-tech weapons!"

"Time to regroup."

"Ah, cologne."

"I recognize that. That's beer and eggs!"

"Nice shot, wussy!"

"Ha! I've had bug bites worse than this!!"

"The Constitution says nothing about pussies."

"Go ahead, rain lead on me, see if I care!!"

Deer Avenger 2: Deer in the City

"You should clean your mouth out, you f***ing ***!!"
— (to the cleaning lady)

"Get off the stage!"
— (to the clown)

"Quick fart!"

"I saved the rhino tranquilizer for you."
— (to the fat lady office worker)

"Man, I'm glad you're not in 3-D."

"Ooh, smell that one."

"You're a real pain in the 'glass'! Ouch. Who wrote that one?"

"You guys charge too much. Ugh! Who writes this?"

"Take that, you poorly animated heathen!"


"What's all the noise out here?!"

"Who's messin' up my bar?"

"How's your roadkill, I mean girlfriend, Rudolph?"

"We should've run you over!"

"You're wasting my time, Bambi!"

"I thought you wanted to see me."

    Winthorp Witherspoon 

"That doesn't sound like work out here!"

"Did someone bring firecrackers to work?"

"Exactly when did I hire a deer?"

"Damn workers, never complete a job!"

"Lousy help, they never do anything right!"

"You interrupted a call for this?"

"Should've killed you when we had the chance."

    Zeke " 500 Channel" Suvyman 

"Okay, deer, is this whatcha want!?"

"Why can't ya just stay in the woods?"

"Lousy neighbors, they can't even kill a deer!"

"What's the matter? You're tired?"

"Next time, I'll slam the jeep into you!"

Deer Avenger 3-D


"Time to separate the deer from the boys."

"Let the games begin."

"Something tells me there's a hunter in our midst."

"Something stupid this way comes."

"My antlers are tingling. That means trouble."

"Take that, you Ozark moron!"

"Mortality sucks, don't it?"

"Stings, doesn't it?"

"Blast! I need to aim better!"

"I'm sorry, I said I need to aim better!"

"I must be deer-sighted."

"That fools is trickier than I thought."

"I hope the herd doesn't hear about this."

"Guess I can't donate my body to a museum... now."

"Hey! I'm supposed to shoot them!"

"It's just a flesh wound."

"Now I'm really mad. And bleeding."

"I see dead people. And you're one of 'em!"

"Paging Mr. Reaper, Mister Grim Reaper."


"Where are these backwoods bozos?"

"Hey, maybe I should actually hunt for the hunters."

"This would be mind-numbingly dull... if it weren't for all the boredom."

"You know, I can't figure out why the screensaver hasn't kicked in yet."

"This is like watching golf in slow motion."

"Alone again, naturally."

"A temporary reprieve, I assure you."

"If I'd have found that guy, he'd be a trophy already."

"Hey, where the Hell you going?"

"Great, now it's back to square one."

"These jokers love the brew."

"A pack of cold ones. What red-blooded hunter can resist?"

"A large with every meat known to man ought to do the trick."

"Drop a pizza, find a moron."

"If I don't shoot you within the first 30 minutes, then the pizza is free."

"Inflatable chicks, technology's answer to undateable morons."

"Blow-up dolls, can't live with 'em, can't leave 'em too close to the heater."

"Every good ol' boy in the forest will come running for this honey."

"A can of cheese to lure out the country mouse."

"Miss December ought to bring 'em running."

"Beef jerky. Highly prized by the inbred gourmet."

"Anyone who goes for this jerky crap deserves to die."

"Ah, beef jerky. It's the fifth food group to these knuckleheads."

"This ought to lure those cretins into my sights."

"Out of the frying pan, and into the fire!"

"Come one, come all... to your doom!"

"Behold the power of beer."

"That's right, drink it down."

"Eat up, sucker, because this is your last meal."

"I'm sure he's just interested in the articles."

"Your subscription's about to run out."

"I'm getting ready to knock the cheese off your cracker!"

"Press button too much, hunters no come! Got it, Ke-mo Sah-bee?"

"Good job. Now it sounds like the state of Montana's over here."

"Hey, I think you scared him off with too many calls!"

"Whoa, take it easy! Let's not frighten the trees away, too!"

"Careful with those calls. I might as well start yodeling while I'm at it."

"The compound bow. Cruel and unusual? I don't think so."

"Sub-machine gun with laser sights. Definitely stacking the deck in my favor."

"Oh yeah, standard issue for kicking ass and taking names!"

"When you care enough to kill the very most."

"Charlton Heston says, 'This one's NRA-Okay!'"

"Nothing fancy, but it gets the job done."

"A touch of class for the discerning killer."

"The .357 Magnum. 'Feeling lucky, punk?'"

"Spring, a time for sunshine and renewal... and to bust a cap in someone’s ass!"

"Winter, a blanket of virgin snow, all the better to contrast the blood of my slain enemies!"

"Nothing like raising Hell against a beatific arbor backdrop!"

"Ahhh, the three B’s of summer: beaches, bikinis, and bloodshed!"

"Gentlemen, start your shotguns!"

"What are you gonna do genius, hit the hunters with a stick? Pick a freaking weapon!"

"Never a dull moment... except for now."

"I can't wait for 'Deer Avenger 4: The Phantom Venison'!"

"When are they gonna put this concept to rest?"

"Hmm. So who do I like better, Britney or Christina?"

"Notice: I have hands!"

"Hit 'em where it hurts: in the lungs!"

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Smells like victory."

"Man, how can I smell that bad? I'm a herbivore!"

"Damn, that was a strong one! I'm surprised my tail didn't burst into flames."

"Ah, what sweet music. I call it 'Requiem For A Rectum' or a 'Caca Contatta'."

"Find them and bring them here, gentle spirit."

"Like lemmings off a cliff, let my scent lead them to their deaths."

"All you squirrels take cover, this one'll pack a wallop!"

"This'll go down like a lamb, and come out like a lion!"

"With this baby, I'll be able to burn the hair out of their noses."

"Down the hatch and into the furnace!"

"When they smell this one, they'll come a-running!"

"No more gas. Time to rely on my wits."

"Better take a break and let it build up for a while."

"I can't rest until my job is done."

"Back to the cabin."

"Let's reload and put this puppy to sleep. What do you say?"

"Hey, this takes a while when you're trying to work a gun with hooves!"

"You know, there is some skill involved here. Reload, damn it!"

"It's either time to slap on a bayonet or time to reload."

"I don't think clicking noise is hurting them. Maybe I better reload!"

"I spit at thee!"

"Take that, you Confederate guttersnipe!"

"Time to free the saline!"

"Welcome to!"

"Got death?"

"The South will rise again? Not today, pal!"

"A day late and a dollar short."

"I doesn't have to end this way! Play again and alter my destiny!"

"That's it! 'Deer Avenger 4' better involve Kevlar!"

"Hey, when you tie me to your truck, could you please cross my legs?"

"You suck but my head's on the wall! How fair is that?"

"At least I went out in a blaze of glory."

"Better use some lures to wet their appetite."

"If only I had something to lure them in... oh wait, I do."

"Standing here just ain't working. Go to the lures."

"Perhaps some calls will bring 'em this way."

"It sure is quiet out here. Maybe I can stir things up a little."

"What are you waiting for? Use the calls!"

"A good fart would get the ball rolling. When the last time you said that?"

"Why don't I squeeze a few out and see what happens?"

"I've got a full tank of gas at my disposal. Why don't I use it?"

"Don't mind if I do."

"Is it Christmas already?"

"Well, would you look at that."

"Hey, who left that here?"

"Mom always told me to eat my broccoli, and now some poor sucker's gonna pay!"

"These smell the same going in as they do coming out."

"They may call it 'chili' but this stuff can really turn up the heat."

"So this is what you got me out of bed for."

    Bambo's Calls 
"Help! Can someone rub bug spray on my big, bouncy breasts?"

"Hey! I need help rubbing bug spray on my big! Bouncy! Boobs!"

"Oh, I love the woods. Makes me want to be naked and free!"

"Wow! An original copy of Sweet Home Alabama!"

"Hey! Dolly Parton's bra!!"

"Who wants free coupons to the Piggly Wiggly?"

"Hey, look! A secret entrance to the Grand Ole Opry!"

"Who wants tickets to the Dukes of Hazzard Reunion Show on Ice?"

"Help! My naked sister and I are stuck in a tub of Jell-O!"

"Hey, I got me a cure for ugly!"

"Free VD treatment!"

"Anybody want to do a 'Free Bird' sing-along?"

"Wow! The keys to the Skull Factory!"

"It's Elvis! In the flesh!"

"I got me a picture of Dusty Rhodes! Guess I'll just throw it away!"

"Why, there's gold in them thar hills!"

"Well, a case of drinking hats!"

"Hey, a porno shop disguised as a tree!"

"I got a case of domestic over here!"

"Who wants to torture a helpless animal?"

"I sure someone'd help me make this Moonshine!"

"Why looky here, the soundtrack to Deliverance!"

"Who wants to play 'Farmer's Daughter'?"

"Toilet paper? I'll start the bidding at five dollars!"

"I don't see no forest, I just see trees."

"Hey, I can see my breath! And it's tasty, too."

"Here, deery, deery! Come here boy. *clicks tongue* Come here. Here deery deer! Come on now, come on, that's a good boy. Come on..."

"Maybe if I just wait here, there deer will run right into my mouth!"

"Look at that! I got moss growing on my North side."

"Hey! I'm leaking mayonnaise instead of blood!"

"Hey! You're messing up my fat!"

"Either you're a good shot or I'm a good target."

"I think I'll grab a diet soda... and an entire lamb."

"This might be a good time to have a rest."

"If I stand real still, he'll think I'm a mountain."

"There he is! I should hide behind myself!"

"Hahahahahahaha!! Excuse me."

"Mmm... a Cheese Whiz meringue pie!"

"A trough full of table scraps!"

"Hey, a drum full of cookie lard!"

"Hey, what do you know? A coupon for Sizzler."

"Eat lead, Comet! Santa's hungry!"

"I didn't get this big eatin' carrots."

"Duh... think fast."

"A tall, frosty, cold one. Six of 'em, actually."

"Aerosol cheese! I don't believe it!"

"Yum! Look at all that cheese..."

"How do they get so much cheese in such a little can?"

"A porno magazine! This is better than cable!"

"Hey, this magazine's gettin' kind of old. The pages are all sticky."

"Wow, beef jerky!"

"Oh, stick-of-beef, stick of beef jerky, jerky, jerky!"

"Check it out! It's pizza!"


"Hmm... Put a parking lot over there, commercial high-rise over there... Yeah, I like that, let's run with that."

"Good thing I'm wearing camouflage in the snow."

"Oh well, the Feds would have gotten me sooner or later."

"My blue chips just went bust."

"Call my Daddy. He's got several organ donors on retainer."

"Oh, I feel so Eddie Bauer."

"According to my GPS palm pilot, this is the woods."

"I’d kill for a latté right now."

"That's it! I'm going to sue this entire forest!"

"I'm not supposed to die here! I'm supposed to become a Senator and then drink myself to death!"

"My blood pressure's dropping faster than the NASDAQ!"

"Oh well, back to counting Daddy's millions."

"Huh. I wonder if pork bellies are out."

"Hmm. Better head back to the Range Rover and have Joachim apply more repellent."

"I declare this trading day... OPEN!!"

"Oh, I've spotted him! Is that enough?"

"Oh, let's get this over with. I'm already late for my two o'clock."

"Goody, a tooth-whitening kit!"

"Wow, a phone jack to check my e-mail!"

"Well, a beautiful, greased up, unconscious woman. Just my type!"

"Heeey! Power of attorney!!"

"Stock tips, tons of them!!"

"Compared to corporate law, this is humane!"

"This one's for the deprived upper class!"

"You're gonna drop faster than my internet index fund!"

"Well, well, a crisp, refreshing Belgian ale."

"Oh, a pizza. I do hope it has sun-dried tomatoes and feta."

"Cheese in a can... I love it!"

"Naked girls in magazines... I love it!"

"Dehydrated beef... I love it!"

    Tree Hugger 

"When I stand still, I like to pretend I am a tree."

"Snow is nature's frosting."

"O Mighty Oak, I salute you!"

"Oh, I seem to have contracted poison ivy! I'll wear the rash proudly."

"Trees are good listeners."

"Yes, shoot me, but spare the birch!"

"Oh, I'd rather see my blood shed than sap flow!"

"Weep not for me, O Majestic Willow!"

"*gasp* I sense a shrub is in danger! Gotta go!"

"*gasp* Be right back! I think I just heard a fern scream!"

"Let me help you, O Wise Man of the Woods."

"Don't shoot! I'm here to help!"

"You look much different in person, Smokey."

"If I just close my eyes for a second, they won't be open."

"B... U... Hey, that's a good 'U'... B... Ooh, another 'B', almost, oh, a little bit off there... A, oh, that's a tough one... 'BUBA'! Hey, check this out!"

"Slain by the very beast I wear. How ironic."

"If I were shooting at me, that's where I would have aimed."

"To catch a varmint, you gotta look, sound, and smell like a varmint."

"O Great Spirit of the Forest, help me to kill one of your children."

"Ow! My chest hair's caught in my zipper!"

"A well-placed shot, my worthy adversary."

"Ha! That's not gonna slow me down!"

"So, brother, you think you can—OW!!"

"Hmm. I guess that deer smell was me after all."

"Well, back to camp to regroup... with myself."

"Stealthy move, my foe. Perhaps some other time, then."

"You got a date with the front of my pickup!"

"Hey, fella, great costume! *gasp* Wait a second!"

"I'm a man in a deer suit, you are a deer with a gun. En garde!"

"There ain't room enough in this forest for the both of us!"

"Just because I shoot ya, it don't mean I hate ya! Wait a second, never mind!"

"The buck stops here!"

"There's enough ice here for a million cocktails."

"Bury me upside down so the world can kiss my ass!"

"Dang! And I was just learning how to use soap."

"Tell my Mama I have her can opener."

"I'm gonna kill it, liquefy it, ferment it, and... drink it!"

"Wake up, little flower. The Pee Fairy is here."

"Friends don't let friends drive drunk! But it don't say nothing about hunting!"

"Ow! You hit my drinking arm!"

"Whoa! That hurt so bad it cleared my vision!"

"Hey! I don't remember that hole in my chest!"

"That looks like a nice place to barf."

"I gotta go pee."

"That looks like a nice place to pass out."

"Some call you 'friend,' but I c-call you... dinner."

"Either I see a deer... or the pink elephants are getting smaller and browner."

"It's too bad I gotta shoot ya. You sure got a 'purty' mouth."

"Hey! Whiskey-flavored beer!"

"A vomit-resistant watch!"

"Whoa! An extra liver!"

"Hey! A case of fat-free Scotch!"

"Oooh... a beef jerky casserole!"

"You don't scare me... I once made out with an alligator!"

"Yahoo! Papa need a new pair of antlers!"

"I'm gonna get you, sucker!"

"Wow! A whole pizza, just for me!"

"Ooo, aerosol cheese. What will the technologists think of next?"

"Ooo, boobies!"

"Oh, jerky! My diet starts now!"

"Know what this snow is missing? Bloodstains."

"I bequeath to you my entire collection of guns and ammo... magazines."

"Tell my SUV that I love her!"

"What did I ever do to you? Besides try to kill you, I mean."

"I'm gonna kill me a deer. That should prove I'm not gay."

"Well, look at that. Bears do crap in the woods."

"Where are my legs? Oh, haha, good camouflage."

"Hey, take it easy! This is a new vest! And it's reversible."

"That ain't fair! I wanted to shoot you!"

"Haha! It's just a flesh wound... that also hit every major organ."

"Got to go pick up my girlfriend. High school should be letting out right about now."

"I ain't scared! I'm showing restraint!"

"Guess I'll fill you full of buckshot some other time, then."

"If I were you, sucker, I'd give up the ghost now."

"'Redneck' is the last thing that you're gonna see!"

"I'm gonna pry your gun from your cold, dead hoof!"

"Hey, a case of turtle wax!"

"Look! A Jeff Foxworthy redneck CD!"

"A genuine, real, authentic blow-up sexy doll!"

"Ooh, a frilly dress!"

"A penis pump! How'd you know?"

"Close your eyes. I've got a 12 gauge surprise."

"You ain't losing your life, you're gaining your death!"

"Time to splatter, Blitzen!"

"Woohoo! It's my lucky day when I find a six-pack of longnecks!"

"I like my pizza just like I like my ladies: hot and cheesy!"

"Cheese in a can! If it's good enough for the astronauts, it's good enough for me!"

"Hey, an exclusive, in-depth interview with Ted Nugent... and the greased up lesbians are okay, too."

"Beef jerky!"


"This looks like a picture in that museum I firebombed. It's pretty."

"I ain't seen this much white since our last Klan meeting."

"I see a light... and there's Hank Williams music."

"Looks like I'm gonna find out if Hell's Angels is an oxymoron."

"Born to be wild."

"Time to take a break from raising hell and do something civilized. Like hunting."

"That hurt worse Skynyrd breaking up!"

"Sweet Peter Fonda, I'm hit!"

"Got me in my crankcase, and I'm losing oil!"

"This is lamer than Disco and its comeback!"

"I'm off to get some more tattoos."

"Oh, man, I got to go check in with my parole officer."

"And so it begins, man against beast. I mean, deer against beast, sorry."

"That you, Ma? Oh no, it's you!"

"I know someone who's not gonna make it to the reunion tour!"

"Hey, someone left a leather jacket... and it already has blood on it!"

"Wow, a get-out-of-jail free card."

"All right! A case of 10W-40!"

"Pizza-flavored beer, yeah!"

"Hmm... 'How To Kill With Your Pinky'."

"Time to make the carcass."

"Take that, Rudolph!"

"Now the hoof's on the other foot!"

"All right, a six-pack!"

"Oh, sweet, pizza!"

"Aerosol cheese... awesome."

"Huh. This reminds me, I gotta go to the bathroom."

"Oh yeah, I love this stuff, especially the spicy ones."

    Emma Sue 

"Hey, who had time to plant all these trees?"

"So much open space... just like between my ears."

"Well, I'll probably look fabulous in a pair of... high-cut... strapless angel wings."

"Don't bury me! Put me in the recycle bin... for plastic."

"I love all animals! They're delicious!"

"If God didn't want us to kill deer, He wouldn't have made them out of meat."

"Mmm... This rifle is so looooong!"

"Ow! That's mean!"

"I'm hit! This is gonna put a crimp in my weekend!"

"I'm leaking saline!"

"Oh, look at the time! I gotta go! Mama's graduating high school today."

"Hey, I gotta go! Cousin Cooter's says he got something he wants to show me."

"I gotta go! All this fresh air... I need a cigarette!"

"And I thought I had a nice rack."

"I look better in fur than you do."

"A Bimbo-to-English electronic translator!"

"*gasp* A mirror!"

"A whole liposuction machine!"

"A rich 90-year-old man!!"

"Wow! A washing machine! I heard about these."

"Just think, if you're over my fireplace you get to see me naked every day."

"Your thighs are leaner than mine! You must die!"

"Look! Beer! And it's my favorite flavor, too."

"Mmm, pizza. And it's so hot and steamy and covered in cheese..."

"Mmm, spray cheese! Just like Grandma used to make!"

"Hey, who left that magazine here? All that... filthy, perverted sex stuff they're doing! Hey, I bet there's good money in that."

"Mmm, beef jerky, part of a well-balanced breakfast, with milk, juice and toast to make it complete."

    Female Tree Hugger 

"If I can save one deer, my job of saving deer will be going well."

"Save the snow! Stop senseless melting!"

"Hunters are merely hurters! With an 'R' where the 'N' used to be. You know what I mean?"

"Four legs good, two legs bad!"

"Stand firm, woodland creatures! Your guardian is here!"

"Hey, what did I do?"

"Bullets? Nobody said anything about bullets! I gotta go!"

"Please tell me that was a mistake. I'm on your side!"

"Time to throw paint on someone's fur!"

"Hey, I'm late for that anti-ham rally!"

"Nothing's going on. What am I, an inactivist? This sucks!"

"Hello! Mr. Deer! Over here!"

"How about a hug, you gorgeous mammal you?"

"Together, we shall cleanse the forest of carnivores! Except for the bears... they're your problem."


"Hey, if a computer geek falls over in the woods, does anybody care?"

"Hey, I could see my breath. Looks like I'm smoking. Hey ladies, want a cigarette?"

"Great, my Game Boy is out of batteries."

"Where the heck am I? And whose pants are these?"

"Uh-oh, I think I'm allergic to everything."

"Hey! I'm not built for this! Or anything else, for that matter."

"Ow! Video games aren't supposed to hurt!"

"What the-?!"

"I'm gonna go to that website that shows rabbits doing it."

"Well, when the deer show up, somebody page me."

"If I hurry, I can still go home and download images of my neighbor naked."

"What is this? Dungeons & Dragons... and Deer?"

"Wait, I know this. Are you the Tin Man?"

"Is that last night's date? Man! How much did I have to drink?"

"Hey man, do you know what time it is? Because the guy with the rifle over there wouldn't tell me."

"I saw a guy, he could be your twin. He's right over there. But he doesn't have antlers."

"All right, I shouldn't be be telling you this, but there's some guy with a rifle and a handgun planning a surprise for you right over that hill."

"Hey, I had to get weird things to get into my fraternity too. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but there's some bozo with a gun right over there."

"I'm sweating my balls off."

"I'm freezing my balls off."

Deer Avenger 4: The Rednecks Strike Back


"Time to take out the white trash!"

"Let's rock and roll!"

"Moron at ten o'clock!"

"What time is it? Bambo Time!"

"I knew this snout wasn't just for good looks. I can sense a hunter nearby."

"I smell idiocy."

"I'm getting all tingly. Either that's a hunter nearby or the Viagra's kicking in."

"I see almost-dead people."

"That one's for every baby seal that doesn't have a gun of its own."

"Damn I'm good."

"That stings, don't it?"

"Score one for the good guys!"

"That's right, come to Papa!"

"There's lots more where that came from."

"Crap! I missed him!"

"Shoot the hunter, dummy, not the tree!"

"If he was standing where I just shot I'd have hit him!"

"I can't believe I missed! I must have hoof-and-eye disease!"

"Damn! I can't see the hunters for the trees."

"Maybe I need bigger bullets."

"What a time to realize that I need glasses."

"Come on, this is for keeps!"

"Okay, now it's personal!"

"First they were afraid, now they're petrified!"

"Hey, it's Rush Limbaugh! Can I have your autograph?"

"Wow, a brand-new pickup truck... with the keys in it!"

"I guess I'll just throw away these tickets for that new, second-rate pro football league!"

"Eureka! A cure for 'stupid!!"

"Get your free, painless corrective dentistry here!"

"Wow! 'Take This Job And Shove It' on DVD!!"

"Gee, a complete guide to every loophole in the laws against incest!"

"Oh boy, a picture of Minnie Pearl... back when she was HOT!!"

"College diplomas, five for a dollar!"

"Aw, a sparrow with a broken wing. Who wants to step on it?!"

"Who wants a VD patch?"

"Well, boy, howdy! Bourbon on a stick!"

"Who wants a rifle that doubles as a flask?"

"Huh. I think right here's a good spot to throw away these x-ray glasses!"

"Free Rogaine!"

"Does anyone know Donald Trump? He left his wallet here!"

"Moonshine! Get your Moonshine!"

"I'm giving away two tickets to the tractor pull!"

"The South shall rise again. Right this second. Who's with me!?"

"Fall, how appropriate for the fall of Man."

"As the multi-colored leaves fall to the ground, so shall numerous bodies."

"Ah, the joys of Spring: flowers, wanderlust, and the systematic hunting of rednecks!"

"Ahhh, Winter... a time to paint the virgin snowdrifts with random arterial spray!"

"Spring has sprung, Fall has fell, now Summer’s here... let’s go KILL SOMEBODY!!"

    Tree Hugger 

"Just breathe and let everything flow. And if you break wind, hold your breath for a little while... and then start breathing again."

"Think locally, act locally, and dress like you're on an acid trip."

"Careful, Bambo, my Hippie Sense tells me there are hunters nearby. And it's not just the weed talking this time!"

"Alright, I'm out of here!"

"Best of luck, my antlered friend!"''

"Greetings, O Wise and Highly Armed Man of the Forest!"

"I knew you'd be here, I just knew you would!"


"This is my fourth game! I must test real well in them there focus groups."

"I wonder if this pelt makes me look fat."

"You think I look strange? My brother thinks he's a dragonfly!"

"Knock, knock. Who's there? You're talk. You're talk who? You're talking to yourself again, moron!"

"As I die, my only wish is that others will carry on the tradition of demented animal cross-dressing."

"If I looked any more real, I'd look a lot less fake."

"The nerve on you! How can you shoot your own brother?"

"What sound do deers make, anyway?"

"There goes the fifteen dollar deposit on this suit!"

"I'm off to go cross a highway."

"This is boring. I think I'll go spread some lime disease."

"Why am I staying? There's no one here, I'm itchy, and I gotta take a dump!"

"Bambo. My old nemesis from three previous games."

"It's just like looking in a really, really distorted mirror."

"Two deer enter, one deer leaves."

"Well, it's no babbling brook, but it'll do."

"Hey there, Momma, how'd you like to know what I'm wearing underneath this deer suit?"

"This is either beef jerky or bear droppings. As usual, there's only one way to find out."

"If I could read, I'd know what this was."

"They wouldn't let me vote in my deer costume!"

"Chewing tobacco, loaded with Vitamin Crap."

"Hmm. Mozzarella, crust and sauce. It's not normal deer food, but this time I'll make an exception."

"None of this is nearly as hot as that stuff in 'Doe Weekly'."

"Take that, brother!"

"Don't think of it as a bullet. Think of it as a hot, lead, deadly pat on the back."

"This is gonna kill you more than it'll hurt me!"



    The General 

    Sir Winston 


"Let's see. Parking lot over there, corporate office over here..."

"Hmm. Cell phone, check. PDA, check. Paxel... Paxel? Oh, my God! Where's my freaking paxel? Where is it, where is it, where is it?! Oh, here it is... check."

"Note to self: leave more notes to self."

"It's a little chilly out here. Someone call maintenance."

"Ow! That bee just stung me! You're fired! You hear me insect? You're history!"

"This is the perfect spot for my new corporate headquarters. We can build a beautiful lake right where that... beautiful lake is, over there."

"Is that all you got? I've taken worse hits at a field hockey practice!"

"That tickles compared to a leveraged buyout!"

"Wow, I really do have ice water in my veins... and all over my blouse."

"Call me when you want to get serious."

"I've seen more carnage at mandatory sensitivity training sessions!"

"Your head is gonna look really nice on my office wall. Right next to the genitalia of my underlings!"

"Let's hurry and get this over with. I'm due to emasculate some executives at 2:00."

"And I thought the UPS guy was hot!"

"Just when I have four days of sobriety, something like this always happens."

"Hey, cheese! Don't mind if I do! Oh, all I need now is a glass of wine."

"Well, well, very intriguing. You know, I haven't tried any of that since college."

"This carpaccio looks dreadful! Oh, what the Hell."

"I'm sure that I told my people to shred these, not hide them in the woods!"

"I eat this stuff for breakfast! No, really, I do, right after I drink the blood of my enemies out of the skulls of my coworkers."

"This will help to counter my overwhelming femininity."

"Ah, the food of my mentor Mussolini!"

"I think me and that one girl with the whip would get along."

"Anything you can do, I can do better and at equal pay!"

"I learned this negotiating technique at Microsoft!"

"There'll be no takeovers from you today, buster!"


"Beer, it's what's for breakfast."


"It's quieter than a nest of hibernating chipmunks out here."

"Dang! These duds are tighter than a bag of millet what been soaked all night long."

"Boy, howdy, these things are big! Who the Hell drew me?"

"Why, that's the tree where I first kissed Jasper! And that one there's where I kissed—Come to think of it, I recognize every one of these trees!"

"Pa said if I bring home a deer head, he'd trap me a teacher from the trade college!"

"The South shall rise again! Just without me..."

"Now, what would Tammy Faye do?"

"Hope this was worth canceling that date with Uncle Cooter."

"Never mind my arm! This shirt cost two dollars!"

"Ow! You hurt me!"

"I think I'm in love!"

"I'm gonna go skinny-dip in a pond. Like you see in all them movies..."

    El Nacho 

    Agent X 

"Wait a minute! I know these woods! We buried Hoffa... over there!"

"Right over there is the entrance to the secret alien base!"

"Did you know that if there's a nuclear war, the President goes underground while the rest of us get fried?"


"I can't believe that at one point George Bush, Senior was my boss... I love that man!"

"As G. Gordon Liddy once said, 'Kick 'em in the groin and ask questions later.'"

"I never thought that body bag I packed would be used for me!"

"All right, you got me, but I'm taking the secrets of Iran-Contra with me!"

"When I bring back this deer, they'll have to let me back into the CIA! Either that or they'll subdue me with chloroform."

"Ninety-nine packs of plastique on the wall, ninety-nine pounds of plastique..."

"Another day, another assassination."

"First blood has been drawn! I repeat, first blood has been drawn!"

"You're gonna wish you didn't do that when I've got you hooked up to a car battery!"

"He must be better camouflaged than I thought. Better pull back."

"Negatory on the deer headquarters. I'm heading back to base."

"Cancel mission! Retreat!"

"In my mind, shooting you will justify my part in the whole JFK thing."

"This is your last chance to surrender peacefully and be discreetly killed."

"Take a good look, my friend. 'Cause in a few minutes, one of us will not be standing."

"Ho-ho, boy, beer! If you mix this with baking soda and a few other things, you can make a bomb! Hahahaha!"

"I remember this stuff. We used it to barter with the Nicaraguans."

"My dolly! My long-lost dolly! Oh, man."

"Beef jerky! I can live off this stuff for months! But not for very much longer."

"Hmm. Missing Florida ballots. I knew it! *gasp* Wait a minute! They were supposed to be stashed in Cuba!"

"I can spit this in a captor's eye if my hands are tied!"

"Pizza? In the woods? Must be some sort of trap! Sure does look yummy, though."

"That one woman looks like she's concealing a weapon... two of them, actually."

"This is so much more fun when your target knows you're shooting at them! Haha!"

"You're not bad. You could've really helped us out with the whole Sandinista thing."

"We're not so different, you and me!"

    Master Foo