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Quotes / Damned by Faint Praise

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Grimsby: Silence! Silence! It is now my honour and privilege to present our esteemed Prince Eric with a very special, very expensive, very large birthday present.
Eric: Heh! Grimsby! You old beanpole, you shouldn't have.
Grimsby: I know. Happy birthday, Eric.
(Sailor removes the tarp revealing a huge, extremely gaudy statue of Eric. Eric raises his eyebrow. Max snarls at the statue in complete disapproval)
Eric: Uh, gee, Grim. It's''s really something.


The movie has one merit: If you have unruly children, it may put them to sleep.
Leonard Maltin on Doctor Dolittle (1967)

The best that can be said about Ishtar is that Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman, two of the most intelligent actors of their generation, play dumb so successfully that on the basis of this film there's no evidence for why they've made it in the movies.

No one can accuse Garfield: The Movie of infidelity to its source: It faithfully conveys the banality of Jim Davis's cartoon.
Ben Kenigsberg


    Video Games 

(Teddie, Yosuke, and the protagonist have just tasted an omelette cooked by Chie that was deemed to simply taste awful)
Yosuke: Well, um... It's a huge improvement over the curry...
Chie: Yeah, thanks for the consolation... I feel soooo much better...

    Web Animation 

Is it fair to expect more from a movie tie-in? Maybe not. But whereas the last movie game deserved second-degree burns edging on third, it was 24-karat gold compared to this one.


Well, silver.


Well, copper. Copper's still good! You can wire stuff up with it! Like Amazing Spider-Man 2's nipples!

They did many Crusades, some of which almost didn't fail. But at least the Italians got some sweet trade deals.

    Web Original 

6-10. But such a COMPETITIVE 6-10! When Jeff Fisher is your coach, you’re in all 10 of your annual losses. Feels pretty good to be a tough out! Everyone who beats the Rams walks off the field being like, “Boy, it wasn’t easy beating them for the ninth year in row!” So you’ll always have that to hang your hat on...Winning games is WAY too much to ask for in St. Louis. All you can really do is isolate small moments like this and celebrate them as if they were the birth of a new child.
Drew Magary, "Why Your Team Sucks 2015!: St. Louis Rams"

Have to admit, a hero with a lack of any sense of direction is a character I’ve never seen in wrestling. Or any other form of entertainment ever, come to think of it. That’s probably because it’s a terrible idea. Never let it be said that such things ever really stopped WCW from charging headfirst into unchartered territory.

I'm a Bills fan living in Seattle. Whenever people out here find out I'm a Bills fan they either treat me A) like my dog just got ran over by a car or B) in the event the Bills actually win a game, like I just won gold at the special olympics.

First things first: of course it's better than Results May Vary. How could it not be? But let's not get ahead of ourselves — Charmbracelet is better than Glitter, Generation Swine is better than that pseudo-industrial Mötley Crüe album without Vince Neil, but that doesn't mean you'd want to listen to any of them.
Allmusic, on Limp Bizkit's The Unquestionable Truth, Pt. 1

Describing this as the 'best' of the abysmal animated Madagascar trilogy is like indicating a slight preference for being locked in a sweatbox instead of waterboarded: Either way, you feel enormous gratitude when it’s over.
Lou Lumenick, on Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted.

Tank Girl is a wonderful soundtrack.

Is it any good? Well, it’s not as bad as Quintet!

Well, let me see. Uma Thurman nice eyes... No, there’s that thing where she keeps them open during kisses, so that’s out. Arnold... no. Clooney... no, that’s a bust too, even though he’s not that bad. Chris O’Don—What the hell am I doing? Look, no animals were harmed during the making of this movie!'' There!
The Agony Booth, Batman & Robin pros and cons (leaning heavily on the cons)

David: Chekhov's Gun was properly placed on the mantelpiece. The resolutions to the first two Superman movies come straight out of thin air, so to see this movie actually try to not have Superman pull a deus ex machina out of his ass is really nice.
Matt: And those lingering shots of the chemical at the beginning weren’t for nothing!
David: Superman III: being praised for doing the bare minimum in narrative construction.
— Chris Sims, Matt Wilson, and David Uzumeri on Superman III

Legend isn't just a poor sequel, it's an attempt to rewrite history. The plan was clearly for it to suck so badly it would become a black hole, travel back in time and make Van Damme's movie look brilliant by comparison, and that would have worked.

In Steven Seagal is the Final Option, you look exactly like Steven Seagal from Hard to Kill. Which is easily the nicest thing anyone has ever said about anything. They never finished Seagal's running animation which is a shame because I'm sure it would have involved motion capturing a fat woman waking up in bathtub full of snakes. Graphics: 10/10

The first preview of Speed-The-Plow was a train wreck for some and LiLo, a master at doing lines, didn’t know a lot of her lines. Speed-The-Plow’s opening night happened last night and critics who reviewed the show say that LiLo only missed a couple of lines. It says a lot when LiLo, whose job is to memorize her goddamn lines, has to be fed lines on opening night and everyone goes, 'Aw, she only missed two lines. Gold star!'
Michael K., "Lindsay Lohan’s Speed-The-Plow Reviews Weren’t Awful"

It’s fitting that GallifreyBase’s standard for 1/10 is 'I’d rather listen to a tape of leaf-blower noise,' as leaf-blower noise, turned to a low volume, would provide a white noise background almost as good for falling asleep as this story. But that means this story is better than the leaf-blower, so it must be a 2/10.
Dr. El Sandifer on Doctor Who, "Death to the Daleks"

Having the Doctor leave sickbay is by far the best innovation of the third season (some would say it is the return of the Borg but all that shows to me is the desperation of the writers on this show) – he has been cooped up in one room for so long that storytelling possibilities for his character have been a tad desperate...I hope they aren’t straining their brain cells too much there. It really worries me that somebody being able to walk out of a room could be an innovation but that’s how drab this show has become in its third year.
Joe Ford on Star Trek: Voyager, "Future's End"

David: So, high points? Uh, yeah. I don’t think any animals were harmed during its production.
Chris: It didn’t make any racist remarks that I remember.
David: It did not actually kill me. Like, I didn’t die from watching it. That was maybe the high point.
ComicsAlliance on Smallville ("Prophecy")

That's a fine sentence, actually. It's accurate, economical, almost elegant. And to be perfectly fair, it is not the only fine sentence in this 468-page book. There are 11 others. Well, 10 1/2. But three of those are really quite good.
Slacktivist on Left Behind

Some books are exquisite masterpieces, which keep engaging readers with new levels of complexity every time through. Others are sweeping epics, of a freshness and scope to capture the reader's imagination and transport the audience to a new world of wonder. This book is acceptable.

    Web Video 

For the record, when the nicest thing Jane Bennet has to say about you is "tall", you have personality problems.
Lizzie (on Darcy), The Lizzie Bennet Diaries

If I'm going with a genuine positive? The fact that the boom mic showed up a few times means that they thought to use a boom mic.
Best of the Worst on Lethal Ninja (1992)

Ironically the most major positives about this film are the things that are not in the film:

1) Han Solo was not ruined. Now, Chewbacca was ruined for being pointlessly shoehorned into this movie, but Chewbacca was no Han Solo.

2) No Millenium Falcon... Thankfully, nowhere in this film do we see the Millenium Falcon flyin' around doin' somethin' stupid with, like, it's original owner. No, the Millenium Falcon is safe and secure. It wasn't raped.

3) Almost no Jar-Jar Binks. After three films Lucas finally got it. We only see this loathesome cunt for a brief moment or two.

4) No kids. The first film obviously had a kid; a kid that made you want to sterilize the human race. It also had more kids that fucking talked, too. The second film had even more kids that talked! Finally, the only kid in this film that talks dies. Yah, all o' 'em die. These are positive changes.
Harry S. Plinkett (unaware that the Millennium Falcon does appear in Attack of the Clones) on the prequel saga

I guess there might be somebody out there who might enjoy this game, somebody who happens to be very interested in Venezuelan buses. Yeah, if there is any game for the Venezuelan bus enthusiasts, this is it. Do you find any Venezuelan buses in Super Mario World? No. So you can't argue, this is the definitive Venezuelan bus game...You get these great photos of the buses and you get to look at the photos and drive the bus at the same time. You can even go backwards, you can honk the horn. What more could you want? When the digits are the same color as the background, that gives you an added challenge of trying to read the timer.

CrazyBus man, don't forget it. Say it. One word, not "crazy bus": It's CrazyBus, and it's fucking crazy! WHOOOOA. WE'RE DRIVIN' A BUS HERE. IT'S FUCKIN CRAZY. OMIGOD I CAN'T TAKE IT, IT'S SO FUCKIN CRAZY. CRAZYBUS CRAZYBUS CRAZYBUS WOOOOOOOOOOOOO—
The Angry Video Game Nerd on CrazyBus for Sega Genesis

Did you know this episode was nominated for Outstanding Hair Styling?
SFDebris, TNG: "Haven"

Hearts actually refill your health. (Man, I'm really reaching to find positives here.)

I am the strongest of the Guys! I RUN AWAY THE MOST!

I don't usually take this long to take about the gameplay, but the bloated, cancerous mass of the story's atrocity overshadows everything else. The gameplay's infinitely stronger in that it's merely bad.

You know it’s bad when the principal promotional poster for your game needs a glowing press quote to establish excellence, and the closest thing to positive is a bought out quote that roughly amounts to ‘shit’s pretty yo'.

They led several Crusades. Some of them almost didn't fail.

    Real Life 

I certify that William McGonagall has for some time been known to me. I have heard him speak, he has a strong proclivity for the elocutionary department, a strong voice, and great enthusiasm.
George Gilfillan

My mother used to say my sense of humor was my saving grace. Sadly, when I think of that now I wonder if the unspoken message here is "I disapprove of everything else about you."
Steve Hein,



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