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Quotes / Curb-Stomp Battle

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    Anime and Manga 

"I thought a fly landed on me. But it was just your punch."
Goku to General White, Dragon Ball

"Sorry, I saw an opening that seemed to scream out "attack." So, I did. Ha!"
Goku after one-shotting Recoome, Dragon Ball Z (Ocean dub)

"Welcome to the end of your life... and I promise, it's going to hurt."
Vegeta to Pui Pui, Dragon Ball Z

"And as he looked over the smoldering battlefield, Sergeant Madeski knew he had done wrong. The men he had led so bravely into battle were dead. They had placed their trust in him, and he had taught them only one thing; how to die quickly."
— A teary-eyed Hercule reading to Majin Buu, who thinks it's hilarious, Dragon Ball Z

Nove: Wasn't Dieci on the receiving end of Nanoha-san in that mode?
Dieci: I didn't even last ten seconds against her, though.

"We're talking about four machines. You can't call this mess a "war;" this is a "one-sided butt-kicking fiasco."
AEU Big Shot, Mobile Suit Gundam 00

"So, this is how our fight turned out: the part of the mission where we lured them away went really well, but then... well... you see... then it was over in two seconds. One second each."

"My apologies."
Shoto Todoroki before serving one of these to an opponent, My Hero Academia

"He's trippin' 'cause he got served."
Soundwave after Megatron (who is about to become Galvatron) loses a fight with Metroplex, Transformers Cybertron

"I could see how it would end when it started. From the beginning their abilities... well, their species... were on a different level. The game was beyond one-sided. They destroyed them."

    Comic Books 

Iron Man: You've been working out.
The Mighty Thor: No. It is only that in this time and this place, I am no longer holding back. Give your threats to those willing to obey, or too cowardly to fight back, not me. Or learn again the difference between a god of thunder... and a mortal man in a metal suit.

Damian Wayne: I will not lose to you!
Tim Drake: You lost the second I started trying.

I must say, Champion, you are turning out to be a great disappointment to me. I really expected more of a challenge from you. Can you hear me under all that rubble?
Thanos, The Thanos Quest

Will: You know what's the coolest thing about being Maestro? The badass upgrades. Check it out. [sticks his finger into the crystal ball]
Babin Kuk: You will live out your days in my agony intensifier, boy! So swears Babin Kuk the Obdurate!
[Will's now-gigantic finger descends from the sky and incinerates Babin Kuk with a blast of magic]
Will: Easy-peasy lemon squeezy. [to Wren] You wanna smoothie? Let's get a smoothie.
Image Comics Maestros

Titania: "Everyone will be talking about me! Titania! The woman who killed Thor!"
The Mighty Thor: "Mayhap, woman." (flinging her beyond the horizon) "When icicles doth grace Surter's fiery realm."

"Battle, however, is an unlikely word for such a one-sided affair".

Blue Beetle: "One punch! ONE PUNCH!"
Black Canary: Batman belted him— and I missed it?!


    Fan Fiction 

It was over in a single strike. Her Aura was shattered, all of her contingencies against death she'd picked up during the loops were circumvented with contemptuous ease and she was laid out on the ground, choking on the blood that filled her lungs through the holes that had been torn by the fragments of her shattered rib cage.

"The pirate raid on Mindoir came to a halt over the next twenty minutes. It was not a slow, grinding halt brought about by attrition, or a sporadic, jerking halt brought about by infighting, or even the panicked, terrified halt brought about by Alliance reinforcements.
It was the halt that came when a toy race car slammed headlong into a mack truck."

I gave the guy a side-neck chop as I pivoted and let him fall past me.

She hurled herself into the strange skies of New Genesis, both her arms stretched out perpendicular to her body, and screamed in rage. The group of Para-Demons she was headed for didn't have time to run for it. They barely had time to see she was there.
Her powerful, blue-clad, Kryptonian arms acted like twin plows, knocking the winged beasts out of the air. They fell like shot birds, hailing down on the landscape. The New Genesis troops had a chance to gape at the blue streak that was mowing down the enemy.
Superman had smashed his great hands together in an impact that almost deafened the New Gods who hovered too near to him. The shockwave from the crash buffeted a flying legion of Para-Demons. That was all the time Superman needed to separate them physically from the New Genesis flight troops they were attacking, and to tap them into dreamland.

Nami: Why is there a hole in the... everything?
Luffy: Well, first I hit him in gear second, but then he turned invisible and I couldn't see him. But I knew he was in the room, so I used gear third to hit it.
Nami: Hit what?
Luffy: The room.

    Film - Live-Action 

"Oh yes, I was wondering what would break first, your spirit or your body?"

"You're not talking about getting home anymore, you are talking about fucking war on God! Well fuck that! I have seen what happens to the proud when they take on the Throne!"
Loki to Bartleby, Dogma

Colonel Steiner: If memory serves me, the Polish Army surrendered in 1939.
SS Grunt: Oh, [they're] Jews, sir. We are razing the Ghetto to the ground - burning them out. They put up a hell of a fight, I can tell you.
Colonel Steiner: Oh, how? With umbrellas and crutches?

Michaelangelo: Now... at exactly... what point... did we lose control here?
Donatello: Maybe somebody should tell [Shredder] that... we're the good guys?

Loki: Enough! You are all of you beneath me. I am a god, you dull creature. And I will not be bullied by--
Hulk: Puny god.

"All that for a drop of blood."

Steve: Tony, you fought him.
Tony: Who told you that? I didn't fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street magician gave away the store.

"This is embarrassing. Please, stay down."
Colossus, Deadpool (2016)


"This isn't a war. It never was a war, any more than there's war between man and ants."
The Artilleryman, The War of the Worlds

"Beyond a certain point, there was simply nothing you could do; there was no brilliant plan you could draw up or cunning stratagem you could employ that would not seem laughably simple and unsophisticated to a profoundly more developed enemy."

Brightling: What happened out there?
Henriksen: We got slaughtered like fucking sheep!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI,” cried Slippery John, hurling himself forward, limbs flailing and swinging in a magnificent display of martial arts training. His little mustachioed face ran straight into Mr. Wonderful's twirling knife and the result was not dissimilar to a bag of jam being thrown in front of a lawnmower.
“Anyway, as I was saying,” said Mr. Wonderful, shaking what I think was a tongue off his wrist...

The Mandate giggles. "Is that the best you can do?" he demands. "Why don't you go back to sleep?"
Then he snaps his fingers and the world ends for a few seconds.

What can I say of the battle? I can tell you that it was not a battle. Death incarnate was before us, and like fools we marched towards it with spears and bows. What surprise is it that we were no different to a sacrifice? Our very finest, walking of our own will into the slaughter pit. A tragedy only outmatched by our folly.
Quetzacthulhu, by Set Sytes

    Live-Action TV 
Cyber-Leader: Daleks, be warned: you have declared war upon the Cybermen.
Dalek Sec: This is not war. This is PEST CONTROL!
Doctor Who, "Doomsday"


Faced off once more in the center of the ring
Touched gloves, said a prayer and the bell went *ding*.
He hit me with a left and shattered my face
Then a right sent my teeth all over the place.
Then another great punch caved-in my eye socket
He broke my jaw, and my trainer yelled, "Stop it!"
But nobody heard him and he crushed my ribs
Blood sprayed off my face and onto some kids.
They yelled out, "More!", and Rocky obliged
I had to think of some way to turn the tides
So I leaned back to hit him with all of my might
Took a swing, but he caught me with a sucker punch right.
Then a sucker punch left, and a sucker punch right
Then twenty-two consecutive sucker punch rights
He tore off my arms and beat me with them
Then threw acid in my face, which obscured my vision.
He kicked me in the leg and fractured my shin
The bone splinters shot right out of my skin
People barfed in the crowd, they were going insane
Then Rocky punched my nose-bone into my brain.
I was quivering and twitching when I soiled my shorts
Then Rocky pissed on me (customary in sports)
The doctor came out and pronounced me dead,
And that was the night I fought Rocky!
The Lonely Island, "Rocky"

When a fight is just plain wrong!
We all sing the curbstomp song!
People dying left and right...
It's a SLAUGHTER, not a fight!


    Tabletop Games 

Duels between Zaotar and Kahin are rare, and when they do happen, they're very short. In the time that it takes a Zaotar to work up one nice big-ass fireball, the Kahin typically lands a curse powerful enough to shatter every bone in the Zaotar's body, blind him, make him agoraphobic and infect him with tertiary syphilis. And he's also made sure that the Zaotar's fireball goes off prematurely.
Mage: The Ascension - Lost Paths

    Video Games 

"It's not a fight; it's a massacre!"
Lord Shaxx in a one-sided Crucible match, Destiny

Divekick, after someone wins a match 5-0

"Well... there's no doubt about the outcome and that's been the case for a long time now."
Martin Tyler if one side is winning by more than seven goals, Fifa Soccer

"Shepard's tearing us apart!"
— Arrival Project Guard, Mass Effect 2 "Arrival" DLC

"Two million dead in the first day, another seven million by the end of the first week, every defense annihilated, all our forces on the run. Regrouping... Somewhere... Reports are coming in from other major cities. It's a well-coordinated attack, and so far it's been damned effective."
Major Coates on the Reaper invasion, Mass Effect 3

"It'll be the Seven Hour War all over again, except this time we won't last seven minutes!"
Eli Vance, Half-Life 2

Rawk Hawk meets Bowser, Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

"That wasn't a battle, that was assisted suicide."
Zephyr, Resonance of Fate

"It's a blowout!"
The announcer, NFL Blitz

"Flawless defeat! You didn't kill any of them!"
The Administrator, Team Fortress 2

Superman: Wanna hear a joke?
Harley Quinn: Oh geez, this oughta be something...
Superman: Harley Quinn versus Superman.

Holden: Daubeny! DAUBENY, SHOW YOURSELF! These warriors don't have to die... Trial by Combat. Right now!
Daubeny: What, fight you?! That's not a trial. That' execution!

"This time I was "prepared" for our Traveler - so I thought. Rigged flashes in hopes of stunning It & weighted net. Nabbed It - and by It I mean HER - positive It's female now. Blade-like weapon cut thru netting like thread. (SHARP - 16 stitches in my neck to prove it.) Very fast, very strong - She snapped my ribs with a back hand. Think I would have been a goner if a cab hadn't taken a wrong turn into the docks."
Mark Meltzer, Bioshock 2: There's Something In The Sea

It was known that anyone of significance who fomented discontent or posed a real threat to the rule of the emperor might be visited by the First Blade. I had never stirred such controversy but I always imagined, if such an encounter took place, I could put up a respectable fight. I never got the chance. Taken unawares, I was disarmed before I even knew what was happening. Had he sought my death, I would not have even witnessed the killing stroke fall.
Journal of Inquisitor Creed, Grim Dawn

"This isn't a fair fight. This is barely exercise. You outclass every fighter that the Medusa's Head has to offer, battering them senseless without needing to concentrate. Did you pay that bill? When is the coalman coming tomorrow? Why are people giving you rostygold? Oh, that's right."
Text upon succession of the "fight in the pit fight" challenge, Fallen London


"It shoots fire from its mouth and bleeds acidic lava! Run for your pathetic lives!
Our weapons are useless! Reliance upon them is death!
It has exposed its fleshy underbelly to me in the form of its digestive tract!"
Red Mage, 8-Bit Theater episode 455

"He wants to taste the curb! He wants to taste the fucking curb!"
— Ray, Teodor, Lyle and Roastbeef pay a visit to the inventor of Comic Sans, Achewood

"It's been ten years since anyone spoke of my fights because no one has walked away from them in that time."
Master Fei, How I Killed Your Master

"I trained and struggled my whole adult life for this battle, and that sad sack of bones went down faster than a kobold with a lung infection."
Roy Greenhilt, The Order of the Stick

    Web Original 

"K.O! I win. Perfect."
Perfect Cell, after completely crushing Vegeta's body and spirit, Dragonball Z Abridged

Vegeta: You have been ignoring your king!
Vegeta: And what is a god to a non-believer!
[Broly smashes Vegeta into a building]
Broly: Do you believe now?
Vegeta: [weakly] ...uh huh.

Krillin: YOU ATE MY GIRLFRIEN- (Cell slaps him)
Vegeta: Now, prepare to feel the wrath OF SUPER VEGETA- (Cell slaps him)
Trunks: I won't let you destroy another future- (Cell slaps him)
Perfect Cell: Now I'm going to go throw a tournament. Later, breeders!

Mike: Isn't that what they call the invasion now? The Seven Hour War? Do you wanna know why?
Dave: Because it lasted se-
Mike: Because it lasted seven hours, that's why! Most people are at work longer than that! That means that in less time than it takes Joe Average to clock in and clock out at the office, aliens have conquered the whole Earth, and all Joe did was make some spreadsheets.
Dave: Well that's just because they caught us off guard.
Mike: Okay, let's say we were ready for them. Then what? We'd call it the Ten Hour War?

"It's hard to make a guy with a spiked ball and chain versus the unarmed people look good, but in lucha, the luchadores could turn up to the final scene in a tank and it wouldn't be any more one-sided."

"Dracula, Belmont just took down Werewolf! [...] Uh, Succubus is gone too. [...] Don't worry Dracula, I'll take him d- ohp, wait, nope, nope, Belmont's got me in a headlock, ohp, nope, nope, he's using the holy whippin', and uhm, um, sucks up snuff I'm dead."

"Yeah, this is obviously Chun-Li's game. A mall cop vs. an Interpol officer. Unless they are fighting in a some kind of Chinese mall with lots of sweets or sugary food and Chun-Li loses 50 I.Q. before the match, she'll most likely a guaranteed winner."

The Nostalgia Critic, watching such a scene in Short Circuit

"Come on, that was not a boss fight, not by any stretch of the imagination - he walked into my fist."

"Whaaaa?...I killed him from just pulling out my sword! I wasn't even trying to hit you!"

"YOU GET THE COUNT VLAD TEPES AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE: In the field of posting elaborate tortures, uncivilised acts against humanity, and not knowing the meaning of the words "Cruel and Unusual.""
— A Fauxtivational Poster posted on, referring to a versus battle between the Time Lords and The Draka

Forever: Uhu uhung!
[Jotaro spots Forever running around on the freighter]
Jotaro: There's an orangutan! How suspicious! ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!
[Star Platinum pummels Forever senseless]
Forever: Eugyaaaaeheeee!
[Forever passes out and the freighter begins to rumble]
Vaguely Recalling JoJo, episode 4

"that wasnt a fight scene, that was just ownage"
YouTube viewer after watching Clark go against several government agents

"Well, you were worth every cent. Truly you were."
Roman Torchwick, RWBY, watching his goons get trashed by Ruby.

Custodian-General: Kaldor Draigo! I knew you would come!
Custodian-General: Please, help me apprehend [Magnus the Red]! You have done it before and surely you can do it again! Just, please, be careful of his-
Custodian-General (confused) Whuh? (cut to an unconscious Magnus on the floor) But... how?!
Custodian-General: (hurts inside noise) I'm so confused....
Kaldor Draigo: I must go. My people need meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..... (floats into the sky and vanishes)
(several seconds pass)
Rogal Dorn: I suspect he was high on narcotics.

    Western Animation 

Zuko: Here for a rematch?
Katara: Trust me Zuko, it's not going to be much of a match.
Avatar: The Last Airbender, "The Siege of the North, Part 2"

"MAN VS CAR! The newest hit show where it pits a man versus a car. On tonight's episode, Michael Jenkins fights... a regular, old car. Here we go.
Oh, he's pushing his way through, he's trying to fight that car, but the car seems to have the upper hand... Oh! He's got a little bit of push back there... Oh no, he just got ran over and chewed up by the tyres. I guess that's another one for the cars.
[laughs] I mean, wouldn't the cars always win?"
Randy Dicknose, Rick and Morty, "Interdimensional Cable 2: Tempting Fate"

Chuckles: Aha! Then you might NOT be the hero of this story! I still have a chance to destroy you!
Space Narrator: Welcome to the heroic exploits of DAVE THE SPACE BARBARIAN!
Chuckles: Err. Slight chance?
Space Narrator: Today's episode: Chuckles gets beat like a cheap drum.
Chuckles: I'm doomed.
Dave the Barbarian, "A Pig's Story"



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