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Quotes / Crazy-Prepared

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    Anime & Manga 
Nijima: Shall I tell you why I'm number one in my group and you're just a number two?
Berserker: Go ahead. I'll listen if it makes sense.
Nijima: Because you think of plots within plots. I think of plots within plots within plots!

"I thought we'd encounter a situation precisely like this one!"

    Comic Books 
"The superior man thinks of evil that will come and guards against it."

"It wasn't easy to synthesize, Clark... Took years and cost a fortune. I had both."
Batman explains why he's got Kryptonite arrows, Batman: The Dark Knight Returns

Peter: You have a shotgun and silver bullets at home?!
Betty Brant: I'm a reporter for the Daily Bugle. I've seen stuff that would freak out Kolchak. Girl's gotta be prepared.
Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man

Iron Man: Good shot, Hawkeye. I didn't even know you still had your lead-foil containment arrow.
Hawkeye: Never know when you're gonna run into Radioactive Man, Shellhead.

Rick Jones: Don't look so shocked. I always carry a miniature parachute with me in case I have to jump from an exploding Skrull saucer.
Bruce Banner: That's... that's ridiculous.
Rick Jones: Why? I needed to, didn't I?

"Yes! I had a sword built into Envy's dress in case of emergency! THAT'S JUST THE KIND OF GUY I AM!"
Gideon Graves, Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour

Supergirl: Another door? Who did Lex think would try to break into this building — ME?
Batgirl: If you were Luthor, wouldn't you prepare for any possibility?

    Fan Works 
August: …you hid… a fake dagger?
Rose: I’ve hidden dozens of them, this world and our home world, in case something like this should occur. The location of the real dagger is my little secret… Really, you think Rumplestiltskin would marry an idiot? That I would just hand over the key to his destruction to any Tom, Dick, or Stanley claiming to be his long-lost son?

    Films — Animation 
Be prepared, be prepared, this lesson must be shared
Be prepared, be prepared, be prepared
Be prepared, be prepared, and unless you've got a spare
You've got one life so handle it with care!

"Luck favors the prepared."
Edna Mode, The Incredibles

    Films — Live-Action 
The Riddler: You and your trained, exploding shark!
The Penguin: How was I to know they'd have a can of shark-repellent Bat-spray handy?

Adm. Josh Painter: What's his plan?
Jack Ryan: His plan?
Adm. Painter: Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan. And senior captains don't start something this dangerous without having thought the matter through.

Cpt. Lassard: You've all been trained in the latest techniques of law enforcement. Any of you have any special skills I should know about?
Tackleberry: I just learned to perform an emergency tracheotomy with a steak knife, sir.

"If John Doe's head splits open and a U.F.O. flies out, I want you to have expected it."
Detective Somerset, Se7en

Earl Bassett: I'll say this, Burt: you put a brand new shine on the word "overkill."
Burt Gummer: Hey, when you need it, and you don't got it, you sing a different tune.

I am completely. Out. Of ammo. (beat) ....That's never happened to me before.
Burt Gummer, Tremors 2: Aftershocks

"We remain convinced this is the best defensive posture to adopt in order to minimize casualties when the Great Old Ones return from beyond the stars to eat our brains."

Steris: I've prepared for you a list of possible scenarios that might transpire during our residence here.
Innkeeper: Fire? Shoot-outs. Robbery. Hostage situations. Explosions? ... Flooding from a diverted waterfall. Koloss attack. Cattle stampede through the lobby?
Steris: That one is highly unlikely, but it never hurts to be prepared!
Steris: [Later, while fleeing the police] Framed for murder! It's on page seventeen!

"Better to have the magical arsenal and not need it, than to not have it and get killed to death."
Harry Dresden, The Dresden Files

"Orders from the Pentagon," Beltine said. "If that thing shows no signs of aggression that have to be immediately countered then I am to put Plan L67 into action. That's you and your team, right?"
"Yes, General. L67 is one of the contingency plans drawn up for use in case of an emergency of this kind."
"Don't tell me you were expecting this to happen?"
"We weren't expecting anything to happen, sir. We just have plans for a number of situations of emergency. May I proceed, sir?"
"Is your team here?"
"Yes sir."
"Then—go ahead. And good luck."
Rob spoke quietly into his two-way, then turned back towards the lines of troops and vehicles. L67. One of the blue-sky plans that everyone had laughed at. What if a flying saucer lands? What then? Ha-ha. Not only weren't they laughing now, they probably weren't even smiling.

There are only two types of men in the world when it comes to bad trouble. Suppose there was a house full of rare paintings and sculptures and fine old antiques, Red? And suppose the guy who owned the house heard there was a monster of a hurricane headed right at it. One of those two kinds of men just hopes for the best. The hurricane will change course, he says to himself. No right-thinking hurricane would ever dare wipe out all these Rembrandts, my two Degas horses, my Jackson Pollocks and my Paul Klees. Furthermore, God wouldn't allow it. And if worse comes to worst, they're insured. That's one sort of man. The other sort just assumes that hurricane is going to go tear right through the middle of his house. If the weather bureau says the hurricane just changed course, this guy assumes it'll change back in order to pt his house on ground zero again. This second type of guy knows there's no harm in hoping for the best - as long as you're prepared for the worst.

    Live-Action TV 
"[The spring-loaded decapitation device] was just a random thought I had. What if you had to do battle with your arms cut off? Sure, you'd hemorrhage to death pretty quick, but at least you could take your enemy with you!"
Fred, Angel

"What, do you think I have a kit to purge evil spirits from a dog? [smirks] Because I do."
Merton J. Dingle, Big Wolf on Campus

"For any operative, stashing guns becomes second nature after a while. Spies hide guns like squirrels hide acorns. You'll never know when you need some firepower, or where you'll be when you need it."
Michael Westen, Burn Notice

Kara: Is that a Kryptonite arrow? Why do you have a Kryptonite arrow?
Oliver: In case an evil you ever showed up!

Lily: This whole thing stinks, I tells ya! It stinks!
Robin: Lily, are you really suggesting that Barney spent six months commuting back and forth to Hoboken to learn a signature cooking style of a restaurant he doesn't even like so he could win a bet he hadn't even made yet? [Beat] Yeah, the whole thing stinks.
How I Met Your Mother, "The Ducky Tie"

"Thermos, sandwiches, corn plasters, telephone money, dandruff brush, animal footprint chart, and one triple-thick condom. You never know."
Duane Dibbley, Red Dwarf

    Tabletop Games 
"An experienced Adventurer keeps an unpredictable assortment of magic nearby. It helps counter the unpredictable trouble that predictably befalls him."
Adventurer's Vault 2 on consumable magic items

"The simplest way to plan ahead is merely to be ready for everything."
Pontifex, elder researcher, Magic: The Gathering, "Myr Adaptor"

"In case of fire, treachery, citywide riot, political upheaval, or worldwide societal collapse, break glass."
— Inscription upon the Boros Cluestone, Magic: The Gathering

The character can never afford to be caught without exactly what they need. They may spend 1 Enrichment at any time to suddenly have on their person a single small item, even if they did not previously appear to have it.
— The description for the Packrat asset, Adeptus Evangelion

    Video Games 
Hudson: You're very well prepared for a dead man.
Clarke: Just because I accept the inevitability of my fate, does not mean I am in any hurry to embrace it!
Weaver: Whatever you say, English.

"We've got a way to fight diseases no one has ever seen? Wow. We're so prepared it's scary."

"Professionals have standards: be polite, be efficient, have a plan to kill everyone you meet."
The Sniper, Team Fortress 2

Oracle: How'd you keep thisnote  a secret?
Batman: It's me, remember?

"Let's get prepared. Let's get OVERprepared and leave footprints all over his stupid smug face!"
Chie Satonaka, after the Investigation Team finds out who the Killer is, Persona 4

    Web Comics 
"Usually I can't be surprised, but if I think I will be I wear a metal suit."

"It is at times like this that I wish I were one of those adventurers who have purchased the entire list of available mundane equipment, 'just in case'."
Miko Miyazaki, The Order of the Stick

Vaarsuvius: Bugsby's Cat-Retrieving Hand!
Blackwing: I don't know what's weirder- that you keep preparing that spell, or that you keep needing it.

Art: Does that say "in case of zombies?"
Pip: Hey, it'll happen. Be prepared.
Sequential Art, in reference to some riot armour that Pip owns

Riff: Torg, why do you have emergency pants?
Torg: Don't know, but every hypothetical I've come up with, I'm glad I have them.

"The moment their arms spun freely in our air, they were doomed - for man has earned his right to hold this planet against all comers, by virtue of occasionally producing someone totally batshit insane."

"He was loud, he was stupid, and you had a thousand backup plans. You always have a thousand backup plans."

Secret Society Member: (after searching Dimitri) Who the hell would plant eighty-six bugs on somebody?!
King Mihrrgoot: (watching a feed) The same being who actually planted ninety-two, and hoped you'd miss some.

    Web Original 
"For example, there's a spell listed entitled Against every Wild Animal, Aquatic Creature and Robbers. In the event that you are simultaneously attacked by a wild bear, Aquaman and the Hamburglar, this spell will have your back."
— The infamous FATAL review

Laura: Batman blows up Robin, yes. When he learns that Robin is standing near his enemy, Batman — BATMAN! — does not hesitate for even a second before detonating the explosives lining the body of his adolescent ward. The gusto with which the Caped Crusader turns his teenage sidekick into a human bomb is maniacal. Question: Did Batman seriously wire Robin to blow up and then send him on a suicide mission?
David: Maybe he always wires him to blow up. JUST IN CASE.
Laura Hudson and David Wolkin, "The Complete and Utter Insanity of Batman Odyssey"

David: I love how the Batsuits in this movie are basically engineered to have whatever they need to get out of the situations in this movie.
Chris: And sometimes you have to prepare for ice skating in a frozen natural history museum while fighting hockey goons.
Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Batman & Robin

"Y'know, everyone's always told me that I'm paranoid and I need to calm down, but guess what? I'm alive, and everyone who's said that is dead!"

Batman: You know what I would have done? I would've thrown a batarang at him, then tied him up!
Superman: And what about the missiles?
Batman: Oh, I'd have some kind of Bat Missile Defence Gadget... on my belt.
Superman: Sure.
Batman: It wouldn't be a problem.
Superman: Dude, come on!
Batman: I would.
Superman: You use that utility belt scenario for every situation!
Batman: What's wrong with my utility belt?
Superman: Oh, nothing, nothing's wrong with it. Just, when you get a, uh, Fly-so-fast-it-reverses-time-itself Gadget on your belt, let me know.

Doc: Hey Sarge, do you have a quote zombie plan unquote?
Sarge: A zombie plan? Of course not!
Doc: See? I told you.
Sarge: I have thirty-seven different zombie plans!
Red vs. Blue, "Planning to Fail"

Mary: You have a plan for if he loses?
Nick: I have a plan for everything. I have a plan for Zeus blasting down through the ceiling and declaring himself the king of Naples. Just because I have one doesn't make it particularly good.

"I didn't mention that I was putting together a small emergency packet I was going to keep at the bottom of one utility belt pocket, just in case Ayla Goodkind couldn’t put in an appearance. A couple fake IDs and matching credit cards. A couple saleable diamonds, a couple valuable but not ultra-rare stamps, and a couple limited edition proof Krugerrands, just in case I needed the ready cash. It would be better to have the packet on hand and never need it, than to need something like that and not have it."

"We plan for every possibility and we're wrong? We don't lose anything. If we plan for a situation that does come up? We'll be glad we did it."
Skitter, Worm Monarch 16.10

Tyrion77: You've really got to rather pity the Reapers in that. I mean, seriously, how on earth do you plan for that kind of level of bullshit?
Agayek: By subscribing to the school of thought that is known as "Spacebattles competence". This is the school of thought where anyone who lacks omniscience, 12 plans for every contingency (irrelevant of their level of possibility or plausibility), and enough firepower to destroy the multiverse twice over is utterly incompetent and a complete idiot.
— On a Mass Effect/Worm crossover

Taliesin: You were so prepared for me to go to the temple that you actually built it?
Matt/The DM: I had no idea where you guys were gonna go, so I built the whole city.
Marisha: He's actually got a whole pile of maps over there.
Matt: Shh! No looking!
Critical Role, Episode 29

Eggman: You son of a bitch. I'm gonna log on to your Twitter and I'm gonna tell everyone what you said.
Shadow: Go ahead. I have 50 alternative accounts. My finger's right on top of the delete button, Eggman. What are you gonna do to stop me, with your long toothpick legs?
Shadow: Are you referring to eggfucker1, eggfucker2, eggfucker-

    Western Animation 
Beth: Dad, why does our house have blast shields?!
Rick: Trust me Beth, you don't wanna know how many answers that question has.

"In any event, I always have a backup plan."
Brainiac, Justice League Unlimited

Po: There's a protocol for that? Who knew? Next you're going to tell me there's a protocol for approaching a three-foot tall rooster holding a battleaxe and a banana.
Tigress: Approach from the battleaxe side - banana's a decoy.

"Luckily, Ah say, Luckily, Ah keep mah feathers numbered for just such an occasion."

"I have balls stashed all over Ponyville, in case of ball emergency."

"I never leave home without my party cannon!"

"'For Next Clue, Insert Original Declaration of Independence Here' Damn! I only carry a copy with me!"

Velma: You booby-trapped Daphne's house?
Fred: I booby-trapped all your houses!

Panthro: [to Lion-O] You're thinking logically, son. And sometimes logic does not work.
Cheetara: What does?
Panthro: Ingenuity. [removes belt buckle] The time to plan for a rainy day is when the sun is shining. [takes out remote control, belt buckle starts to hover]
Thunder Cats, "The Garden of Delights"

"Expect nothing, and be ready for everything!"
Carmen Sandiego, Where on Earth Is Carmen Sandiego?, "Retribution, Part 2: In Memoriam"

"Granny's a bit overprotective. She trains me to be ready for anything, but then she says I got everything I need in here [McDuck Manor]."
Webby, DuckTales (2017), "Woo-oo!"

"We're ready... for anything! Anything, anything! / We brought a whole lot, so why take a chance? / And while we're exploring... / We might sing and dance!"
The Backyardigans, "Ready for Anything" song, "Mission to Mars"

Phong: Do not worry, I have prepared something for just such an emergency!
Bob: You're prepared for a giant monster made entirely of nulls stomping around Mainframe?
Phong: That is correct!
Bob: How do you plan for that?
Phong: Uh, lucky guess?
ReBoot, "Nullzilla"

    Real Life 
"Be prepared."
The Boy Scout motto

Be Prepared
That's the Boy Scouts marching song
Be Prepared
As through life you march along
Be prepared to hold your liquor pretty well
Don't write dirty words on walls if you can't spell
Tom Lehrer parodying the above motto, "Be Prepared", Songs by Tom Lehrer

"But if that was me in a warzone, I would want - neigh - I would fuckin' demand- *beat* I'd want bulletproof everything! Socks, shoes, gloves! Balaclava I'd want! NO FUCKIN' EYE-HOLES!"
Lee Evans

"Expect the unexpected."
— Generally attributed to Heraclitus

"I've always admired people who are over-prepared. In college, I had a classmate named Norman Meyrowitz. One day he was giving a presentation on an overhead projector and the bulb subsequently went out. The class thought the presentation was over. 'It's okay,' Norm announced... and he went to his backpack and grabbed an extra bulb he brought with him."
Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture


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