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Quotes / Crack Is Cheaper

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"To catch a fish, I got the gear
A rod, a reel, an' a case of beer
A fishin' boat to get me there
Twelve-dozen plugs and lures to spare!
There's just one thing that's bothering me,
I've added and subtracted 'till I can't see
With all this equipment that I have found
A fish costs fifty bucks a pound!"
— Anonymous American poem

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.
When I get a little money, I buy books; and if any is left, I buy food and clothes.
Desiderius Erasmus

Magic: The Gathering: the most addictive thing you can do with cards without buying cocaine on credit. And probably more fun. And more expensive in the long term.

Cyril: Now, the govenor’s not a bit stingy, and never does anything small. The weasels gave him the red motorcar and he gave the weasels Toad Hall!
Prosecutor: A trade of Toad Hall, an estate worth 100 thousand pounds for a motorcar?

Matt: Gaming takes money and dating takes money, so I had to give up gaming or give up dating, so I gave up dating.
Igor: Ah. Ok, wanna grab some lunch?
Matt: Can't. I had to give up food...

If paying for the game and subscription fee weren’t quite enough fun for you, the fun need never stop in the micro-payment shop, as you struggle to compete with 13 year old tit-fiddlers with Mum’s credit card and poor supervision. And $3.95 is getting pretty bloaty for a "micro-payment"! If that’s a Micro-payment, then my dick is comfortably petite!

Player: A Potion Card can restore my Hokéycon's health! Or I can use an Energy Card to restore its powers! But how do I restore my bank account, after buying 2,500 cards?!
Judge: Sorry, there are some situations even a Hokéycon expert is powerless to fix!

Oh wellll, someday someone’s going to find a stash of new EarthBounds and then buy a solid gold car.
Clyde "Tomato" Mandelin, this EarthBound Central article

Noah: What does that even mean, huh? "China is here"? I don't even know what the hell that means. All I know is that Europe is here which is where I gotta find a PAL-format Commodore 64 with a Datassette deck with a 54 hz PAL monitor and hope to God I find one on eBay still working after nineteen-eighty-fuck....I'll just hafta pay 6 G's in shipping. And no, I can't use an American Commodore 64, 'cause the framerate'll be all weird and the color'll be all grey. And I don't wanna play with the framerate all weird; I wanna play the game based on my favorite movie the way it's supposed to be played: And that means using a German Commodore 64 with a Datassette deck, a floppy drive, a JVC PAL-NTNC dual region-compatible monitor, a Commodore 64 S-Video cable, RGB adapter plugs, getting a power strip, and a 200-watt, 110 v-to-220 v step-up power transformer.
April: (standing in doorway) Okay, so why don't you just play it on an emulator?
Noah: ....April... you just—you don't get it, do you? You don't.
Noah Antwiler on Big Trouble in Little China (Commodore 64)

I have spent more money on comic books and superhero merchandise than I have on my wedding. I used to mow lawns to pay for comic books. Tim Burton's Batman was the first movie I remember seeing in an American movie theater. I own a M.O.D.O.K. T-shirt, a M.O.D.O.K. action figure, and a M.O.D.O.K. coffee mug. M.O.D.O.K. is not a bandwagon character. M.O.D.O.K. is the equivalent of a teardrop tattoo. You know somebody is hardcore if they're talking about goddamned M.O.D.O.K.

Dan Snyder has turned the Skins into a marketing team that just happens to play football. Season tickets invoices must be paid in full by the end of March and if you're lucky the first home preseason tickets get mailed out a week and a half before the first game in August. But at least you don't have to pay with a Redskins branded credit card any more. What a saint.

Konami’s business model, I believe, adheres to the People Are Idiots So Let’s Rob Them Blind school of economics, whereas Valve is from the People Are Smart So Let’s Be Cool To Them school of economics. Imagine if Metal Gear Online was released as a standalone tomorrow, separate from MGS4 and sufficient by itself, and came complete with all three expansion packs, all 8 character slots, and the voice packs (for what they’re worth) for only $15. Don’t you agree that they would make a lot more money than they are with the game now? Not only would it generate a ton of new interest by making headlines, it would flood the game with fresh blood and revive whatever is left of the community. You’d also have to get rid of the requirement to create a Konami ID, and promise to actually patch it more than once every two years, of course. MGS4 itself is being sold for less than $20 nowadays, but somehow the online bundle found in the Konami Store has remained at an absurdly high price, begging the question of just how clueless and lazy they are.

Izzy: The annual GDP of Key Manati is higher than ever, and after the last expansion of Pro Ass Fishing stocks have skyrocketed. And ever since it was revealed that Fizzy Izzy has bust-enhancing properties, sales have gone through the roof. Half the transgender community has been drunk off their ass for weeks. Anyways, because of all that, I think I'm finally making enough money to start collecting Warhammer 40,000.
Shopkeeper: Still, better save up a little first.


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