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Quotes / Conspiracy Theorist

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    Fan Works 
"There were a lot of stories actually. Some said an alien had been found frozen in the ice and was still alive after thousands of years blah blah blah. People will believe anything these days. They've been watching too many episodes of The Y-Not Files." Gneelicks was referring to a popular holovid in which two stalwart G-Men sought to debunk the lunatic conspiracy theories spread by the evil Marijuana-Toking Man.

    Films — Live-Action 
Bud: Hippy, you think everything is a conspiracy.
Hippy: Everything is.

I'm not crazy. Whatever it is they're guarding so carefully, I need to be able to prove that it's real.
Joe Brody, Godzilla (2014)

    Live-Action TV 
Howie: The US government has entire cities hidden in the Norwegian mountains. You see, Earth is on a collision course with this other planet, and this is where they're going to send all the rich people when it kicks off.
Rory: Amazing.
Howie: It's all there on the internet.
Rory: No, it's amazing you've come up with a theory even more insane than what's actually happening.
Doctor Who, "The God Complex"

Ivanov: You see? Yours is not the only life Agent Coulson has so easily tossed aside or hidden behind. This is what he does. Everything is his S.H.I.E.L.D.. The Government, behind you, Director, behind Nick Fury, Stark, all of it stands Agent Coulson, quietly pursuing his alien agenda.
Mace: Conspiracy theories. From the man who literally mounted a conspiracy to have men in masks kill Inhumans.
Ivanov: I'm closing the door he opened. Allowing alien races to infect our world and convincing men like you to protect them. And I will make you admit, to me and yourself, that this is true.

That right there is the mail. Now let's talk about the mail. Can we talk about the mail, please, Mac? I've been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, OK? "Pepe Silvia," this name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day Pepe's mail is getting sent back to me: Pepe Silvia, Pepe Silvia... I look in the mail, and THIS WHOLE BOX IS PEPE SILVIA! So I say to myself, "I gotta find this guy! I gotta go up to his office and put his mail in the guy's goddamn hands! Otherwise, he's never going to get it and he's going to keep coming back down here." So I go up to Pepe's office and what do I find out, Mac? What do I find out?! There is no Pepe Silvia. The man does not exist, OK? So I decide, "Ohhhhhh shit, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper. There's no Pepe Silvia? You gotta be kidding me, I got BOXES full of Pepe!" Alright, so I start marchin' my way down to Carol in HR and I knock on her door and I say, "CAAAAROL!!! CAAAAROL!!! I gotta talk to you about Pepe!" And when I open the door what do I find? There's not a single goddamn desk in that office! There is. No. Carol in HR. Mac, half the employees in this building have been made up. This office is a goddamn ghost town.
Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, "Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack"

"Now Stuart! If you look at the soil around any large U.S. city with a big underground homosexual population: Des Moines, Iowa, for example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart! You can't build anything in it; you can't grow anything in it! The government says it's due to poor farming, but I know what's really going on Stuart! I know it's the queers! They're in it with the aliens! They're building landing strips for gay martians, I swear to God!"
The Dead Milkmen, "Stuart"

I'm an expert in my field
UFOlogy, yes, it's all real
Ancient aliens, it's all true
I'm an expert just like you
And like you, I'm a genius before my time
Disbelieving, that's the real crime
Pretty soon they'll discover me
In the Super-Sargasso Sea!
Lemon Demon, "Touch-Tone Telephone"

I'm like a chimpanzee, in a tree, jumping up and down, warning other chimpanzees when I see a big cat coming through the woods… I'm the weirdo? Because I'm sitting in a tree going OOH OOH OOH AAH AAH AAH
Alex Jones

    Video Games 
My whole life I’ve been trying to make sense of this world - all the parts of it that never added up. When I was 10, I discovered Chas. Fort - his catalogs of strange facts. The incidents that science refused to acknowledge - "the damned." Fish that fell from the sky. Lights that dart through the night. People now vanish, never to be seen again. I would lay awake under the covers, with a flashlight - convinced I could see the pattern of it all. I was chasing the Mystery - an even bigger, grander mystery than the pulp novels that were my previous passion. The dots could all be connected - Order would be brought from Chaos, and the innocent would be saved. And it would be my doing... the mind triumphing over all this mayhem - all this random meaningless mess that is this world.
Mark Meltzer, Bioshock 2: There's Something In The Sea

Zeke: "Look, I'm being serious man, now DARPA is the mother-load of black-ops crap. If she's in with those clowns, you better watch out, son."
Cole: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, and Santa Claus shot J.F.K, now where are those drinks?"

Look. Who I am isn't important. What is important, what is vitally important, is raising awareness of the truth. You can quote me on that, David O. Screed, editor-in-chief of "Weird Non-Fiction" magazine. Maybe you've read us... or maybe they stopped you. I'm talking the universal "they." Puppet governments, their shadow masters, Big Brother corporations, Satanic cults, squid worshippers, The Knights Templar - pick a card, man, any card. The wilder it is, the more out there it is, the better. Don't you get it? Put all the madness in plain view, then they call us crazy. The moral panic never lasts! We're the sheep and they're the cooks! I'm just one voice, but I'm making myself heard.
Dave Screed, The Secret World

''Lovely woman, the Queen. For an ancient lizard posing as a human, anyway. But I tell you, she knows the score. It's the government that didn't want anyone to know about Dee's prophecy, not Her Maj. I hope they get her away to India or something. Their climate's better for reptiles, anyway."
The Prepper, ZombiU

    Web Video 
If you closely analyze the explosions here, here, and here, you’ll notice that this is a controlled demolition. And if you take all segments and the first letter of each city that each segment was shot in, it spells out the word "CNHOS", which means nothing but it clearly reveals that the government has been infiltrated by The Illuminati, whose informant, as we all know, is none other than Chewbacca and the author of the third Harry Potter book, which alludes to an alien plot to destroy the world, but not just any alien, but this alien, this alien, and this alien. And who is the only human being who can save us from this Government Conspiracy? Nicolas Cage.

Applejack: You guys, I am so sorry I didn't believe you. The chupapplecabra is real.
Granny Smith: Wait, hold on just a second.
Applejack: Not only that. The goverment is covering it up, the internet says so.
Granny Smith: Applejack, our point was that Applebloom should have fun, not that this shit's actually real. Also, aren't you best friends with, like, the goverment?
Applejack: It's not just that. I kept reading, and I learnt other true shit, too. The Wonderbolts are spraying chemicals in the atmosphere. Celestia and Luna are actually lizard ponies. The earth is flat. The cake is a lie. And our entire reality, even our thoughts and voices, is an animated simulation created by interdimensional puppeteers called Canadians.

    Western Animation 
Torture Technician: You stole files from our computer. Just tell me what you've learned.
The Question: Topically applied fluoride doesn't prevent tooth decay. It does render teeth detectable by spy satellite!
Torture Technician: Tell me what you know!
The Question: The plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces are called aglets. Their true purpose is sinister.
Torture Technician: Tell me what you know!
The Question: There was a magic bullet. It was forged by Illuminati mystics to prevent us from learning the truth!
Justice League Unlimited, "Question Authority"

Vendel: You've never met a conspiracy theory you didn't like.
Blinky: I hate conspiracies. That is why I am dedicated to rooting them out.
Vendel: Like you rooted out the plot to rid Trollmarket of all its cat meat?
Blinky: That was a misunderstanding.
Vendel: Or the time you were convinced we were infested with flea trolls?
Blinky: Precaution is the soul of virtue.
Vendel: Everyone in Troll Market thinks you're paranoid.
Blinky: If it's everyone, it must be a conspiracy!

    Real Life 
You guys think this is real? Your all sheep idiots. Pause the video at 0:02 seconds. You think that's a real boot? If that was a real boot then why would it be black? This is so clearly propaganda from the Bush era. All of this is bollocks, 9/11 was an inside job and the guy who is in this video went missing for 3 days after this was filmed and then turned up covered in jam in a church struggling to breathe dragging the carcass of a camel behind him screaming 'dirty denim doublers. Fuck the administration, this world is a lie.' then he collapsed and died under a bridge. Why would there even be a bridge in a church??? All bollocks. Open your eyes you sheep.
elroraps on this video of a guy being kicked from a train.

Why do you people keep trying to find symbolism everywhere? Life isn't a fucking comic book. The villains aren't going to leave clues for you
YouTube commenter John Doe on this video

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