Quotes / Compensating for Something

Iceland: ...And this in here is the penis room.
Sweden: The what?
Iceland: Penis room! This is where I keep the cut off, stuffed penises of all the different animals I can get my hands on! Right now I have 272 specimens from 92 species of animals!
Sweden: Uh, isn't this overdoing it a little, Iceland?
Iceland: What do you mean?
Sweden: Usually when men feel a need to compensate for...something, they just buy a big car.
Iceland: I'VE ALREADY GOT THREE HUGE CARS!!! BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH!!! IT'S NEVER ENOUGH!!!

— Scandinavia and the World, "The Collection"^note This strip's joke is based on Iceland's Real Life penis museum in Reykjavik.

Dr. Malpractice: (offscreen) Argh! Now I'm all tangled up in my robes! I hope I can get untangled before I make a mess of things. If I wasn't so big, this wouldn't be a problem!
Black Mage: My mighty spells are not overcompensation.
Red Mage: My stat bonuses are not overcompensation.
Fighter: Must remain blissfully unaware of innuendo...

— 8-Bit Theater, comic #254

"TIME TO COMPENSAAAAAAAATE!"
"SCREEEEEW YOUUUUU, FREEEUUUD!"
"IT'S LIKE HAVING THREE DICKS!"

—Salvador, while Gunzerking, Borderlands 2

"You would have to have literally no penis at all to drive a car like that."

— Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear (UK)

"This week on Top Gear we're going to be talking about some penises CARS! We're talking about cars!

—Ed Byrne, Mock the Week'

"I know all about you Tim: you're at the gym five times a week, you drive a flashy car, you stink of cologne and you can't get it up. Not even Viagra's working for you, you know what that tells me? That tells me that you are hopelessly compensating, it's not just in your head, it is physical. What did girls call you in high school? What did they come up with when you fumbled you way into some girl's pants and she started laughing when she got a good look at just how little you had to offer? Short Stack, Very Little Vogel? Oh I got it: Tiny Tim!"

— Jason Gideon, Criminal Minds; 1x01, "Extreme Aggressor"

Cam: Oh, get off your high horse. You do your share of polluting with that substitute for masculinity you're driving.
Frasier: If mine's a substitute for masculinity, then what's yours?
Cam: Bigger!

— Frasier

Female Spartan: Look, I'm just saying.
Samus: I know what you're saying.
Female Spartan: Just saying.
Samus: I know.
Female Spartan: Okay, look. The drill just screams "compensation."
Big Daddy: I own, like, five hummers.
Female Spartan: [places fingers close together as if measuring Big Daddy's man parts; Samus facepalms]

— F@nb0y$

"Hey, y'know what money can buy? A solid gold gun. That shoots diamond bullets. I call it The Compensator. Whatta ya think?"

— Deadpool, Deadpool vol 2. #13

"What in the fucking bloody hell is that, and how small do your man parts need to be to justify using it?"

— Eastwood on the Predator XXL-99 Minigun, Exterminatus Now.

The tower stood on the exact center of the grounds. It was the tallest structure in Tsukito, and even the next highest palace spire was several levels shorter. Whenever mentioned in official literature or communications from the throne, the tower was always called the “pinnacle of Tsukito engineering” and “combining the best designs of physical construction and magical support,” making it a symbol of “Tsukito’s enlightened balance between the material and the mystical.”

"The engineers thought that a silver-stoned phallic symbol was their best accomplishment. Nothing better than having an enormous member wagging at the world. Boys will be boys."

— Eirin Yagokoro, Touhou Project

Vala Mal Doran: ...only an idiot would assume that this backwater of a planet was safe because you have a few ships with decent shield technology. You don't look like an idiot to me. So, I have to assume that the reason why you would want to build more ships is, like other men, you like big machines with big engines that fire big missiles because you have a deep-seated need to overcompensate for your own shortcomings.
Chairman of the Appropriations Commission: Excuse me?
(aide barely manages to not giggle)
Vala: See, she knows what I mean.

— Stargate SG-1

It takes a cold dead hand to decide to pull the trigger,
Takes a cold dead heart, and as near as I can figure,
With your cold dead aim you're trying to prove your dick is bigger,
But we know,
Your chariot may not be swinging low.
Cold dead hand. Cold dead hand. Cold dead hand. Cold dead hand.
You're a big, big man,
With a little bitty gland,
So you need something bigger just to fill,
Your cold dead hand.

—Jim Carrey, Cold Dead Hand

This sword is off-balance to the point of uselessness. It may as well be scrap metal on a stick. Can I assume you wield it with the intent that it compensate for your inadequate genitals?

— Sten, This Manly Guys Doing Manly Things comic

The ultimate compensator.

— Massacre flavor text, Iji

Ten millimeter. That's a gun for people who have either got a small penis or no faith in their ability to hit the center of a target.

— Thomas Lang, The Gun Seller

"Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?"

— Shrek (while looking at Lord Farquaad's huge castle)

You know what they say about a guy with a big statue...

— Rico Rodriguez, Just Cause 3 (He has a chance to say this when you destroy a Di Ravello statue.)

Woman Journalist: Tell me, Mr. Bowman, in your opinion do these men climb to prove their manhood, or is it more a matter of compensating for inferiority feelings?

Ben Bowman: Lady, why don't you go get yourself screwed? It would do you a lot of good.

— The Eiger Sanction (1975)

Piccolo: So that hair does compensate for something.

Phil Ken Sebben: Ha ha, dangly parts!

— Dragon Ball Z Abridged, episode 2

Eleventh Doctor: I can't see a thing.
Rory: Just as well, [pulls a out a pocket light] I brought this, then.
Eleventh Doctor: [pulls out a massive fluorescent lamp] Ultra-violet portable sunlight!
Rory: Yours is bigger than mine.
Eleventh Doctor: ...Let's not go there.

— Doctor Who, "Vampires of Venice"

(Tenth and Eleventh Doctors both take out their Sonic Screwdrivers, with Eleven's being much bigger and fancier)
Ten: Compensating?
Eleven: For what?
Ten: (shrugs) Regeneration. It's a lottery.

— Doctor Who, "The Day of the Doctor"

"A GIANT HUNK OF METAL ON A STICK IS COMPENSATION, NOT A BENEFIT, CLOUD!!"

—Cloud's Mom, Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged

"Whoever created the Swords of Ditto was obviously a man. it's all very... y'know... masculine. 'Swords'. Right? All I'm saying is, someone out there might be overcompensating just a little."

—an NPC, The Swords of Ditto

Kirito: "That's not a talwar! It's a nodachi!"
Diabel: "What's the difference?"
Kirito: "Well...a talwar is of Indian descent, while a nodachi is Japanese. While both are primarily slashing weapons, a talwar was favored by cavalrymen, as opposed to a nodachi which was mainly used for dick-measuring."

—Sword Art Online Abridged Episode 2

Abigail Hermione Irwin: AND why morons like that one shouldn't have anything more dangerous than a blunt stick.
And a very SMALL blunt stick at that.
Lord Retro: They have a very small blunt stick, that's why they wanted a gun.

—Comments on "A Personal Lack of Gun Control", Not Always Right

That was the truth, wasn't it? Lister's fantasy was so much more mature than his. Lister didn't need mega-wealth to make him happy. He needed fourteen dollars and twenty-five cents. He didn't need a stunning-looking actress desired by all. He just wanted someone who cared for him. Even the car. Rimmer had a twenty-five-foot black penis extension. Lister had a clapped-out old banger. What did that mean, then? That Lister had a limousine in his y-fronts, while Rimmer had a 1940s Ford that needed hand-cranking?

—Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers

When I got my tv show, I went nuts during the second year, and I purchased the redneck dream car: the Dodge Viper. And just so you women know, I have a normal-sized penis. I don't even know— what is your deal with that, ladies? What is your problem with that? "Oh my god, look at his car, he's gonna be like that!" Does that mean anyone driving a Prius is hung like a bear, is that what that means? You better be, you're driving a Prius.

—Christopher Titus, The Voice in My head

"NOT SINCE WE WERE EXPOSED TO THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN HAS MANKIND FELT SO INADEQUATE. I THEREFORE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO BLOW UP OUR ENTIRE NUCLEAR ARSENAL, SO WE OURSELVES CAN MUTATE TO ENORMOUS SIZE!"

— The President of Earth, Attack of the 50-Ft. Half-Klingon

"Forged in Fire is a blacksmithing-themed competition where contestants vie to create the biggest and deadliest sword. Its working title was Micropenis."

— Joel McHale, The Joel McHale Show with Joel McHale

"If anybody does something like this, his knife has gotta be his penis."

— Leo Kessler on a particularly brutal murder, 10 to Midnight

"A big gun doesn't make a big man."

— Cody, Star Wars: The Clone Wars

"Putting it down your pants compensates not only for your own penis, but for every penis within a twenty five mile radius."

— Ben Thompson, talking about the S&W .500 Magnum.

Car Salesman: Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thundercougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thundercougarfalconbird?
Fry: Sorry, I'm not here to buy.
Salesman: I understand, and it's wonderful that you don't care whether anyone questions your sexual orientation.
Fry: I care. I care plenty. I just don't know how to make 'em stop!
Salesman: One word: Thundercougarfalconbird.

— Futurama

"No one is more arrogant toward women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious about his virility."

— Simone de Beauvoir

"Why is it so hard to get gun control in this country? I mean, who are these delicate snowflakes that we can't just tell "No, you're not allowed to have forty guns anymore Earl"? From now on you can have one gun max, and six bullets. If you can't hit what you're shooting with six bullets, you don't need to be shooting at it. Learn karate or use your words! I'm sick of this narrative that Americans just love guns so much, it's not true. 78% of Americans don't even own a gun, and 3% of Americans own 50% of all the guns in the country; that's the problem, that whiny 3% that needs to feel "secure" all the time. That's why I think we should do a buyback program. For every gun you trade in, we give you 1/2 inch of penis enlargement."

— Michael Che, Saturday Night Live

Lady Mountbatten: I'll let you into a secret, Mr. Nutting. My husband cares for nothing and no one in quite the same way he cares for his uniforms. We're fortunate enough to have a ballroom in this house. But is it the largest room here? No. That's reserved for my husband's uniforms. One can only ask oneself what it all compensates for.

Lord Mountbatten: I should have thought that was obvious. The gaping wounds left by the simplest encounter with you, my dear.

— The Crown (2016), "Misadventure"

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