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Quotes / Canis Latinicus

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"Sibilli, si ergo —
Fortibus es in ero.
Nobili, demis trux.
Si vatis inem, causen dux."

[Brian is writing graffiti on the palace wall. The Centurion catches him in the act]
Centurion: [places a heavy hand on Brian's shoulder] What's this, then? "Romanes eunt domus"? People called Romanes, they go, the house?
Brian: [flinches] It says, "Romans go home!"
Centurion: No, it doesn't. What's the latin for "Roman"? [grabs Brian's ear] Come on, come on!
Brian: Er, "Romanus"!
Centurion: Vocative plural of "Romanus" is?
Brian: Er, er, "Romani" !
Centurion: "Romani..." [grabs Brian's brush and writes "Romani" over his graffiti and lets go of his ear] "Eunt"? What is "eunt"?
Brian: "Go"? Er...
Centurion: Conjugate the verb, "to go"!
Brian: Er, "Ire". Er, "eo", "is", "it", "imus", "itis", "eunt".
Centurion: So, "eunt" is...?
Brian: Er... Third person, plural, present indicative! Er... "They go"!
Centurion: But, "Romans, go home" is an order. [grabs Brian's sideburn] So you must use...?
Brian: Aaagh! Oh! Oh, the imperative!
Centurion: Which is...?
Brian: Aaaagh! Er, er, "i" !
Centurion How many Romans?
Brian: Aaaaagh! Plural, plural, er, "ite"!
Centurion: [writes "ite"] "Domus"? Nominative? "Go home" is motion towards, isn't it, boy?
Brian: Dative?
[the Centurion holds a sword to his throat]
Brian: Aaagh! Not the dative, not the dative! The-the, er, the accusative! "Domum", sir! "Domum"!
Centurion Expect, "Domus" takes the...? [press the sword against Brian's throat]
Brian: Uuugh! The locative!
Centurion Which is?!
Brian: Er, "Domum"!?
Centurion: [removes the sword from Brian's throats and writes] "Domum..." Understand?
Brian: Yes, sir!
Centurion: Now, write it out a hundred times.
Brian: Yes sir! Thank you, sir! Hail Caesar, sir!
Centurion: Hail Caesar! And if it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.


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