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Quotes / Canada, Eh?

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    Comic Books 
I've heard just enough out of you, eh? Now get back in the maple syrup mines, or you won't get any socialised health-care!
Stern Canadian Mountie, The Simpsons

    Film — Live-Action 
Blame Canada!
Blame Canada!
It seems that everything's gone wrong
Since Canada came along
Blame Canada!
Blame Canada!

(They're not even a real country anyway)

Mountie: I don't know what you're talking aboot, eh?
Kabral: Aboot!? It's ABOUT!! And what's with this 'eh' business?!
Roy Boy: (pulls a gun) We have ways of making you pronounce the letter "O", pal.

Deadpool: Just once, I wanna find a planet with people that are worse than me at everything. A whole bunch of functional idiots. I'm gonna go there, I'm gonna be their Superman.
Weasel: Isn't that Canada?
Deadpool: You shut your goddamn trash mouth.

MAN, n.
An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

Canadian cities looked the way American cities did on television.

    Live-Action TV 
"Barney, when I wanted marry Robin's mother, I slaughtered a whole family of bears with my bare hands. I gave the pelts and the bear meat to her father as tribute. You know what we call that in Canada? Manners."
Robin Scherbatsky Sr., How I Met Your Mother, "Band or DJ?"

Robin: You know, I thought it might be nice to get married in Canada. I mean, it's where I'm from and...okay, let's have it. Get it over with, get it all out of your system.
Barney: I'm the groom, I might as well start. Canada? What, are we gonna walk down the aisle to "Crash Test Dummies"? To Marshall.
Marshall: Canada? What are you gonna do, hire a regular dogsled or a stretch?
Ted: Canada? Are you registered at Tim Horton's?
Lily: Canada? What, does the organist play wearing mittens?
Marshall: Canada? How are you gonna slip the ring on the bride's finder if she's wearing mittens? [...]
Barney: Canada? What, are we gonna put on the wedding invitation "Will you be having the elk or the moose?"
Lily: Canada? What, are you gonna walk down the aisle wearing snowshoes?
Marshall: Canada? What, is everyone gonna have access to universal healthcare so no one has to choose between going bankrupt and treating a life-threatening illness?

Toronto is just like New York, but without all the stuff.

Torontonian Bellhop: At the risk of sounding incredibly rude, I would beg your pardon and ask you, in your opinion, what's so bad "aboot" being Canadian?
Jack: Your milk comes in bags. Bags.
Avery: Your pavilion at Epcot doesn't have a ride.
Jack: And if Canada is so nice and friendly, why does most of our meth come from your Asian drug gangs?
Avery: [gasps] Are we not even making our own meth? What is happening to American manufacturing?
30 Rock, "Doubled-Edged Sword"

Justin Trudeau: Let me be clear: these tariffs are totally unacceptable. We have to believe that at some point, common sense will prevail. But we see no sign of that in this action today, by the US administration.
Trevor Noah: Damn. You - you may not have picked it up, but that's Canadian for, "You MOTHERF*CKER!"

They say 'Eh' instead of 'What' or 'Duh'
That's the mighty power of Canada
Five Iron Frenzy, "Oh Canada"

They all live on donuts and moose meat
And they leave the house without packin' heat
Never even bring their guns to the mall
And you know what else is too funny?
Their stupid
Monopoly money
Can't take 'em seriously at all
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Canadian Idiot"

In Canada, folks treat you like a queen
In Canada, they never will be mean
In Canada, they treat you like a king
You’ll feel welcome. It makes you want to SINNNNNNNGGGGG!
BJ Snowden, In Canada

Hello, I'm MC Canadian Stereotype
I'm aboot to get started, so let me get off the ice
But I don't want any trouble, and I am always polite
Now let's hop on my Snowmobile and I will tell you what I like
But first I'll turn off curling and turn down Avril Lavigne
Et j'vais dire une phrase en francais, parce qu'ici on est bilingue
Ooh boy, I fell off my igloo and I hurt my knee
Let's go to the hospital, don't worry, here in Canada it's free
Jon Lajoie, "WTF Collective 2"

Take Off! To The Great White North!
Take Off! It's a beauty way to go!

Its a long, long way from Canada
A long way from snow chains
Joni Mitchell, "Dreamland"

Well you can tell from the way that I say 'Eh', I'm from Canada
We can speak the English but we do Francais, up in Canada
And it's full of big, hairy guys named Renee

''We say, "Eh?" You say, "Y'all."
Ya we both got pro football, 'cept we got bigger balls and a longer field (and one less down)
We say "zed", you say "zee"
Sure we watch all your TV
You got stronger army down there but man up here
We got stronger beer
Tim Hicks, Stronger Beer

Brian: I apologize for the condensation on my frickin' beer bottle, that's wetting the entire table. Coaster!
Lockhart: Summer makes gaming an endurance contest.
Brian: It's a geek sauna, folks.
Lockhart: And we're weak Canadians. It's actually only, what? 22 degrees?
Brian: Yeah, we're not used to the snow melting at all.
Brad: The huskies running our generators are sweating!
Jade Regent, episode 20, from RPGMP3

Micky: Now there's the reason I drives slow
Terry:That there in the middle of the road?
Both: Ya. That's a moose
Mickey: She'll move when she's good and ready
— A pair of bus drivers with thick Canadian accents, Come From Away

    Video Games 
Shepard: I promise you, in a few months, we'll be sipping drinks back in Vancouver.
Samantha Traynor: Vancouver? Not Paris, not Venice. Vancouver.
Shepard: It's a lovely city!
Samantha: You never take me anywhere nice.

Shepard: What are we having? Canadian delicacy of some sort?
Kaidan: Uh, sure, exactly. We have beef, bacon, we have beer...the foods of my people.
Mass Effect 3: Citadel

    Web Animation 
[There's a knock on the door]
"Come in!" [Alvin Kamara, Patrick Mahomes, Matt Nagy, and Rodrigo Blankenship all angrily glare at him] "Oh, sorry, Canadian reflex."
Chase Claypool, Gridiron Heights

If you die in Canada, you die in REAL LIFE!
— "Canada", xkcd

    Web Original 
The fact that Rob Ford isn't American. God, I want him to be American so very badly. Can't we adopt him? He belongs here.
Drew Magary, Make It Stop

As a Canadian person, I’m sure my brain would explode Scanners-style if I replaced “I’m sorry” with “No. Fuck. Jesus.”

O Canada, you're so adorable with your maple syrup and hockey and 'Eh's and moose. You're like North America's great big fuzzy John Candy-shaped teddy bear.

Canadians tend to get a bad rap, because Americans are more or less in charge of the world and we're jerks like that. Whenever we need affordable prescriptions, or a place to crash for a few years when they start the draft up, you're always there... and we've been less than gracious. We make fun of your flag, your baseball teams, the way you talk, and the fact that you're part French... sorry about that, honestly (er, the making fun of you part, not the French part).

If at the end of the Miss Universe pageant, all of the losers took off their heels and beat Donald Trump with them, that would be the best part of the entire competition. That doesn’t happen, so the best part of the pageant is the National Costume contest, which went down in Miami last night.

Dozens of beauty queens from around the world risked breaking their necks, cracking their shoulder bones and pulling their back muscles while carrying forty tons of glitter-covered fuckery on their bodies. The National Costume contest is the competition that separates the queens who don’t give a shit and bought their costume at a Party City on Biscayne from the queens who go all out and let their patriotic fuckery flag fly high. Case in point: Miss Canada who gave us Canada’s answer to the legendary low-budget
Transformers costume from Miss USA in 2013.

Allison should be proud of her home country today, because they broke the budget by throwing as much props as possible on top of Miss Canada. If Marie Antoinette moved to Canada, fell in love with a hockey-obsessed traveller and married him, this is what she would wear on her wedding day...She looks like the queen in The Sports Network’s version of
Game of Thrones called Game of Hockey Sticks. The only way this costume could’ve been more hockey crazy is if she shot pucks out of her crotch at the judges.
Michael K., "Miss Canada’s Hockey Wonderland Miss Universe Costume Is A Thing Of Beauty"

I like to imagine that Wolverine was wanted for questioning in regards to the murder of his father, and got the hell out of Canada in order to avoid being put in Igloo Jail (or whatever they have up there) by the Mounties. As anyone who watched WWF in the ’90s will no doubt recall, the Mountie always gets his man.

Buzz, aptly nicknamed for his apparent tipsiness during his promo, tried his hand at cheerleading for WWE and “our space program” (the United States’ that is)... That didn’t stop the astronaut from trying to ingratiate himself to the Canadian audience, though, accidentally damning the country with the faintest of praise. The Toronto fans should have been grateful to hear that Canadian engineers built the landing gear on the Apollo 11 lunar lander, but no. No one ever cared about astronauts anyway; back in the 60s, every little boy wanted to grow up to be a landing gear technician! The fans in attendance, thinking Aldrin was turning heel on them, booed poor Buzz, even after his enthusiastic exclamation of, 'Woo. How 'bout that?'

    Web Video 
Chugga: Go be Canadian somewhere else!
ProtonJon: You mean in Canada? Where we are right now?!

Mike: Wolverine was a member of Alpha Flight, which is like the Canadian version of the Avengers or X-Men.
Jay: When he's stabbing people, does he keep apologizing? Since they're Canadian?
Mike: [stoned-faced] Ha.

No one thinks of Canada as a hotbed of urban music. Canada let Tom Green have a rap career up there. (That's true.) We as Americans have this impression of Canada as this clean, magical place without poverty, crime, major cities, or any other culture besides boring white people...You say you come from the 'mean streets of Canada', unless you mean you took some rough checks in hockey, Americans will just laugh.
Todd in the Shadows on Snow, One Hit Wonderland

My election platform was to build a giant robot sawblade that would cut Canada off the top and then attach it to Australia so they wouldn't bother us anymore.

America gets a bad rap for having a lot of rude people. Canada, not so much. But that's just the world's perception. Believe me when I say that we have rude people in Canada. The only difference, is that, you know, we apologize for it. We pretty much apologize for everything.
— The Canadian Matthew Santoro

    Western Animation 
It's so clean and bland! I'm home!
Marge Simpson, The Simpsons, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"

Canadians are weird.

(to himself) Just be nice...just be nice...they're only Canadian, they can't help it.
God, the Devil and Bob, "Andy Runs Away"

It's C-A-N-A-D-A, eh? Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh!
Canadian Guy, The Loud House, "Schooled!"

I'm not goin' anywhere! This game's mine, eh! MIIIIINEEE!!
Ezekiel, Total Drama, "Walk like an Egyptian, Part 2"

    Real Life 

Canada, a country covered with snows and ices eight months of the year, inhabited by barbarians, bears and beavers.

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

I get to go to overseas places, like Canada.

You are the kindest country in the world. You are like a really nice apartment over a meth lab.

Lovely people, Canadians. Gentle, civilized, beautiful people. 'Til you give 'em a hockey puck. Then they lose their freaking minds! I don't know why the Canadian Army bothers with tanks and guns and shit. They should just give the guys hockey sticks. 'There you are, boys. The Taliban is the puck.

Remember, Canada is bigger and it's on top. If this were prison, the USA would be Canada's bitch.

I don’t want to live in a country where no one ever says anything that offends anyone. That’s why we have Canada.

The Canadians are a people of the extreme centre. They have not been averse to the quiet life...nor keen to spend more money on defense or effort abroad.

They are lucky we allow them to exist on the same continent.
Ann Coulter

...for most Americans, Canada is sort of like a case of latent arthritis. We really don't think about it, unless it acts up.
Pat Buchanan

Greg Gutfield: The Canadian military wants to take a breather, do some yoga, pants some landscapes, run on the beach in beautiful white capri pants...Isn't this the perfect time to invade this ridiculous country?
Bill Schultz: We have bulletproof vests, they have wonderful little red jackets that can be seen a mile away. This is not a smart culture, Greg.

The Great White North, CANADA! where you can enjoy a beautiful train ride, and go back to freezing cold temperatures, Hockey, Canadian bacon, Hockey, bears, Hockey, maple syrup, more bears, Hockey......wait, Did I mention Hockey?
Shawn Michaels to the Hart Dynasty, eh?

The tragedy of Canada is that they could have enjoyed French cuisine, British culture, and American technology.

Instead, they got British cuisine, American culture, and French technology.
John Robert Colombo

The only thing more Canadian than rioting after a hockey game is apologizing for it for two weeks afterwards
— Most popular Twitter repost following the 2011 Vancouver hockey riot.