Quotes / Broken Aesop

Film — Live-Action

"Only through the elimination of violence can we achieve world peace."

— Mark, martial-artist hero of action film Miami Connection

Newspapers

For this movie to be described as a moral statement about anything other than the filmmaker's prejudices is beyond belief.

— Roger Ebert, review of Priest (1994)

Web Animation

Fox: "Instead [of helping you out of the well], I'm gonna teach you a moral: If you had as much sense as you have beard, you would have been more cautious about finding a way to get out again before you jumped in. Look before you leap, you stupid idiot! Okay, goodbye.
James: But, fox, you fell into the well, too; you're the one "not looking"! The goat looked, you just LIED to her, AND you got away with it!

— TheOdd1sOut, "Reading More Fables (I Swear I'm Not a Furry)"

Webcomics

Narrator: In this fantastic world, society is divided between two classes: the beautiful Specials, who possess magical and wondrous abilities! And the dumb Poo People, who can't do anything. Until one Poo Person named Theophilia Wallace discovers she has abilities far greater than any Special!
Reader: I get it! Anyone can be special, no matter what the circumstances of their birth!
Narrator: No, stupid! It turns out Theophilia is actually the long lost heir to the SUPER Special Royal Family! By virtue of her superior bloodline, it is her divine right to be the most talented and important person in the world!
Reader: That doesn't sound like the most empowering message to teach to kids nowadays...
Narrator: Sounds like somebody got Poo Person on their online personality quiz!

— This comic

"Modern cybernetics is really sending mixed messages to kids. 'Don't play with fireworks, or you'll get end up with sweet robot body parts.'"

— Marten Reed, Questionable Content

Web Original

"Fantasy racism is often eyerolling because it's usually like, 'In this world the race called Normies are discriminatory towards The Exploders, a race that eats the brains of passerby and then explode. However, when this Normie cop finds a ten year old Exploder lost in his backyard, they will go on an adventure to break down the walls of society, and hopefully not explode.'"

— Tumblr user shuttershocky

"When writing stories about [racism], people often try to use metaphor to make the narrative more palatable or understandable. Take something like Bright or X-Men or District 9. Ideally, we watch and learn not to be hateful against orcs and mutants and aliens, and then sit back and say, 'Huh, I bet I should treat real marginalised groups the same way.' Perfect. Done. Let's all go to the barbecue and then maybe fight magneto again.
But the problem is, the metaphor never really works. After all, orcs and mutants and aliens do have different powers and capabilities from humans, and frankly, the government is justified in being afraid of someone who shoots lasers out of his eyes every time his glasses fall off. Real-life marginalised groups are not monsters, and setting up stories like this dooms the metaphor to fail."

— Becca Petunia, Tough Pigs

"The Season 1 episode "Kung Food" focuses on Marinette's uncle Wang coming to Paris for a coking [sic] competition. The main gist is that Chloe, before the "damnation arc" Astruc totally planned from the start, makes several derogatory comments toward Wang, like assuming he knows how to make sushi when he is Chinese. The moral for this episode seems obvious, that you shouldn't assume all Asian people are the same, and that there should be more dedication to telling different kinds of Asian cultures apart. That lesson goes completely out the window when you see the design they gave the titular villain when Wang is akumatized.
Seriously. Look at this guy. They gave him a goddamn Super Saiyan haircut, dressed him up in Son Goku's gi and his arsenal includes sushi themed tonfas (unintentionally proving Chloe right) and a pizza sword that happens to bring to mind an iconic Japanese video game character."

— immaturityofthomasastruc, discussing the Miraculous Ladybug episode "Kung Food"

Web Video

"So, just so we're clear: in a game that denounces the chattel slave trade of the 1700s, Ubisoft are treating able-bodied black men as a premium currency worth collecting for personal gain."

— Chris Franklin, {Errant Signal} — Assassin's Creed and Emotionally Resonant Mechanics

"And an interminable hour later, they're in love, and Kyle has learned to appreciate the true value of inner beauty by making out with Vanessa Hudgens. That moves so far past irony it's practically uraniumy."

— Pajiba on Beastly

"Bullying people is wrong. Crushing people's brains with magical powers is A-OK!"

— Yami Yugi, Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series

"Well, fuck caring; we solved this problem with violence! Beautiful, caring violence."

— The Nostalgia Critic on The Care Bears Movie

"So, just to make it clear, no matter what mistakes you made in the past, you should always go back and take responsibility for it! (beat) Because there's a chance, maybe you didn't do it. However, if you know you did it, like, 100% it was you, RUN LIKE HELL! Don't ever take responsibility! Your friends will turn on you, they'll dangle you over a cliff; God will strike lightning to remind you of the fiery pits of Hell that await you! Run! RUN! Nobody's got your back!"

— The Nostalgia Critic on The Lion King (1994)

"At the centre of it all is Alice, a nonconformist dreamer who won't do what some dragon-slaying prophecy tells her to do. She's going to be her own independent woman and slay the... dragon... just like the prophecy... told her to do. Girl power?"

— Honest Trailers on Alice in Wonderland (2010)

"So be Disney's guest at this timeless tale of how it's your inner beauty that matters, even though Belle is hot, the Beast is hot, the dresser is hot, the librarian is hot, and even the withered old crone turns out to be hot. Because while inner beauty is what really matters, your ugly ass is definitely a curse."

— Honest Trailers on Beauty and the Beast (2017)

"So kids, what have we learned today? This is gonna be a fun one, isn't it? Let's see: The obvious moral is that two wrongs don't make a right, but three definitely do."

— The Mysterious Mr. Enter on "Arthur's Big Hit" from Arthur

"Power Rangers, please don't preach a message of non-violent self-defense when literally the entire show revolves around fighting evil by punching and shooting it."

— Linkara, History of Power Rangers

"Watch as this neurotic dad learns to let go of his fear that the ocean is trying to kill you...even though he's totally right, as this children's movie treats the ocean like a non-stop murder parade!"

— Honest Trailers on Finding Nemo

"You can call the other animals your family all you want, Simba. Your film can grab me by the scruff of the neck and shout me down about how the natural order makes us all equal. But as long as the world shows me a world where upward mobility is reserved for friends and servants of the ruling class... I'm gonna call 'em like I see 'em."

—The Sin Squad on The Lion King II: Simba's Pride, "The Lion King 1½: Judaism, White Pride, and Paranoia"

Western Animation

Robin: Well, I guess this whole experience proves it really is bad to watch too much TV.
Starfire: But truthfully, we only prevailed because Beast Boy watches too much the television.
Raven: So, there really isn't a lesson here.
Cyborg: Yup, it was all completely meaningless.
[Laugh Track]

— Teen Titans, "Episode 257-494"

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