Quotes / British Weather

"In the Bible, God made it rain for forty days and forty nights; and that was still the best summer we had!"

Rhod Gilbert, Welsh Comedian

"My cousin invited us up to Scotland for the summer. I said 'Sorry, I think I'm busy that day'."

- One of many comedians

"I'm sick and tired of people coming up to me and saying, 'Oh, I went to Scotland once, but it was raining'. COURSE IT WAS FUCKIN' RAINING! What do ya think Scotland is, the fuckin' PYRENEES?! Take a raincoat, you stupid fucker! The mountain rescue are SICK OF IT! They're up Ben Nevis goin' and savin' people in fuckin' khaki shorts and sand-shoes! Where do you think you're going, BENIDORM?!"

- Billy Connolly

"And if [the oil runs out], that might be a problem. Because if you have ever been there, you will know that solar power is not an option for Scotland."

— Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Doctor: It's as if his bones have disintegrated.
Nardole: Ew. What could do that?
Doctor: A complete and total absence of any kind of sunlight.
Nardole: Huh. Death by Scotland.

— Doctor Who, "The Eaters of Light"

"Well, you'll be glad to know that scientists have finally explained why we've been enduring this rather long spell of disappointing weather. Apparently...we live in Britain."

— Hugh Dennis does "Things a weather forecaster would never say", Mock the Week

Asterix: Do you often get fog like that?
Anticlimax: Goodness no, old chap! Only when it isn't raining.

Anticlimax: We'd better wait for the fog to fall. Then we can slip past.
Asterix: But that might take ages!
Anticlimax: Oh no, old boy! the fog comes down jolly fast at this-
(Fog covers the scene)
Anticlimax: -time of year.
Asterix: These Britons are crazy!

— Asterix in Britain

Julius Caesar came,
Saw, conquered, went away,
'Cause it rained here all the time.
Too many sniffs and colds
Got up his Roman nose,
So he left it all behind
For Eric the gardener to find.

"Eric the Gardener," The Divine Comedy

Matt: And who better to understand gloom than a man perpetually trapped in England?
(Cut to a miserable-looking Matt standing outside in the rain)
Matt: I want to be happy but it's hard.

— From Shut Up & Sit Down's review of Gloomhaven

Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun
If the sun don't come you get a tan from standing in the English rain.

—The Beatles, "I Am the Walrus"

There are three things in life that are certain: Death, taxes, and that it is raining in Tavistock.

—Attributed to Charles II

Is there no sun in this cursed country?!

—Azeem, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

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