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Quotes / Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick

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I don't wanna be dead! I'm only sixteen! I never got into college! I never took my driving test! Daniel Radcliffe never replied to the email proposal I sent him!
Suzianna Goldenfur, The Official Fanfiction University of Redwall

     Film — Animated 
President Business is gonna end the world? But he's such a good guy! And Octan, they make good stuff: music, dairy products, coffee, TV shows, surveillance systems, all history books, voting machines... (beat) wait a minute.
Emmet, The LEGO Movie

     Film — Live-Action 
Prince Humperdinck: Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped.

"This is the Captain speaking. We're having a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and explode."
Malcom Reyonolds, Serenity

*Going through bags in a closet* "Uncle Knick-Knack's winter wardrobe... Uncle Knick-Knack's summer wardrobe... Uncle Knick-Knack..."
Morticia Addams, The Addams Family

In his front room, Clive had a framed print of the Battle of Waterloo, a collection of imported pornographic magazines, a CD player and a VHS recorder and video tapes of all Torvill and Dean's greatest performances. In his kitchen, he had a case of expensive wine, a robot-chef and a microwave oven. In his lavatory, he had copies of The Official Sloane Ranger Handbook, The Naff Sex Guide, and How To Be A Wally. In his work-room, he had a licensed handgun, five thousand pounds in small notes, and a fax machine. In his basement, he had a dead prostitute with her arm cut off.

I've heard of post-California cuisine. In fact I've even eaten it. No baby vegetables? Scallops in burritos? Wasabi crackers? Am I on the right track? And by the way, did anyone ever tell you that you look exactly like Garfield but run over and skinned and then someone threw an ugly Ferragamo sweater over you before they rushed you to the vet? Fusilli? Olive oil on Brie?
Patrick Bateman, American Psycho

"Let me tell you about him. He was a disciplined man. He didn't eat or drink immoderately. He was intelligent, quiet-spoken, modest, and, some say, charming. He liked Mozart and roses. He engineered the death of several million people."
Father Elijah describing Adolf Eichmann in Father Elijah

''On the way back they sang a number of tuneful and reflective songs on the subjects of peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life and the obliteration of all other life forms."

     Live-Action TV 
Michael: I'm sorry, Chidi, all the great philosophers in history...ended up in the Bad Place.
Chidi: All of my heroes are...?
Michael: Being tortured, yes, I'm afraid so. Actually, it is kind of clever how they punish philosophers. Everyday, they make them go to school, naked. And then they take a test in a class they've never been to. Then they smash them with hammers. And that part is not so clever.
The Good Place, "Everything is Great!"

Morticia (reading tags as Lurch pulls out tote hangers): Uncle Knick-Knack's winter wardrobe. Uncle Knick-Knack's summer wardrobe. Uncle Knick-Knack.

Lord Refa: You walked away from the greatest power I have ever seen, and now you expect me to do the same? They are the key to my eventual rise to the throne. Why should I abandon them?
Londo Mollari: Because I have asked you. Because your loyalty to your people should be greater than your ambition.
Lord Refa: Hah!
Mollari: And because I have poisoned your drink.

Richard's father: First we toast the man of the hour, then we drink, we bring out the food, we drink, then the ceremonial eating of the first husband's brains, and charades.
Richard's brother: Wait, what was that?
Richard's other brother: Charades?
Richard: I think it would be fun.
Angel, "The Bachelor Party"

Malcolm: Julius Nicholson, right? Blue-sky thinker? Ex business guru? Dog rapist?

I like it, I'm not gonna crack
I miss you, I'm not gonna crack
I love you, I'm not gonna crack
I killed you, I'm not gonna crack
Nirvana, "Lithium"

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to my lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shopping, and have buttered scones for tea.
I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing, and hang around in bars.
I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra. I wish I've been a girlie, just like my dear papa!
Monty Python, "The Lumberjack song"

     Tabletop Games 
For 26 years, Victor Allen ran the Corner Stop, a soda-and-porn corner store in the city's downtown. A typical independent convenience store, the Corner Stop's magazine shelves were well stocked, the coffee was fresh-brewed and there was plenty of cheap candy. After 26 years, Victor decided he'd saved up enough money to realize his life's dream. He sold the store, bought an RV and traveled the country, kidnapping and murdering young girl for his sexual gratification.

     Video Games 
One 18.25 lbs package chocolate cake mix, 1 can prepared coconut pecan frosting, 3/4 cup vegetable oil, 4 large eggs, 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips, 3/4 cup butter or margarine, 1 2/3 cup granulated sugar, 2 cups all-purpose flour. Don't forget garnishes such as: fish-shaped crackers, fish-shaped candies, fish-shaped solid waste, fish-shaped dirt, fish-shaped ethyl benzene, pull-and-peel licorice, fish-shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment-shaped sediment, candy-coated peanut butter pieces shaped like fish. 1 cup lemon juice. Alpha resins. Unsaturated polyester resin. Fiberglass surface resins and volatile milk impoundments. 9 large egg yolks. 12 medium geosynthetic membranes. 1 cup granulated sugar. An entry called How To Kill Someone With Your Bare Hands. 2 cups rhubarb, sliced. 2/3 cups granulated rhubarb. 1 tbsp all-purpose rhubarb. 3 tbsp rhubarb, on fire. 1 large rhubarb. 1 cross-borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb. 2 tbsp rhubarb juice. Adjustable aluminum head positioner. Slaughter electric needle injector. Cordless electric needle injector. Injector needle driver. Injector needle gun. Cranial caps. And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals that will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.
GlaDOS' cake recipe, Portal

Please refrain from throwing any coins, trash, or small children into the reflecting pools.

Side effects include nausea, headaches, and death.

Likes to eat mushrooms, small insects, and people.

Voodoo figurines such as this were built and animated to assist troll witch doctors in minor, everyday tasks such as washing loincloths or scrubbing blood off the hut floor. They were often powered by flasks of mojo, troll sweat, the flesh of tribal enemies, or by DEVOURING TINY PORTIONS OF THEIR OWNERS' SOULS. But don't worry. Teeny, tiny little portions. You won't even notice they're gone. And think how clean your floors will be!
— Description of the Voodoo Figurine archaeology find, World of Warcraft

It's all I hear every time we make a few cuts: my family, my mortgage, my eye, etc.
Kirsten Geary, The Secret World

     Visual Novels 
What is it with today?! Problem after problem! Achtung! My hog won't start. My guitar case is busted, my guitar's been burnt to a crisp, and to top it all off, someone's dead!

     Web Original 
Trash bags milk laundry detergent
Cat food
Chips. Soda
Death laser
Oh dish soap

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something something restraining order headline

     Web Video 
You are needed! Kurt Cobain needed you, Freddie Prinze needed you, Mao needed you, Stalin, Hitler...

Sad Panda: Are you allergic to shellfish?
Film Brain: No.
Sad Panda: Penicillin?
Film Brain: No.
Sad Panda: Peanuts?
Film Brain: No.
Sad Panda: Twelve thousand volts of electricity rushing through your motor cortex?
Film Brain: VERY!
Sad Panda: That's nice. (flips the switch)

"'Who writes the most letters? A fisherman; he always drops a line!' *feigned laughter* 'Cause, you know, dropping a line can also mean sending a letter and, uh... God, I wish the world was on fire."

"DING! 8th floor: Men's Outerwear, Sporting Goods, and Rifts in the Fabric of the Universe."

     Western Animation 
Good night, Happy Bear. Good night, Sad Bunny. Good night, Playful Kitty. Good night, ominous triangle at the foot of my bed.
Steven, Steven Universe, "Catch and Release"


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