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"Anything can be penetrated with the proper tool."

Arjen Rudd: Diplomatic immunity.
Roger Murtaugh: [Boom, Headshot!] It's just been revoked!

"You're a dangerous fool who should be sent west. You have forgotten the face of your father."
Roland Deschain (to an unconscious Cowboy Cop), The Dark Tower: The Drawing of the Three

"Hellsister, go to Hell."

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"Friendship is science, bitch."
Lollerskates, Dream Team: Episode 3

"Good riddance, evil beasts."
Master Mao, Power Rangers Jungle Fury, Now the Final Fury

Hercules: That'll leave a stink.
Icarus: Stop it, no one likes a mocker.
Hercules: But that's how secret agents talk!
Disney's Hercules: The Animated Series, "Hercules and the Golden Touch"

"Another bunch of bad guys bite the dust. Am I good or am I good?"

Polnareff: I'll leave the rest to the devil, rot in hell.
Kakyoin: So this is the true Hanged Man, huh? He was rotten all the way to the core.
Polnareff and Kakyoin just after the former kills Centerfoldnote , JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders

"You only made one mistake, one that got you killed. DIO, this whole thing might've ended differently, but...you went and pissed me off. Was it worth it?"

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Avitus: [after destroying a Falcon Grav-Tank] The Falcon has fallen to Earth.
Cyrus: Poetic, Avitus.

"Shot everyone in the town, and all these corpses lyin' round, and he goes and makes a glib comment. What kind of person would do that, at that time? He goes "I'm outta here, this place is dead anyway - zing!" Fortunately though, in this situation, everybody was dead so no one was offended."

There were a lot of things [Vimes] could say. "Son of a bitch!" would have been a good one. Or he could say "Welcome to civilization!" He could have said "Laugh this one off!" He might have said "Fetch!"
But he didn't, because if he had said any of those things, then he'd know that what he had just done was murder.
The Fifth Elephant, after Sam Vimes has killed a werewolf.

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"If he’d been a hero, he would have taken the opportunity to say, ‘That’s what I call sorted!’ Since he wasn’t a hero, he threw up."
Going Postal, after Moist killed a banshee with a mail sorting machine

"Apology accepted, Captain Needa."
Darth Vader, Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

"Maybe I'm old fashioned, but if you have nothing fun to say after shooting a crossdressing nurse through a door and two panes of glass, you probably have no business shooting anyone, period."

"YEAH! YOU GOT FUCKED!"
Rock, Black Lagoon, after a would-be assassin in a helicopter gunship gets blown up.

Eclipse Mook: I've got nothing more to say to you-
(Shepard shoves the mook out of the window behind him)
Shepard: How about "goodbye"?

"It's open mic night in hell, old man. Sing all you want down there."
Travis Touchdown to Dr. Peace, No More Heroes

Danny Butterman: How's Lurch?
Nicholas Angel: He's in the freezer.
Danny: Did you say "Cool off"?
Nicholas: No, I didn't say anything, actually.
Danny: Shame.
Nicholas: There was a bit earlier on that you missed when I, uh, distracted him with the cuddly monkey. And then I said "Playtime's over", then I hit him with the peace lily.
Danny: You're off the fucking chain!

Goku: Wow, Freezer, you really were a cut above the rest.
Freeza: Ugh.
Goku: But too bad you didn't make the cut.
Freeza: Ugh.
Freeza: PLEASE, STOP!
Goku: All right, I'll cut you a break. I'm going to split.
Dragonball Z Abridged, after Freeza was cut in half by his own Death Saucer.

"I would say he's in a better place, but... we both know he never had a soul."
Perfect Cell, Dragon Ball Z Abridged, after killing Android 16

"Horse... eaten!"
Gohan, Dragon Ball Z Abridged, after killing Cell

"That was my first triple homicide. Didn't know I was supposed to prepare jokes."
John Reese, Person of Interest, "Prisoner's Dilemma".

"Say hello to Leonora, motherfucker."
Franklin Clinton to Peter Dreyfuss, Grand Theft Auto V

"TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW, YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD!"
Patrick Bateman, American Psycho

"Bison, you're off the air!"
Guile to M. Bison, Street Fighter

"That takes care of the cremation..."
Solid Snake after shooting down Liquid Snake's Hind-D chopper, Metal Gear Solid

Gunman: The Set sends its regards, law—
[gunman gets a knife in the back]
MeLaan: Here's a tip, kid. Save the wisecracks until your foe is dead. Like this. See how easy it is?

Gruber: Ugh! Don't say "salt" to me! Zese mercs are so bland! Zey could use-
[Seras blows away Gruber and his friend, screaming.]
Seras Victoria: How's that for some salt?! [hesitates, then angrily grunts] Goddamnit! What's the point in comin' up with all these one-liners if'n they're all dead when I say 'em?
Vampire Nazi #3: To be fair, it wasn't really all that funny to begin with!

"Un. Deux. Trois. Quatre. Cinq. Six. Sept." (blows up the rest of the tent and walks away while smoking a cigarette) "Now let's see what [Alucard] thinks about having that drink with me."
Pip Bernadotte, Hellsing Ultimate Abridged

Kevan: I challenge you, Elodie! A life for a life!
Narration: Without a further word, you direct the full force of your magical wrath at the Earl of Io. There is a horrible scream, and the smell of burning flesh.
Elodie: I decline.

When it was done - when the shopkeeper's windpipe had been shattered like the neck of a wine bottle, when his eyes popped out of this head like overripe fruit, when what had been the man's body lay in a ragged mass on the floor, one hand still clutching Anna's overdue bill, Alexei allowed a small smile to creep into the corner of his mouth.
"You may consider it paid, sir," he said to the corpse, as he stopped over it.
Android Karenina

Rick: I guess I did the butler! Ha ha! ...D-does that scan?
Ghost in a Jar: Oh, I-I get it. It's a play on "the butler did it".
Rick: Thanks, Ghost in a Jar. You always were good at pointing out potentially obscure comedy.
Rick and Morty, "Total Rickall"

"Blood for blood. Your debt is paid."
Hanzo Hasashi/Scorpion after beheading Quan Chi, Mortal Kombat X

"So much for the symbol of peace. I guess even people with strong quirks like you can’t be heroes."
Izuku Midoriya/Mastermind, to a dying All Might, Mastermind: Strategist for Hire

"How big do you feel now, dirtbag?"

"Officer O'Clancy, take care of this toxic waste."

"He died a fitting end for the garbage he was."
Police Captain, Blood Feast

Colonel Mortimer: Any trouble, boy?
Manco: No, old man. I thought I was having trouble with my adding. It's all right now.

"I wanted to come up with like a one-liner like 'You were axing for this' or something. That would be really cool, right?"
Medina, Deathgasm

"You are under arrest. You have the right to remain disgusting."
Doug Bigelow, Dead Heat

"You don't need that spine. It's holding you back."
Kung Fury, Kung Fury

"Oh, don't tell me you're leaving? Sal wanted to go... but he decided to stick around!"

"What's the matter, Judy? Don't you like your blind date?"

Trope Namer Remarks

    open/close all folders 

    Sean Connery 

Dr. No

Sergeant, make sure he doesn't get away.
— As he leaves a dead Mook who smoked a cyanide-laced cigarette in the custody of a security guard at the Government House in Jamaica.

Construction Worker: How did it happen?
James Bond: I think they were on their way to a funeral.
— After a pursuing hearse fails to pass the obstacle Bond passed on a mountainside.

From Russia with Love

Kerim Bey: That pays many debts.
James Bond: She should've kept her mouth shut.
— After helping Bey shoot Krilencu, who had been hiding behind a picture of Anita Ekberg.

You won't be needing this, old man.
— After taking his stuff back from the recently killed Red Grant.

I'd say one of their aircraft is missing.
— After shooting down a SPECTRE helicopter.

There's a saying in England: Where there's smoke, there's fire.
— After setting some SPECTRE boats ablaze.

Tatiana Romanova: Horrible, horrible woman.
James Bond: Yes, she had her kicks.
— After Tatiana kills the shoe-knife wielding Rosa Klebb.

Goldfinger

Shocking. Positively shocking.

Auric Goldfinger Forgive me, Mr. Bond, but, uh... I must arrange to separate my gold from the late Mr. Solo.
James Bond: As you said, he had a pressing engagement.
— Referring to the gangster that Oddjob killed minutes before via car crusher.

Felix Leiter: You okay, James? Where's your butler friend?
James Bond: Oh, he blew a fuse. Three more ticks and Mr. Goldfinger would've hit the jackpot.
— After Bond has electrocuted Oddjob while trying to defuse the bomb in Fort Knox.

Pussy Galore: What happened? Where's Goldfinger?
James Bond: Playing his golden harp.

Thunderball

Do you mind if my friend sits this one out? She's just dead.
— After taking out Fiona Volpe by having one of her henchmen kill her.

James Bond: I think he got the point.
Domino: It should have been Largo.
— After Bond kills Vargas with a harpoon gun.

Domino: I'm glad I killed him.
James Bond: You're glad?
— After Domino saves Bond by killing Emilio Largo.

You Only Live Twice

Tiger Tanaka: How is that for Japanese efficiency?
James Bond: Just a drop in the ocean.
— After Tanaka tosses some henchmen into the ocean.

Bon appetit!
— After tossing a henchman into Blofeld's piranha pool. (Later used by Dalton in Licence To Kill after stuffing a henchman into a maggot tank.)

Diamonds Are Forever

Welcome to Hell, Blofeld.
— After killing a Blofeld clone by pushing him into a pool of hot mud.

Tiffany Case: My God, you just killed James Bond!
James Bond: Is that who it was? Well, it just proves no one's indestructible.
— Bond feigning surprise upon learning that he had killed "himself".

It's funny... all the things one wanted to say to one's brother, when it's all too late.
— His alibi just before boarding a plane to Los Angeles with the body of his "brother".

Shady Tree: Where the hell do you think you're going?
James Bond: I hear that the Hotel Tropicana is quite comfortable. My condolences, gentlemen!
— As he leaves Slumber, Inc. as Shady Tree tries to question him about the whereabouts of the real diamonds; unusual in that no fatality is involved, but the pwnage in Bond's voice is still there.

Ernst Stavro Blofeld: Right idea, Mr. Bond.
James Bond: But wrong pussy...
— After Bond offs another Blofeld clone.

Thank you very much! I was just out walking my rat, and I seem to have lost my way.
— After surviving the second attempt on his life by shorting out a machine in the pipeline, which gets the attention of a couple of pipeline workers who are quickly greeted by the sight of a dapper British gentleman climbing out as they move in to fix the machine.

Well, he certainly left with his tail between his legs.

    George Lazenby 

On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Gate crasher! I'll leave you to tidy up.
— After knocking out a man and leaving him in the trashed hotel room.

He had lots of guts!
— After someone gets disemboweled by a snowblower.

He's branched off!
— After Blofeld hits a tree during the final bobsled chase.

    Roger Moore 

Live and Let Die

Solitaire: Where's Kananga?
James Bond: He always did have an inflated opinion of himself.
— After literally blowing up Kananga.

Solitaire: Now what are you doing?
James Bond: Just being disarming, darling.
— After taking out Tee-Hee and tossing his metal arm out the window.

The Man with the Golden Gun

James Bond: I'm afraid I'll have to owe you.
Kid merchant: Bloody tourist! 20,000 bahts!
— Non-lethal example, after pushing a kid merchant who fixed Bond's boat into the river.

The Spy Who Loved Me

What a helpful chap.
— After dropping Sandor to his death after the latter mentions pyramids.

Major Anya Amasova: Where’s Fekkesh?
James Bond: With the Pharaohs.
Major Anya Amasova: (understandably reaching the wrong conclusion) You killed him.
James Bond: No, he was dead when I found him.
— After Aziz Fekkesh, who both Bond and Amasova were seeking is found murdered by Jaws.

Major Anya Amasova: What happened to Kalba?
James Bond: He was cut off - permanently.
— Commenting on club owner Max Kalba getting killed while answering the phone.

All those feathers and he still can't fly!
— After a motorcycle riding henchman runs into a cloud of feathers and falls off a cliff.

Moonraker

Hugo Drax: You missed, Mr Bond.
*Mook falls out of tree, dead*
James Bond: Did I? As you said, such good sport.
— After Bond shoots a would be assassin during a hunting trip.

Play it again, Sam!
— After Bond chucks Chang out a window and onto a piano.

Hugo Drax: Why did you break up the encounter with my pet python?
James Bond: I discovered it had a crush on me.
— After Bond kills the python Drax sent to kill him.

Hugo Drax: At least I shall have the pleasure of putting you out of my misery. Desolated, Mr. Bond?
(Bond slowly raises his hands, allowing his wrist-mounted dart launcher to shoot Drax)
James Bond: Heartbroken, Mr. Drax. (opens airlock door) Please, allow me. Take a giant step for mankind.
(sends Drax into space)
Dr. Goodhead: Where's Drax?
James Bond: Oh, he had to fly.
— After Bond launches Drax into outer space.

For Your Eyes Only

He had no head for heights.
— After Bond kicks Locque off a cliff.

Octopussy

"Thank god for hard currency."
— After surviving a stabbing attempt thanks to a wad of bills in his jacket pocket.

A View to a Kill

Man: Qu'est-ce qu'il y a, monsieur?
James Bond: There's a fly in his soup.
— After his French contact Aubergine gets stabbed by a poisoned butterfly puppet.

    Timothy Dalton 

The Living Daylights

Kara Milovy: What happened?
James Bond: He got the boot!
— After taking out Necros by taking off his boot.

He met his Waterloo.
— Remarking on Whitaker being crushed to death by a statue of the Duke Of Wellington.

Licence to Kill

Switch the bloody machine off!
— After dropping Dario into a grinder.

Pam Bouvier: Oh, God! It's Heller!
James Bond: Yeah. Looks like he came to a dead end.
— When bumping into Heller, who Sanchez killed with a forklift.

    Pierce Brosnan 

GoldenEye

Alec Trevelyan: You're late, 007.
James Bond: I had to stop in the bathroom.
— After coming out on top in a bathroom skirmish during the mission at the start.

The writing's on the wall?
— After Major Boothroyd demonstrates an exploding pen on a test dummy; as seen in the "Other Characters" section, Boothroyd proceeds to complete the one-liner.

She always did enjoy a good squeeze.
— After taking out Xenia Onatopp via squeezing her to death by means of taking out the pilot of her helicopter, pinning her to a tree.

Tomorrow Never Dies

Backseat driver!
— After ejecting a would be assassin out of a fighter jet.

They'll print anything these days...
— After shoving a Mook into a printing press, resulting in red pages coming out.

The World Is Not Enough

Henchman: What happened to Davidov? I was told to expect him.
James Bond: He was buried with work.
— After killing Davidov, stealing his identity, and dumping his remains.

See you back at the lodge.
— A rare subversion in that the intended target manages to recover enough to double back and continue the assault.

Elektra: You wouldn't kill me, you'd miss me.
James Bond: [shoots Elektra] I never miss.
— The final exchange between Elektra and James Bond.

    Daniel Craig 

Casino Royale (2006)

Dryden: Made you feel it, did he? Well, you needn't worry. The second is—
James Bond: [shoots Dryden] Yes, considerably.
— When his target is Killed Mid-Sentence while explaining that while the first kill is always difficult, the second kill is easier.

That last hand... nearly killed me.
— After surviving an assassination attempt during his game.

Quantum of Solace

Slate was a dead end.
— A meta example; M realizes what had happened when Tanner relays Bond's message to her.

Skyfall

Circle of life.
— After feeding a henchman to a brace of komodo dragons.

Last rat standing.
— His Ironic Echo to Silva after knifing him during the climactic showdown.

I always hated this place.
— After blowing up his childhood home with several henchmen inside.

    Other Characters 

You Only Live Twice

Police officer: Well, at least he died on the job. He'd have wanted it this way.
— After finding Bond apparently dead in his bed.

Diamonds Are Forever

Ernst Stavro Blofeld: Making mud pies, 007?
— After Bond sabotages a cloning operation.

Albert Wint: Curious, how everyone who touches those diamonds seems to die...
— After shoving a scorpion ("Mother Nature's finest killer", according to Charles Kidd) down Dr. Tynan's shirt.

Joe: Stop right there! Who are you?
Albert Wint: [shouting so Joe can understand him through the whirring of the helicopter blades] Dr. Tynan sent us!
Joe: Why didn't he come himself?
Charles Kidd: [shouting so Joe can understand him through the whirring of the helicopter blades] He was taken sick!
Albert Wint: Bitten by the bug!
— Referring to the dentist who they'd just killed.

Charles Kidd: If God had wanted man to fly...
Albert Wint: He would've given him wings, Mr. Kidd.
— After blowing up a helicopter, killing Joe, as it prepares to depart from South Africa.

Charles Kidd: Mrs. Whistler did want pictures of the Canal for the children.
Albert Wint: How kind of you, Mr. Kidd. The children will be so thrilled.
— As Mr. Kidd honors Mrs. Whistler's request for pictures of the Canal in Amsterdam after her body is recovered from the drink.

Charles Kidd: Two's company, Mr. Wint...
Albert Wint: And Tree was a crowd, Mr. Kidd.
— After cutting down Shady Tree with a bullet to the brain.

Albert R. Saxby: Hold it! Don't go in there. We didn't get the real diamonds, so we need Tree alive.
Charles Kidd: That's most annoying...
— When Saxby confronts Wint and Kidd outside of Shady Tree's dressing room, unaware that they had already done the deed.

James Bond: Saxby...!
Willard Whyte: Bert Saxby!?
James Bond: Yeah.
Willard Whyte: Tell him he's fired!
— After Saxby is gunned down by Whyte's bodyguards in the middle of an assassination attempt.

The Man with the Golden Gun

Francisco Scaramanga: Mr. Fat has just resigned; I am the new Chairman of the Board. He always did like that mausoleum. Put him in it.
— After killing his employer, Hai Fat.

Francisco Scaramanga: Now, that's what I call solar power.
— After destroying Bond's plane with a solar-powered laser cannon.

Mary Goodnight: I knocked him out cold.
— After freezing an engineer to death by kicking him into liquid nitrogen.

The Spy Who Loved Me

Karl Stromberg: Cancel transfer of $20,000,000. Inform next of kin that a tragic accident has resulted in the death of Professor Markovitz and Doctor Bechmann. The funeral was at sea.
— Referring to the scientists he killed by blowing up their helicopter over the ocean.

Octopussy

Vijay: Game, set, and match!
— After beating a mook by using a tennis racket. Vijay is played by Vijay Amritraj, who is a professional tennis player.

A View to a Kill

Max Zorin: So, does anyone else want to drop out?
— After a businessman gets Thrown from the Zeppelin.

Licence to Kill

Felix Leiter: Where's my wife?
Dario: Don't worry. We gave her a nice honeymooooon.
— After Sanchez's goons have raped and killed Della.

He disagreed with something that ate him. (P.S. We have plenty more jokes as good as this.)
— Note left on a horrifically mauled and still-breathing Felix Leiter, borrowed from Live and Let Die.

Sharkey: God, what a terrible waste...
*Bond glares at Sharkey*
Sharkey: ...of money.
— After Killifer falls into Sanchez's Shark Pool.

Perez: What about the money, padron?
(beat)
Sanchez: Launder it.
— After Sanchez executes Krest by putting him into a hyperbaric chamber filled with money and cutting the air supply with an axe.

GoldenEye

Major Boothroyd: Don't say it!
James Bond: The writing's on the wall?
Major Boothroyd: Along with the rest of him.
— After Q demonstrates the exploding pen on a test dummy.

Xenia Onatopp: I had to ventilate someone.
— After riddling an overhead ventilation shafted whose cover had been disturbed, assuming it's where Natalya hid. She's actually in the cupboard.

Die Another Day

Zao: How's that for a punchline?
—After punching Bond in the gut.

Miranda Frost: I can read your every move!
Jinx: Read THIS... bitch!
— Jinx stabs Frost while the latter shields herself with a book called "The Art of War"; note the Pot Hole to Pre-Mortem One-Liner over what Jinx says right before the stabbing.

Jinx: I think I broke her heart.
— Her subsequent remark to Bond about said stabbing.

Quantum of Solace

M: Damn it, he killed him!
— Realizing what had happened when Tanner relays Bond's message to her.

Skyfall

Kincade: Welcome to Scotland.
— Greeting the Mook he had just killed.

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