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Quotes / Board to Death

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[the Master walks into his first cabinet meeting]
The Master: A glorious day! Downing Street rebuilt. The cabinet in session. Let the work of government begin! [throws dossiers in the air, the contents scattering all across the table; the cabinet ministers are unimpressed] Oh go on, crack a smile! It's funny, isn't it? Albert? Funny? No? A little bit?
Albert Dumfries, MP: Very funny, sir. But if we could get down to business, there is the matter of policy, of which we have very little.
The Master: No-no-no-no-no. Before we start all that, I just wanted to say: thank you. Thank you, one and all, you ugly, fat-faced bunch of wet, snivelling traitors.
Albert Dumfries, MP: Yes, quite. Very funny, but I think...
The Master: [stands up] No. No. That wasn't funny. Hmmm, you see, I'm not making myself very clear. Funny is like this. [exaggerates a grin] Not funny is like this. [exaggerates a frown] And right now, I'm not like [grins again], I'm like [frowns again], because you are traitors. YES, YOU ARE!! As soon as you saw the votes swinging my way, you abandoned your parties and you jumped on the Saxon bandwagon! So [sits down], this is your reward! [dons a facial gas mask]
Albert Dumfries, MP: Excuse me, Prime Minister, but do you mind my asking, what is that?
The Master: [muffled] A gas mask.
Albert Dumfries, MP: I beg your pardon?
The Master: [lifts gas mask up] It's a gas mask. [smiles pleasantly, chuckles, and lowers the mask over his face]
Albert Dumfries, MP: Yes, but, um, why are you wearing it?
The Master: [muffled] Well, because of the gas.
Albert Dumfries, MP: I'm sorry?
The Master: [lifts up his mask] Because of the gas! [lowers mask]
Albert Dumfries, MP: What gas?
The Master: [leans back in his chair — muffled] This gas.
[the speakers on the two desk phones pop up and spray toxic gas into the room]
Albert Dumfries, MP: [spluttering] YOU'RE INSANE!
[the Master grins and gives a double thumbs up; after a few seconds, Albert drops dead, as do the other Cabinet members; the Master drums out a count of four on the table]

"Now who says politics is boring?"
Rico, Judge Dredd

President Morty: [to the Barber Rick] Little more off the top. [to the Board] You were saying, Garment District Rick?
Garment District Rick: We were saying, "President" Morty, that we don't care who sits in that seat — a Rick, a Morty, a goddamn Jerry, doesn't matter. We've been running the Citadel since before the Council, and you'll find we're still running it now!
President Morty: Does he really speak for everyone here?
[Murmurs of assent from around the table]
President Morty: Well, I think it's important to be clear. Raise your hand if he speaks for you.
[All but two of the Ricks raise their hands. President Morty snaps his fingers, and as one, his guards shoot and kill all seven dissenting Ricks]
Barber Rick: [nervously] Is that enough off the top?
President Morty: I don't know. Is it?
[The surviving Ricks hastily agree]
President Morty: Good. This seems like a good time for a drink, and a cold calculated speech with sinister overtones. A speech about politics. About order, brotherhood, power. But speeches are for campaigning. Now, is the time for action.


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